Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.

fuchong:
Don't why the writer of this long epistle is taking the issue personal. This thing is simple. When you are are giving such an invitation simply say NO. Or is it because ur tired of accepting the IV that's y ur crying out

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.

April07:


See eh.. When there's chemistry, the "come to my house" will not even be necessary..
Dude you just met the lady! She's even still trying to know you, to trust you.
And the most sensible place to chill is 'your house' ?!?!

Knowing a lady better!?!?.
Well.. Since you've so known her well.. Why don't you let her 'know' you too?
Whatever happened to sitting under a tree and talking *pensive*



The OP started somewhere that

So.. If you're looking for an opportunistic date then...

milliondollas:
The community of ladies who are tired of the “come to my
house syndrome” Are u all virgins ? I asked because you are asking for respect due to virgin girls only, 99% of girls are prostitute who date old men for money, nonsense

swagloverss:



(2) 80 % of the men who invite ladies to come to their house at first meeting have no good intentions at heart.

swagloverss:
It was intended to be a simple PM on my BBM but the number of furious replies I got indicated that I had to expand my reach. The said PM was – “Naija men with come to my house, come to my house.” Is there seriously no young man who can advise his fellow men on dating etiquettes? Help us plssssss”

I sincerely felt that I was alone in this predicament till I started getting pings from people who were even more angry about it than I was. And then I realized that this is a general epidemic.

Now, I had different responses from people and I will attempt to put those responses into consideration and not be too streamlined with my views.

Most of the males who responded to my PM agreed with the fact that their brothers are not representing the male folks as well as they should in this area but one of the men made a case for our culture being the reason for this predicament.

According to him, Nigerians do not see the home as a private place and can invite just about anyone into their home. He also talked about the mentality that has been deeply ingrained in us – some men just don’t think that going on dates is necessary, or rather, “we can meet up at my house, there’s no need to go through all that white culture ish” (paraphrased)

As much as I understand where he was coming from and I agree with him that the Nigerian mentality has a lot to bear with this situation. I also think that there are two reasons why the “come to my house issue” is so rampant today.

(1) Some men just don’t think that it’s necessary to go through all that stress in wooing a lady anymore.

A friend of mine actually said that chivalry is dead in response to my PM but I am a positive person, so I refuse to believe that there is no single man on this earth who knows how to take a woman on a date and win her heart slowly – no, there must surely be such men left on earth. (yes, I am rooting for the male folks)

Some Nigerian men just believe that all that “taking a woman to a lovely restaurant and stuff” is for “oyibo people“. I mean, you will be surprised at the number of educated men who would invite you to their house at first meeting.

The man who inspired my PM is a lecturer. Another man who contributed to my cry for help studied law as a first degree. He is involved in media and publicity for a while, and is a called pastor… so you can go figure out the thing about education being a way to raise up people with a modern outlook on things.

(2) 80 % of the men who invite ladies to come to their house at first meeting have no good intentions at heart.

Now, I have to be very careful with how I say this, because I understand like my male friend stated above: that for some men, inviting a lady to their house at first meeting just doesn’t mean anything to them.

They weren’t raised with the mentality that the home is a private place. So even if they just met a lady they are interested in, they can hang out at their house as a first date – with no ulterior motive involved on their part. So yes, I agree that those kind of men exist.

We don’t need to go deep down into stories do we? Or maybe we do. Listen carefully and you will hear stories from the lady who has true stories to tell on how she had to fend off SERIOUS sexual advances just because she believed a man who said he had no ulterior motive for inviting her to his house.

Some of our female friends won’t open up to us but some ladies have been raped because of the “come to my house syndrome”. They cower in shame and guilt, berating their selves that they should have known better than to go to his house. And the society doesn’t make it easy on them too.

Most people would say things like – “Why did you go to his house? That’s a sign that you wanted the sexual act to happen” So the victims keep quiet and bottle up the hurt and shame inside.

What about the guy that tells you to just come into his house while he dresses up so you both can go out and then, under the guise of that excuse starts drawing close for a kiss?

So the “come to my house syndrome” is a serious one. Aside from the serious underlying issues of ladies who have had sad stories of sexual assault and rape to tell, it also begs for a total overhauling of the way some Nigerian men view wooing a lady – an overhauling of faulty dating mentalities.

If the woman was to be a street lady, we might pardon you, but no, you see a decent lady with her worth shining through and you just don’t want to put in an effort into treating her like the jewel that she is.

What would it take for you to take the natural order of the way things should be in cultivating a relationship with her?
Would a time out at a restaurant be too much to ask? It doesn’t even have to be a classy restaurant – just a neutral place where you both can talk that’s not your house.

So I plead again, don’t we have young mighty men of valor who can advise their fellow men on dating etiquettes? Men who can organize classes and teach their fellow men these things – if it comes to that.

Or maybe I should be pleading with our churches too. Almost every church organizes programmes for ladies on how to be virtuous women, how to behave themselves while on a date, etc. Can’t such programmes be held for men too? Women aren’t the only ones who need to be groomed, men need to be groomed too.

So gentlemen, I sincerely still believe that there are a lot of you who are getting it right in the area of what I just talked about.
Please teach your fellow men about these things, we will be absolutely grateful to you all.

Signed,
The community of ladies who are tired of the “come to my house syndrome”

SOURCE

coogar:
different strokes for different folks....

from my own personal experience, nigerian ladies actually prefer coming to the house than going out to eat somewhere. all those church girls who love doing things behind closed doors would never agree to go out on a date where they can be seen & gossiped about. they would rather chop & clean mouth.

swagloverss:
It was intended to be a simple PM on my BBM but the number of furious replies I got indicated that I had to expand my reach. The said PM was – “Naija men with come to my house, come to my house.” Is there seriously no young man who can advise his fellow men on dating etiquettes? Help us plssssss”

I sincerely felt that I was alone in this predicament till I started getting pings from people who were even more angry about it than I was. And then I realized that this is a general epidemic.

Now, I had different responses from people and I will attempt to put those responses into consideration and not be too streamlined with my views.

Most of the males who responded to my PM agreed with the fact that their brothers are not representing the male folks as well as they should in this area but one of the men made a case for our culture being the reason for this predicament.

According to him, Nigerians do not see the home as a private place and can invite just about anyone into their home. He also talked about the mentality that has been deeply ingrained in us – some men just don’t think that going on dates is necessary, or rather, “we can meet up at my house, there’s no need to go through all that white culture ish” (paraphrased)

As much as I understand where he was coming from and I agree with him that the Nigerian mentality has a lot to bear with this situation. I also think that there are two reasons why the “come to my house issue” is so rampant today.

(1) Some men just don’t think that it’s necessary to go through all that stress in wooing a lady anymore.

A friend of mine actually said that chivalry is dead in response to my PM but I am a positive person, so I refuse to believe that there is no single man on this earth who knows how to take a woman on a date and win her heart slowly – no, there must surely be such men left on earth. (yes, I am rooting for the male folks)

Some Nigerian men just believe that all that “taking a woman to a lovely restaurant and stuff” is for “oyibo people“. I mean, you will be surprised at the number of educated men who would invite you to their house at first meeting.

The man who inspired my PM is a lecturer. Another man who contributed to my cry for help studied law as a first degree. He is involved in media and publicity for a while, and is a called pastor… so you can go figure out the thing about education being a way to raise up people with a modern outlook on things.

(2) 80 % of the men who invite ladies to come to their house at first meeting have no good intentions at heart.

Now, I have to be very careful with how I say this, because I understand like my male friend stated above: that for some men, inviting a lady to their house at first meeting just doesn’t mean anything to them.

They weren’t raised with the mentality that the home is a private place. So even if they just met a lady they are interested in, they can hang out at their house as a first date – with no ulterior motive involved on their part. So yes, I agree that those kind of men exist.

We don’t need to go deep down into stories do we? Or maybe we do. Listen carefully and you will hear stories from the lady who has true stories to tell on how she had to fend off SERIOUS sexual advances just because she believed a man who said he had no ulterior motive for inviting her to his house.

Some of our female friends won’t open up to us but some ladies have been raped because of the “come to my house syndrome”. They cower in shame and guilt, berating their selves that they should have known better than to go to his house. And the society doesn’t make it easy on them too.

Most people would say things like – “Why did you go to his house? That’s a sign that you wanted the sexual act to happen” So the victims keep quiet and bottle up the hurt and shame inside.

What about the guy that tells you to just come into his house while he dresses up so you both can go out and then, under the guise of that excuse starts drawing close for a kiss?

So the “come to my house syndrome” is a serious one. Aside from the serious underlying issues of ladies who have had sad stories of sexual assault and rape to tell, it also begs for a total overhauling of the way some Nigerian men view wooing a lady – an overhauling of faulty dating mentalities.

If the woman was to be a street lady, we might pardon you, but no, you see a decent lady with her worth shining through and you just don’t want to put in an effort into treating her like the jewel that she is.

What would it take for you to take the natural order of the way things should be in cultivating a relationship with her?
Would a time out at a restaurant be too much to ask? It doesn’t even have to be a classy restaurant – just a neutral place where you both can talk that’s not your house.

So I plead again, don’t we have young mighty men of valor who can advise their fellow men on dating etiquettes? Men who can organize classes and teach their fellow men these things – if it comes to that.

Or maybe I should be pleading with our churches too. Almost every church organizes programmes for ladies on how to be virtuous women, how to behave themselves while on a date, etc. Can’t such programmes be held for men too? Women aren’t the only ones who need to be groomed, men need to be groomed too.

So gentlemen, I sincerely still believe that there are a lot of you who are getting it right in the area of what I just talked about.
Please teach your fellow men about these things, we will be absolutely grateful to you all.

Signed,
The community of ladies who are tired of the “come to my house syndrome”

SOURCE

domopps:
Op what's your point?






Cheeeeers

Timbuktou:


You dey mind them? In a society where a date could likely bring her friend along, on a 'date' o. They want us to be eternal magas. God pass dem

And she was conceited enough to include that her Lawyer-Pastor and Lecturer friends also find the habit unscrupulous. Very silly attempt at shaming our collective common sense, those ones don't say come to my house, it's 'see me in my office'

Acidosis:
Lmao! My Naija guys don wise finally.


Personally, I don't have such time to waste in eateries and malls. Its not about sex.

We all know the process:

1st date --> First invite --> First kiss --> Relationship --> Boom! Se x --> Breakup (or Marriage)

Why waste such time and resources on a long chain when we both know the end from the beginning.

There is no fun in walking around malls in Lagos and paying bills. Why waste hours watching movies at Silverbird when a 3D LED is wasting away at home?

Who get time for frivolities?

Melasam:
her point......is dat.....u guys......ain't romantic......esp naija guys. Got it?

angieberry:
Lol. But am I not right? Didn't you read the comments? The same way you men generalized is the same way I generalized. You see, its not funny.

Melasam:
her point......is dat.....u guys......ain't romantic......esp naija guys. Got it?

DAVE5:


Naija girls don't like romance as well, they'd rather cut to the chase and collect ur money


Jst imagine a girl asking me 2 buy her a fone on the very first day she accepts my "be my girlfriend application"

Instead of buying flowers for a 9ja babe jst giv her the money

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.