₦airaland Forum

What I'm going to offer here is a bit of blasphemy, or at least in the eyes of Christians it is. This is the story of the bible broken down into sheer simplicity. Broken down and simplified in this manner it becomes abundantly apparent just how ridiculous the whole thing is. I hope you enjoy.

In The Beginning

In an alternate dimension outside of space and time lives the most powerful wizard ever known. He's so powerful that he can speak things into existence. One day he is sitting around bored and thinks, "Let me make myself some other beings that can bask in the glory of how awesome I am." So he spent six days thinking and speaking the whole universe and everything in it into existence. Then he took a nap, because that was a lot of talking to do.

One of the many things the wizard, let's call him The Wiz, created was people. He made people extra special out of dirt like a mud golem to look and think like him. Basically like little The Wiz dolls. But at first it's just this one dude named Adam and he's very lonely and bored. So The Wiz rips out one of Adam's ribs and says, "Alakadabra!" and the rib turns into another person. But this person has nipples that actually serve a purpose.

So The Wiz sets these two up with a sweet little place in a garden with everything they could ever need and then says, "Oh, by the way, I created a tree in that garden that will kill you. Just to spice things up a bit, ya know. Don't eat the fruit off that tree."

Well one day a talking snake shows up and sees the person with the functioning nipples, her name was Eve, and says, "You simply must try the fruit on that one tree! It's divine!" So she does and she shares it with Adam because it's very tasty and instead of dying they just get smarter and notice they're naked. So they hide when The Wiz comes back around, because of being naked and all, and The Wiz immediately knows something is wrong. So he says, "What the Bleep guys? I told you not to eat that fruit. Now I'm going to have to kick you out of the garden."

So they get kicked out and The Wiz is double pissed at Eve so he makes her menstruate and makes childbirth really painful for her. They have two boys named Cain and Abel, which end up fighting because The Wiz likes meat better than vegetables and Cain kills Abel. So The Wiz sends Cain to live in some weird land called Nod and he finds a wife there and does his thing. In the meantime, Adam and Eve have many more children and a couple thousand years go by in which the earth fills up with people.

When it Rains it Pours

Now it's thousands of years later and for some reason no one is worshipping The Wiz, which really makes him angry since he made these people specifically to glorify himself. There's this one guy named Noah though who still thinks The Wiz is super awesome. So The Wiz tells Noah, "Build a big boat and put two of every animal on the boat along with your family because I'm fixing to drown all these other assholes." Noah builds the boat and the animals come. He packs up his family and then The Wiz sets about flooding the whole world and drowning everyone. POOF - now you're a corpse. Neat trick.


After about a month and a half, once The Wiz was sure everyone was good and dead, he makes the flood waters recede some and Noah sends a dove who fetches a branch from a tree that somehow withstood the torrential floods and let's Noah know there is land ho. Noah lands the boat on a mountain, because screw you physics, he's got a wizard for a bff. Then The Wiz pops a rainbow into the sky and tells Noah that this is a sign that he won't murder everyone in that particular fashion again, because The Wiz likes to keep you guessing.

So Noah and his family repopulate the earth (let's try to gloss over the incest part). Eventually this guy Abraham comes on the scene and The Wiz really takes a liking to this dude. The Wiz tells Abraham that he's doing a super awesome job worshipping The Wiz, but unfortunately Abraham is going to need to murder his son Isaac because The Wiz likes blood. Abraham says, "Sure thing", and proceeds to carry this out. At the last minute The Wiz sends one of his personal minions to stop Abraham and tell him that The Wiz was just pranking him. Haha! Almost made you kill your kid!

Turn by Turn Mis-navigation
So we flash forward a bit more and one of Abraham's descendants named Moses gets tossed in a basket and thrown into a river. He floats to Egypt and gets found by some of pharaoh's folks who think he's cute and adopt him. But it turns out that Pharaoh has captured all the descendants of Abraham called the Jews and enslaved them. When Moses grows up and realizes he's a Jew, The Wiz tells him that Pharaoh needs to let these people go. The Wiz tells Moses to go to Pharaoh and ask him to release the Jews, but when Moses does this The Wiz has put Pharaoh under hypnosis or something and Pharaoh refuses. So The Wiz sends plagues and murders all the firstborn in Egypt to teach Pharaoh not to fall for The Wiz using magic to make him intentionally obstinate.

Eventually Moses gets all the Jews out of Egypt, but Pharaoh sends troops after them. They get to the Red Sea and they're stuck, but then Moses says, "The Wiz taught me a trick" and he pounds a walking stick on the ground. The sea splits in two and all the Jews walk over to the other side. The Egyptian troops try to follow them and The Wiz makes the sea fall back on them and drown them. POOF - now you're a corpse. (That trick is getting old)

So now Moses and the Jews are free and The Wiz tells them he has a special place for them to live. But before they can get there Moses has a one on one with The Wiz and is given a bunch of rules for how to properly worship The Wiz. When Moses goes to tell all the Jews the new rules, they've made a cow out of gold and are worshipping it.... because hamburgers!

Moses gets all huffy and throws down the rocks he wrote the rules on and breaks them. The Wiz is pretty peeved about the whole cow worship thing too so he makes everyone confused about how to walk a straight line and causes them to wander around on like 40 acres of desert for 40 years. They finally find the place they're supposed to live but Moses doesn't get to live there because The Wiz is fickle like that.

To Be Continued...



http://www.atheistrepublic.com/blog/casperrigsby/bible-nutshell-part-1-3

Interesting write-up but needs a bit more humor

hahn:
Interesting write-up but needs a bit more humor

Maybe that's why there are part one to three

menesheh:
What I'm going to offer here is a bit of blasphemy, or at least in the eyes of Christians it is. This is the story of the bible broken down into sheer simplicity. Broken down and simplified in this manner it becomes abundantly apparent just how ridiculous the whole thing is. I hope you enjoy.

In The Beginning

In an alternate dimension outside of space and time lives the most powerful wizard ever known. He's so powerful that he can speak things into existence. One day he is sitting around bored and thinks, "Let me make myself some other beings that can bask in the glory of how awesome I am." So he spent six days thinking and speaking the whole universe and everything in it into existence. Then he took a nap, because that was a lot of talking to do.

One of the many things the wizard, let's call him The Wiz, created was people. He made people extra special out of dirt like a mud golem to look and think like him. Basically like little The Wiz dolls. But at first it's just this one dude named Adam and he's very lonely and bored. So The Wiz rips out one of Adam's ribs and says, "Alakadabra!" and the rib turns into another person. But this person has nipples that actually serve a purpose.

So The Wiz sets these two up with a sweet little place in a garden with everything they could ever need and then says, "Oh, by the way, I created a tree in that garden that will kill you. Just to spice things up a bit, ya know. Don't eat the fruit off that tree."

Well one day a talking snake shows up and sees the person with the functioning nipples, her name was Eve, and says, "You simply must try the fruit on that one tree! It's divine!" So she does and she shares it with Adam because it's very tasty and instead of dying they just get smarter and notice they're naked. So they hide when The Wiz comes back around, because of being naked and all, and The Wiz immediately knows something is wrong. So he says, "What the Bleep guys? I told you not to eat that fruit. Now I'm going to have to kick you out of the garden."

So they get kicked out and The Wiz is double pissed at Eve so he makes her menstruate and makes childbirth really painful for her. They have two boys named Cain and Abel, which end up fighting because The Wiz likes meat better than vegetables and Cain kills Abel. So The Wiz sends Cain to live in some weird land called Nod and he finds a wife there and does his thing. In the meantime, Adam and Eve have many more children and a couple thousand years go by in which the earth fills up with people.

When it Rains it Pours

Now it's thousands of years later and for some reason no one is worshipping The Wiz, which really makes him angry since he made these people specifically to glorify himself. There's this one guy named Noah though who still thinks The Wiz is super awesome. So The Wiz tells Noah, "Build a big boat and put two of every animal on the boat along with your family because I'm fixing to drown all these other assholes." Noah builds the boat and the animals come. He packs up his family and then The Wiz sets about flooding the whole world and drowning everyone. POOF - now you're a corpse. Neat trick.


After about a month and a half, once The Wiz was sure everyone was good and dead, he makes the flood waters recede some and Noah sends a dove who fetches a branch from a tree that somehow withstood the torrential floods and let's Noah know there is land ho. Noah lands the boat on a mountain, because screw you physics, he's got a wizard for a bff. Then The Wiz pops a rainbow into the sky and tells Noah that this is a sign that he won't murder everyone in that particular fashion again, because The Wiz likes to keep you guessing.

So Noah and his family repopulate the earth (let's try to gloss over the incest part). Eventually this guy Abraham comes on the scene and The Wiz really takes a liking to this dude. The Wiz tells Abraham that he's doing a super awesome job worshipping The Wiz, but unfortunately Abraham is going to need to murder his son Isaac because The Wiz likes blood. Abraham says, "Sure thing", and proceeds to carry this out. At the last minute The Wiz sends one of his personal minions to stop Abraham and tell him that The Wiz was just pranking him. Haha! Almost made you kill your kid!

Turn by Turn Mis-navigation
So we flash forward a bit more and one of Abraham's descendants named Moses gets tossed in a basket and thrown into a river. He floats to Egypt and gets found by some of pharaoh's folks who think he's cute and adopt him. But it turns out that Pharaoh has captured all the descendants of Abraham called the Jews and enslaved them. When Moses grows up and realizes he's a Jew, The Wiz tells him that Pharaoh needs to let these people go. The Wiz tells Moses to go to Pharaoh and ask him to release the Jews, but when Moses does this The Wiz has put Pharaoh under hypnosis or something and Pharaoh refuses. So The Wiz sends plagues and murders all the firstborn in Egypt to teach Pharaoh not to fall for The Wiz using magic to make him intentionally obstinate.

Eventually Moses gets all the Jews out of Egypt, but Pharaoh sends troops after them. They get to the Red Sea and they're stuck, but then Moses says, "The Wiz taught me a trick" and he pounds a walking stick on the ground. The sea splits in two and all the Jews walk over to the other side. The Egyptian troops try to follow them and The Wiz makes the sea fall back on them and drown them. POOF - now you're a corpse. (That trick is getting old)

So now Moses and the Jews are free and The Wiz tells them he has a special place for them to live. But before they can get there Moses has a one on one with The Wiz and is given a bunch of rules for how to properly worship The Wiz. When Moses goes to tell all the Jews the new rules, they've made a cow out of gold and are worshipping it.... because hamburgers!

Moses gets all huffy and throws down the rocks he wrote the rules on and breaks them. The Wiz is pretty peeved about the whole cow worship thing too so he makes everyone confused about how to walk a straight line and causes them to wander around on like 40 acres of desert for 40 years. They finally find the place they're supposed to live but Moses doesn't get to live there because The Wiz is fickle like that.

To Be Continued...



http://www.atheistrepublic.com/blog/casperrigsby/bible-nutshell-part-1-3

Christians should read and enjoy this. This is precisely how God works.

menesheh:
What I'm going to offer here is a bit of blasphemy, or at least in the eyes of Christians it is. This is the story of the bible broken down into sheer simplicity. Broken down and simplified in this manner it becomes abundantly apparent just how ridiculous the whole thing is. I hope you enjoy.

In The Beginning

In an alternate dimension outside of space and time lives the most powerful wizard ever known. He's so powerful that he can speak things into existence. One day he is sitting around bored and thinks, "Let me make myself some other beings that can bask in the glory of how awesome I am." So he spent six days thinking and speaking the whole universe and everything in it into existence. Then he took a nap, because that was a lot of talking to do.

One of the many things the wizard, let's call him The Wiz, created was people. He made people extra special out of dirt like a mud golem to look and think like him. Basically like little The Wiz dolls. But at first it's just this one dude named Adam and he's very lonely and bored. So The Wiz rips out one of Adam's ribs and says, "Alakadabra!" and the rib turns into another person. But this person has nipples that actually serve a purpose.

So The Wiz sets these two up with a sweet little place in a garden with everything they could ever need and then says, "Oh, by the way, I created a tree in that garden that will kill you. Just to spice things up a bit, ya know. Don't eat the fruit off that tree."

Well one day a talking snake shows up and sees the person with the functioning nipples, her name was Eve, and says, "You simply must try the fruit on that one tree! It's divine!" So she does and she shares it with Adam because it's very tasty and instead of dying they just get smarter and notice they're naked. So they hide when The Wiz comes back around, because of being naked and all, and The Wiz immediately knows something is wrong. So he says, "What the Bleep guys? I told you not to eat that fruit. Now I'm going to have to kick you out of the garden."

So they get kicked out and The Wiz is double pissed at Eve so he makes her menstruate and makes childbirth really painful for her. They have two boys named Cain and Abel, which end up fighting because The Wiz likes meat better than vegetables and Cain kills Abel. So The Wiz sends Cain to live in some weird land called Nod and he finds a wife there and does his thing. In the meantime, Adam and Eve have many more children and a couple thousand years go by in which the earth fills up with people.

When it Rains it Pours

Now it's thousands of years later and for some reason no one is worshipping The Wiz, which really makes him angry since he made these people specifically to glorify himself. There's this one guy named Noah though who still thinks The Wiz is super awesome. So The Wiz tells Noah, "Build a big boat and put two of every animal on the boat along with your family because I'm fixing to drown all these other assholes." Noah builds the boat and the animals come. He packs up his family and then The Wiz sets about flooding the whole world and drowning everyone. POOF - now you're a corpse. Neat trick.


After about a month and a half, once The Wiz was sure everyone was good and dead, he makes the flood waters recede some and Noah sends a dove who fetches a branch from a tree that somehow withstood the torrential floods and let's Noah know there is land ho. Noah lands the boat on a mountain, because screw you physics, he's got a wizard for a bff. Then The Wiz pops a rainbow into the sky and tells Noah that this is a sign that he won't murder everyone in that particular fashion again, because The Wiz likes to keep you guessing.

So Noah and his family repopulate the earth (let's try to gloss over the incest part). Eventually this guy Abraham comes on the scene and The Wiz really takes a liking to this dude. The Wiz tells Abraham that he's doing a super awesome job worshipping The Wiz, but unfortunately Abraham is going to need to murder his son Isaac because The Wiz likes blood. Abraham says, "Sure thing", and proceeds to carry this out. At the last minute The Wiz sends one of his personal minions to stop Abraham and tell him that The Wiz was just pranking him. Haha! Almost made you kill your kid!

Turn by Turn Mis-navigation
So we flash forward a bit more and one of Abraham's descendants named Moses gets tossed in a basket and thrown into a river. He floats to Egypt and gets found by some of pharaoh's folks who think he's cute and adopt him. But it turns out that Pharaoh has captured all the descendants of Abraham called the Jews and enslaved them. When Moses grows up and realizes he's a Jew, The Wiz tells him that Pharaoh needs to let these people go. The Wiz tells Moses to go to Pharaoh and ask him to release the Jews, but when Moses does this The Wiz has put Pharaoh under hypnosis or something and Pharaoh refuses. So The Wiz sends plagues and murders all the firstborn in Egypt to teach Pharaoh not to fall for The Wiz using magic to make him intentionally obstinate.

Eventually Moses gets all the Jews out of Egypt, but Pharaoh sends troops after them. They get to the Red Sea and they're stuck, but then Moses says, "The Wiz taught me a trick" and he pounds a walking stick on the ground. The sea splits in two and all the Jews walk over to the other side. The Egyptian troops try to follow them and The Wiz makes the sea fall back on them and drown them. POOF - now you're a corpse. (That trick is getting old)

So now Moses and the Jews are free and The Wiz tells them he has a special place for them to live. But before they can get there Moses has a one on one with The Wiz and is given a bunch of rules for how to properly worship The Wiz. When Moses goes to tell all the Jews the new rules, they've made a cow out of gold and are worshipping it.... because hamburgers!

Moses gets all huffy and throws down the rocks he wrote the rules on and breaks them. The Wiz is pretty peeved about the whole cow worship thing too so he makes everyone confused about how to walk a straight line and causes them to wander around on like 40 acres of desert for 40 years. They finally find the place they're supposed to live but Moses doesn't get to live there because The Wiz is fickle like that.

To Be Continued...



http://www.atheistrepublic.com/blog/casperrigsby/bible-nutshell-part-1-3

Another thread from an obsessed fan of an imaginary God . Winner01 .

KingEbukasBlog:
Another thread from an obsessed fan of an imaginary God . Winner01 .

Do you need TB Joshua to tell you that am really obsessed with the imageries. Am actually is since your mum trained you to be attacking persons instead of saying meaningful things that another person can learn from.


Learn how to attack issues and ideas not the person that's propagating them.

You said nothing.


Start growing up. you really need it.

menesheh:
Do you need TB Joshua to tell you that am really obsessed with the imageries. Am actually is since your mum trained you to be attacking persons instead of saying meaningful things that another person can learn from.


Learn how to attack issues and ideas not the person that's propagating them.

You said nothing.


Start growing up. you really need it.

Nincompoop never you dare refer to my mum in any way or form ever again . Oh wait ... Ive got something for you :

The fool who is obsessed with an imaginary being . You are just an attention seeking wh.ore that's why you open threads here and there about a so called imaginary being spewing myriad of bullshit in the name of derision .

Did your mum not give the attention you needed as a growing kid ? Were you neglected as a child ? No wonder you need so much attention from these same religious you denigrate . You really had a f.uc.ked up childhood

KingEbukasBlog:
Nincompoop never you dare refer to my mum in any way or form ever again . Oh wait ... Ive got something for you :

The fool who is obsessed with an imaginary being . You are just an attention seeking wh.ore that's why you open threads here and there about a so called imaginary being spewing myriad of bullshit in the name of derision .

Did your mum not give the attention you needed as a growing kid ? Were you neglected as a child ? No wonder you need so much attention from these same religious you denigrate . You really had a f.uc.ked up childhood

Small boy, your mum is the nincompoop, fool, f.uck.ed and where are those your abusive words up there located?

KingEbukasBlog:
Nincompoop never you dare refer to my mum in any way or form ever again . Oh wait ... Ive got something for you :

The fool who is obsessed with an imaginary being . You are just an attention seeking wh.ore that's why you open threads here and there about a so called imaginary being spewing myriad of bullshit in the name of derision .

Did your mum not give the attention you needed as a growing kid ? Were you neglected as a child ? No wonder you need so much attention from these same religious you denigrate . You really had a f.uc.ked up childhood

You should stop using those words, it is not good for you. Hope you're now a grown-up.

Just every small encounter, you will start vomiting provoking words. If you are my younger bro, i will be caning you everyday until that altitude of using words anyhow gets off you.

I dont attack persons directly, I'd rather use absurd ideas, silly this or that, irrationals, illogical and stuffs not directly referring to the person am arguing with.


You should always be a good boy, not only on Nairaland but on your one on one interactions with your peers over there.

menesheh:
Small boy, your mum is the nincompoop, fool, f.uck.ed and where are those your abusive words up there located?

Grown ass dimwit exchanging words with a youth , you should be ashamed of yourself .

You guys are so easy to toy with . I elicited a reaction from you and you responded daftly as anticipated

Cheers !

KingEbukasBlog:
Grown ass dimwit exchanging words with a youth , you should be ashamed of yourself .

You guys are so easy to toy with . I elicited a reaction from you and you responded daftly as anticipated

Cheers !

Your mum is the "Grown ass dimwit"

menesheh:
Your mum is the "Grown ass dimwit"

Very mature of you .

When your own words come back to bite you so hard .

The HYPOCRISY of atheism

menesheh:
[size=16pt]Learn how to attack issues and ideas not the person that's propagating them. [/size]

You said nothing.

Start growing up. you really need it.

menesheh:
You should stop using those words, it is not good for you. Hope you're now a grown-up.

[size=16pt]Just every small encounter, you will start vomiting provoking words.[/size] If you are my younger bro, i will be caning you everyday until that altitude of using words anyhow gets off you.

[size=16pt] I dont attack persons directly, I'd rather use absurd ideas, silly this or that, irrationals, illogical and stuffs not directly referring to the person am arguing with.
[/size]

You should always be a good boy, not only on Nairaland but on your one on one interactions with your peers over there.

KingEbukasBlog:
Very mature of you .

When your own words come back to bite you so hard .

The HYPOCRISY of atheism

Those are your special harsh and hate words, i never invented any. The more you invent more, i will be pushing back to your mum.

I usually scan those abusive words from your comments and push it back to you. Check those comments of yours to know whether i added any new one.


Until you stop, i will continue push it back to you. It is your private property. I don't vouch for such.

KingEbukasBlog:
Another thread from an obsessed fan of an imaginary God . Winner01 .

His obsession is so obvious.
I suggest you just let him do his thing bro, its pointless trying to get sense into a disturbed desperate eediot.

winner01:
His obsession is so obvious.
I suggest you just let him do his thing bro, its pointless trying to get sense into a disturbed desperate eediot.

I'll adhere to this advice ... thanks bro

KingEbukasBlog:
Very mature of you .

When your own words come back to bite you so hard .

The HYPOCRISY of atheism

That was a crunching blow of personality failure you landed him. Good one , bro.

Nice

lezz:
That was a crunching blow of personality failure you landed him. Good one , bro.

See my reply down bro. I have be warning him to desist from insulting people because we are on online, discussing voluntarily, is unfare. He should always endeavor to refrain from the abusive impulses in him when making his point. At least to depict what he is professing, as a Christian.

We should be having more rational and mature discussion and arguments. I feel, this is the most sensitive and intellectual topic here on Nairaland.

Those are your special harsh and hate words, i never invented any. The more you invent the more, i will be pushing back to your mum.

I usually scan those abusive words from your comments and push it back to you. Check those comments of yours to know whether i added any new one.


Until you stop, i will continue push it back to you. It is your private property. I don't vouch for such.

winner01:
His obsession is so obvious.
I suggest you just let him do his thing bro, its pointless trying to get sense into a disturbed desperate eediot.

You to see the bolded eediot over there


See them Christians. I never use this sort of words on you, but even if, you shouldn't replicate such, as a true Christian

menesheh:
See my reply down bro. I have be warning him to desist from insulting people because we are on online, discussing voluntarily, is unfare. He should always endeavor to restrain the abusive impulses in him when making his point. At least to depict what he is professing, as a Christian.

We should be having more rational and mature discussion and arguments. I feel, this is the most sensitive and intellectual topic here on Nairaland.







You no see the bolded eediot over there


See them Christians. I never use this sort of words on you, but even if, you shouldn't replicate such, as a true Christian

Alright bro, I see it. We're not always perfect. But insulting mothers is hitting below the belt, very distasteful, especially when unprovoked. I respect his restraint for not yielding to parental back and forth. I have been following this thread. I find it quite refreshing from the Christian point of view.

Keep it polite and mature, it's a lot of asking but you can. Thanks.

menesheh:
You no see the bolded eediot over there

What do you expect, you make a mockery of yourself at every oppourtunity. You are definately disturbed.

winner01:
What do you expect, you make a mockery of yourself at every oppourtunity. You are definately disturbed.

Am disturbed because it isn't suppose to be coming from you.

If i open a thread and make mockery of myself, if you peep , you leave the thread (as i usually do with yours) rather than pouring insults.

menesheh:
Am disturbed because it isn't suppose to be coming from you.

If i open a thread and make mockery of myself, if you peep , you leave the thread (as i usually do with yours) rather pouring insults.

Try making a mockery of yourself anywere in the world, you'll get the same reception. Get a grip of your life.

kingebukasblog, menesheh and winner01 really need to chill

Where's part 2 na?

hahn:
kingebukasblog, menesheh and winner01 really need to chill

Where's part 2 na?

We ain't chilling out until the time some folks learn how to discuss issues productively and maturely.