“Brother Wale wake up na!” I ran helter-skelter. It was getting very late, the street was deserted that night, maybe it was because it rained earlier, or it was because a Lion had gone to the grave beyond. Or maybe not.

“Brother Wale!” Yemi joined me from nowhere.

“Yemi come make we carry am!” I beckoned.

“Guy see blood for your mouth

“Yes na, na that b’astard Luku, as I dey pursue am na naso I fall for ground, him dog com fall on top my body, as me and the dog dey fight for ground naso the dog bite me for mouth oh!” I had hit my leg on stone while chasing Luku. Trill and I fought unending until I won the fight albeit losing my upper lip.

“Guy the blood plenty oh! Your mouth go fall comot oh”

“Leave am!” I supported the falling lip with my hand.


“Guy carry am well na!” We drag our foot.

They say corpse are always heavy, brother Wale was so so heavy, “carry am well na!” I urged.

“I dey carry am well na!”

“okay keep am down!” We were close to Kpomoh junction.

“Brother Wale why you leave me go?” I could hear he was still breathing yet i thought he was dead.

“Him never die!” Yemi assured.

“Him never die – why him no com dey talk?”

“Him go wake up, no worry!” My prayer for Yemi at that point was that he should lose one of his brothers and he would know how it feels losing an only brother.

“Him go wake up abi? I don pour am water tayah for him face, why him no wake up?” I was crying blood.



“Hey! Who are those?” I heard as we continued carrying the dead body of Brother Wale.

“yeah! SB! Police! Olokpa! We have deading!”

“Yemi! Which one be we have deading again? Hahahahahahaha!” I couldn't help but to laughed.

“Hey! Who is laughing?”

“Nobody sir!” My upper lip almost fell off.

“ehnn! What are you carry?” We met again, Edward.

“what are we carry? We are carry Brother Wale” I answered.

“Ooooh I see! You are money ritual abi?”

“Me? Money ritual? No oh! He is my brother!” The cool breeze the bushes around could offer dried my sweat.

“And why is blood in your mouth?” He beamed the light on my face.

“This thing in his mouth is not blood sir!” Yemi said.

“then what is it?” Sergeant Edward cracked his gun.

“Answer am na!” I eyeballed Yemi.

“eheeen! Talk na, what is it?” He yelled.

“Don’t mind him sir, it is Watermelon and Zobo, I ate Watermelon and Zobo not too long ago” I almost said.

“So you this small boys are already money ritual!” At some point in my life when Brother Wale maltreated me, I felt like using him for money ritual but not that night.

“Sir! I need your help here sir!” I looked at Sergeant Edward's head in his shadow as he stood on attention and I saw that his “head” was really a “ward”; a hospital ward, or maybe bigger.

“Eheen! What is happening here?” Officer Tunde said.

“sir this boys are money rituals” Edward announced.

“really!” Officer Tunde beamed the light on my face, and then on Yemi's, and back to mine.

“Sir we are not money rituals oooh!” I confessed, “This man is my elder brother”

“And what happened to your mouth?” He asked.

“It’s Dog! Dog bite my mouth”

“Dog bite your mouth, and where are you going to with this body?” Officer Tunde asked.

“Sir he has refused to wake up oh, and I want to carry him home, I think he is dead”

“Dead! What happened to his head?”

“Someone break bottle on his head” I thought I saw Brother Wale’s eyes winked as Officer Tunde beamed the light on his face.

“are you sure he is dead?”

“Sir I think so, I have poured water on him and he did not wake up”

“Have you tried kissing him?” He asked.

“Kiss?”

“Yes kiss! Kiss of life”

If there was one person I never dreamed of kissing even if a gun was put to my head, Brother Wale was that person; his mouth always smelled like our soak-away whenever he smokes weed and whenever he ate Suya too. Trust me, he ate Suya that night; few minutes before Luku showed up.

“I know you!” Officer Tunde said.

“I know you too! I gave you the Muringad that night” Moringad sounded like Spanish to me.

“Moringa! You still have some more?” He asked.

“No ooh!”

“As if my mama na dealer of moringa” I said to myself.

“Are you ready for the kiss of life?” Officer Tunde listened to Brother Wale’s breath.

“Sir his mouth don spoil, let me kiss the kiss of life!” Yemi volunteered.

"no wonder! you resemble g'ay sef!" I almost said.

“Don’t worry I will kiss the kiss” Officer Tunde said.

“Okay sir, God will bless your mouth as you kiss” I almost said.

The sight of a man kissing a man really disgusted; I felt like throwing up.

“Sir no swallow him spit oh” Sergeant Headward said.

“cohoooo cohooo!” I heard someone coughed.

“Oooh! Brother Wale is alive!” I saw him moved.

“Brother Wale is alive!” Yemi hugged me.

“guy which kind hug be this, shey I be woman? Abeg leave me jor!” I pushed him off, seeing moments later that the warmness the hug offered had stood my d’ick. Don’t blame me, The last time a male not to talk of female hugged me was in 1759BC.

The only one I needed to hug at that point was Brother Wale.

“Brother Wale you are alive!” I hugged him.

“Thank God am alive! What is chuking me in my leg?” He asked.

“I think It's my p’rick” I almost said.

Despirado121:
I luv dis tori die. U're d bst joor. Carry on d boss

Thank you!

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STILL I FLOW

Lolzzz......

Brother wale have deading

Ayaf laff tire here
Please we need more sir

girlhaley:
Lolzzz......


Brother wale have deading


Ayaf laff tire here

Please we need more sir

No be small deading!

flow1759:

No be small deading!

Lol
Oya,we are waiting for you

“Guy you don go check your result?” Yemi asked me on the night I had running stomach.

“I never check oh!” I said, “you don check?”

“No oh I never check, make we go check am tomorrow na!”

“Guy I dey fear ooh”

“You dey fear wetin?” I was unaware Brother Wale was listening.

“I dey mad? Why I go fear? I no dey fear ohh!”

“Okay since you are not scared, I will give you money to buy the scratch card, and I want you to check it tomorrow” The Commander had spoken.

“Guy I dey fear oh! I fit fail maths oh!” I whispered to Yemi.

“hahahahahaha! Shebi that day wey we dey write maths you go dey sleep!”






“Guy shebi I tell you say make we no come this cyber café? You too s’tubborn”

“Why you no want make we check our result here? Shey na because Tolani my sister dey work here?” We stood at the front of the cyber café.

“No! no be because of that, I no like this cyber café, people go see the result com dey laugh person”

“E no mean na! We go pass na! And if we pass and our result make sense people go tell us congratulation” Yemi said, “Them fit even dash us money sef”

“them go dash us money say wetin happen? Na them be our papa?”

“Make we enter na?”

“Guy you enter first!” I adjusted my curtain-material shirt and washed my lips with my tongue so my crush would be attracted to my “red lip”, Cliff lip I mean to say.

“SB, What happened to your lip?” Tolani was just seeing it for the first time.

“Ok Dog! Dog bite me” The scar from Brother Wale’s death and resurrection still remained.

“Hahahahahahahaha! Dog! You and Dog sef?” She laughed remembering the other day.

“Tolani we are here to check our result” Yemi said.

“Ooooh! Finally you want to check your result now” I never knew Yemi was also scared of failure.

The internet connection was so fast but my heart beat was faster.

“Thou art worthy O Lord, Worthy O Lord……………………… To receive Glory honour and power………………………………… For Thou art created all things are for thy plessure…………………… They are and were created……………………… Thou art worthy Lord…………………”

“SB this one wey you dey sing so, are we safe?” Yemi the wide mouth.

“Make I no sing again? Make I no praise God?”

“hahahahahahaha! SB don’t mind him jor, praise God”

In my heart of heart I had concluded that should Yemi score a C in mathematics, I had failed the subject, but should he score a B or an A in the subject, then I was safe.

“Yemi you try oh!” His result was out.

“Really? What did he score in Mathematics?” I couldn't see the computer screen from where i sat.

“Come see am na!” Yemi was all smiles.

“You no fit tell me! Abi you wound for mouth?” My blood pressure escalated.

“I get C5 for maths ooh!” He said.

“Really! Make I see am!” I stood up from where I sat.

What I saw was “Chicken Boy Chicken Boy Chicken Boy”. Chicken Boy was a slang said to refer to a result full of C’s and B’s. Earlier Tolani had shown I and Yemi her result which was “Aba Aba Aba Aba Aba”. Aba was another slang said to refer to a result full of A’s and B’s. I remember when I brought home a “Father Francis Fried Five Fresh Fishes for Five Friends Form France” result home.

I was in SS2 then, it was first term. Maami died a month to our exam, and the trauma of losing a loving mother made me detested my books. I slept in all the exam papers especially in mathematics.

When we were given our result I was smiling not expecting what I saw; I mean I knew I would fail but not that kind of failure.

“SB make we see your result na” Kpobo said.

“Why you wan see my result? Make I see your own first”

“See my own na!” He showed me.

“Oboy your result na Deede Deede Deede” I said.

Deede was yet another slang said to refer to a result full of D’s and E’s; the "Sir" kind of result - and of course you and I know Deede is Igbo language means “Sir”.

Deede result wasn’t far in hierarchy when compared to Father Francis result, or so I thought, so I showed Kpobo my result.

“Guy this your result na Father Francis Fried Five Fresh Fishes for Five Friends From France” Kpobo tongue twisted.

“You mean am!” Kolawole Joined.

“You, e concern you? Make we see your own?”

“See my own na!” Kolawole showed us his result.

“Efcc Efcc Efcc Efcc” was it.

There was no way I would had shown Brother Wale the Father Francis result when i got home, no way!

When I got home……………

“I heard you collected your result today, Can I see it” Brother Wale asked.

“Result! They did not give me result oh!”

“Why?” He stared right at my eyes.

“Why?”

“No Zee! Why didn’t they give you result?” He yelled.

“Because………………… Because………………… Because……………………” Liars cross.

“Because what?” He raised his voice.

“Because I owe toilet money” Lie established.

“And how much is this toilet money?” He asked.

“One thousand naira” I answered.

“One thousand naira is too much for toilet money na!”

“Brother they said I s’hit too much in the boys toilet, that is why”








If Yemi could score C5 in mathematics, then I lost hope.

“SB bring your own scratch card let us check your result!” Tolani said.

“Me?”

“Yes you na!”

“Me? I did not come here to check any result oh, I just escorted Yemi here”

“Don’t mind him oh, we came together to check our results, in fact his scratch card is with me!” Over-joyous Yemi offered his sister my scratch card.

“SB come and see your result!” Tolani announced.

“My result? I don’t want it, take it I dash you!” And everyone in the café laughed.

“Come I see it na!” And I was walking out of the café.

“SB where you dey go?” Yemi asked.

“Make person no piss again? I wan go piss!”

“Don’t worry I will help him print it!” I heard Tolani said as I walked out.

“Print am for yourself! Or use the paper go buy suya!” I whispered.


“God I know say I be sinner, I know say I be expert for lie, I know say I no dey read my book, Baba abeg I no wan fail…………………… If I pass this WAEC with Six credit I promise you say I go dey go church everyday” I said a short prayer.

“If I piss this piss finish I go go up go collect my result, anyhow wey dey result be I go take am like that” I pledged.

“eeeh! I never even zip down oh” I had peed on my trouser; about one litre of pee.

My trouser seemed like it was designed by a clothing company called “Wet Soul” as it was wet all through the upper half.

“Guy wetin wet your trouser na? You piss for body?” I met Yellow on my way upstairs.

“Which kin talk be that one? How I go piss for body, I be small pikin? Na one woman pour me pure water by mistake oh”

“You sure?”

“I sure na? Why I go dey lie for you! Make I carry you go see the woman?”

“No, forget that one abeg! You don check your result?”

“Yes oh! My result dey up dey wait me”

“You pass?”

“I never see the result oh, But I know say I go pass”


“SB see your result!” Yemi handed over a paper to me.

English C4, Biology C5, French E8, Economics C6, Chemistry C4, Physics C5, Igbo Language E8, Geography C6,…………………………………

“Where maths na?” I asked myself.

Mathematics C6…………………………… “Ope ooooh!” I yelled. My I had invented another slang to describe exam result; "Cece Winas"

“Ope ooooh! I pass maths oh!” I jumped.

“SB!” Tolani called; I thought she wanted to congratulate me for my success.

“ehnnnnnn Tolani love!”

“Why is your trouser wet?” She asked.

“Okay, it rained outside”

Flowey, naija all time comic writer, u own the braggy right! *fact*

Melancholy:
Flowey, naija all time comic writer, u own the braggy right! *fact*

Thank you!

PS: You don vote https://fidelitybank.ng/mytoughjobstory/index.php/ugochukwu/

where is texanomaly?

flow abeg no vex o ..shebi u b comedian ...lols dis is funny.,,kip it up

kayspark27:
flow abeg no vex o
..shebi u b comedian ...lols dis is funny.,,kip it up

Yes I am a comedian, but not stand up comedian sha, i be comic writer.

You wan promote me?

Lol.......

Update oo

“guy which course them give you” I asked Debo as we rested waiting for our turn while we played football early December - the best period to play football in the tarred road.

“Na further maths oh!” He answered.

“you say wetin?” I heard him in the first place.

"I say further maths"

“Hahahahahaha! How them go give you further maths make you study?”

“why you dey laugh?” Debo wasn’t happy at all.

“You which course them give you?” he asked me.

“mehn me na Biochemistry oh!” I answered.

“aaah! That na correct course na!” He said, ”which school be that?”

“Omoh na OAU oh!”

“That na correct school na!”



“Brother how e go be na?” I asked brother Wale that evening, “how will we do it na? I need to start my registration oh”

“see omo ile iwe, the money for your registration and school fees is not available yet”

“I no dey for that one oh, me I wan go school oh! Shebi you don go school graduate, you no want make I go school” I complained.

“Don’t worry you must go that school! Don’t worry you here? I assure you! even if it will cost me my blood”

“Brother registration has already started oh!”

“when did registration start?” He asked.

“It started two months ago oh! And they have already started lectures”

“Don’t worry, you will start your own registration next week Monday” He assured.

“See your mouth like next week Monday, when today na Friday! How e wan take happen?”

All things are possible to those that believe, they say, I couldn’t even imagine it, not to talk of believing it.





“where did Brother Wale go to this night? Me I can not sleep in this house alone oooh!” I sat outside with mosquitoes as my company.


I thought I heard someone entered the house late at night, or was I dreaming?

“shift for me let me sleep!” The person was brother Wale.

Where on earth was he coming from at such dead hours of the night? I asked myself. His recent friendship with Brother Luku and Brother Red loaf saw him coming home late every night. What was the three of them up to? What? I promised myself I would find out.


“Wake up lazy boy!” Brother Wale woke me up early the following morning with a loud slap.

“Brother I have finished secondary school na” Incase he needed me said more.

“I want us to talk!” He said.

Since the death of Baami and Maami, Brother Wale and I haven’t had a tete a tete and talked like the real men we were. I had wanted to talk with him all the time but he would prefer his knuckles talked with my head as to a knock.

“Now listen to me attentively, listen very well” He noted.

“Ok Brother! I hope there is no problem?” I sat on the bed by his side.

“there is no problem, in fact there is good news!”

“Eheeen! Will I be resuming on Monday as you promised?” I couldn’t wait to hear the good news.

“Yes you will not only be resuming on Monday, you will not be poor again!” He announced.

“Really! How?”

“Now listen, Luku is dead! I killed him!”

“Wooooo! What!” I jumped up.

“Will you sit down? Sit down?” He yelled at me.

“Brother why na! Why did you kill him?”

He brought out a suitcase from underneath the bed and said; “I killed him because I want to have this money alone, i did it for you”

For the past few weeks I came to realize Brother Wale was real good friends with Red loaf and Luku; I mean very very good friends. I also realized there was one part of the house Brother Wale refused me sweeping every morning; under the bed.

“Come and see money!” He beckoned.

“wwoooooooa! Owo oooooooh!” My both hands was at the back of my head fidgeting.

“Ssshhhhhhh!”

“This is three million naira, take it! It’s yours” He offered.

“How brother?” I moved back.

“Will you take it!!” He yelled.

“But its not my money na!”

“take it! Its yours now! You will be using it for your school”

“Brother!”

“Seyi take this money, pack your bags, leave this house, go to a far place maybe Osun state where your school is, start life afresh” He handed the suit case to me.

“But brother why? Why did you join Luku and Red loaf to rob?”

“Forget about that one now and do I as I say”

“But if I leave what about you? Where will you go to?"

“Don’t worry about me! there comes a time in a man's life when he has to carry his cross alone, if anybody asks you about me give them this! Tell them I was a soldier that died in an already won battle” He handed over a sheet of paper to me.

I opened the sheet of paper, and it read:

IN THE EVENT OF MY DEMISE
In the event of my demise, in case I don’t see tomorrow
In case I go to see the creator
In case I die
Tell the world I won so many wars,
Tell them I was a drum major for justice,
I am legend.


In the event of my demise,
Tell the world I fell in love with death,
Tell them I lived my life to the fullest,
Tell them I couldn’t see tomorrow,
I am legend and I will always be.


And to my love ones alive; two of you,
You are the best
I love you like I love myself,
If somebody ask you both who I was, say that I was a trailblazer
Don’t you tell them I had a degree in English language, that’s not important,
Don’t you tell them I was a poor boy living in leaking house with my younger brother, that’s not important.
Don’t tell them I did so many bad things, that’s not important.
I want you tell them that I lived a committed life for others.
In the event of my demise.


“Oooh Brother Wale!” I soaked the paper with my tears.

“In fact I don’t want you to go with any luggage so no one will suspect, i have put the money in this Ghana must go bag, Go! Go! Go!”

Dear Moderators CC Obinnau Ishilove, i would love this story to make frontpage tomorrow as requested by my friend SB (the reason for this story) whose birthday is tomorrow. Thank you!

girlhaley:
Lol.......


Update oo

There you go

Quite touching!!!!

Is brother wale going to die like that

Oh no......he is such a darling brother

Happy birthday in advance to seyi bobo

Thanks for sharing this flow.....

flow1759:
Dear Moderators CC Obinnau Ishilove, i would love this story to make frontpage tomorrow as requested by my friend SB (the reason for this story) whose birthday is tomorrow. Thank you!

bro lalasticlala how do u see this story?

*weeping* na so brother go take leave SB?

Crocodile tears

Uthman51:
*weeping* na so brother go take leave SB?

Many people have gone through enough in life. Inspiring tho.
Cc.Obinnau I think its been long a litrature story graced fp, I think this is long overdue.

The End

Wale Ajibade died 11th December 2000 (SB's birthday), killed by gang member Red loaf.

Seyi Ajibade a first class graduate of OAU is now serving here in Port Harcourt. He owns a conglomerate of business here in Port Harcourt and in Osun State.

Christiana married an Igbo trader from Onitsha.

The activities in this story unfolded between 12th November 1996 and 11th December 2000. And the story is true life.

Happy birthday Seyi bobo! Rest in peace Brother Wale.

STILL I FLOW

Nice one bruh I just can't stop laughing, but the story was sad @ the end part

Happy bday SB. What a tragic ending.

So sad sb have to lose brother wale

Rest in eternal peace

Welldone......flow
You are blessed

Wow... It has been juicy all through oo.

Brother Flow, Nice one oo. Thanks for this piece anyway, it was really entertaining and worth following.Thanks for your time too. It's a sacrifice you'know.

So let's negotiate now, when is your next piece coming up?

RIP Brother Wale.

HBD SB!

HBD SB

flooooooooooow biko hbd Sb tragic end

Nawa ooo, easy ehn it s well

flow1759:
where is texanomaly?

I'm here. I've just been very busy since school started back in August. I'll be on Christmas break starting 18 December. I'll catch up then. Sorry I just realized I wasn't following you anymore. I've fixed that now.

Mehn! Dis story is a gr8 although with a tragic end. Weldon oga flow, u're d best and belittle hapi birthday to Seyi Bobo (SB).
Rip to Bro Wale. Oga flow, m waiting patiently 4 ur nxt tori o. Tnx!

Loved the story, but terrible ending. Hmmmm... Loved the story, but terrible ending. Hmmmm...