₦airaland Forum

Gud evening NL, I need help for a friend.


I need counsel for a friend of mine who told me dat she won't like to get married because of the way her parents marriage was
.She also said she would just have a man get her pregnant and take care of d child single handedly.
She said men turn to monsters after marriage and she would not marry .
ur counsel is needed pls ? her mind is made up like since she was a child. I've tried telling her that all men are not the same but seems futile. please your wise contributions are needed. thanks

Marriage is NOT by force. MYOB.

@op, your friend wants to eat omelettes but she does not want to break eggs. Very interesting. She wants the product of a marriage but she doesn't want marriage. That is what I call, being selfish.

Getting pregnant is very easy for her, she should try a one night stand. Because no responsible Nigerian man out there will do what she is asking for except for the silly ones who would come back in future to claim their offsprings. And you know the thing with one night stand? the child becomes a bastard right from conception that's even when she is lucky not to contract STIs or STDs

Marriage is necessary but not compulsory. Are all the men in her life...Father, brothers, pastors, teachers, etc monsters? She needs to see a counsellor.. Well she should also know that that same man that can get her pregnant is not differnent from the man she can marry.. So she should within herself desire first the kind of man she wants and hopefully thru prayers and meditations she will have her desire met.

I don't agree with her reason for not wanting to get married but let her be. Marriage isn't a mandatory exercise and not everyone is meant to get married. Use your time for more productive things.

Very selfish individual. . She wants to deny her child(ren) the benefits of having a father figure because of her vague reasons...

Her parents' marriage should even be like a driving force to make her marriage work.. let her convince herself that her marriage can never be like that of her parents...
She should start by getting her priorities right, then making a wise choice. ..

Marriage is wonderful. . In my next world, I would marry over and over again

She'll neva change her mind cuz she's a feminist

They stand on what they believe

Counsel her for what? You don't cajole people into marriage, everyone mustn't be married. If that's what she can live with then leave her to it. It's better to remain single than to marry and divorce.

Ur friend should change those she walks with, if possible her environment. Its possible she will find a new life!

yinkuscious:
Ur friend should change those she walks with, if possible her environment. Its possible she will find a new life!

thanks, but its something that has been made up in her mind and anywhere she goes, she's likely to retain it. I know most persons will say I should just let her be with her decision, but its hard watching a friend walk into a pit without doing anything. I'll to her about her company though.

Elliotwiz1:
thanks, but its something that has been made up in her mind and anywhere she goes, she's likely to retain it. I know most persons will say I should just let her be with her decision, but its hard watching a friend walk into a pit without doing anything. I'll to her about her company though.

its so miraculous how pple we walk with can easily change our life.. I can assure u that if she should walk amidst those who are married or those who sees fulfillment in marriage, she will soon change her orientation and looks at the good side of marriage, but if she continues to see that bad side, I fear she will end up like that.

All the gays,transgenders,bisexuals,lesbians mostly if not all had terrible upbringing/childhood experiences . So is your friend.

What your friend needs is love and give her time. Within months she would be clamouring for marriage

The good thing is she knows she does not want marriage because of the example she saw so she is aware of the source of her disenchantment with marriage.

She is not her mother and all men are not her father she can seek therapy to get over her fear of marriage and clear the cobwebs in her mind.

Are you going to show her this thread?
Since you're asking for advice on her behalf.

Op, ur friend & myself share d same opinion. Aldo, d diff is dat I don't want a man getting me pregnant, cos dats furnication, I want 2 use sperm banks&get a sperm 4rm dere.
My parents have d worse marriage ever, but how dey produced 4 children still surprises me. But deir's didn't form my opinion, I just saw dey were not d only ones so dats y concluded with my opinion.
Maybe if I find someone dat will change my mind, I can consider marrying, afterall, dere are good marriages I know of. I just don't want 2 marry a man like my father.

Pineapp:
When you hangout with the wrong people,you see things the wrong way....

Don't mind the dimwits

dahmie2013:
Op, ur friend & myself share d same opinion. Aldo, d diff is dat I don't want a man getting me pregnant, cos dats furnication, I want 2 use sperm banks&get a sperm 4rm dere.
My parents have d worse marriage ever, but how dey produced 4 children still surprises me. But deir's didn't form my opinion, I just saw dey were not d only ones so dats y concluded with my opinion.
Maybe if I find someone dat will change my mind, I can consider marrying, afterall, dere are good marriages I know of. I just don't want 2 marry a man like my father.

Sperm bank? Even if it was donated by devil in human form? U plan to give birth to a child that might kill u untimely? It will be better if u have a rethink .

cococandy:
Are you going to show her this thread?
Since you're asking for advice on her behalf.

No, I would just convey the necessary information to her.

dahmie2013:
Op, ur friend & myself share d same opinion. Aldo, d diff is dat I don't want a man getting me pregnant, cos dats furnication, I want 2 use sperm banks&get a sperm 4rm dere.
My parents have d worse marriage ever, but how dey produced 4 children still surprises me. But deir's didn't form my opinion, I just saw dey were not d only ones so dats y concluded with my opinion.
Maybe if I find someone dat will change my mind, I can consider marrying, afterall, dere are good marriages I know of. I just don't want 2 marry a man like my father.

it's a good thing you agree that there's such a thing as good marriage, you just have to stop focusing on the negatives of marriage. try to see the positive experience of marriage, the companion, love, sharing, care, communion, etc try to see this and get rid of the bad marriage picture you already have. it'll help ease your nerves about marriage. and what you focus on in life is what you attract to yourself.

Elliotwiz1:
No, I would just convey the necessary information to her.

okay

There is no need to force her because until she seeks help, even if she gets married she will not be happy and her hubby wont be happy either.

Even on good days and during good periods she wont be able to relax and she will keep thinking and expecting that things will go wrong which will in turn affect her behaviour. When the man comes back late one day she will automatically think that the man is having an affair.

What your friend needs is good counsel and good experiences.

She can start by spending time round happy couples and families. Let her watch and see that there are disagreements but they are able to resolve them without mega damage to each other.

She also needs to look inward at herself. You don't just give up on life because of one bad experience. Will she condemn a whole tribe or religion because of a few bad eggs?

To have a happy and fulfilled marriage you need to be happy and fulfilled within you first as you cant give what you dont have.

Forget persuading her for now. She needs help first.

Whether OR not she marries everyone will definitely face the consequences of the choices they made.positively or negatively. Meanwhile

Gbam.take 5.you have said it all.infact let me spray you money for your wise words
oya take

tearoses:
There is no need to force her because until she seeks help, even if she gets married she will not be happy and her hubby wont be happy either.

Even on good days and during good periods she wont be able to relax and she will keep thinking and expecting that things will go wrong which will in turn affect her behaviour. When the man comes back late one day she will automatically think that the man is having an affair.

What your friend needs is good counsel and good experiences.

She can start by spending time round happy couples and families. Let her watch and see that there are disagreements but they are able to resolve them without mega damage to each other.

She also needs to look inward at herself. You don't just give up on life because of one bad experience. Will she condemn a whole tribe or religion because of a few bad eggs?

To have a happy and fulfilled marriage you need to be happy and fulfilled within you first as you cant give what you dont have.

Forget persuading her for now. She needs help first.

SAMBARRY:
Gbam.take 5.you have said it all.infact let me spray you money for your wise words
oya take

Ha Sis this na N100 Naw
Abeg I need £50 notes the moment o!
But thank you anyway
Half loaf is better than poff poff

tearoses:


Ha Sis this na N100 Naw
Abeg I need £50 notes the moment o!
But thank you anyway
Half loaf is better than poff poff

hennn just Help us manage that you know $ has become very expensive and the naira has depreciated

Elliotwiz1:
Gud evening NL, I need help for a friend.


I need counsel for a friend of mine who told me dat she won't like to get married because of the way her parents marriage was
.She also said she would just have a man get her pregnant and take care of d child single handedly.
She said men turn to monsters after marriage and she would not marry .
ur counsel is needed pls ? her mind is made up like since she was a child. I've tried telling her that all men are not the same but seems futile. please your wise contributions are needed. thanks

Your friend has a lot of emotional issues she's dealing with you should be more focused on getting her to heal emotionally than on her opinion of marriage. Show her that not all men are that way, by being caring, leave marriage talk out of your discussions(marriage is not compulsory), she may gradually change her mind. If she doesn't, the most important thing is that she will not have to spend all her life harboring negative emotions

Panadol on top another man headache.

Next...

Its easy getting married,but not easy to stay married.Marriage is for the strong hearted and emotionally mature.No one can change her mind on that,I am sure she has reasons for not wanting to get married.Let's be honest,many people would still be single today if not for family and societal pressure to get married!Most share her thoughts but can't voice it out so their mother doesn't die of heart attack e.g my mum.