₦airaland Forum

Go and report her to social welfare in the local government secretariat.

As much as a mother is favored in custody issues best interest of the child is more important, she is not working for the child's best interest.

They will make you have a legal lasting arrangement

prestigiouslady:
Dear poster,
Your baby mama is a bag of emotions right now, she loves her son, and at the same time, she's thinking of her future, things like what will happen now? How's my future going to be? Will this man marry me? Can I trust him enough to leave my child with him? Won't my family do a better job of taking care of my child than his?? one of her biggest fear now is insecurity, fear of the unknown, of the future

If you can, why not try to get a job at your town of residence?? no matter how little to let have something doing now? Probably do not cohabitate, let her get an apartment in town so that you both can think straight if you really want to take the "relationship" to the next level.

Have you seen her parents? Not for marriage but for acknowledgement that you were the one that impregnated their daughter?
Let her know your plans for her both on the long run and short run...You can't just have a free woman doing Wifey duties in your house without doing the proper things..

I really think this goes beyond her leaving with the child alone
...ten month plus of living with you and you're not talking about "us", maybe she just feels tomorrow isn't 'certain' but will be preferable to the " vision less" today.

Thank you very much.. I really understand this are her feelings.. I already sit her down to ask her what the plan is and she Wouldn't give me any tangible answer. I ask her if she would like to further her education or I should give her little cash to start a petty business still there are no tangible answer. I guess she is totally confused though. But I don't want such confusion to extend to the boy.. A confused person is bound to make terrible decisions and that is what I'm trying to prevent all over again.
The truth is we already made terrible decisions and I have been really sincere with her all from the start, I made it clear to her that we can't get married, there can never be us, even when I understand fully that this is against her love language. I know it's too early to tell her that but the earlier the better.. I ask her to face the truth And move on with life as I still have nothing less than 9 years to tie the knot. She is the lady and we all know she wouldn't wait till such ridiculous time.

I don't want to see any of her family because they initially rejected me. I only have business with her for now and whatsoever communication will be between us.

I want the child with me, rather than with her family. I will give her the support I can render.. But I think she feels her only ticket to what she wants from me is to have the child with her, but that is blackmail and will never work for me.. I will eventually neglect the two of them if she eventually leave with the boy forcefully.

cococandy:
You have as much right over the child as she does. Don’t let your child grow up without you because of marriage issues. I know that’s what this is all about. At the same time I can’t advise you to marry her because you both have a child together.
Just talk it out with her. If it’s not working, involved third parties. You people have to reach an agreement that’s favorable to the child. She can get a job near you or vice versa.

I can’t say I don’t understand where she’s coming from. But I don’t support her taking him with her.

Thank you, I totally understand that and I will try that out.

Eketem:
Go and report her to social welfare in the local government secretariat.

As much as a mother is favored in custody issues best interest of the child is more important, she is not working for the child's best interest.

They will make you have a legal lasting arrangement

Thanks, this is the sort of opinion I was seeking.

Are yousure the child is yours?

theysg:
.

To be sincere I understand your plights and I understand hers too.
First and foremost, I want to commend you for telling her the truth about the status of your relationship with her, albeit in a way she wasn't anticipating... considering she has a child for you and even lived with you as a 'wife' for ten whole months..it's hard.

You have nothing to offer her even when she wants a whole lot from you.... To you, it's so easy to you don't want her, but the truth is her whole life is more complicated now, a child is involved now and she's going through a lot now, she might feel rejected, like she isn't enough hence the attitude.

One thing is threatening her might work on the short run now but what about the long run?? You've made your choice, one I'm sure you can live with...you alone know why you want to opt out and I respect your decision

Let her know her life doesn't revolve around you, she still has a future, a good one ahead of her even if she is a baby mama..
Involve third parties she respect,let them talk to her..

At this stage I won't advise you let her stay close to you (out of sight might help).. let her have her baby with her (no lady in her shoes will be comfortable leaving her child behind with you, believe me), no issues as long as the child is with her and not her people. Give her something monthly as you'll give the child too...She's angry and confused but she'll come around over time.

Finally, be stern but do not make THREATS, hell has no fury like a woman scorned...

If after all these, she still insists she wants it her way, you then can contact child welfare unit since your hands are tied (unfortunately, no one comes back from court and still remains friends, it will dent your friendship which you need at least for the child sake)..

To chip in something, in this part of Africa, every parent frowns at pregnancy outside of wedlock,(infact in some cultures the child doesn't belong to "you" few parents will pat their daughters on the back if this happens(you'll get there one day and you'll know what it feels like)...her parents might have gone way overboard by chasing her out of the house but her parent are still her parent. She has a child for you and culture demands you MUST see them, at least to acknowledge you are responsible for putting their daughter in the family way, Yorubas will say "Oro ni ana" (in laws are revered)..You don't know her family, yours don't know hers and you expect her to leave a child for you just like thatwho does that? Your baby mama is like a LONE survivor..
She didn't fall from the sky o, same way you think you have absolute control on your child's welfare now is the same way her parents feel too..

My dear brother, you can't put the CART before the HORSE...let the families see(not because you want to marry her,believe me it will even go a long way to mend broken fences between her and her parents) and then you will decide on the custody of the child...
This isn't the time for PRIDE, remember a child's life and future is what we are discussing here..One day your daughter/son will grow up and you'll understand better.

I wish you all best.

Stop trying to handle the issue by yourself. Get your parents involved. Let them come extending olive branch like they would just be there to care for the boy while she does her thing and can come for him anytime she pleases. This will solve the village dump she plans for him. Whatever you do, don't antagonise her lest she takes him away spitefully.

It is well.

prestigiouslady:
I wish you all best.

I really appreciate the kindness of the time spared.
You shed spotlight on this issue of my life..

I know a good advice when I see one and I will work towards it all. Even though we are both that lone survivor but still, we need each other. My parents frown at this too, but you know, "a bad child should'nt be sent on an errand in which he will not return" something that prompt the support from my family.

I will try arrange a conversation between my family and hers, at worst case a conference call because of the distance.

I have offered her what I can, financially and psychologically by taking full responsibility and staying by her through the thick times of gestation.. It is not something I really prepared for and cost me alot of sweat and time. But I'd sacrifice that to correct the mistakes and to set a breeze of peace. I was initially advised to deny the pregnancy or even give her money for abortion but I still prefer to keep the law of nature standard because I know that's the only way to have my full reward. I might also never remain the same psychologically if I don't make smart moves henceforth. I hate to let her go but I have already start a fresh journey.

God bless you and I will definitely keep it posted here on whatsoever that comes out of this.

sisisioge:
Stop trying to handle the issue by yourself. Get your parents involved. Let them come extending olive branch like they would just be there to care for the boy while she does her thing and can come for him anytime she pleases. This will solve the village dump she plans for him. Whatever you do, don't antagonise her lest she takes him away spitefully.

It is well.

Gracias .

theysg:
I really appreciate the kindness of the time spared.
You shed spotlight on this issue of my life..

I know a good advice when I see one and I will work towards it all. Even though we are both that lone survivor but still, we need each other. My parents frown at this too, but you know, "a bad child should'nt be sent on an errand in which he will not return" something that prompt the support from my family.

I will try arrange a conversation between my family and hers, at worst case a conference call because of the distance.

I have offered her what I can, financially and psychologically by taking full responsibility and staying by her through the thick times of gestation.. It is not something I really prepared for and cost me alot of sweat and time. But I'd sacrifice that to correct the mistakes and to set a breeze of peace. I was initially advised to deny the pregnancy or even give her money for abortion but I still prefer to keep the law of nature standard because I know that's the only way to have my full reward. I might also never remain the same psychologically if I don't make smart moves henceforth. I hate to let her go but I have already start a fresh journey.

God bless you and I will definitely keep it posted here on whatsoever that comes out of this.

You're welcome Sir.
Considering what has transpired between both families, physical meeting can be arranged, which I think is very necessary,of course after speaking on phone (my dad for example will consider that rude and won't give you an audience, each family with its own rule, I don't even want to imagine what my dad will do to you if I were in your baby mama's shoes , on a funny note, just plan to carry your bag to relocate to Somalia )
Yes, I understand the psychological effect on you, but believe me whatever you're feeling, she's going through worse (our society doesn't favour a single mom, The society we live in hails abortion (I've got nothing against abortion, its a personal choice) and see those who are brave enough to face their "mistakes" are seen as promiscuous. I am one myself and I didn't have a child out of wedlock o,circumstances made me one, its a biased world out there).

She should work on making herself better than wallowing in guilt and self pity...having a source of income makes one mentally, physically and even emotionally stable to an extent(I really wish she can read this)

Like I said earlier, weigh your options well, very well, make the choices you can live with alone.

May God illuminate our path

Hmm, this is very sensitive, a child life and future is at stake.

Please op, you have to be very critical going forward.

Did ever loved her? Or it was just sex? You said you wouldn't be ready for marriage till say 9yrs time, so you should be Btw 21-25,correct? And is the only factor affecting marriage with her?
In my opinion, this lady probably loves you, this days lady abort in a blink of an eye. And you telling her nothing can ever happen between you two is making her defensive. I know mistakes happen, but please understand her emotions, she is probably trying to move on and totally get you out of her life, "since you don't want her".
As other posters suggested, meet her parents. And is there any reason you guys can't Atleast date? Who knows

mrjojo:
Hmm, this is very sensitive, a child life and future is at stake.

You are somewhat precise with the age, I'm 26.
I already understand her emotions but it's quite painful no-one wants to understand mine.. It's a cruel world though and that doesn't baffle me..
It's a long story if I decide to explain why we can't date anymore or marry, but honestly at this point I know what's good for me.
I have a startup, I have a 9-5 job which implies I have a career to run after. All this things are distractions.. Although I have been able to curb it to some extent buh bliv me a day will not pass by without thinking about it.. It's such a big distraction..

If I keep such lady beside me during my journey, it's a double distraction because we all know what baby mama's are capable of, especially when they know you can't tossed them one side.. They become a bone in the throat and disturb ur freaking life everyday, she is a potential bone in the throat by attitude and I can't afford to take her along.

Assuming I'm ready to get married next year or upper one, it's a different thing entirely.. But with this little time we spent together sef, I know what she has made me gone through not to talk of having her as a full wife..

I will do the needful, may God help us all.
Stay Blessed.

Nutase:
How do people have sex with strangers without protection??

I comot cap for you bros.

Wehdonesah.

village people work nah, or what do u want to hear？