Abeg! Make u na help me with beta advise o

I'm this kind of person that likes to be the one to pay for every drink or for all the plates when I go out with friends. I don't do it because I seek glory, but I simply feel the nudge, like I'm supposed to pay for this, plus I don't like taking advantage of people or someone taking care of my stuff.

This applies to friends asking me to borrow them money too. I simply cannot say no to them. And this have caused me some very important relationships (I suppose), as immediately I start asking for what they borrowed, They begin to see me as the enemy.

Please how do you say NO to lending money to someone without feeling bad?

And you posted this to romance section.

Borrow them your girlfriend first before I believe you.

Paying for food and drinks is good so far it's not affecting your pocket. As for lending people's money, my advise is " don't lend anybody an amount you cannot let go " that is logic of lending people's money.

Yoshy:
Abeg! Make u na help me with beta advise o

I'm this kind of person that likes to be the one to pay for every drink or for all the plates when I go out with friends. I don't do it because I seek glory, but I simply feel the nudge, like I'm supposed to pay for this, plus I don't like taking advantage of people or someone taking care of my stuff.

This applies to friends asking me to borrow them money too. I simply cannot say no to them. And this have caused me some very important relationships (I suppose), as immediately I start asking for what they borrowed, They begin to see me as the enemy.

Please how do you say NO to lending money to someone without feeling bad?

Yoshy:
Abeg! Make u na help me with beta advise o

I'm this kind of person that likes to be the one to pay for every drink or for all the plates when I go out with friends. I don't do it because I seek glory, but I simply feel the nudge, like I'm supposed to pay for this, plus I don't like taking advantage of people or someone taking care of my stuff.

This applies to friends asking me to borrow them money too. I simply cannot say no to them. And this have caused me some very important relationships (I suppose), as immediately I start asking for what they borrowed, They begin to see me as the enemy.

Please how do you say NO to lending money to someone without feeling bad?

Try reducing the numbers of friends you have.

Take Madridguy's advise

your HABIT of given
create another habit of saying NO simply,the more you do something consciously you become better at it,
and since you know you cannot ask for your money back always give and not borrow,logic is if someone ask you to borrow them 50k,you can simply tell them you cannot borrow them money and say you would rather give them,and simply give them what you have
and note you cant help the whole world,as you are not jesus. thats just the fact of life EVEN GOD cannot please the world.
and more so you can start given more of encouragement than money as most people dont have a money problem,but knowledge problem.

This is how people attract a lot of fake friends to their lives.


Do not be surprised, the day you stop giving, they'll all disappear.

Do you truly make your money legitimately?

Yoshy:
Abeg! Make u na help me with beta advise o

I'm this kind of person that likes to be the one to pay for every drink or for all the plates when I go out with friends. I don't do it because I seek glory, but I simply feel the nudge, like I'm supposed to pay for this, plus I don't like taking advantage of people or someone taking care of my stuff.

This applies to friends asking me to borrow them money too. I simply cannot say no to them. And this have caused me some very important relationships (I suppose), as immediately I start asking for what they borrowed, They begin to see me as the enemy.

Please how do you say NO to lending money to someone without feeling bad?

Stop giving and flush out the fake friends from your life. When you go to drink, drop half of d money and ask dem to complete it. Just observe reactions.

Why do you feel the need to be accepted? It's not that you cannot say no , you can but instead of saying no you feel obligated to placate. Unfortunately if you don't grow a backbone soon you will forever be taken advantage off there is no getting away from that.
Being assertive and understanding self esteem does not come naturally to everyone. You have mentioned that you don't do it for glory that maybe so, but your behaviour has its roots in trying to fit in and money buys you passage. You are accepted by I suspect by the majority of your friends because you give them something and they know you are a walk over.
Are you open to learning how to be a bit more assertive?

You are among the people that can't say No to people, I know someone that is like that.

You need to bear it in mind that you are saying no to please yourself and not to displease yourself.

Don't say yes out of fear or what the person will think about you.

Even if the person say you are wicked or stingy cos you refuse, don't bother about the talk.

That's how I do mine.

Someone once said to me "Nawa for you, your No is always your No, no changing of mind".

Kondomatic:
Do you truly make your money legitimately?

how is this question relevant? Some people are just wired to give.

It's that simple... Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics came into my mind "somebody wants to use you, somebody wants to be used by you"

MissRaine69:
Why do you feel the need to be accepted? It's not that you cannot say no , you can but instead of saying no you feel obligated to placate. Unfortunately if you don't grow a backbone soon you will forever be taken advantage off there is no getting away from that.
Being assertive and understanding self esteem don't come naturally to everyone. You have mentioned that you don't do it for glory that maybe so, but your behaviour has its roots in tying to fit in and money buys you passage. You are accepted by I suspect by the majority of your friends because you give them something and they know you are a walk over.
Are you open to learning how to be a bit more assertive?

Wow! I never checked my behavior from this angle, this is surely an eye opener. Thanks

Yoshy:


Wow! I never checked my behavior from this angle, this is surely an eye opener. Thanks

The need to placate is a reflection of where our self esteem lies. You need to address the reasons behind this personality trait of yours.

MissRaine69:
Why do you feel the need to be accepted? It's not that you cannot say no , you can but instead of saying no you feel obligated to placate. Unfortunately if you don't grow a backbone soon you will forever be taken advantage off there is no getting away from that.
Being assertive and understanding self esteem does not come naturally to everyone. You have mentioned that you don't do it for glory that maybe so, but your behaviour has its roots in tying to fit in and money buys you passage. You are accepted by I suspect by the majority of your friends because you give them something and they know you are a walk over.
Are you open to learning how to be a bit more assertive?

Don't you have any evil bone in your body? At least just lash out for once.

VargasVee:
This is how people attract a lot of fake friends to their lives.


Do not be surprised, the day you stop giving, they'll all disappear.

Bros you no lie

Am having similar experience, infact dis hav cause me to keep away from friends because wen am in need dey all runaway but dey enjoy borrowing frm me....

Rorachy:
You are among the people that can't say No to people, I know someone that is like that.

You need to bear it in mind that you are saying no to please yourself and not to displease yourself.

Don't say yes out of fear or what the person will think about you.

Even if the person say you are wicked or stingy cos you refuse, don't bother about the talk.

That's how I do mine.

Someone ones said to me "Nawa for you, your No is always your No, no changing of mind".

It's not always that easy o.

sehin79:
your HABIT of given
create another habit of saying NO simply,the more you do something consciously you become better at it,
and since you know you cannot ask for your money back always give and not borrow,logic is if someone ask you to borrow them 50k,you can simply tell them you cannot borrow them money and say you would rather give them,and simply give them what you have
and note you cant help the whole world,as you are not jesus. thats just the fact of life EVEN GOD cannot please the world.
and more so you can start given more of encouragement than money as most people dont have a money problem,but knowledge problem.

I agree, the highest help I got from someone that materialised into cash, was a 10 minutes phone conversation. Many people don't value this kind of help.

It's as simple as saying "I don't have to spare'.
Or give what you can part with without squabbles.

For all u care people will want to take advantage of your generosity and turn you to a mumu

Op learn to say no,lemme tell you when you give any how they only see you as a fool that they can trick at any time,they wouldn't appreciate the fact that you are giving to them freely,be very careful.

This is my problem too..Honestly

Keep giving God will make you bigger

Nxkxkdkdk hdjdjd

Just say NO. The rule of lending money out is to only give what you can afford to loose.

Yoshy:
Abeg! Make u na help me with beta advise o

I'm this kind of person that likes to be the one to pay for every drink or for all the plates when I go out with friends. I don't do it because I seek glory, but I simply feel the nudge, like I'm supposed to pay for this, plus I don't like taking advantage of people or someone taking care of my stuff.

This applies to friends asking me to borrow them money too. I simply cannot say no to them. And this have caused me some very important relationships (I suppose), as immediately I start asking for what they borrowed, They begin to see me as the enemy.

Please how do you say NO to lending money to someone without feeling bad?

I like you already, let's be friends.

dem force u to pay ni

swiz123:
And you posted this to romance section.

didn't you see the word relationship in the op post?

You're an altruistic and selfless person. Kudos. Now, you have to differentiate servility from loyalty. Lay your principles/set boundaries, and never cross the lines no matter whose ox is gored. Any relationship that requires servility to sustain is not healthy. So, neither intentionally make yourself servile to others nor allow others to subject you to servility.

The world is made up of 99% of self-centered and selfish people and only 1% of altruistic and selfless people. The very moment anyone close to you - don't always mistake closeness with loyalty - begin to exhibit negative attitudes like envy, sense of entitlement, dissatisfaction, ingratitude etc, separate - but don't alienate - from the person.

bad habit. reminds me of my father who dedicated his money to helping people (family, neighbours, workers) etc. his driver built house before him in Ota in the 90,s . my dad bought a vboot for our pastor when he first comot self. when he had financial wahala there was nobody to be seen, everybody waka. we had a bus that used to take us to school from home, from der we begin use leg. family only pulled thru with rent money from houses my mama built( labelled stingy my pple den) from my papa head. moral of the story, help ur self. pple are not worth it. I rarely help pple