₦airaland Forum

MaNyEsq:
Like my grandma would always say, son, "A leopard does not change its spots." You knew before you entered into the marriage that she's very disrespectful and mouthy and still you married her. Based on what you said, you've always been the one that break the stalemate and call her each time you quarrel. So, let it me break it down to you.

There's one of two dynamics at play here: [1] Either she is waiting for you to fold like a cheap tulip under a scorching sun as you have always done and call her back and beg or [2] she's found another man that really piques her interest. I must say that in this relationship, you laid the wrong foundation. As a man, you must maintain your integrity as the head of the household.

Aristotle once said, "you're what you repeatedly do," therefore, your falling for her tricks became a habit not an act. Truth be told, no woman trully wants a man [husband] that she can control not withstanding what she must profess openly or publicly. They want a man that they believe can always protect, provide and offer them security when the need arises. No woman wants a sissy for a husband.

When she tested you by waiting for you to cave in and be the one to call first after your arguments, you flunked the test. So, she has lost albeit the little respect she might have had for you. Women are a funny bunch...very diabolical! They never tell you directly what they mean...you always have to play a guessing game or figure them out yourself.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

chemberlin:
Can i call u for advice please?

Mariangeles:
Believe me she's not okay wherever she is since you have not called her back as you used to...she is panicking wherever she is right now!
I'm quite sure she's afraid (to lose you because you're probably the only man who can tolerate her) since you haven't called her unlike before, she's probably wondering if there is another woman .
You've got to stand your ground!
Don't call her!
Let her be the one to call you so you can set some conditions!
Let her be the one to fight for you and her marriage this time!
If she still loves you, she'll fight for you!

MaNyEsq:
What would you need advice on? I am not a shrink nor do I play one on TV but life experience have taught me a lot.

chemberlin:
Atleast from ur experience in life u can help me when u get to know what i have to say

countryfive:
you've allowed your self to be deceived, who told u she will change ?
your marriage in shaking while the elders have disappeared in your case.
pls go back to them to help fix your marriage.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will CHANGE AFTER THE MARRIAGE

kapelvej:
Thank yo for your time, you made some very good suggestions, I have made several attempts we to see a councellor she will have non of it, I have been begging her to tell me if there is something I was doing wrongly, but she will not even bother to reply me. Sadly I over heard one of her friends telling her sometimes that she should try and change her ways. Her eldest sister also talked to both of us and made it clear to her that she has to change her ways.
Concerning doing something shocking, well I think that not calling her bask like I used to do should be shocking enough for her, it is two months now, and she is very okay with it.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

kapelvej:
Gosh, I forgot to talk about this part, I know some one will raise it up. I will just go back and modify the post. Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

kapelvej:
Gosh, I forgot to talk about this part, I know some one will raise it up. I will just go back and modify the post. Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

LotusFan:
First of all I will like to commend you for opening this thread and attempting to take proactive steps towards salvaging what’s left of your marriage.

However, it appears your wife has a very dominant alpha kind of personality. Women long for leadership and if they find that, they will admire and “submit” (I use that word loosely) and love.

You seem to have allowed her walk all over you and this has made her respect and subsequently her love diminish over time. She just can’t be bothered hence the attitude. I really think you need to make her realise that you are fed up and you will not take it any more. You might have tried this before but you need to DECIDE not to allow her walk all over you the way she does to everyone else. It will not happen over night but you have to value your self respect enough to put your foot down NOW.

If you don’t, the kids will grow up to disrespect you too because naturally their mother’s behaviour will rub off on them.

Call an official family meeting if you have to but DECIDE and do this quickly. Personally I don’t like third party involvement but in this case it might help. Perhaps a woman she respects who has a successful marriage can speak to her but she has to have an opportunity to tell you what you have been doing for the last 6 years that is making her love disappear.

Good luck!

Klimaths:
Now let me say this @OP, every woman needs a leader, and leadership is influenced not by dominance. You have to stand up and take the leadership position as the man that you are. Every woman behaves most times like the horse which you need to put a reins on them to control their actions. There should consequences for bad behavior, if there is no consequences for bad behavior then there will anarchy within the home.

I strongly recommend that you take out time to go see your wife sit her down and talk some sense into her. That if such actions repeat itself again you will send her back to her parents house, also put her family in the copy too; that if their Duaghter continue this way that separation is inevitable, then watch their responses and then you will truly know where are loyalty lies.

You can also engaged the advice of her Pastor or anybody you think she reverence or hold in high esteem. That can help too.

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.

eyeview:
Personally, the first question i ask whenever i see such situation is this: Didnt you see these signs when you were dating or where you blinded by something else or where you one of those who think they will change in marriage?

kapelvej:
Hello all, I will try and make this simple.We have been married for 6 years and two children, unfortunately there have been very few times we have enjoyed peace, I have done everything I could to make her happy, but non has ever worked.

She insults me anytime anywhere and she does not just care, her mother and brother sometimes chastise her, but she does not just listen, her mother however recently has been agreeing to anything she says or do, even with her other siblings no matter who is wrong(this is because she got a job lately and has been satisfying her mother financially). In fairness to her, she also disrespects every single person in her family, not just me alone. Also in fairness to her mum, (her mum) and her family members sometimes think I am too soft on her.

Well again in fairness to her , she exhibited these signs right from day one, not just to me but to everybody even her mother and elder ones. I explained this to the elders of the church, but they said she will change after the marriage.

Meanwhile while we were dating, there was a time I ended the affair because of her cynical behavior, and she came to beg and promised to change. I forgave her after like one month. But then, it only lasted for a while.

Many different things have happened since the marriage, even flirtatious activities, but not adultery, I have tried to handle and forgive those things.

Presently I am working in a different city, and we had a little misunderstanding and she started insulting me as usual and hung up on me. This is what she does regularly, but each time, I will be the one to call back because, I felt I should take the initiative and also because of the kids. I have told her to stop hanging up on me and insulting me on the phone. So, This time around, I refused to call her, and it has been like this for 2 months now, she refused to call as well. To worsen everything, I lost a close family member, just before this problem, she does not just seem to care. We have been like that since the past two months. Something tells me that with this kind of behaviour, she might as well have moved on, please what do you all think.

Anything we have misundertsanding , even when I try to resolve the issue, she will be busy with her phone, no matter how late it is, then immediately she drops the phone, she says she wants to sleep, and that is all.

NB. For this six years, I have been the only person working, so this is not a a case of her being the bread winner. She just got a job 5 months ago.