₦airaland Forum

@Benita27 ve said it all.
Pls act accordingly and wisely.
I'm a product of a broken home and at above 40yrs now, I maintain cordial relationship with my father despite d bad way he treated my mum, even loving & placing my step mum above her. But today, all thanks to God. I love him because from d beginning it was not so, its either caused by generational curse, lack of wisdom, hatred, spirit dat wreck marriages or evil woman.

Pls pray for ur dad b4 calling him. Talk to him with love and respect, remind him of d good things he has done in d time past, and how u ll appreciates it if he could start all over again. If he complained abt ur mum, apology on her behalf (prostrate flat for him).
Pls don't let it affect ur studies. I could remembered then during my uni days that issue like this dropped my GP from 4points to 1. Until I committed everything unto God's hand

It will end in praise

Prosper24:
Maybe i should wait until after the said family meeting by next month.

If he skips the meeting this time

Or

Continue with his current behavior then I'm done with him.


The most painful thing is, one will keep managing in school while your dad will be sponsoring other women and their children. It pains..


This man has been doing this for years especially when he was still working.


Now he is only receiving pension, why can't him call himself to order instead he is fornicating and sponsoring other women while at the same time accusing my mom of the same fornication.

We have a lot of financial needs.

My dad had money, he was balling but now no investment, incomplete house. The few furnitures we have in the house my mom bought them all.

He married late and close to 30years older than my mom.


That man is a complete failure. So sorry to say but he has refused to take correction.

Don't let your emotions run riot, honour your father & your mother so that your days may be long...

Calm down.

taylor88:
the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me

You are very funny and very silly. Can't stop laughing.

Raiyell:
You're obviously an intelligent person; but I doubt if you have much wisdom. You have too much bad blood for your father and it is affecting the way you think, handle things -- after I read your piece, I was like: may I never have a son like you.

You ran to take your mothers side without thinking. I pity you.

Send the message. Fool

wife beater spotted !

Benita27:
I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

What a wisdom you've got. Excellent advise

Guyman02:
Have you ever thought of asking your father the things he would want your mum to start doing that will make him happy and if he will forgive your mum for any perceived wrong she might have done to him in the past.
Don't take sides with your mum as it will only anger your father.
The source of crisis could be a wrong done by your mum which you may not be aware of and which may have infuriated and humiliated him to the point that he finds succour with other women. For you to put all the blames on your father shows your bias probably because she pays most of your bills as you stated.

Tell your mom to be ready to make some serious sacrifices as may be prescribed by your father for a new beginning, it could be financial issues, emotional, psychological or spiritual or she continues to maintain her stand with no solution.

You said she is a born again Christian but there are several cases whereby some women would obey their pastors and disobey their husbands, would spend more time praying or in church activities than attending to the emotional needs of their husbands and this breeds suspicion even when she is innocent.
You are too young to carry this matter on your head.

He has turned her into a punching bag yet she is the one who must still beg to make things work , lol. If not for naija the man should be in prison for assault or something worse . Stupid advice

See do it abeg, u are even lucky its ur dad mine is my mum dats causing ish, hv taken sides since 1900BC. Lol but its been hard sha.

humblenature:
NOW LISTEN. i am going to advise you like one who has seen it all. do not.. i repeat do not ever have issues with ur dad. u can disown your mom but never you ever try shii with ur dad. you belong to ur dad. your mom may be good to u but she is of no use to u and she knows it. i advise u. your dad may not be d best dad but do not joke with him. besides, hoe does his relationship affect u? bros u b man o. no forget say one day u go double date. all men we are all thesame o. leave matter for mattiais. your mom is not innocent. leave them to settke dat thing. your love for ur mom is beclouding ur judgement. reply me first before i continue bros

you are looking for reply for asking him to disown his mother. kontinue. I bet the mother is 99.9% innocent. the father is just insecure & heatless.

d part datz paining me is dat ur dad is using hiz lil pension to chop d remains of a dead man's wife which he claims to b hiz fwend.... datz aw pple ye5 spiritual onocks on deir heads dat last 4eva

taylor88:
the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me

badt guy... You the realest MVP

Wow there's nothing I won't read on nairaland. This country is in a mess because we don't face the consequences of our actions, always making excuses.
A father that has decided to act like his kids are not existing, that doesn't care about their welfare, if they are alive or not is not worth calling a father.
Some people are saying that he is taking sides with his mother, what do you expect? Did you miss the part where he said the mother caters for 70% of his needs in school while the man goes about spending his money on different women?
His mother is carrying out the function of both parent in the house and his father has the gut to abuse her and some of you are suggesting he turn a blind eye to it.
For Christ sake that woman is going through a lot, sponsoring two boys in school, taking care of the kids still at home, working and also being abused and insulted.
Please @ op the earlier your mum leaves that environment the better for her. Her piece of mind is of utmost importance to avoid stories that touch.

humblenature:
NOW LISTEN. i am going to advise you like one who has seen it all. do not.. i repeat do not ever have issues with ur dad. u can disown your mom but never you ever try shii with ur dad. you belong to ur dad. your mom may be good to u but she is of no use to u and she knows it. i advise u. your dad may not be d best dad but do not joke with him. besides, hoe does his relationship affect u? bros u b man o. no forget say one day u go double date. all men we are all thesame o. leave matter for mattiais. your mom is not innocent. leave them to settke dat thing. your love for ur mom is beclouding ur judgement. reply me first before i continue bros

Don't continue please, keep your stupid advice to yourself. Did you not read the part where he wrote that its his mum that's in charge of most of his welfare? Yet you have the nerve to say that she's of no use to him. It's your likes that endorse husband maltreatment on their wives.

No try am o,Over look your Dad don't try to flex muscle with him,you people should over look him, your father will deal with you, because the length he have been going to cheat on your mum,shows that you don't count,don't loose your mum neither your Dad to these.
try to gather,that's what makes you a man.

Some mehn can't just fvck with respect for their home wifey and children. Especially the old folks and pensioners. You'll enter bar with ur broes and b!tches only to meet ur guy's popsy with a smallie, still hail am join. Then you'll remember that on your way you passed Johnny mother hustling in her shop and Johnny is in school bragging about his popsy. But Johnny is still a hypocrite. Popsy is at the beer parlor bragging to his friends and sidechics that he has a cool headed scholastic son not knowing that Johnny is also a drunk and womanizer in school. Okay, continue!
Read before you kill your papa.
If ur popsy was very respectful like my late dad (dem no dey know man finish), be grateful to God.

Prosper24:
Maybe i should wait until after the said family meeting by next month.

If he skips the meeting this time

Or

Continue with his current behavior then I'm done with him.


The most painful thing is, one will keep managing in school while your dad will be sponsoring other women and their children. It pains..


This man has been doing this for years especially when he was still working.


Now he is only receiving pension, why can't him call himself to order instead he is fornicating and sponsoring other women while at the same time accusing my mom of the same fornication.

We have a lot of financial needs.

My dad had money, he was balling but now no investment, incomplete house. The few furnitures we have in the house my mom bought them all.

He married late and close to 30years older than my mom.


That man is a complete failure. So sorry to say but he has refused to take correction.

My guy no send am the letter, just wait when he is old enough and need your help, then you can tell him to go look for those kids he sponsored. That's the time he will feel it most!

Benita27:
I've come to the realisation that when there're issues between parents, the "Mother" usually gets sympathy from the kids. There's no smoke without fire. That you haven't caught your mum cheating doesn't mean she may not have cheated on your dad ever. I don't support the domestic violence but this isn't your call but elders. It's disrespectful calling his bluff for him. Let an older person with more wisdom handle this issue, your actions could aggravate things.

The first paragraph of your letter shows you took your mother's side and your dad would see it that way. Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both.

Most marriages go through this phase over time 'cause "Love" isn't enough. What they need to live with is wisdom.

I like the idea of writing him and helping him remember the good times they've had together.
But from the op, I don't think it will help, even with elders talking and the likes. He'll surely see calling the elders as making gossip at his expense to outsiders.

A cheating breadwinner will always justify any bad behavior. Trust me, I know from expy. The of such a one pride is immortal.

Until the op and his mother proves beyond reasonable doubt that they could take care of themselves independent of the man ignoring him or even pretending he doesn't exist, I would even suggest a separation for the moment. Give him all the freedom to ruin himself, his pride will give way when he's sated and remember how irrelevant he is to those of his own.
Seeing the woman and the children doing well without him is the best reply to defeat such a pride. It might even sicken him to the extent he'll beg for his family back.
Just my experience from a separated home.


mind my typos please.

Lorax:
Wow there's nothing I won't read on nairaland. This country is in a mess because we don't face the consequences of our actions, always making excuses.
A father that has decided to act like his kids are not existing, that doesn't care about their welfare, if they are alive or not is not worth calling a father.
Some people are saying that he is taking sides with his mother, what do you expect? Did you miss the part where he said the mother caters for 70% of his needs in school while the man goes about spending his money on different women?
His mother is carrying out the function of both parent in the house and his father has the gut to abuse her and some of you are suggesting he turn a blind eye to it.
For Christ sake that woman is going through a lot, sponsoring two boys in school, taking care of the kids still at home, working and also being abused and insulted.
Please @ op the earlier your mum leaves that environment the better for her. Her piece of mind is of utmost importance to avoid stories that touch.

Many nigerian fathers are like that.

Mothers are the pillars that hold many households in nigeria. They pay the bills.
Many men are useless fathers.

The writer is biased.......

Prosper24:
For over 4 years my father have been accusing my mother of fornications which has been a serious issue in our family. (24 years old marriage)

My father have accused my mom of befriending different men in her work place,church and the compound were we live.

Me and my only brother don't stay at home most times due to our school (university).

My little siblings who are in elementary school are the only ones at home and my father keeps filling this kids heads with different kinds of questions about my mom.

Please note that my father does not stay at home often as he likes visiting the village and to be frank i and my friends have caught him several times but i keep it to myself and pray he changes one day just to prevent more chaos in the family.

One day we all went to the village. One of my cousin brothers who base in the village came to visit us. He is known to be a very funny person and to be frank he talks anyhow and jokes a lot.

But my mom was shocked when he told her that my dad had rented a shop for one woman and even bought refrigerator for her. My mom kept mute and never asked my dad.

As the accusations keep increasing my mom who have noticed several suspicious activities of my dad got angry and stated voicing out all she have heard and suspected about my dad including the refrigerator saga.

My dad has beaten my mom in several occasions but at night and even in the day.

Just to cut the story short:

There is a woman who lives close to us, her husband was a very close friend of my dad before he died.

We discovered that my dad eats food from her Unknown to my mom when my mom is not around and they both spend time together in our house and that of the woman.

We also discovered that my dad usually buys food stuff and pay for other items for her.

Now I'm very angry about this because he has carried this irritating life to to our neighbor who he claim the woman's late husband was very close to him and his just showing care for the family as a close friend to his late friend.

Currently now there are unpaid debts in our family, things are extremely difficult yet my dad could buy stuffs for the other woman.

My mom complains about how my dad uses his retirement salary for what she can't explain. He keep saying his clearing debts and all that.

I'm fed up. I want to take serious action. I want to come out to quarrel my dad to the last. After all he chased me out of his house because i had so hard with him due to this numerous accusations he keeps labelling on my mom without any tangible evidence. My mom keeps crying and have decided to call her family members for a joint meeting by next month after my dad have skipped about two different meetings called by my moms people (brothers and sisters cos her dad and mom are late).

Now below is the letter i want to send to my dad. I have made up my mind to take that bold step. Maybe it will change him. Please read below and advice me I'm totally confused i don't want our family to tear apart.

After carring out my research and investigations about the happenings in our family which has over the years been a threat to the unity, progress and stability of our coexistence as one family, i beg to state that:





1) Because you have decided for over 4 years now to frustrate, humiliate and disorganize my mother who happens to be your wife with all kinds of accusations,insults and disgrace for a reason best known to you. And:

2) Because you have derived more pleasure in carrying the bordens of your concubines and that of their children to the detriment of your own family even when you are aware of the sufferings and debts in your family.

I want to make it clear that as a result of this, i have taken it upon myself not minding how it will effect me to suspend anything that has to do with the both of us till futher notice to enable you have more finance and less opposition to continue with those activities of yours that gives you pleasure but i find disgraceful, irritating and odious to me.

Thank you.....

Please Don't mind my English and focus on the write up, na vex i dey use right all this stuff...

If you know what's good for you just mind your business. I guess you're Igbo. I'm speaking from experience just find your bearing and don't involve yourself. Cos if you do and your dad is diabolical then that's fire on the mountain for you. What I'm saying is deeper than this but it's best to mind your business and let your family fall or reconstruct itself.

If possible, mom should leave that house for her peace of mind. I hate it when husbands beat their wife/mother of their children.
She is working, can she rent her own place and take care of herself?

Donjazzy12:
Very simple. Never ever take sides in issues concerning your Dad and Mum. It never ends well. A smart mother will never allow their son to disrespect his father.
And this is for the OP, whatever you do to your father or mother , your kids will definitely do same to you.
Your son will also disrespect and side his mother.
A word is enough for the wise.

He has said it all..Op

Sitdon dey look till ur father kills your mother well bevause a word is enough for the wise.

Donjazzy12:
May your children do to you what Op wants to do to his father. May your wife and sons gang up against you !

When you get married, you can abandon your family and relax since they won't do it to you..

Ten06:
Guy I sympathize with u but don't ever, I repeat ever give that letter to your dad. I may not be able to outline the implications of u giving that letter to your father here but the spiritual implications may be too much for you to bear in future. If your dad can be beating your mom he can also go to any length to destroy your future if he feel insulted. You are only a child and there is a limit as to how you can go over this issue. But I will advise that you take your mom and go to a good church and fast over it, and continue praying, maybe your dad will come back to his senses. But if he doesn't stop this randy life at his age his days may not be too long. Pls sorry if you feel insulted with my advice

Nothing will happen to him spiritually..
The bible said a man that cannot fend for his family is worse than a fool.. talk of one that chooses to give it to concubines..

YOUNGSTUNNA:
God! I booked this space thinking it's a thread I can comment... Then I read through it and realized it is stronger than me. Now I have no choice but to sit back relax and let Nairaland Elders Comment.

.
You know op... that's same sh*t my Dad used to do, used beat Mon up and cheat on her, I never did side him or mom. it's their marriage, they took the vows *for better or worse* I wasn't there, so I stayed out of their business. I don't wanna talk about all those sh*ts I've witnessed...but bro stay out of their business, they're both adults not kids...

Op... Do not listen to this advice. If you truly love someone, you won't stand aside to watch them get hurt be it father, mother, siblings, friends, kids, etc. You mentioned that she gets beat up shey? I'm sorry but that's the height for me.

Prosper24:
For over 4 years my father have been accusing my mother of fornications which has been a serious issue in our family. (24 years old marriage)

My father have accused my mom of befriending different men in her work place,church and the compound were we live.

Me and my only brother don't stay at home most times due to our school (university).

My little siblings who are in elementary school are the only ones at home and my father keeps filling this kids heads with different kinds of questions about my mom.

Please note that my father does not stay at home often as he likes visiting the village and to be frank i and my friends have caught him several times but i keep it to myself and pray he changes one day just to prevent more chaos in the family.

One day we all went to the village. One of my cousin brothers who base in the village came to visit us. He is known to be a very funny person and to be frank he talks anyhow and jokes a lot.

But my mom was shocked when he told her that my dad had rented a shop for one woman and even bought refrigerator for her. My mom kept mute and never asked my dad.

As the accusations keep increasing my mom who have noticed several suspicious activities of my dad got angry and stated voicing out all she have heard and suspected about my dad including the refrigerator saga.

My dad has beaten my mom in several occasions but at night and even in the day.

Just to cut the story short:

There is a woman who lives close to us, her husband was a very close friend of my dad before he died.

We discovered that my dad eats food from her Unknown to my mom when my mom is not around and they both spend time together in our house and that of the woman.

We also discovered that my dad usually buys food stuff and pay for other items for her.

Now I'm very angry about this because he has carried this irritating life to to our neighbor who he claim the woman's late husband was very close to him and his just showing care for the family as a close friend to his late friend.

Currently now there are unpaid debts in our family, things are extremely difficult yet my dad could buy stuffs for the other woman.

My mom complains about how my dad uses his retirement salary for what she can't explain. He keep saying his clearing debts and all that.

I'm fed up. I want to take serious action. I want to come out to quarrel my dad to the last. After all he chased me out of his house because i had so hard with him due to this numerous accusations he keeps labelling on my mom without any tangible evidence. My mom keeps crying and have decided to call her family members for a joint meeting by next month after my dad have skipped about two different meetings called by my moms people (brothers and sisters cos her dad and mom are late).

Now below is the letter i want to send to my dad. I have made up my mind to take that bold step. Maybe it will change him. Please read below and advice me I'm totally confused i don't want our family to tear apart.

After carring out my research and investigations about the happenings in our family which has over the years been a threat to the unity, progress and stability of our coexistence as one family, i beg to state that:





1) Because you have decided for over 4 years now to frustrate, humiliate and disorganize my mother who happens to be your wife with all kinds of accusations,insults and disgrace for a reason best known to you. And:

2) Because you have derived more pleasure in carrying the bordens of your concubines and that of their children to the detriment of your own family even when you are aware of the sufferings and debts in your family.

I want to make it clear that as a result of this, i have taken it upon myself not minding how it will effect me to suspend anything that has to do with the both of us till futher notice to enable you have more finance and less opposition to continue with those activities of yours that gives you pleasure but i find disgraceful, irritating and odious to me.

Thank you.....

Please Don't mind my English and focus on the write up, na vex i dey use right all this stuff...

Are you the one feeding your dad? If not, your letter doesn't make any sense

taylor88:
the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me

Jesus Christ! Holy Mary

Oh my God ... this is a deja vu

taylor88:
the high rate of konji in this country is mind blowing



the day my dad threatened my mum of getting a second wife i laughed very hard


I seduced the woman and fuvcked her, took her pants to my dad as evidence. no more i go marry


u need to see d joy in my mums face, for 1 month mum was giving me food with 5pieces of meat

this is what worked for me

Shift let me faint small abeg chei u wicked

toyetade:
What a wisdom you've got. Excellent advise

Excellent advise right? Benita27, I've seen your signature albeit oblige me to ask: have you ever been in the OP's situation?

Izen:
Op... Do not listen to this advice. If you truly love someone, you won't stand aside to watch them get hurt be it father, mother, siblings, friends, kids, etc. You mentioned that she gets beat up shey? I'm sorry but that's the height for me.

I sound crazy right? but the truth is... you've never been there so, you wouldn't understand...
never create enmity within the family.
If she got beat up and choose to stay, that's her decision cuz she actually know the right thing to do. *Never end what you didn't start and never start what you can't end*
Best he can do if call both of them and talk sense into them

OP calm down. You are looking at the situation from angle. Take a look at it from your father's angle (not from the immoral angle). Questions you need to ask:

1. Has he always been like this?

2. Does he pray with you guys?

3. Does your family spend time together?

4. What obligations in the house has he stopped meeting?

5. Question 5

6. Question 6
...
7. Question n