Fellow nairalander am here to seek for your advice on what to do...... I have a fiance that we are planning our introduction by December She is a Christain a redeemer and She has been avoiding sex with with me telling me until we get married but however along the way we later had sex and now she is pregnant. She felt so bad about it but i told her not to worry herself that she have the support of me and my family because my family love her so much but she is there thinking about what people out there will say thinking about what her pastor will do and her parent but i talk over and over to her not to think that way nan she said okay ...
Three days after she told me she want to visit her sister so she went and came back 4days after but during her visit to her sister place she call to inform that she have seen her period back and i was like how is that possible but i overlook that because i recall that is possible for a lady 2 b pregnant and at the sametime doing her period but still i get confused and i told her to let us do another test again but she feel reluctant and thats howi suspected fowl play with her .... So i was angry with her and ask her to tell me what happenwith my pregnancy inside her and she feel remorse and confess to me that she told her sister about it and she talk and get her convinced to use drug and she use d drug and later on she saw her period.....
@ the point she was telling me this i feel like giving her d beat of her life because have always warn her not to look @ what people out there will say but that enter her head and she end up killing an innocent child and i know is basically because of her church that they will withdraw her position in the church and also she cant wedd in church again so my people is it a must 2 get wedded in church.
I really do love her so much because she is always there for me but with dis now i dont know what to do
SHOULD I SEND HER AWAY OR STILL CONTINUE WITH THE INTRODUCTION!.................

Its unfortunate how some of the laws some churches set for their members does more harm than good.

I don't know what to say bro, just forgive her and go on with the marriage since u still love her, that's what matters most.

don't even blame her, she did wrong yes I know but it was also ur fault. d burden is more on women than on men. redeem church will not wed her with d pregnancy and then her family will tag her a disgrace. try to 4giv her, both of u can talk things over

See bro dont even think of sending her away oohh, because you didnt listen when she said marriage before sex.
People surely will say things, the church will see her as a fornicator and hypocrite. Well i dont blame the church, she acted on impulse and frustration just forgive her.
Take her to do a medical check to know if she is okay

na wa o....just because of church she killed an innocent child, op are u also a member of redeem? n wen u both get married which church do u both intend fellowshipping with?

the greatest mistake in life, is to look at people to live ur life, I don't blame her sha, but if she continues living her live to please people even her parents she will end up living a sad life

Lomprico2:
Its unfortunate how some of the laws some churches set for their members does more harm than good.

I don't know what to say bro, just forgive her and go on with the marriage since u still love her, that's what matters most.

How about if they didn't have sex and there was no pregnancy?
I don't like people blaming the church and running away from their own responsibilities.
Every institution has rules and regulations.You learn to abide with it.How will someone join the army(and there is the Lord's army) and complain about wearing uniform?

It is not even compulsory to wed in church.You can do your traditional wedding(even some cultures don't wed pregnant brides) and go to the registry or the court and .......finito.

I don't know to what extent you reassured her about standing with her through hell and high water, come what may.

See, love is the strongest emotional force on earth, and the wrath of man or church isn't enough to shake real, deep love.

She did wrong by terminating the pregnancy. My fist reaction on reading this was indignation at her action. But then, I reflected a little more, and it occurred to me that you probably didn't do enough to show her that you got her back.
You don't know much about the ways of the world and about women. If you did, you would have perceived a red flag when she wanted to visit her sister. You ought to have realized that a sister is more likely going to support her terminating the pregnancy (as opposed to a brother) so you should have discouraged that visit until she becomes more emotionally stable.

At this point, no one can give you the best advise as to what next to do. That depends ENTIRELY ON YOU! The both of you are partly to blame. What happens next depends on how real your love for each other is, and how deep your commitment runs.

In a bid to hide one sin she committed another.

I just don't understand how we christains reason sometimes. The deed has been done the worse that will happen is church will not wed you shikena and they will talk and ostracize but you will be right with God now abortion is added.

Hope you know the cyle of lies won't stop, they (the marriage committee) will ask you if you have been sleeping together and other questions, you want to base your marriage on lies.

If I would advise you, both of you have to confess to the marriage people in church what both of you have done and also to God.

And please let's not blame the church, we all know church rules

That's my christain advise
That aside


You guys are in it together you are running no where, you want to leave her now abi, when she was saying no sex did you listen although I am not in support of the abortion she did but the deed has already been done.Both of you played a role in what happened and both of you are responsible.

This is a typical case of "living free in fear" of what the church says.

[fear [greed [corruption]]]

Don't blame her... she was psychologically down, trying to avoid stigmatization. but, condom is cheap nau Only 'fools' have unprotected sex when they are not prepared to have a baby.

NoToPile:
In a bid to hide one sin she committed another.

I just don't understand how we christains reason sometimes. The deed has been done the worse that will happen is church will not wed you shikena and they will talk and ostracize but you will be right with God now abortion is added.

Hope you know the cyle of lies won't stop, they (the marriage committee) will ask you if you have been sleeping together and other questions, you want to base your marriage on lies.

If I would advise you, both of you have to confess to the marriage people in church what both of you have done and also to God.

And please let's not blame the church, we all know church rules

That's my christain advise
That aside


You guys are in it together you are running no where, you want to leave her now abi, when she was saying no sex did you listen although I am not in support of the abortion she did but the deed has already been done.Both of you played a role in what happened and both of you are responsible.

Nice one!
I absolutely agree with you.
The church's rule was there, before they went ahead to "fornicate"
Sister in the Lord wishes to wed in the church, but wasn't ready to obey the pre-marriage rule. See, I'm not against premarital sex in anyway. But I'm against her terminating the pregnancy just to appear righteous in the eyes of the church.
This means she is going to tell a series of lies to the marriage committee to ensure her wedding holds. Why go through all that shyte? You don't need a church to endorse your wedding for you to live happily ever after.

My grouse with present day Christians. So much religiosity without any atom of spirituality.

On this forum everyone is a marriage counselo..

Church with principle and rules, well this is one the reason Catholic wed you with your pregnancy, just to avoid another sin which is murder.

policy12:

On this forum everyone is a marriage counselo..

Church with principle and rules, well this is one the reason Catholic wed you with your pregnancy, just to avoid another sin which is murder.

You should also know that a lot of the people that are wedded with pregnancy were already married traditionally possibly months back.

And of course traditional marriage is marriage itself.

It really surprising that some of you are supporting her action. Cos of church and people she terminated an innocent life. Your girl is not truly a Christian from her behaviour, she is just a church goer, who want to please her pastor(s) and church members.
She is indecisive. She allows people dictate her life which is a no no for me. For her to do abortion without your consent and again lied to you. To me her character is questionable. I don't even know they kinds of Christianity we Nigerians practice? Worshiping mere mortal rather than God. You committed the first sin wasn't remorseful or ask God for forgiveness, but only care about pastor, church, position and what they'll say. Then, went on and committed the second one(killing an innocent child) without remorse and forgiveness and lied about it. And you say you're a Christian. ( God have mercy on today's churches cos they have missed the way).
One more thing make sure you people settle this mess ( ask God for forgiveness and be open the clergy) before any other thing regarding marriage whether you people will continue or not going on with your marriage

thorpido:
How about if they didn't have sex and there was no pregnancy?
I don't like people blaming the church and running away from their own responsibilities.
Every institution has rules and regulations.You learn to abide with it.How will someone join the army(and there is the Lord's army) and complain about wearing uniform?

It is not even compulsory to wed in church.You can do your traditional wedding(even some cultures don't wed pregnant brides) and go to the registry or the court and .......finito.

Two fully grown adults who have agreed to live together as husband and wife. Can have all the sex they want.

Freedomforall:
It really surprising that some of you are supporting her action, cos of church and people she terminated an innocent life. Your girl is not truly a Christian from her behaviour, she is just a church goer, who want to please her pastor(s) and church members.
She is indecisive. She allows people dictate her life which is a no no for me. For her to do abortion without your consent and again lied to you. To me her character is questionable. I don't even know they kinds of Christianity we Nigerians practice? Worshiping mere mortal rather than God. You committed the first sin wasn't remorseful and ask God for forgiveness, but only care about pastor, church, position and what they'll say. Then, went on and committed the second one(killing an innocent child) without remorse and forgiveness and lied about it. And you say you're a Christian. ( God have mercy on today's churches cos they have missed the way).

Well both the guy and the lady are just church goers and both their characters are questionable.
She was wrong ( she never should have aborted thst baby) but the guy too had a role to play ( he should have listened to her no sex stance)


It takes 2 to tango.

Lomprico2:


Two fully grown adults who have agreed to live together as husband and wife. Can have all the sex they want.

Without disturbing the church.

NoToPile:


Well both the guy and the lady are just church goers and both their characters are questionable.
She was wrong ( she never should have aborted thst baby) but the guy too had a role to play ( he should have listened to her no sex stance)


It takes 2 to tango.

95% of the blame goes to her, cos she is in a better position to take a decision that would have prevented all this from happening, but she didn't. Though from the guy write up it seems he's not the strong type. (he is ever happy to have sex before their marriage and to him, he didn't see anything wrong with it.)

menxer:
This is a typical case of "living free in fear" of what the church says.

[fear [greed [corruption]]]

This is not about the church but about her. If the church says the would not wedd you cos of pregnancy ( good the deed has been done ) go to another church and we'd or is it a must to wedd ? Does wedding takes one to heaven or does it guarantee a successful marriage?

enochogaga:
the greatest mistake in life, is to look at people to live ur life, I don't blame her sha, but if she continues living her live to please people even her parents she will end up living a sad life

Thanks for this. I hated this kind of life so much.

Freedomforall:


95% of the blame goes to her, cos she is in a better position to take a decision that would have prevented all this from happening, but she didn't. Though from the guy write up it seems he's not the strong type. (he is ever happy to have sex before their marriage and to him, he didn't see anything wrong with it.)

95% doesn't sound fair 50% 50% sounds good


That's why couples courting should be on the same page.

Op, it is easy for you to rammed the " I will support you" stance because you are getting sex. What happened to the sheating of your sword angle or at best wearing condom after all her pleas, now you are condemning her for trying to find solution to her " massive problem". Both of you are modern version of hypocritical Christians. Sin begats sin and begtas more sin and so on........

If am you I won't marry the girl again. Committing abortion and wedding with pregnancy which one is better?
I like you courage after all you are not like other guys that Will score goal yet they will refuse to accept the responsibility. In your own case, you accepted your mistake and responsiblity. I wonder if the girl will marry her pastor or you?
Her parents will be angry with her for sure that she got pregnant but they will be very much angry if she didn't bring the guy responsible. Sometimes love overcomes all.I have seen instances where knights and even top members of Catholic church give out their daughters or sons in marriage to another person from another church despite the rules and threats but they did so because they understood that there are certain things U can't change.That the church will wed for a day after which you live with ur husband or wife for the rest of ur days That happiness ,love and understanding is the necessary things in marriage. Since your of decided to abort ur baby because of what her church will say,if am you I WILL TELL HER TO GO AND MARRY HER CHURCH THEN. I wonder why people carry church for head like gala as if we are not worshipping the same God. Now she has committed a more grievous sin because she wants to look holy and please her church.
HYPOCRITES everywhere

First of all Op, There's no thing as 'YOUR PREGNANCY INSIDE HER'. Your gamete and hers came together to become a fetus. The pregnancy is also hers. So get that 'your pregnancy inside her' thingy out of your head. Thanks.
Now that said, I'm a Christian and not one who follows church doctrines hook, line and sinker. Afterall them doctrines were made by humans like me. As far as marriage is concerned, the main people who have active role to play are: the two people getting married and the parents of both parties. As long as these people have given their consents, every other person can forever remain silent including the church organisation. It's sad she had to terminate a pregnancy because of church wedding. Still it's up to both of you to decide whether to carry on or not. Good luck.

Freedomforall:

This is not about the church but about her. If the church says the would not wedd you cos of pregnancy ( good the deed has been done ) go to another church and we'd or is it a must to wedd ? Does wedding takes one to heaven or does it guarantee a successful marriage?

That is exactly what I meant, which is the cause of her fear, prompting the abortion.

No condom for that ya side?
It's funny how young people get to have sex together and expect not to get pregnant.

Instead of you both to accept responsibilty for your indiscretions you're blaming the church.
Your girlfriend is one of the christian hypocrites and pretenders and so are you.
Don't blame the church, as if they asked her to remove the pregnancy.

Whew! It is well.

You see, I have seen this play before. It was back then in school in '09. She got preggers. The guy was already out of school. They had done introduction. Wedding was about four months away. She didn't like the idea of embarrassing her mom and her church with a baby bump in a wedding dress. So she took care of it. No one but the bobo knew. I didn't even know until years later. Long story short, this is '17 and still no baby. Whew! I'm not castigating your babe or you o...I'm just saying since you two were marriage bound, you ought to have given the baby a chance. Nobody is holier than thou here o...but keeping that baby was a no brainier.

Anyways, try to move ahead with your lives together. May God have mercy on us all.

Freedomforall:


95% of the blame goes to her, cos she is in a better position to take a decision that would have prevented all this from happening, but she didn't. Though from the guy write up it seems he's not the strong type. (he is ever happy to have sex before their marriage and to him, he didn't see anything wrong with it.)

This is the reason why she felt pressured to abort na.

Children are gift from God. The bible didn't say
children born in wedlock are gift from God....

Funny how the church frowns at pregnancy outside wedlock but applaud those that fornicated but are smart enough not to get hurt..
No sin is greater than the other but anyways rules are rules, you have to comply
Let he who is without sin be the first to cast the stone, the deed has been done....She ought to have weighed her option well before allowing you to touch her..Those who live in glass house should be very careful

Now she killed a baby cos of societal pressure and influence... did she weigh her options well before doing it? what if things go wrong and affects her reproductive organs? She will start blaming the devil..

If she had aborted the baby cos she isn't ready, I'll understand, but she did it cos of what mere mortals will say, to retain a church post, that's hypocrisy (I think both of you are anyway)

Op, I know you're hurt, truth is she is too...forgive her and be with her, but let her know she cant continue to live her life to be accepted by the outside world, we are human, sometimes we succumb to pressure from the outside world, let her know If she continues to live her life to please other people, she will live a sad and frustrating life

Aborting a pregnancy just because of what people would say and because she wanted to keep a church post is absurd. It was your pregnancy as much as it was hers. If you still love her, forgive her and go ahead with the introduction.