₦airaland Forum

primadonnachika:
i happened to gain access into my husband's whatsapp chats and the result is better imagined. well, its not something that has never been seen before, so at this point im sure you would guess. another woman? yes, you are very correct.

he had told me he was going traveling out of town for the wedding of an industry colleague. he was to go on Friday for the wedding on Saturday. that didn't sit well with me and we argued back and forth. i didn't see the need for him to travel on Friday for a wedding that would hold the next day when he can as well go on Saturday and still make it back to Lagos that same Saturday. he begged, cajoled, gave me the money i requested and i gave in. all along i had my doubts which were confirmed when i read the contents of the chats and as usual he was inviting another girl from asaba. of course i knew what to expect as i had my suspicions all along. I wasn't shocked, hurt but not as much as i would have. funny enough i felt a sense of elation, maybe closure but then..from the chat i could deduce he dint travel but waited in the office for the babe while calling me and giving me fake info about take off and arrival. at a point i called his two lines severally only for him to pick up and tell me he didn't know it was ringing which is impossible.

ive been calm about the whole thing but of course the attitude is there. there had been lots of issues regarding this in the past with him denying but this time i'm done with this sham of a marriage. he doesn't have time for me, keeps late nights, doesn't make love to me, i have to beg and even with that he comes in two minutes and i'm left with a loaded weapon hampered by my vow of infidelity. turns out he had a two some. i cant even bear for him to touch me or make love to me ever, so whats the point. this man has frustrated me with every reason to cheat in the world but ive remained faithful. from the pictures, they are dirty girls looks more like prostitutes.

for my matured minds, preferably the older ones who have experience in marriage. how do i deal with this, my plan now is to save up some money and move out next year or apply for a visa abd hope luck shines on me and i travel out with our son. on;y the matured responses gets to be dignified with a reply.

my husband is a public dog

Authoreety:
Madam, na u wear shoe, na u kno wr e dey pinch u...

I believe u are old enuf to kno what u want or what is gud for u...

Thank u

MichaelBukamzy:
Brother,advice her or keep mute.
If she has an idea ,would she come here to request for it.

Authoreety:
Idiot! Wetin u advice am now? I guess u aint married,cos if u wr, ul only read and pass in this ladies kind of situation..



Yeye fowl...



If u quote me again, thunder wil destroy u!

primadonnachika:
i happened to gain access into my husband's whatsapp chats and the result is better imagined. well, its not something that has never been seen before, so at this point im sure you would guess. another woman? yes, you are very correct.

he had told me he was going traveling out of town for the wedding of an industry colleague. he was to go on Friday for the wedding on Saturday. that didn't sit well with me and we argued back and forth. i didn't see the need for him to travel on Friday for a wedding that would hold the next day when he can as well go on Saturday and still make it back to Lagos that same Saturday. he begged, cajoled, gave me the money i requested and i gave in. all along i had my doubts which were confirmed when i read the contents of the chats and as usual he was inviting another girl from asaba. of course i knew what to expect as i had my suspicions all along. I wasn't shocked, hurt but not as much as i would have. funny enough i felt a sense of elation, maybe closure but then..from the chat i could deduce he dint travel but waited in the office for the babe while calling me and giving me fake info about take off and arrival. at a point i called his two lines severally only for him to pick up and tell me he didn't know it was ringing which is impossible.

ive been calm about the whole thing but of course the attitude is there. there had been lots of issues regarding this in the past with him denying but this time i'm done with this sham of a marriage. he doesn't have time for me, keeps late nights, doesn't make love to me, i have to beg and even with that he comes in two minutes and i'm left with a loaded weapon hampered by my vow of infidelity. turns out he had a two some. i cant even bear for him to touch me or make love to me ever, so whats the point. this man has frustrated me with every reason to cheat in the world but ive remained faithful. from the pictures, they are dirty girls looks more like prostitutes.

for my matured minds, preferably the older ones who have experience in marriage. how do i deal with this, my plan now is to save up some money and move out next year or apply for a visa abd hope luck shines on me and i travel out with our son. on;y the matured responses gets to be dignified with a reply.

my husband is a public dog

Gentle034:
Follow your mind madam. Please just try and confirm very wella, sometimes, we let our emotions take over our thinking. Just make sure it's real, den procède to divorcification or forgivication. But my own advise would be to stay put, even if it is 4 d sake of your child, cos I can't imagine the trauma the young lad would go Tru if u guys divorced. Every saint has a past ooh and every sinner has a future. ( note pls: not like am shading the extra marital affair)

Omelette21:
present the fact to him,, talk to him. Forgive him.
Don't worry things will get better.

newyorks:
make it a habit to ask him why he prefer eating outside with one eyes closed.let him know u knew his affairs bt dnt let it depress u always put a smilling face.the more u nagg the more he does it.

primadonnachika:
Thank you for the optimism. I seriously wish things will be better. m not sure I can forgive him just yet because this has been a recurrent decimal right from when we were dating.

glogirl:
there is no mature way of handling it.
Really you have two options;
1. bear it.
2. divorce.

1.Bear it;

I walked in you shoes for 9 years. I discovered the situation barely 2 years into the marriage when i was pregnant. Begged, cried ,etc didnt make any difference. so i started investing and saving. still didnt cheat but got happiness from my child.
sometime in 2015 , i had a debilitating accident, lost my mobility for 3 months(bless God it was temporary). My family flew me to USA and the man went to town with his slut.
With my mortality starring me in the face, when i came back. I realised i was wasting my life. I meant little to him so why bother? I refused to live the lie.I wrote him a long letter and made him realise, that all these years, i have put in my best because i know one day my kids will ask me why i left, and before God and Man , i will have a clear conscience.
I also told him that i am leaving cos one of us has to stay alive to care for the kids, since he has chosen to die.

i had seen my death stare me in the face. I knew who needed me most...my kids. so it wasnt a tough decision anymore.
to save us both the embarassment, i applied for visa to canada, both the immigration and for my masters.
i already saved up enough to sustain me for some time.

He understood the finality in mind and when i suggested a counsellor, he agreed. we went for 3 sessions , 2 separate individual sessions and a joint session.
well, that lady helped me out tremendously. I dont know what she told him, but when he came out of his session, the first thing he said was ' I didnt know you saw things that way'.
that was the beginning of a new journey into the marriage after 9 careless years. i can see that he is trying to be better now, and i appreciate his efforts. I also heard out all his pain points, and i do try to work on them. Have i forgiven ? yes. Have I forgotten? No.
Do i still love him? i will never hurt him.
do i still trust him? i will never betray him.

i am hpyer focused on the essence and gift of life, and i do not take it for granted.


my advice to you;
1. stay sweet, baby girl. stay sweet. dont be bitter, dont be sad, forget what you feel, act the part.
0. Find time to pray together as a family, even if its once a week. saturday morrnings are fine. and when you share prayer points, let him pray for his family as the head of the home.
1. the bible says, ........neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them. under their feet, and turn again and rend you. right now, you must protect your heart from further hurt, so you don't get depressed.
2. you must protect your body from diseases, if you must do, use a condom. You must live and be healthy for your child. that should be your priority..
3.Never, I repeat never slack on your appearance, dressing and spirit.take back the power he has over your state of mind and find happiness in other things.
4. Find other sources of joy, and immerse yourself in it.
5. Love is an action word. Play that part to him, it must not be genuine. Just play the part. Hugs, kisses, TLC etc. Just try, you mustnt feel it to act it. that is where the fake lovers outside thrive.
6. save, work, save, invest , save. Money is power. Money is freedom.
7. If you are a professional, check out canada, it has a lot of options to explore.You can go under the guise of masters, and test run being on your own.
8. Explore all options to save your marriage. Dont ignore a bad marriage. Keep pushing for solutions, while you save money. try counsellors, engage him. talk, write, etc. Just keep engaging him on it but dont be antagonistic. try and be logical and factual about it.
so that you know you have given your best .... it is easy to feel guilty when you walk away even though you did nothing wrong in the union.
9. give yourself a timeline, if after all your effort there is no change, then you are prepared to move on in all good conscience.

God will give you the strength .

glogirl:
there is no mature way of handling it.
Really you have two options;
1. bear it.
2. divorce.

1.Bear it;

I walked in you shoes for 9 years. I discovered the situation barely 2 years into the marriage when i was pregnant. Begged, cried ,etc didnt make any difference. so i started investing and saving. still didnt cheat but got happiness from my child.
sometime in 2015 , i had a debilitating accident, lost my mobility for 3 months(bless God it was temporary). My family flew me to USA and the man went to town with his slut.
With my mortality starring me in the face, when i came back. I realised i was wasting my life. I meant little to him so why bother? I refused to live the lie.I wrote him a long letter and made him realise, that all these years, i have put in my best because i know one day my kids will ask me why i left, and before God and Man , i will have a clear conscience.
I also told him that i am leaving cos one of us has to stay alive to care for the kids, since he has chosen to die.

i had seen my death stare me in the face. I knew who needed me most...my kids. so it wasnt a tough decision anymore.
to save us both the embarassment, i applied for visa to canada, both the immigration and for my masters.
i already saved up enough to sustain me for some time.

He understood the finality in mind and when i suggested a counsellor, he agreed. we went for 3 sessions , 2 separate individual sessions and a joint session.
well, that lady helped me out tremendously. I dont know what she told him, but when he came out of his session, the first thing he said was ' I didnt know you saw things that way'.
that was the beginning of a new journey into the marriage after 9 careless years. i can see that he is trying to be better now, and i appreciate his efforts. I also heard out all his pain points, and i do try to work on them. Have i forgiven ? yes. Have I forgotten? No.
Do i still love him? i will never hurt him.
do i still trust him? i will never betray him.

i am hpyer focused on the essence and gift of life, and i do not take it for granted.


my advice to you;
1. stay sweet, baby girl. stay sweet. dont be bitter, dont be sad, forget what you feel, act the part.
0. Find time to pray together as a family, even if its once a week. saturday morrnings are fine. and when you share prayer points, let him pray for his family as the head of the home.
1. the bible says, ........neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them. under their feet, and turn again and rend you. right now, you must protect your heart from further hurt, so you don't get depressed.
2. you must protect your body from diseases, if you must do, use a condom. You must live and be healthy for your child. that should be your priority..
3.Never, I repeat never slack on your appearance, dressing and spirit.take back the power he has over your state of mind and find happiness in other things.
4. Find other sources of joy, and immerse yourself in it.
5. Love is an action word. Play that part to him, it must not be genuine. Just play the part. Hugs, kisses, TLC etc. Just try, you mustnt feel it to act it. that is where the fake lovers outside thrive.
6. save, work, save, invest , save. Money is power. Money is freedom.
7. If you are a professional, check out canada, it has a lot of options to explore.You can go under the guise of masters, and test run being on your own.
8. Explore all options to save your marriage. Dont ignore a bad marriage. Keep pushing for solutions, while you save money. try counsellors, engage him. talk, write, etc. Just keep engaging him on it but dont be antagonistic. try and be logical and factual about it.
so that you know you have given your best .... it is easy to feel guilty when you walk away even though you did nothing wrong in the union.
9. give yourself a timeline, if after all your effort there is no change, then you are prepared to move on in all good conscience.

God will give you the strength .

primadonnachika:
@glogirl thank you for your great input. It turned out I married an asshole. Daily as I read the content of his chat, the true character of the man I married is revealed. This is a man I would practically beg to make love to me and even when he does, he comes within minutes. His chats revealed cheating with two other girls. Claiming he will sleep with one doggy style while also telling one he is Hot. It's so heartbreaking I swear. It means he never really loved me, he tells them they are beautiful but he doesn't tell me that.

Savery for my son there s really not left to fight for. Truth is, I can never sleep with this man again. Everytime I find myself wearing a frown.

I have the screenshot of his chats with three different girls within the space of a week. Do I send them to him or do I keep piling them til I catch them red handed.

Please advise me, I'm so clueless.

primadonnachika:
i happened to gain access into my husband's whatsapp chats and the result is better imagined. well, its not something that has never been seen before, so at this point im sure you would guess. another woman? yes, you are very correct.

he had told me he was going traveling out of town for the wedding of an industry colleague. he was to go on Friday for the wedding on Saturday. that didn't sit well with me and we argued back and forth. i didn't see the need for him to travel on Friday for a wedding that would hold the next day when he can as well go on Saturday and still make it back to Lagos that same Saturday. he begged, cajoled, gave me the money i requested and i gave in. all along i had my doubts which were confirmed when i read the contents of the chats and as usual he was inviting another girl from asaba. of course i knew what to expect as i had my suspicions all along. I wasn't shocked, hurt but not as much as i would have. funny enough i felt a sense of elation, maybe closure but then..from the chat i could deduce he dint travel but waited in the office for the babe while calling me and giving me fake info about take off and arrival. at a point i called his two lines severally only for him to pick up and tell me he didn't know it was ringing which is impossible.

ive been calm about the whole thing but of course the attitude is there. there had been lots of issues regarding this in the past with him denying but this time i'm done with this sham of a marriage. he doesn't have time for me, keeps late nights, doesn't make love to me, i have to beg and even with that he comes in two minutes and i'm left with a loaded weapon hampered by my vow of infidelity. turns out he had a two some. i cant even bear for him to touch me or make love to me ever, so whats the point. this man has frustrated me with every reason to cheat in the world but ive remained faithful. from the pictures, they are dirty girls looks more like prostitutes.

for my matured minds, preferably the older ones who have experience in marriage. how do i deal with this, my plan now is to save up some money and move out next year or apply for a visa abd hope luck shines on me and i travel out with our son. on;y the matured responses gets to be dignified with a reply.

my husband is a public dog