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There Will Be Sex In Heaven! / Zimbabwean Pastor, Tito, Arrested For Selling Tickets To Heaven For $500 Each / RCCG Pastor Mike Nwanegbo: "God Banned Friend’s Wife From Heaven Over Tithe" (2) (3) (4)
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 9:41pm On Mar 14, 2017 |
bennyann: FSM is the one true God Pastafarianism is the one true religion if you become a Pastafarian, you'll be entitled to a beer volcano and stripper factory in afterlife; compare that to the 2 other lesser gods 1 Yahweh promises "eternal bliss" and you'll be singing forever in the mansion a carpenter builds for you, a mansion without sex *spits* 2 Allah promises 72 Virgins which look good on the surface but deeper look shows that strippers are much better than virgins when it comes to sex and you can order virgin strippers from your factory if you want extra tightness; females can order male strippers too accept FSM into your life today, there's enough beer volcanoes and stripper factories to go round www.nairaland.com/attachments/4327730_2q1_jpegeb0b21478bf281b81c9999bda10ca502 www.nairaland.com/attachments/4327731_9k_jpegd2ea285a44370bbeb61d265f939b44f7 www.nairaland.com/attachments/4327732_bzhb6cn3nu5laaaaaelftksuqmcc_pngd0a974f772092fc28712e926416e267a 1 Like |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by delishpot: 10:54pm On Mar 14, 2017 |
Depends on which heaven o. Muslim heaven bed is a must have. They look forward to having beds everywhere for the special promise made unto their men Their heaven is gender biased tho. The women get to face the horrors of first time penetrations for eternity. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by shadeyinka(m): 11:21pm On Mar 14, 2017 |
akintom: You are doing all within your intellectual limitation to sustain your faith that God couldnt have existed. Pls go on. So insecure! You'll find out the real answer soon enough. Till then keep struggling to convince yourself against your spirit. Pastor Akintom |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 6:05am On Mar 15, 2017 |
Pastafarian: Beer and sex? Can you imagine? Is that all? Like so you also worship sex? When the desires of the flesh is used to draw your attention, that's when you should be very careful and wise. You and fsm |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 6:45am On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: desires of the flesh? what does that even mean to a Pastafarian? The one true God has promised us those things in afterlife and that's the goal, call it anything you like, doesn't change the fact that this is the most sensible of all afterlife promises |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 7:20am On Mar 15, 2017 |
Pastafarian: The most sensible of all? Gosh! only because of beer and sex? Brother Hope, this thread makes me see you all in a different way. First of all I never knew fsm was so real to you until now. I thought it's all for the jokes. Have you ever thought of it this way? That the sex you're expecting as your reward will not be when, how and as you want it? I mean to say when sex is promised in the after life, it means your manhood will suffer because you won't be the one in control. Sex in the afterlife is a kind of punishment you will not hunger for when you've witnessed it. You have no idea who the strippers are you're talking about. You even have no idea of the kind of beer you're happy about now. Be careful of things that looks attractive on the outside. I do not doubt they will give you the sex when you get there but you will be the one begging for freedom because of how used you'll be. Not all that glitters are gold..... Think about how the promising of attractive goodies to our earthly mind are really stressed or emphasized when it comes to paradises except that of Christianity... Please think.... Don't they all sound fishy? Is that not how 419s trap their victims? What if in your afterlife, you realize your true self despise such promises.. Of what value will they be then? Because definitely you won't be the same person then as you are now. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 9:41am On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: not because of beer and sex, its because there are proof that FSM is the true God, I've got those proof and I'll serve them to you if you want |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by skeendyke: 4:24pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
BennyAnn, but for your mention I would have totally ignored this thread. Reeks of nauseating ignorance and delusion from the Op and his likes. I don't know how you breathe under such odious atmosphere but I admire your tenacity to reach them. Hope you are good. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 5:14pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Pastafarian: Ok. I'm all eyes. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 5:16pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
skeendyke: Skeendyke you ehn. And I'm very fine thank you. I won't ask how you're doing cos it will take you one month to respond |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 5:17pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the one true God and below are just some of the proof 1. The planets are shaped like Meatballs, Only FSM can delightfully create the planets with such a shape 2. The Human DNA is shaped like Pasta, oy FSM can have delight in creating DNA in such shape too 3. He boiled for our sins, what sacrifice could be greater? 4. There was a time I doubted the existence of FSM, so I decided to go down on my knees and pray to him, telling him to reveal himself to me; after a long prayer and apparently no sign, I decided that FSM isn't real after all; so I took out my headphone from my pocket to watch some videos on my Ipad, lo and behold below is the shape the headphone took 5. he manifested himself to a group of divers underwater http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2015/08/13/diving-team-discovers-flying-spaghetti-monster-underwater/ a definitive answer as to the existence of the spaghetti monster. That's more than any of the other religions have as evidence. He's gone to great depths to convince us. 6. pastors are leaving Christianity for Pastafarianism, example http://www.patheos.com/blogs/chorusinthechaos/mans-faith-completely-undone-due-to-flying-spaghetti-monster-argument/ 7. FSM also showed himself to people over 3000 years ago www.nairaland.com/attachments/4326788_l4f7lhdtobvxsn4un9oexdogj1lmmnzf1t5cxdchbu_jpegdfb51901474c34ae6d4a68a956d05abe his noodliness touch our everyday lives The claim that the above is a 3200 year old typo is preposterous. According to an expert, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is actually the "Son of Ra" the god of the sun and way older than these upstart "sons of god"/prophets from just a couple thousand years ago or less. Two meatballs, spaghetti, bowl...obvious. 8. FSM was sighted off the Angolan coast Reputable science magazine New Scientist reports that the FSM has been spotted off the Angolan coast 9. FSM was sighted on Mars NASA released this photo of a “mystery object” on Mars spotted a few days ago. No official word on what it may be, but clearly resembles the FSM. 10. FSM spotted this Japanese manhole cover. 11. FSM was spotted at the Olympics helping an athlete win 12. FSM was also spotted at a Pizzeria in Paris 13. FSM also revealed himself in an art spotted the FSM at the Crocker Museum in Sacramento. Though He is short one meatball in this apparition we still recognized Him by His Noodly Appendages. Ramen! 14. sighting of the FSM’s Noodly Appendages in the surf in California. 15. Party Girl Jewelry Sighting Basking in the florescent glow of the grocery store pasta aisle, the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s Noodley appendages shimmered like diamonds. as we can see, he's revealing himself to people on daily basis Is the FSM material, i.e. made of matter, i.e. made of sphagetti? Or is the spaghetti part a metaphor and actually the FSM is Pure Act in the Aristotelian sense? Or are both true at once? These mysteries are so deep, I don't have enough faith to deny the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The more you read about us the more you're going to be persuaded that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the true Creator and that FSMism just might be the Best. Religion. Ever. Go ahead. Try us for thirty days. If you don't like us, your old religion will most likely take you back. Unless it's the Jains, whose feelings are easily hurt. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 5:25pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Pastafarian, like seriously Are you for real? Na spaghetti or indomie you dey worship? This is serious.... |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 5:27pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: blasphemy!!! the name is Flying Spaghetti Monster always spell his holy name correctly to prevent his holy anger from descending on you |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 5:34pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Pastafarian: Ok, sorry. 'Monster' is even attached to its name And it's through the Monster you will get your strippers or virgins.. .. So this is why you hate Christianity? Because of FSM? |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 5:36pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Akintom where are you ooo. If you don't want the Christian heaven, the one of FSM is waiting for you oo Where has akintom gone too now? |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 5:40pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: No! FSM is not a jealous god, Christians can be Pastafarians too; such a Christian just has to believe he exists FSM doesn't have self esteem issues like Yahweh, Allah et al and I don't hate Christianity, I poke holes in the Christian god idea; you might think that's hate but I don't see it as hate from here |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 5:40pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
I still can't believe my eyes hopefullandlord. So you being in the level of FSM is for real, it's not even a joke. God have mercy. Brother Hope, God will see us through OK... It is well. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 5:44pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Pastafarian: They don't have to believe in its existence since you have the proof. All you have to do is show them some handful of boiled spaghetti around meat balls, right? |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 5:45pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann:
|
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Wilgrea7(m): 6:11pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: the fsm is a way people use to mock Christianity.. no Nigerian believes that... every post about fsm has a parallel in Christianity which its trying to mock |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 6:43pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Wilgrea7: silly me. Thanks Wilgrea7 I was wondering the kind of atheist he is. But I wouldn't be surprised to hear some seriously take that thing as their god. Pastafarian Well-done ooo. May God save your soul. Hope you're done having your fun? Silly you.. And you had nothing to joke with but beer and sex.. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by bennyann: 6:46pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Please, someone should call out akintom for me. I'm missing him oo and I want to know about when he was a Pastor. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Pastafarian: 7:04pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: Hehehehehehehehe |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by akintom(m): 9:04pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann: Hmmm..... After i had typed a comprehensive resume of my spiritual voyage yesterday, the spam door locked me out (the reason that i am not understanding sha). I just found the key now. I can't go over the typing again. The summary is that i was at different times secretary and president of the apostolic students fellowship of Nigeria (TACSFON), at Unilag/Medilag. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by akintom(m): 9:20pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
bennyann:The FSM is real, and my brother in pastafarianism just presented you the myriads of robust, substantial, verifiable and reproducible evidence, of FSM existence. Heaven is real in the kingdom of our FSM, we shall appear with all our tools for pleasure in our heaven. Lots to drink (am not a doer) and lots of angelic species to swim with (i don't do badly in this). If you miss our heaven, you miss all things. |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by jonbellion(m): 9:50pm On Mar 15, 2017 |
Pastafarian:lmaoooooooo Murder oo |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Nobody: 4:24pm On Jul 18, 2017 |
Please shift this to comedy section. Thanks |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by Niflheim(m): 5:18pm On Aug 21, 2017 |
@akintom, The christian heaven sounds like a home for "super lunatics"!!! 1 Like |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by akintom(m): 5:47pm On Aug 21, 2017 |
Niflheim:Kikikikikikiki |
Re: Things You Wouldn't Need In Heaven by akintom(m): 5:47pm On Aug 21, 2017 |
Niflheim:Kikikikikikiki 1 Like |
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