Hubby and i got into a brief convo but had no resolution. You know many don't know until they probably hear other opinions.
My hubby is a zero domestic helping person as in he can't help you with anything chores, it's so not a part of him. I met him that way; he doesn't do dishes, he doesn't do laundry, he doesn't do cleaning. Infact his underwear am now wondrring who washes them when he was single, i fear it was his mum. So When it comes to chores forget my hubby and I knew this before i got married so i made up my mind i would just get a maid to ease my life. And that I did when my second child clocked 1year, I couldn't go on. Cause the first 3years of my life was just me, even while I was preggy for my second son I forced myself to be strong cause I knew it will be left undone if I didn't, or he would ask me to call his mum to come and help me and that I really didn't dig, it as bad as even when one of my kids fell ill and i needed help with the other. the first thing he does is call his mum to come over and take care of our kid. Didn't like all this before but I noticed to get more peace and NO argument I should just concur. Thats hubby weakness; the chores; but his strength he provides EVERYTHING; I mean EVERYTHING, from kids needs to MY own needs to his mum's needs to external relative needs,. He is a very wonderful giver, kind hearted fellow. The financial aspect of the house he handles it WELL; so i make sure i handle him and the house chores too WELL, yes I work; i run a mini creche that is still growing; the monies aren't heavy yet, the monies I make basically go into the creche's bill and just little home miscellaneous. Now hubby's job can also be tedious, he can be on his laptop working from the beginning of the day till 3am the following day And that's like enough reason for me to understand my hubby's zero to helping with chores.
Now recently I haven't had a maid so have been under so much pressure with chores and my business place. Having to clean, cook, take care of the kids, put things in place at my work and many more has not being so easy but am not complaining, am good, but someone is complaining and that's my Hubby, He says I drop my wig(hair) @ the wrong place, and drop my kids towels at the wrong place after giving them both their bath and some other little details.
So I was trying to explain to him tonight that he needs to chill on me, when i had a maid it wasn't like that,however it's not always like this just once a while. but now am so over whelmed, for instance as I returned ffrom work fagged out and tired, on my way back i had branched the market to get stuffs for dinner; as I got home I just dropped my bag on the floor,removed my wig on the chair and went on cooking, while I was cooking the gas finished, I stepped out again with my two sleeping children to get gas only then again i realised I didn't hold my phone to make a transfer, I drove back home again to pick up when phone, just then my second son began to cry of hunger, I quickly fed him; thank goodness while feeding him hubby came to my rescue and went to pick up the gas; so I started doing the dirty dishes we used in the morning, as he returned with the gas i quickly completed my cooking, while hubby was waiting for dinner he observed my wig was on the couch; and I nicely explained to him that i would still clean the living room and have it all cleared once am done. But he didn't understand
But hey guys I said something to him that he disagreed with, I said he could actually be helping me with my wig by just putting it inside the room, help me replace the kids towel;you know if thats all he can hell with to ease my life. And he said " as long as am the one paying all the bills then do all your chores yourself" i agreed with him to a certain extent but I only asked for a little help of removing what my tiredness made me forget instead of complaining soo much.Even God knows once the money starts coming into my business I will make sure I ease him of all the stress, but even if I pay bills too the truth is he isn't a domestic helping person so am sure it's not about the bills I don't pay and am sure he doesn't even have plans on helping me wiv chores not now or in the nearest future. So dear NL is it too much to ask him to at least stop complaining so much about my Little mistakes and just cut me a slack since it's me that will still clean the house after all. My maid isnt going to be available till march so till then i need you all to help me beg hubby to stop complaining, am doing my best and I will keep doing my best but am not too sure i won't forget again and drop my wig on the couch tomorrow or next and I bet once am done with my chores I will fix all the mess i made. Goodmorning y'all

Asking him to help out is not even close to expecting miracle, you are expecting a magic...abracadabra.

He was like that before you married him and you didn't for once voice your concern about it. You accepted to marry him like that and now you want him to change overnight?

It's going to take a lot of patience and effective communication from your end.

He is probably holding you to a standard, my mom for instance use to take care of the house, and children of my elder siblings, cooking, cleaning, taking them to school, sure she didn't work but she didn't have a maid plus she was a church treasurer, so she was practically involved in every church sitting at spontaneous times. She rarely complained or did anything shabbily, if has seen it done he won't be sympathetic to your case. Your efforts may appear as a deliberate way to rope him into sharing your half of the responsibilities you have judicated yourselves.

Pick a wig today, carry garbage tomorrow, or diapers or... that's how these things start, once the line is crossed there is no "reasonable" reason not to do the other and he knows it so he is standing his ground.

Bottom line: don't start this, it won't end well, besides its trivial(not too trivial to start something bigger though), just ask him to more patient and work on being more tidy.

I couldn't help but feel compassion for you while I read. Since you understood what you were getting into, I can only wish you more power to do what is necessary.
Plus I don't think it's asking to much to appeal to him.

House helps have made women of this era too lazy and disorganised. All i do is ponder on how our mothers were able to manage as many kids as 8/11 without maids?.

Since you know what your husband is like, it would be nice if you plan your activities nicely, is not about contributing financially to the running of your home cos i suppose he isn't interested in your money but for you to keep a decent home, which could be achieved by proper organisation, though, he should help with minor things like: be with the kids while you're doing your chores when is most pressing and he's free.

Just do what you can do. House work especially with young children is an ongoing process. It never stops because the children will always scatter and pour things on the floor.
A housewife's job is not 8-5 like the regular job, but its a 24hour job.
Its not as easy as most people want to think. Even the mothers of old always had a sister or a relative staying with them to assist in the house chores. Most of us grew up with aunties and uncles who lived with us. Very few people can say they lived alone with only their parents while growing up, so don't let anyone make you feel as if you're lazy or whatever. Don't do more than your power. When its time to rest, do so. When you need help with childcare, let your husband know as the children are not only yours. If his mother has to come to assist, well let her. When the children grow up to only know their mother and their grandmother, he should not complain.
Don't let anyone downplay your role in the home. If you're in a rush to drop the kids off at the school or creche and towels are lying about, then so be it. The sky will not fall, neither will the earth stop revolving round the sun.
Being the house wife of a rich man is absolutely awesome because you don't have to do anything. You have a cook, driver, nanny and some maids.
However being a housewife to a regular Joe is serious hard work. They seem to even work harder than those going out to earn money. Its a pity they are underappreciated.
They only begin to get some respite when the children are older like 9 years or so.
Even at that, you still have to wash their clothes for them, or at least supervise them and their chores.

Benita27:
House helps have made women of this era too lazy and disorganised. All i do is ponder on how our mothers were able to manage as many kids as 8/11 without maids?.

Since you know what your husband is like, it would be nice if you plan your activities nicely, is not about contributing financially to the running of your home cos i suppose he isn't interested in your money but for you to keep a decent home, which could be achieved by proper organisation, though, he should help with minor things like: be with the kids while you're doing your chores when is most pressing and he's free.

Really?

Anyway as per the bolded, this isn't true. Our mothers generation had help always. There is a cousin, aunty , uncle living with them to help them. Sometimes from the very day they got married. Stop trying to make the Op and ladies feel bad.

jokepearl:


Really?

Anyway as per the bolded, this isn't true. Our mothers generation had help always. There is a cousin, aunty , uncle living with them to help them. Sometimes from the very day they got married. Stop trying to make the Op and ladies feel bad.

Lol. Cousins and aunty indeed, there are modern women who have never asked for the aid of a helper and were able to groom their kids, is not like all women must need a maid...it's all about organization, my intent wasn't to make women or the op feel bad.

endure till your maid comes back in march. cos I don't see what advice you want here.
He isn't that type to do chores, you knew and you accepted
you have talked to him about it and he doesn't care.

okay, get someone who can come clean for you maybe 3 times a week to relieve you of some chores.

Since is his lifestyle which you vividly know before you guys got married, my dear you are asking too much for telling him to change into what he is not

Benita27:
House helps have made women of this era too lazy and disorganised. All i do is ponder on how our mothers were able to manage as many kids as 8/11 without maids?.

Since you know what your husband is like, it would be nice if you plan your activities nicely, is not about contributing financially to the running of your home cos i suppose he isn't interested in your money but for you to keep a decent home, which could be achieved by proper organisation, though, he should help with minor things like: be with the kids while you're doing your chores when is most pressing and he's free.

It's certainly easier to sit on the sidelines and judge!

Once
You've walked in the OP's shoes you wil appreciate the efforts it takes to run a home with children ie toddlers with or without a full time job!

Though achievable it's certainly an uphill task! I find from experience that wives whose husbands treat them well- sexually, financially and so on usually have a better grip of these things!

God help us all!

Truelies2017- check google for home management checklists and routines that may help to ease all the pressure

This too shall pass!!!!

Truelies2017:
Hubby and i got into a brief convo but had no resolution. You know many don't know until they probably hear other opinions.
the couch tomorrow or next and I bet once am done with my chores I will fix all the mess i made. Goodmorning y'all

Problem with 21st century marriages. I always laugh at people who try to implement absolute traditional roles in modern day marriage. Some women say it is the sole responsibility of the man to provide for the family, while hers is to the kids and kitchen, all because she wants absolute financial security. Truth is, your husband has played into that role and therefore, doesn't really respect you for obvious reasons. In reality, this is an eye-opener, showing the importance of communication and flexibility in marriages. I personally won't expect my wife to be struggling alone with work, baby, kids, chores, cooking, while I relax all because I am a man who pays the bills. Same way, I expect women to always contribute financially to the running of the home... The financial needs of today's marriages are significantly more than that of the past. It also gives more respect to the woman.