₦airaland Forum

Toks2008:
Before you all begin to wonder what I'm up to this time I would like to state clearly that Polygamy is a matter of choice and I'm not promoting polygamy
but i want us to have an unbiased and non hypocritical down to earth discussion about this deep and sensitive one man one wife concept.

Everyday we see series of prewedding pics,we see pics of a happily married lady with her husband and lovely children and we see ladies gush over their significant other not forgetting those who will threaten fire and brimstone if their hubby ever imagine the possibility of a second wife but I want these ladies to wait and think for a minute about that young widow who is faced with the challenges of being a single parent...about that innocent divorcee whose husband against all odds threw her out...about that mature unmarried single mum that keeps meeting unserious unmarried single men and about that unmarried lady who is probably in her 40s and have had series of heart break from callous single men....

Yes we know that the aforementioned set of ladies could still marry a never married single guy but except we want to fool each other we all know that in most cases if single guys have the choice to make,they would mostly go for single ladies with no child rather than a young widow with children,a young divorcee with children or a single mum.

The big question is "Who will marry this set of ladies? I know it will be easy for anyone to quickly say shebi there are widowers, male divorcees with children or even single guys who can still marry them but it is easier to say this if you are not in their shoes.

No matter how hard some people go against polygamy,i strongly believe it is the answer to the prayers of some ladies but what can I say in a world where hypocrisy is a norm? a world where a man of 70 celebrates 40years monogamous wedding anniversary with one lady while keeping other children with different mothers outside the same marriage...and a crazy world where even the young married men who sing the "i love my my wife" lyrics will gladly keep side chics... oh I guess it's OK as long as these men are married to one lady...hmmmmm!

In my opinion I believe the one man one woman concept is flawed for many reasons...and it is a good thing Islam is not against it neither is the bible asides the "advice" given in the bible to General overseers to be husband of one wife.

Conclusively I would leave this topic open for discussion but when next you see a widow with children,a lady divorcee with children or a single mum finding solace in the hands of a married man,before you start judging just wait,close your eyes for a minute and put yourself in their position and ask yourself..."should i continue to wait for single men who hardly want to marry me?, should i remain celibate and continue to burn with passion?, should i just throw caution to the wind and allow different men take advantage of my condition by having flings with me?, or should i gladly allow a married man to have me as a wife as long as he has the finance to take care of his polygamous status?

And if you are a married lady reading this...please before you start lashing out at me,wait till you find yourself in such situations.

I don't know if this makes sense but I leave it open for you all to discuss.

My brother, women are something else.
There is a trend here in the east that will soon explode, many married women are living single in the name of my husband is in the abroad. Ask when since when has he left home, some as far back as ten years ago.
Am sure we all know what is happening to drug traffickers, many are dead, majority are in prison, thousands died in the desert. Now these women are fuxking anybody cos their hubby is nowhere to be found.
Easterners are the worst hit, we carry one man one wife for head in the name of Christianity. Majority of the priest and pastors have one wife but many baby mamas.
Women even prefer their husbands have side chicks than marry a second wife though they wouldn't admit openly.
We Igbo's need to see to cost of marriage, its driving men crazy and making our women become prostitutes. come to Owerri, Enugu, Umuahia and see all our single and youthful ladies now professional runs girls.
Am sure time will tell.

biggestbros:
My brother, women are something else.
There is a trend here in the east that will soon explode, many married women are living single in the name of my husband is in the abroad. Ask when since when has he left home, some as far back as ten years ago.
Am sure we all know what is happening to drug traffickers, many are dead, majority are in prison, thousands died in the desert. Now these women are fuxking anybody cos their hubby is nowhere to be found.
Easterners are the worst hit, we carry one man one wife for head in the name of Christianity. Majority of the priest and pastors have one wife but many baby mamas.
Women even prefer their husbands have side chicks than marry a second wife though they wouldn't admit openly.
We Igbo's need to see to cost of marriage, its driving men crazy and making our women become prostitutes. come to Owerri, Enugu, Umuahia and see all our single and youthful ladies now professional runs girls.
Am sure time will tell.

It is one reason most are not married. After doing runs girls in their youthful age, some at 30+ years now feel they are smart and give conditions on type of man they want to marry. When they start clocking 40+ years you see them desperate and wanting to become second wife to a successful married man, whose wife stood by him through thick and thin.

Toks2008:
Have you ever heard the word "objectivity"?

Why not discuss the subject matter and leave the sentimental bashing...use your common sense to discuss objectively.

You don't even know the meaning of the word you use , I'm not bashing you , I'm just stating what I think of you which isn't far from the truth. If you have the balls answer my question - Will you accept it if your wife has relationships outside your marriage with her sugar daddy/fuckboy/side boy ?

biggestbros:
My brother, women are something else.
There is a trend here in the east that will soon explode, many married women are living single in the name of my husband is in the abroad. Ask when since when has he left home, some as far back as ten years ago.
Am sure we all know what is happening to drug traffickers, many are dead, majority are in prison, thousands died in the desert. Now these women are fuxking anybody cos their hubby is nowhere to be found.
Easterners are the worst hit, we carry one man one wife for head in the name of Christianity. Majority of the priest and pastors have one wife but many baby mamas.
Women even prefer their husbands have side chicks than marry a second wife though they wouldn't admit openly.
We Igbo's need to see to cost of marriage, its driving men crazy and making our women become prostitutes. come to Owerri, Enugu, Umuahia and see all our single and youthful ladies now professional runs girls.
Am sure time will tell.

Hmmm!

I consider any young man whom marries a girl above 25yrs a big fool.

thoth:
I consider any young man whom marries a girl above 25yrs a big fool.

Why?

cococandy:
An avenue for justification of randiness. That's what this thread is.

More and more of you will end up like that man who died recently from hot water bath by his wife. And I won't waste my RIPs on you.

Pretending like you care about the widows' plight when you're just looking for extra Pusey to fvck.

If you're so touched so much, look for suffering families to help. Not this silly charade. Like any of you would ever do something for someone if there's nothing to gain from it.

Stupid.

abeg take free kiss, me loving u already

To me dis write up is TRASH.. u have a wife, den out of pity u marry a widow or a divorcee. N tomorrow wen u catches ur wife cheating, probably with a widower, hope you will tank her for pitying the lonely man n helping him out

limamintruth:
Trust me, it totally doesn't make sense. The usual crap from a promiscuous mind!

If not for the majority of our ladies' excessive choosy attitude, there should always be a man for every woman (whether divorcees, widows or whatever).

The 2006 census clearly showed that there are more males than females in Nigeria. So better stop looking for si.lly reasons to justify infidelity by the menfolk.

http://nigeria.opendataforafrica.org/xspplpb/nigeria-census

In 1991, males accounted for 50.04% and females 49.96% of the population (a male/female ratio of 1.001). The distribution in 2006 has males accounting for 51.21% and females,48.79%(a male/female ratio of 1.050).

And while the gradual dwindling of our country's female population as the years go by, is a thing of great concern (partly due to the usual oppression of the female gender in Nigeria & the general preferance to birth male children by Nigerian couples), the chauvinistic OP is here justifying rubbish.

This is the real issue right here. Women will be women but we will still say it.
Why is this never a problem in the basic North where there is always a man for every woman (whether divorcees, widows or whatever)? It is only in the 'sophisticated' South here that you have 7 slay women clamoring to be mistresses of one wealthy man when there are indeed more men than women. They perpetuate this hypergamy well into their middle age(again for the record, after being babymamas/divorced/widowed they still have options) and with the other mouth complain about being stigmatized by young men.

MostHated:
Actually, its about the number of marriageable males. More males are given birth to, but as they grow up, the fatality rate is higher amongst males for obvious reasons, so the number of marriageable ladies are more while we have more male kids...even amongst the lesser marriageable males, many do not want to marry because of the economic situation. Try browsing an analysis of Nigeria's population by ages of each gender and how many they are, and you'll see the cause of the problem.

P.S take note of the percentage of males to females in the age region of 20-39.

I disagree with your statistics, where did you get this from? I think the ratio of Nigerian women to men currently will be around 60:40.

Emac34:
it's realistic but not a must cos it depend mostly on the individual

so no side fling or chic

.

With all the ups and down female hormones, how can a man have two women? Or one man with many other side chics? African men dey try o...respect

BoboYekini:
This is the real issue right here. Women will be women but we will still say it.
Why is this never a problem in the basic North where there is always a man for every woman (whether divorcees, widows or whatever)? It is only in the 'sophisticated' South here that you have 7 slay women clamoring to be mistresses of one wealthy man when there are indeed more men than women. They perpetuate this hypergamy well into their middle age(again for the record, after being babymamas/divorced/widowed they still have options) and with the other mouth complain about being stigmatized by young men.

True. They waste time fighting to gain the attention of wealthy men who are unfortunately, few in number; While ignoring the relationship requests of responsible struggling guys (who coincidentally are in the majority) around them.
And that is where the problem lies.

Here in the North, the ladies are less concerned about the financial status of a man, compared to their Southern counterparts. The Son of a driver in my place of work got married to the daughter of a Snr. Lecturer of a foremost University in the NorthWest recently. The couple are both Students of the same Institution (while the groom doubles as a tailor). On the wedding day, the bride's dad gifted the couple a car & other things; and I was told at the time that they would be living in the mud house built by the groom with the support of his friends & family few months to the wedding. You can imagine having the daughter of a well-to-do Intellectual, agreeing to live in a mud house as wife to a struggling guy, the son of a driver. How many ladies in the South, under the same circumstances, can agree to such?
Well, it is a common practice here; & I believe that should be how things are done if we really want to address this 'no husband for the ladies' issue.

MostHated:
Actually, its about the number of marriageable males. More males are given birth to, but as they grow up, the fatality rate is higher amongst males for obvious reasons, so the number of marriageable ladies are more while we have more male kids...even amongst the lesser marriageable males, many do not want to marry because of the economic situation. Try browsing an analysis of Nigeria's population by ages of each gender and how many they are, and you'll see the cause of the problem.

P.S take note of the percentage of males to females in the age region of 20-39.

@40 - 49, men outnumber women and men would usually marty younger wives..

Like I said on another thread, nature is designed in such a way that people are desire marriage are enough to go round themselves.

If we are talking Christianity: Having more than one wife was never God"s plan.
God created Adam and Eve (not Eves);

He said a man will leave his parents & cleave to his wife... except if a marrried man is still joined to his parents while married, I don't see how a married man can cleave to another woman

The process of polygamy is adultery; a married man will think sexually of his intended (I am generous to assume that he doesn't sleep with her before the marriage.)

The baby mamas to Alhajis cannot honestly say that there were/are no younger men asking their hand in marriage. Most of them also have multiple men in their lives. Let us really practice one man one woman and see the true reflection of 'single' women left.

Except in special cases, no lady can say guys don't approach her... if he is her spec is now another discussion altogether.

I know someone who was in her late 40s/ early 50s, men were coming but they were either too poor, not willing to do big wedding, can't marry a widower with kids etc etc. This is just an example.

Some acclaimed 'single' ladies have different men for different purposes; bed warmer, emotional support, recharge card sender, handyman etc yet none of them is good enough for marriage and they desire it.

Since the OP is proposing men marry several wives to help single women, perhaps women i
China can also marry several men to help the single men there.

Toks2008:
Do you know how difficult it is to stay without sex expecially when you are already used to it?

I once met a lady whose husband traveled out of the country and four 4 freaking years she has not had sex...

She was practically begging me to just massage her body after I vehemently turned her sexual overturns down and you won't believe that at a stage I was starting "to feel sorru" for her but I stood my ground anyways...

Now this is a lady that is still married to a guy that might have gotten married in another country ....now imagine that lovely young widow with a child or two keeping to her self for years and we expect a 35year old widow to hold body till she grows old and dies...habba let's be fair in our reasoning.

I have seen many ladies who have threatened to kill their husbands over second wife wahala just for them to end up as a cuncubine of a married man after the untimely death of their husbands.

A lot of widows stay single because of self imposed, societal or family restrictions.

armyofone:
With all the ups and down female hormones, how can a man have two women? Or one man with many other side chics? African men dey try o...respect

When you marry one woman and have 5 other side chics and when you are married to 5 wives I wonder what the difference is.

bukatyne:
A lot of widows stay single because of self imposed, societal or family restrictions.

They stay single because they can't just be bothered about getting married again to continue the cycle of.slaving for a man especially dependent on how the previous marriage was.

Many of them have discrete relationships,men for bed warming,some for cash etc.Besides,they have children to raise,why complicate things ?

You find a few who are grateful the husband has been " called to glory",who were just there for financial purposes.
So different widows, different choices.

See Bianca,heheheheh will we say she's unmarried due to family pressure?

It is even funnier when I see posts implying they are celibate

bukatyne:
@40 - 49, men outnumber women and men would usually marty younger wives..

Like I said on another thread, nature is designed in such a way that people are desire marriage are enough to go round themselves.

If we are talking Christianity: Having more than one wife was never God"s plan.
God created Adam and Eve (not Eves);

He said a man will leave his parents & cleave to his wife... except if a marrried man is still joined to his parents while married, I don't see how a married man can cleave to another woman

The process of polygamy is adultery; a married man will think sexually of his intended (I am generous to assume that he doesn't sleep with her before the marriage.)

The baby mamas to Alhajis cannot honestly say that there were/are no younger men asking their hand in marriage. Most of them also have multiple men in their lives. Let us really practice one man one woman and see the true reflection of 'single' women left.

Except in special cases, no lady can say guys don't approach her... if he is her spec is now another discussion altogether.

I know someone who was in her late 40s/ early 50s, men were coming but they were either too poor, not willing to do big wedding, can't marry a widower with kids etc etc. This is just an example.

Some acclaimed 'single' ladies have different men for different purposes; bed warmer, emotional support, recharge card sender, handyman etc yet none of them is good enough for marriage and they desire it.

Since the OP is proposing men marry several wives to help single women, perhaps women i
China can also marry several men to help the single men there.

Ma'am, you too much Your posts are golden!

BoboYekini:
Ma'am, you too much Your posts are golden!

Thanks

yhemster:
I disagree with your statistics, where did you get this from? I think the ratio of Nigerian women to men currently will be around 60:40.

Which Nigeria?

Maybe 40 'okay' men to 60 women sha.

Jahblessme:
They stay single because they can't just be bothered about getting married again to continue the cycle of.slaving for a man especially dependent on how the previous marriage was.

Many of them have discrete relationships,men for bed warming,some for cash etc.Besides,they have children to raise,why complicate things ?

You find a few who are grateful the husband has been " called to glory",who were just there for financial purposes.
So different widows, different choices.

See Bianca,heheheheh will we say she's unmarried due to family pressure?

It is even funnier when I see posts implying they are celibate

As in...

For Bianca, I read somewhere that she will be disinherited if she re-marries.

If she is celibate, I have no idea.

What we should honestly be considering is 'how many women who are "genuinely" considering marriage unable to find a man or never had a serious relationship'?

Babymamas, runs girls etc. don't count

BoboYekini:
This is the real issue right here. Women will be women but we will still say it.
Why is this never a problem in the basic North where there is always a man for every woman (whether divorcees, widows or whatever)? It is only in the 'sophisticated' South here that you have 7 slay women clamoring to be mistresses of one wealthy man when there are indeed more men than women. They perpetuate this hypergamy well into their middle age(again for the record, after being babymamas/divorced/widowed they still have options) and with the other mouth complain about being stigmatized by young men.

@bold: Absolutely on point.

How can a woman honestly say she is a babymama because she did not get a husband?

How come they are only babymamas to 'rich' men?

Imagine Anna Banner a babymama to flavour while I am sure some young men who are not doing badly would give anything to wife her.

Past the age of 25yrs, there's hardly anything positive in a girl to be called a wife, ideologies become incompatible with marriage, health issues, etc. In today's world and our so called feminism, it even becomes more relevant.

sweetstuff20:
Why?

Toks2008:
When you marry one woman and have 5 other side chics and when you are married to 5 wives I wonder what the difference is.

There is no difference in that the man is cheating.

There is a difference for the women however because most of them still have other men.

Except a woman is a public runs girl or determined to be a babymama, no side chic or babymama is 'single'.

.

Dfinex:
can't u marry a widow? or have they suddenly become leftovers only good enough for married men?

lol.. Will u wish your brother to marry a widow? Let's be realistic

dingbang:
lol.. Will u wish your brother to marry a widow? Let's be realistic

How??....what exactly is abominable there? Was the woman the one that killed her husband such that she should be made to live in misery for the remaining days of her life?

Dfinex:
How??....what exactly is abominable there? Was the woman the one that killed her husband such that she should be made to live in misery for the remaining days of her life?

I asked u a simple question

dingbang:
I asked u a simple question

And I want to believe that my own questions are not gmat either.