My dear, its good that you are seeking advice. But if may say, the advice of the people here will be mixed and varied. why dont you see a counsellor. If you wish, you might write to counselling@deeplookers.com. A qualified counsellor will attend to your issue. I say this with respect to all the mature minds here on nairaland. But we all know there are some that will not be described as mature enough

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

Please why seeking for advice when u summarized all by ( We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met )

to err is human, since himself was never aware of this.

Eketem:
1. Your emotions and fears are valid don't let anyone downplay it for you or force you to automatically accept this and act happy

2. You have been through a lot with conception so it is a shock to find this out

3. Don't rush into trying to be her mother, even your husband cannot automatically become her father, you guys are just getting to know each other, she has her own mother the best you can do is get to know her as she is and as you are no pretence.

4. Extend the basic decency and fairness in relating to her, don’t be rude or project your insecurity on her. Be calm let whatever relationship you would have with her naturally develop

5. She is coming to meet her father not to snatch your husband or too make her mother marry your husband, you are his wife she is his daughter there is no competition

6. I wish you the best. The worst thing you can do at the point is suppress your hurt and pretend. It would burst one day

There's so much wisdom in this post. I like your line of thought.

LuvU2:
What is ur conscience telling u?

Is that what you would say in court or when arguing in front of family members? Conscience my foot!

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

Hello Temilola01, can you please email me at kristyshealthandbeautystore@gmail.com? I'd like to discuss something with you.

pls don't use this to determine if ur marriage should move on or end, what happened is not his fault, it's one of those mistakes we man make. marriage is a beautiful thing, keep on believing coze one day u'll have coze to smile.

My advice, take her,love her and treat her like ur daughter. When urs comes it will be a big happy family. Don't let fear of the unknown make u destroy your home with your hands..he is never going to marry the girls mother again, he will only love his daughter and don't feel bad about the love he will give her cos he will try to make up for all the years they have been apart. When you do all these,ur home will forever be urs.

Temilola01:
I really need people's advice on how to handle this, as the next few weeks will either break or make my marriage stronger. My husband and I have been married for 5yrs now but we have been together for 11yrs. We have been through so much together, ivf procedures, miscarriages, failed businesses and the usual ups and downs in every relationship. He came to me last night after discovering he has an 18yr daughter who he has never met or did not know till yesterday. We are still waiting on God. Although this was before we met but does not make it less of a blow. I want him to do right by his daughter but I also fear for my marriage. I only just learnt about this literally 8hrs ago so I'm in shock and still trying to wrap my head around it. I need people's unbiased advice. Thank you everyone.

misspicy:

I don't want to read meaning to this but I can't help it


your point

He meant that the daughter will soon marry and leave the house where as the son will become a landlord

Decibel:

He meant that the daughter will soon marry and leave the house where as the son will become a landlord

I hope you know females now have a right to inheritance and even if the father doesn't leave anything for her she can still take the case to court if she can prove that she is his legitimate child and she will definitely win as it is in our constitution that no one should be discriminated against based on gender or any other factor.

This law was signed into act sometime in May 2015 and since then many females have won cases of inheritance. She will definitely win. The OP' fears are valid. I will personally find this situation hard to deal with, Chai.

Pidggin:


I hope you know females now have a right to inheritance and even if the father doesn't leave anything for her she can still take the case to court if she can prove that she is his legitimate child and she will definitely win as it is in our constitution that no one should be discriminated against based on gender or any other factor.

This law was signed into act sometime in May 2015 and since then many females have won cases of inheritance. She will definitely win. The OP' fears are valid. I will personally find this situation hard to deal with, Chai.

It's not about inheritance but freedom from antagonist. The woman will be married off while she will be seeing the boy around.

Decibel:

It's not about inheritance but freedom from antagonist. The woman will be married off while she will be seeing the boy around.

How do you know, is it every woman that is married and does it mean she will abandon her father after marriage? Which one is married off na, abi your mother doesn't associate with her family members because she is married or what?

Life is not like that o lol, she will still identify with her own family members na

Pidggin:


How do you know, is it every woman that is married and does it mean she will abandon her father after marriage? Which one is married off na, abi your mother doesn't associate with her family members because she is married or what?

Life is not like that o lol, she will still identify with her own family members na

You still don't get. If she marries her coming to the family will be limited and not 'frequent' or staying in the family house. But the only thing now is the tribe in question.

Decibel:

You still don't get. If she marries her coming to the family will be limited and not 'frequent' or staying in the family house. But the only thing now is the tribe in question.

No I don't get it. Take care

Lol. You can to Nairaland to seek opinion, you're funny o

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate. It has been hard but i'm in a much better head space now. I came here to get other poeple's opinion on this matter because I did not want to be clouded by my emotions and make a wrong decision. My husband and I are working on our relationship, our lawyer has also written them requesting a DNA they are yet to revert. I'm thankful to God, my family, my in laws (they have been nothing but supportive) and most importantly everyone who has taken time out to offer a sincer advice; you may not know how much each comment/advice helped and lifted me up. I was hurting so bad. Thank you.

KanwuliaExtra:
*sighs*

Ermmmmm

OP dia?

One question please.

Besides this husband and this marriage, what else do you do with your life?

Thanks.

I do run two very successful businesses.

Eketem:
1. Your emotions and fears are valid don't let anyone downplay it for you or force you to automatically accept this and act happy

2. You have been through a lot with conception so it is a shock to find this out

3. Don't rush into trying to be her mother, even your husband cannot automatically become her father, you guys are just getting to know each other, she has her own mother the best you can do is get to know her as she is and as you are no pretence.

4. Extend the basic decency and fairness in relating to her, don’t be rude or project your insecurity on her. Be calm let whatever relationship you would have with her naturally develop

5. She is coming to meet her father not to snatch your husband or too make her mother marry your husband, you are his wife she is his daughter there is no competition

6. I wish you the best. The worst thing you can do at the point is suppress your hurt and pretend. It would burst one day

Thank you. God bless you.

I am going through a very similar situation and am still struggling. My husband wants to do the right thing but doesn't know what that is... he says he wants to get to know her but does not know how often their contact will be or what their relationship will look like. I'm afraid of how our lives and marriage may change and I'm stuck feeling selfish and insecure. I don't like it and am trying to be a better person. I'd love to hear how you are dealing with it. Please feel free to email me- seek_elevation@yahoo.com

Emilly2016:
I am going through a very similar situation and am still struggling. My husband wants to do the right thing but doesn't know what that is... he says he wants to get to know her but does not know how often their contact will be or what their relationship will look like. I'm afraid of how our lives and marriage may change and I'm stuck feeling selfish and insecure. I don't like it and am trying to be a better person. I'd love to hear how you are dealing with it. Please feel free to email me- seek_elevation@yahoo.com

419 How many times you wanna post this?.

How do you have an 18-year-old daughter without knowing?