copied from ABOO BANAAT Dear newly wedded spouses,
This is sometimes the beginning of your problems. The debate about virginity always errupts from the first night of marriage, especially when the man on the marriage night discovers his wife aint no virgin. His face becomes sour like spoilt eforiro soup. This night was supposed to be a memorable one but it turns bad in some cases. . He now "forces" his wife to tell him how he lost it, even if the wife refuses, he insists and puts her in a tight situation until she tells him or lies about it. Akhi, did you marry her for her deen and character or for her virginity? Virginity should be one of the secondary considerations, and if she is a virgin, are you untouched too? The woman's virginity is always an issue, but no one talks about the man's own! . The fiancé or husband has NO right to ask about his wife's past. It is sufficient for him that she is now pious and she is known for good at the time of marrying her. As to whether she did anything haraam in the past, but then repented from it and became righteous, it is wrong to ask her about that and make her choose between telling lies or getting divorced and forcing her to tell her secrets thereby disclosing that which Allaah had concealed for her, then if she tells him the truth, this will open the door to doubt and suspicion. Either way, its double wahala. . Sisters, know that its not compulsory on you to tell your husband about whatever dirty past you went through. Its not even in his right to ask you in the first place. the Prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam said: “Avoid this immoralities that Allaah has forbidden. Whoever does any such thing, then let him conceal it with the concealment of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bayhaqi; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 663).* . How can you as a groom feel, when your wife be like: -i had 10 boyfriends -i used to party a lot -i was a stripper or belly dancer -i used to smoke and drink -i used to be a model -i used to dance to sell glo sim card -i lost my virginity to abu fulaan, at destiny hotels, in room 52, at night, we did such and such for several days, I got pregnant and I aborted it, bla bla bla . Akhi, how would you feel after hearing all this trash? Won't ur love for her reduce instantly? Is this how to start a new marriage? Won't u begin to doubt her fearing that she may go into zina again? Won't u begin to underrate her? Then why did you ask her in the first place? Why did you make her uncover her secret which Allah has covered for her? What about your own bad past too? . Sister, how do you feel when narrating such ugly events again? Shouldn't you be shy of explaining how you committed zina wit a man? Even if you were raped, is it worth narrating? What is there to be proud of? If your husband dies tomorrow and u re-marry, will you narrate all this stories to him too? The prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam said, If you have no shame, do as you wish. . During the time of umar ibn khattab radiAllahu anhu, a suitor wanted to marry a woman, the wali of the woman told the suitor that the woman had committed zina. So the suitor left. When the khalifa heard the incident, he beat the wali of the woman and said: Was there any need to mention it? (Muwatta of imam malik: 28/1148) . Its even more absurd, when mere "suitors" be like: Sister, let's be frank with eachother, are you a virgin or not? No be only frank, na emmanuel sef. Sister, how many suitors would u keep telling ur chastity status? When jealousy died in men, modesty died in women. Virginity is not a sign that the marriage will be good, and losing it before marriage does not mean your marriage will be bad. . Though virginity is precious and special, and is a sign of chastitiy and respect, but there are many women who are virgins that will still enter hell because of other sins, there are many who are not virgins who wil still enter jannah. Don't start your marriage with a fight, understand yourselves and leave the past where it is. Akhi, if you keep underrating and insulting your wife because she is not a virgin, and suddenly one day a woman comes and accuses you of being the owner of her 10yrs old daughter, your wife will now begin to insult you too, that's when you will realize that there is a difference between akpu and fufu. May Allah grant us understanding, amin

Well,if both of the couple involved had talked about it,it wouldn't have degenerated into something like this... at least,it is part of knowing one another before walking down the isle...definitely, I want my wife to be chastity and if she lies about it...there are ways to deal about it..but the major casualty in this regard will be trust afterwards....and we all know any union or marriage whereby this is lacking,togetherness is on the brink of collapse...if we truly want to follow Quran and Sunnah,how'll a true Muslim lose her/his virginity when he has never married prior this particular nikkah's day?

baba11:
Well,if both of the couple involved had talked about it,it wouldn't have degenerated into something like this... at least,it is part of knowing one another before walking down the isle...definitely, I want my wife to be chastity and if she lies about it...there are ways to deal about it..but the major casualty in this regard will be trust afterwards....and we all know any union or marriage whereby this is lacking,togetherness is on the brink of collapse...if we truly want to follow Quran and Sunnah,how'll a true Muslim lose her/his virginity when he has never married prior this particular nikkah's day?

# Most of us had very ugly pasts before Allah rectified us, the women/men who have repented should not be stigmatized.

# It could be a rape case

# Accidents, diseases and tough exercises can cause it.

# May Allah save us from the plots of Shaytan, even the fastest horses trip. The issue of Zina does not exempt anyone.

So, if a person has lost their virginity by whatever means, the most important thing is to be sure that she has now repented a sincere repentance.

One of the salaf said:
رب طاعة أورثت عزا و استكبارا. و رب معصية أورثت ذلا و انكسارا.

How many a righteous deed lead to arrogance and self conceit. And how man a sin lead to humility and submissiveness.

We ask Allah to grant us all pure repentance and steadfastness upon the sunnah.

Allah knows best.

baba11:
Well,if both of the couple involved had talked about it,it wouldn't have degenerated into something like this... at least,it is part of knowing one another before walking down the isle...definitely, I want my wife to be chastity and if she lies about it...there are ways to deal about it..but the major casualty in this regard will be trust afterwards....and we all know any union or marriage whereby this is lacking,togetherness is on the brink of collapse...if we truly want to follow Quran and Sunnah,how'll a true Muslim lose her/his virginity when he has never married prior this particular nikkah's day?

you cannot say how will a true muslim do something like that. yes its bad..buh hang on, people change. she had sex nd sinned..now ahe sed astaghfirullah and Allah forgave her...why cant you get over it too? yu sinned too

babylolaroy:



you cannot say how will a true muslim do something like that. yes its bad..buh hang on, people change. she had sex nd sinned..now ahe sed astaghfirullah and Allah forgave her...why cant you get over it too? yu sinned too

The conditions of sincere repentance repentance are more than mere saying astaghfiriluLLaah.
As the scholars have stated, the conditions of repentance are three:

# Total Remorse and Regret over the sin committed. This is the greatest and most difficult of the three conditions.

# Having a strong resolution not to ever return to the sin again, ever.

# Seeking forgiveness of the sin by saying astaghfiruLLaah and similar statements.

#If the sin involves the right of other people then a fourth condition applies and that is to return the right to the rightful owner if it's a property. If it's an evil speech such as insult, embarrassment, backbiting, slandering etc then he should seek the person's forgiveness.

If the wronged person is not available or more evil might arise from returning his right or seeking his forgiveness then he should give out an equivalent of the usurped property to the needy, this won't be recorded for him as charity. He should also speak good of the backbited our slandered person in gatherings to nullify his transgressions.

True. Virginity shouldnt be a primary criterion but fornication is still a sin For both male and female.

Newnas:


# Most of us had very ugly pasts before Allah rectified us, the women/men who have repented should not be stigmatized.

# It could be a rape case

# Accidents, diseases and tough exercises can cause it.

# May Allah save us from the plots of Shaytan, even the fastest horses trip. The issue of Zina does not exempt anyone.

So, if a person has lost their virginity by whatever means, the most important thing is to be sure that she has now repented a sincere repentance.

One of the salaf said:
رب طاعة أورثت عزا و استكبارا. و رب معصية أورثت ذلا و انكسارا.

How many a righteous deed lead to arrogance and self conceit. And how man a sin lead to humility and submissiveness.

We ask Allah to grant us all pure repentance and steadfastness upon the sunnah.

Allah knows best.

May Allah guide our affairs right. Amin

Newnas:


The conditions of sincere repentance repentance are more than mere saying astaghfiriluLLaah.
As the scholars have stated, the conditions of repentance are three:

# Total Remorse and Regret over the sin committed. This is the greatest and most difficult of the three conditions.

# Having a strong resolution not to ever return to the sin again, ever.

# Seeking forgiveness of the sin by saying astaghfiruLLaah and similar statements.

#If the sin involves the right of other people then a fourth condition applies and that is to return the right to the rightful owner if it's a property. If it's an evil speech such as insult, embarrassment, backbiting, slandering etc then he should seek the person's forgiveness.

If the wronged person is not available or more evil might arise from returning his right or seeking his forgiveness then he should give out an equivalent of the usurped property to the needy, this won't be recorded for him as charity. He should also speak good of the backbited our slandered person in gatherings to nullify his transgressions.

you have sed it alryt...may Allah rectify all

enieme:
True. Virginity shouldnt be a primary criterion but fornication is still a sin For both male and female.

My sister, Assalam alykum.
longest time, how are you doing.

Of course it's a sin, a major sin. Unfortunately in our society, it's cheaper than pure water. Inna lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi Roji'uun

Newnas even made inna lillahi on this matter. you are really pained o... Everytime i think about it, i think men are more to be blamed. yorubas will say a kid will say he wants to be pampered rotten, its his mother that wont allow him. some women will wear next to nothing on fb...and brothers, wallahi will be there cooing MASHAALLAH! imagine. how can you mashaAllah such a thing

if no one will acknowlege that madness, women will dress better and do better

babylolaroy:
Newnas even made inna lillahi on this matter. you are really pained o... Everytime i think about it, i think men are more to be blamed. yorubas will say a kid will say he wants to be pampered rotten, its his mother that wont allow him. some women will wear next to nothing on fb...and brothers, wallahi will be there cooing MASHAALLAH! imagine. how can you mashaAllah such a thing

if no one will acknowlege that madness, women will dress better and do better

I think everyone is to be blamed.

The root of the problem is lack of submission to the commandment of Allah.

If the women avoid ugly dressing and the men learned to lower their gaze, this world would be a better place. Early marriage is one big solution to all these crap. Of course these things are extremely difficult in our time but with Allah's help then strong will it will be easy.

But in a society where;

Early marriage is called hurry marriage.

Promiscuity is not frowned upon rather the chaste women/men are accused of extremism. I swear to Allah, on our campuses committing zina with 10 different women is far easier than marrying a single woman.

It becomes more difficult to maintain chastity, for the brothers and sisters especially on campuses. Unfortunately, when they tell their parents they want to get married, they are immediately labelled as 'not thinking of anything except sex' and 'not facing your studies'.

I wonder the craze our present world is going into.

Newnas:


My sister, Assalam alykum.
longest time, how are you doing.

Of course it's a sin, a major sin. Unfortunately in our society, it's cheaper than pure water. Inna lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi Roji'uun

wa alaykum salam, I'm good.
True talk.

What a very nice thread, i witnessed so many nasty divorce cases on this issue of virginity and the women are always at the receiving end. Smh for the men.

May Allah SWT guide us unto the right path.

carinmom:
What a very nice thread, i witnessed so many nasty divorce cases on this issue of virginity and the women are always at the receiving end. Smh for the men.

May Allah SWT guide us unto the right path.

Aameen.

But the women have to be truthful from the first time. I believe if the brother truly loves her he will go ahead if he's sure that she has repented from her past.

However, if the brother decides to discontinue the process because of virginity alone, he shouldn't be blamed.
But once he continues with the process, he shouldn't ever make the mistake of making her feel incomplete or inferior because of her status.

Newnas:


Aameen.

But the women have to be truthful from the first time. I believe if the brother truly loves her he will go ahead if he's sure that she has repented from her past.

However, if the brother decides to discontinue the process because of virginity alone, he shouldn't be blamed.
But once he continues with the process, he shouldn't ever make the mistake of making her feel incomplete or inferior because of her status.

You are right this same thing happened to someone i know, the brother asked her virginity status before the wedding and the sister was truthful to him that she wasn't a Virgin, but that didn't stop him from marrying her because of the genuine love he had for her and he was convinced of her repentance, now they have 2 kids together.
If some muslim men could be like this brother i think issues like this would be of no significance in marriages.

But both muslim brothers and sisters should strive to be righteous and stay far away from fornication.

May Allah SWT guide us aright.

carinmom:
What a very nice thread, i witnessed so many nasty divorce cases on this issue of virginity and the women are always at the receiving end. Smh for the men.

May Allah SWT guide us unto the right path.

Ameen...but I personally don't see anything wrong in seeking your spouse to be a virgin..in my view,majority who want this is basically due to what our society has turned to because if a brother can be chastity for a longer time like for three decades or more... he too will definitely intend to go for his like so that he might not be felt cheated ..though spirituality and piety should be the most considered priority but there's absolute nothing wrong with a VIRGIN VS VIRGIN nikkah!!!

baba11:


Ameen...but I personally don't see anything wrong in seeking your spouse to be a virgin..in my view,majority who want this is basically due to what our society has turned to because if a brother can be chastity for a longer time like for three decades or more... he too will definitely intend to go for his like so that he might not be felt cheated ..though spirituality and piety should be the most considered priority but there's absolute nothing wrong with a VIRGIN VS VIRGIN nikkah!!!

There's nothing wrong in seeking a virgin, in fact the sunnah encourages it.

However, this should not derail one from the primary attributes for marriage and that is Uprightness in Deen and pure aqeedah.

This should also not lead to stigmatization of repented women.

How many men are actually virgins sef?!

Newnas:


There's nothing wrong in seeking a virgin, in fact the sunnah encourages it.

However, this should not derail one from the primary attributes for marriage and that is Uprightness in Deen and pure aqeedah.

This should also not lead to stigmatization of repented women.

How many men are actually virgins sef?!

I concur with you..well, only virgin is suitable for virgin!

baba11:


Ameen...but I personally don't see anything wrong in seeking your spouse to be a virgin..in my view,majority who want this is basically due to what our society has turned to because if a brother can be chastity for a longer time like for three decades or more... he too will definitely intend to go for his like so that he might not be felt cheated ..though spirituality and piety should be the most considered priority but there's absolute nothing wrong with a VIRGIN VS VIRGIN nikkah!!!

I understand the point you are trying to make, there is absolutely nothing wrong in having preference for a virgin, because its one of the signs of piety.

But you have to also consider the fact that not all virgins are God fearing and there are non virgins that become pious women after repentance. "Innallaha yuhibbuttauwabina, wa yuhibbul mutadahhirin".

carinmom:

I understand the point you are trying to make, there is absolutely nothing wrong in having preference for a virgin, because its one of the signs of piety.

But you have to also consider the fact that not all virgins are God fearing and there are non virgins that become pious women after repentance. "Innallaha yuhibbuttauwabina, wa yuhibbul mutadahhirin.

I AGREE WITH THE BOLDED!!!!!!

Entertainment industries contributed BIG TIME.

They are now employing a new strategy by portraying religious ladies (christians or muslims) in a malicious way. Well dressed and go around with her Bible around her arm but yet, she fornicates when no one is looking. She is highly regarded by parents as "their future", "obedient", "cool and God-fearing". But to their surprise she eventually gets pregnant by hoodrat.

In the same industries, they portray half n/ked ladies as wild, drunk, party girls, hangout with different men, lousy at her parents, go out late night, smoke all types of weeds and cracks. But at the end, her parents and boyfriend find out she is a virgin. See the trick?.

This is clear misguidance.

So entertainment industries are the foundations of this new Age atrocities.

Empiree:
Entertainment industries contributed BIG TIME.

They are now employing a new strategy by portraying religious ladies (christians or muslims) in a malicious way. Well dressed and go around with her Bible around her arm but yet, she fornicates when no one is looking. She is highly regarded by parents as "their future", "obedient", "cool and God-fearing". But to their surprise she eventually gets pregnant by hoodrat.

In the same industries, they portray half n/ked ladies as wild, drunk, party girls, hangout with different men, lousy at her parents, go out late night, smoke all types of weeds and cracks. But at the end, her parents and boyfriend find out she is a virgin. See the trick?.


This is clear misguidance.

So entertainment industries are the foundations of this new age atrocities.

The entertainment industry and the church are the two worst institutions in this country.
Every other evil follows their lead

baba11:
I concur with you..well, only virgin is suitable for virgin!

i do not concur with that arrangement. not totally. its good enuf yeah. but its not the yardstick. what is the yardstick is that THE PIOUS SHUD MARRY THE PIOUS. not being a virgin isnt a true test of impiety

babylolaroy:




i do not concur with that arrangement. not totally. its good enuf yeah. but its not the yardstick. what is the yardstick is that THE PIOUS SHUD MARRY THE PIOUS. not being a virgin isnt a true test of impiety

True talk.

babylolaroy:




i do not concur with that arrangement. not totally. its good enuf yeah. but its not the yardstick. what is the yardstick is that THE PIOUS SHUD MARRY THE PIOUS. not being a virgin isnt a true test of impiety

Assalam alaykum sis, how have u been?

What you say there is true, but if a man has not had previous experience, psychologically, it is better if he marries a woman with no previous experience. For a man to forget his wife's sexual history is difficult, especially if he himself has no such past. He will always think "is she comparing me to them? Am I better or worse? " Many Muslim men have explained that this is the reason that they cannot even marry a previously married woman. When the woman's previous experience(s) is/are as a result of zina, you can add trust issues to that insecurity... "if she could do it before, she can do it again", and the popular belief that a woman never forgets her first experience. It is enough to wreck many marriages, unless the man is self-assured enough to ignore it. I personally will not advice most Muslim men to marry a woman with a past, for their own peace of mind.

Farmerforlife:


Assalam alaykum sis, how have u been?

What you say there is true, but if a man has not had previous experience, psychologically, it is better if he marries a woman with no previous experience. For a man to forget his wife's sexual history is difficult, especially if he himself has no such past. He will always think "is she comparing me to them? Am I better or worse? " Many Muslim men have explained that this is the reason that they cannot even marry a previously married woman. When the woman's previous experience(s) is/are as a result of zina, you can add trust issues to that insecurity... "if she could do it before, she can do it again", and the popular belief that a woman never forgets her first experience. It is enough to wreck many marriages, unless the man is self-assured enough to ignore it. I personally will not advice most Muslim men to marry a woman with a past, for their own peace of mind.

There's some truth in your post but it would be better for you not to generalise.

Newnas:


There's some truth in your post but it would be better for you not to generalise.

I am not. I did use the word 'most'. Some Muslim men can take it. Jazakum Allah khayran for the advice.

Farmerforlife:


I am not. I did use the word 'most'. Some Muslim men can take it. Jazakum Allah khayran for the advice.

na'am, Aameen wa iyyaak

Farmerforlife:


Assalam alaykum sis, how have u been?

What you say there is true, but if a man has not had previous experience, psychologically, it is better if he marries a woman with no previous experience. For a man to forget his wife's sexual history is difficult, especially if he himself has no such past. He will always think "is she comparing me to them? Am I better or worse? " Many Muslim men have explained that this is the reason that they cannot even marry a previously married woman. When the woman's previous experience(s) is/are as a result of zina, you can add trust issues to that insecurity... "if she could do it before, she can do it again", and the popular belief that a woman never forgets her first experience. It is enough to wreck many marriages, unless the man is self-assured enough to ignore it. I personally will not advice most Muslim men to marry a woman with a past, for their own peace of mind.

Allahu ta'ala a'lam. May He forgive those that have sinned this and have mercy on all. You are not wrong too. There seems to be multiple faces to the coin

Farmerforlife:


Assalam alaykum sis, how have u been?

What you say there is true, but if a man has not had previous experience, psychologically, it is better if he marries a woman with no previous experience. For a man to forget his wife's sexual history is difficult, especially if he himself has no such past. He will always think "is she comparing me to them? Am I better or worse? " Many Muslim men have explained that this is the reason that they cannot even marry a previously married woman. When the woman's previous experience(s) is/are as a result of zina, you can add trust issues to that insecurity... "if she could do it before, she can do it again", and the popular belief that a woman never forgets her first experience. It is enough to wreck many marriages, unless the man is self-assured enough to ignore it. I personally will not advice most Muslim men to marry a woman with a past, for their own peace of mind.

I agree with you.. in addendum to that, may Allah give us best of spouse!!!