₦airaland Forum

It so happens that our very own Lai Mohammed decided to visit heaven to solicit for divine assistance on behalf of the nation.

Below is the script of the conversation that took place between him and one of the angels:

(Heaven's gate opens - Lai Mohammed walks in his Agbada)

Angel - Son of man, what is thy purpose in heaven?

Lai Mohammed - I'm here to discuss some P....(angel cuts in)

Angel - Propaganda?

Lai Mohammed - No, I was going to say 'pressing issues'. I am here to solicit for divine assistance for my nation.

Angel - I can see you have a Nigerian passport and a British passport. We are currently running a promo for British citizens so I would like to know which of the nations you truly belong to?

Lai Mohammed - Both actually. I was born and bred in Britain as a full citizen but I just happen to spend more time in Nigeria. Can I participate in the promo? Am I eligible?

Angel - Most definitely you are, provided your personality is devoid of lies.

Lai Mohammed - Eeeeerm, okay...lets see how it goes then.

Angel - Please come with me.

Angel - I was just wondering, if you were born and bred in Britain why is your skin colour different.

Lai Mohammed - Wo my brother....may God not let us land in the hands of the enemies jare. I used to be a white man in my youthful days, until I started living in Nigeria. I lost the freshness of my skin to the harsh conditions and the colour was sabotaged by the opposition party. In short, you should be thanking God that I am alive today.

Angel - hmmmm, I thought as much. So how are you fairing generally. With a 5 minute walk ahead of us, I figured I could use the time to meet your acquaintance.

Lai Mohammed - ah my brother, i'm just managing ni o. You won't believe I haven't eaten anything for the past 3 weeks. The Oba of Oniru invited me to his birthday last week. I wined and dined with him, but I did not eat anything - just because I want our nation to move forward. U know nau - as a good leader (laughs)

Angel - (smiles) I can imagine

Angel - So, tell me, to what do we owe this august visit of yours.

Lai Mohammed - I thought you forgot me totally ni ke. U see this proposal, I am hoping we could strategize and synergise our resources together to escalate the kumbaya of the eribrotum that has baskajized our nation and turned us into a laughing stock in the krimkum of the opposition.

Angel - in clearer terms....you mean?

Lai Mohammed - I mean we are hoping you allow us have direct access to your oil pipeline in heaven.

Angel - hmmmm, that's interesting. With the current resources mother nature has blessed you with. Could you give a brief update on how your nation has been able to make do with this.

Lai Mohammed - Aaaah, we are making do oh. U see, in Nigeria, people are always praying for the leaders, especially for me. Because we have uninterrupted power supply. In short we just celebrated 20yrs of constant electricity last week. Petrol is now selling at N5 per litre, some people even use it to wash their hands to show you how we have been able to manage the resource. Our entertainment industry is now booming like bloomberg. A lot of youths have now joined the bandwagon of the music industry e.g Airforce 1 and so on. Countless baba mi....many many things.

Angel - Very nice. But it saddens the heart to know that some of your youths now roam the streets Unclad. This is unholy and could affect our business relationship.

Lai Mohammed - See, let me tell you. It is the work of the PDP. They are the ones importing useless rags into the country for their supporters. I condemn such bruhaha under my jurisdiction.

Angel - Well said. So should we allow you access to our crude supply. How do you intend to transport this between the two regions.

Lai Mohammed - Perfect question. You see, our transportation Minister, Rotimi Amaechi. He has plans to build a super mega rail track that will link 50 countries within 3 months. I'm sure he has this under control. Have you been to his state recently? Chai...if you see the rail project he did in that state. He perfected it so well that it became invisible.

Angel - Wow. He must be a miracle worker.

Lai Mohammed - Before nkor, i'm telling you that man is a superman.

Angel - I can get Gabriel to start working on the papers to make this a reality, and be rest assured we are ready to support you with £50billion to get things up and running. We only hope to get the money laid in good hands. Do you know of anyone we can trust?

Lai Mohammed - You are looking at the calendar, you are still asking what is today's date baba mi. My good hands are all yours. You can wire me the money. I will sort out the rest. You know I am an elderly man and people of my calibre and prestige would never lie to anyone. You can trust me.

Angel - Okay, noted.

Lai Mohammed - Olryt, howfar the bar. When alert go show?

Angel - Just a simple test of perseverance and the funds will hit your bank account shortly. Are you ready for this?

Lai Mohammed - My middle name is 'ready'. (rolls agbada up)

More after the cut...

Sorry , that doesn't sound funny to me

DaBullIT:
Sorry , that doesn't sound funny to me

Yo indomie brain just can't comprehend. Its understandable

We can't all think alike and laugh at the same thing, that's why we are different
You didn't have to insult me though , only biatches and brwokke ass niggeurs do that to a stranger




AssHowles

corperscorner:
Yo indomie brain just can't comprehend. Its understandable