₦airaland Forum

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Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

First of, I congratulate you on your USA path. With the USA, you are in the winning side. There are thousands of single mothers in the USA wishing they could get a good man. I give her a year in the USA and she will cherish what she has.

That said, I am not married yet, but looking forward to it. I will share the best marriage advise I had gotten from a wise man.


You seem very busy, I know a man gotta do what he has to do, but before she agreed to date you, you remember how you were all over her and had enough time for her? Apparently that should never go away. Most happy couples claim that marriage is not an easy thing. Like you have to work on it to be happy. I think your wife is spent, and you not really replenishing it.

Imagine you gave your wife 100 thousand, tomorrow you collect 20k from the money. You keep collecting until she has nothing left. What do you think she will say to you when you ask for me. Shes spent.

So replenish her, find time, do all the things that makes her happy. If she's still like that, just bring her to the USA, then she will appreciate you better.

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

Do not take her to the US, you will regret it forever.

baratech:
Do DNA test...

If you are not happy in the marriage, then divorce na...
You're still talking about America, visa, greencard... Na wa for you o...

What do you mean by she's not the sex type? If she's not sexing you, she's sexing someone else.... Women like sex more than guys....

The woman you married has changed.. People change.... Don't wait till it's too late... Until we come and read on Nairaland 'Woman caught cheating stabs husband'...

Anyway I pray that you receive sense sha...

He needs more to DNA test for the child. Imagine a Man saving money to relocate to the US and yet fails dropping money for foodstuff at home. Haba that's bad , women like opportunity to rain abusive word on Men wen such happens; adding to the calmness of the husband.
I better enjoy my humble Nigeria well than visualizing US unto destruction with a disordered wife or woman partner. The lady might not have any outside affairs, if she can't in anyway find what she based the relationship on; my broda sorry is your case.. Going to Bahamas, tokyo, Orlando, Texas wouldn't save you.
Re-build the marriage on the values you both shared and cared for then, she will adjust automatically... if you can't make her change just change your way..DIVORCE HER IF THE CHILD IS NOT YOURS!!!

GOD SAID IF WE DENY HIM, HE WILL DENY US... If your madam deny your rest of mind, happiness and joy of marriage after trying to restore what preempted the relationship/marriage just presents her officially to her EX.

Jayslicky:
The first thing I would advice you to do is to go and have a DNA test for that child, with what you explained here I don't trust that your wife, she is a big time pretender and pretenders are capacable of commiting dangerous sins.

The love between you two had quenched for a long time but you refused to see it, it all started from that her birthday, she felt you really didn't take her as your most important thing in life, I think that is when she started getting closer to her ex, I suspect that your wife and ex still had a short time relationship before getting married to you, she did that because she realise her ex was not ready for marriage and she was pregnant, so she decided to get married to you.

You can both go to see a counselor and let him know where you guys are lacking in your marriage, maybe you are not doing something right that is infuriating your wife but just hope she still has any iota of love for you, if not the marriage is as good as dead.

bro I hardly comment here but this ur issue got me please fellow my advice

first of all you need to do DNA test to make sure that baby is yours

2 you are very weak man you are so soft that why she is insults you and treat you like s66hit see one of my gf insulted me bro if u see the kind beast when I beast her seen then she didn't try it see bro woman hate weak men u need to show her you are the man of the house all what you need to do is to beast her very well see this is not a joke oh better beat let's her know are the man treat her like shi55t stop giving her money for food don't eat her food before she kill you all those your sweet talk you use to do before stop it if you ask her to do something for you and she say no bro give her a hot slap and ask her and tell her to do it bro you need to stop been wick girls hate wick men you need to send up and show her you are the man

stop telling her you plan don't even talk to her again see bro tell her u are tried of the marriage kick her out of the house because that woman will kill u one day one marriage is not by force that send her out before it too late

please conduct a dna text on that child.

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

cenaman:
you better act fast before she distroy ur life. divorce her asap.

bro that the best advice so far

Mizwisdom:
No perfect marriage, you've known your wife before now, learn to deal with your differences and keep your lives off social media

Is this all you have to say?, “No perfect marriage” and “keep his problem off social media” pray not to find yourself on this kind of situation.

Mizwisdom:
No perfect marriage, you've known your wife before now, learn to deal with your differences and keep your lives off social media

So he should be dying in silence abi? Your wickedness no get part 2.

Logobenz2:
Woman insult your family in your presence you no jam am till she collapse
Bros you dey fall hand o
Please no one should advise this kind of weak man.spits!
Who wouldn't know what to do at this point?some people dey born sha
Just look at someone's son.e be like na pap den use raise you.
Your mom comes to your own house and your wife not only mistreated her but tried to insult her in your presence?you know why?she knows you are a weak man.
That was your golden opportunity to teach her a bitter lesson that will be justified anywhere in Nigeria.
I wonder what she will do to you if you take her to the US.
Better cancel all plans of that visa,withdraw the application,divorce that woman whether the child is yours or Not,do not care!just be sending upkeep money for the child and get yourself another woman.
Jesus Christ!

brother Godbless you for this the guy too weak no be small can you imagine na wow

The day you as a man tied the knot as a married man, that's when your true destiny shows.

sholikay:
well i'm not married, but from what you typed,it seems she has given you clue of what you are doing to her,which is prompting her to act that way...that's the issue of not giving her enough attention, care and love...some ladies might be so funny and crazy when you tend to deny them some things..she knew she is married now and since she can't cheat on you,due to conscience or whatever. she expected you to be giving her all she needs,irrespective of your busy schedule... why not deal with that first by planning your time with her,then see if she will change... I believe she can be easily manipulated by you,since she is not giving you a silent and cold treatment.... her constant nagging shows she needs you to amend immediately... women can be so funny...
note:I'm currently in such with my fiancee presently.. due to my NYSC posting we have been on this LDR thing for now,and I have not really had time for her like before..we hardly see,and she complains,nags at my little mistakes.but when I started shifting my attention back to her,her head is calming back a bit....



just be calm and amend...she is your wife now and not a fiancee or girlfriend...

oga what are you saying can't u read what this woman is doing to him can you imagine in fact you are a f//ool for saying this which attention guy take ur time oh

centboy123456:
bro I hardly comment here but this ur issue got me please fellow my advice

first of all you need to do DNA test to make sure that baby is yours

2 you are very weak man you are so soft that why she is insults you and treat you like s66hit see one of my gf insulted me bro if u see the kind beast when I beast her seen then she didn't try it see bro woman hate weak men u need to show her you are the man of the house all what you need to do is to beast her very well see this is not a joke oh better beat let's her know are the man treat her like shi55t stop giving her money for food don't eat her food before she kill you all those your sweet talk you use to do before stop it if you ask her to do something for you and she say no bro give her a hot slap and ask her and tell her to do it bro you need to stop been wick girls hate wick men you need to send up and show her you are the man

stop telling her you plan don't even talk to her again see bro tell her u are tried of the marriage kick her out of the house because that woman will kill u one day one marriage is not by force that send her out before it too late

Seriously bro??....violence is never an option.it doesn't in any way depict strength, u don't have to hit her to prove a point and please if u are in the habit of doing such desist, I repeat desist!!. Fear and respect are two different things. Your wife I think is scared of you and u mistake it for respect. I'll rather choose divorce over domestic violence, but what do I know since I ain't married

double3:
Seriously bro??....violence is never an option.it doesn't in any way depict strength, u don't have to hit her to prove a point and please if u are in the habit of doing such desist, I repeat desist!!. Fear and respect are two different things. Your wife I think is scared of you and u mistake it for respect. I'll rather choose divorce over domestic violence, but what do I know since I ain't married

bro you don't know what you are talking see this is Africa you need to teach some of this girl what you are msde off if u like be like d wick man na u know because she need to learn the hard way

Even if you decided against the DNA test, the US embassy will request one for your kid.
You guys are still in Nigeria, you can't control her, you will never have a say in the US- you will be a slave to her forever.
Every woman deserves some cheats. Give her some.

Woe unto weak men

LordKO:
@OP

I hear cry of a servile man. You've a fundamental problem which makes you an enabler for your wife's toxicity towards you in particular and others in general.

I wager where your wife is now, she throws around a statement like "I'm not impure, my husband just loves me" to whosoever that cares to listen to her . . . That's the slogan of subjugators (like your wife) who're able to have servile men (and vice versa) like you.

In fact, I love it when servile and false libertarians (men especially) cry when being subjugated, like in your case, because on a normal day you and your ilk will be in a thread like this to cast aspersions on any person (man and woman) who expresses abhorrence towards small-minded women (and men) over their toxicity. And at the same time chorus with them on any denouncement they make towards any rightful thing that doesn't resonate well in their ears, just to spite and deride those against their petty attitudes, all in a bid to appear more civil than civility itself. Most of your ilk have already commented on this thread.

Hypocritically disingenuous people everywhere.

already judging the op.....this is the eype of person that will paint a person black even when he doesn't know the person. Very typical.

cuba62:
Sir I am not married but I think the fundamental problem is that she is your age mate, was helping you in school so surely the respect has never been there.

it has nothing to do with age mate,the lady is something else.

Ignorance is one key issue destroying marriages.
If actually we can prepare ourselves for "marriage" just like we prepare in other aspects of our lives, "if"!
Many a times we are clouded with feelings, thought and swayed by emotions, then we think we are good to go.
These books may help out;
* Living beyond your feelings - Joyce Meyer.
* What every woman want in a Man/ What every Man
want in a Woman - John & Diana Hagee.
* The power and purpose of love and marriage - Dr.
Myles Munroe
* 20 rules and tools for a great marriage - Dr. Steve
Stephens.
* Act like a lady think like a man - Steve Harvey.

All of una wen dae advice op for divorce, una think say na so e easy ? OK, fine, op divorce then come marry anoda one wen worst pass the former, shey una go tell am to divorce again ?!
Please read the books listed above, especially the one by Dr. Myles Munroe also endeavor to see a marriage/relationship counsellor (not all these nairaland Tom and Harry forming counsellor).
Wishing you all the best in lieu of making your marriage work !

Brother your wife is a pretender. She is still dating her ex... that baby is not yours trust me. If I were you I will let go of that marriage. The insult will continue. And she will continue seeing her ex. There is no love there anymore.

Anonymus010:
Well, she dated the guy for 1year before we started dating. According to her, it was a distant 2go app relationship and they only saw twice only throughout the relationship & no romance at all. Well, she wanted to keep communication with the guy because she claimed they broke up on agreement and the guy just wanted to remain as a good friend to her but I frown at it. She claimed they have not spoken for a year before the guy reached out to her on her birthday.

Sorry, but your wife is not telling you the truth.
If what she said here is true, then she have another ex that is closer than you!

Let me explain.
The saying that; "OUT OF SIGHT IS OUT OF MIND" is very true my brother.
It's very unfortunate, but you're wife is constantly in the sight of her ex. That's why he can turn up at exactly 12am and wish her happy birthday.

When trusting her, remember you didn't disvirgin her. Never ever trust anybody too much.

It's very sad that instead of you to enjoy your marriage, you are going through problems. Very, very bad! I really feel for you.

But I don't blame your wife, and will never blame her. You know why? You are the cause of everything that happened and is happening in your marriage.

Yes, you made so many mistakes in your relationship with your actions. What you are seeing now are just consequences of those mistakes.

Apologizing to your wife for her own mistakes is a very big mistake you are making every time. How can she then apologize to you for her wrong doings when you didn't give her the opportunity to do so? Just stop it! You are being too nice. It doesn't work out that way. Instead, you will be taking forgranted

Allowing your wife to keep in touch with her ex is a big mistake. That mistake is manifesting itself in your marriage. And will continue to manifest except you correct it. Remember that another of your wife birthday is coming

Here is another big mistake you made and the consequence is massive! Just pray that the DNA test comes in your favor. Otherwise it will not be easy to handle.
You see your wife's call logs with her ex of about an hour in the middle of the night and you did nothing. What were you thinking? Did you think her ex was discussing and telling her how to build her new home?

Instead of you to accuse her using that call logs as evidence of something that is going wrong, you kept quiet and pretend as if nothing happened. Few weeks later, she got pregnant.

Have you figured out who her pastor really is and why not going to greet him will create problems in your home?

Many things are going wrong right under your nose and you are doing nothing about it.

How the hell will your wife insult you, your mum and your entire family and nothing happens?
You are not even ready to do anything. Instead, you want to change your wife.

Let me just advice you a little.
If there's anything you can do to save your marriage, then it must begins with you.

You must change your methods and allow your wife to change herself base on what you want. Otherwise nothing will work.

Attend to a situation with potentials to destroy your home immediately it arises. Don't wait until it spoil something.

Use both sides of your nature. Don't use only the good side. Use the bad side of yourself at times. Deliberately create a problem and put the blame on your wife. Then let her try to please you and make you happy. Stress her at times. And let her also work hard to make the relationship works.
This method may look somehow, but it works. If you have used it during the dating stage, it would have saved you from this stress. Don't be the only one who is working really hard to make it work.


Your wife is not the problem. You are!
You don't have principles at all.
Looks like in your world anything goes. Just like a no man's land. Just do as you like, no problem. Nothing will happen. How can you live a life like that?

Let me tell you in case you don't know.
Before your wife takes any action directly, she has taken that action indirectly before to test your response and discover that you will do nothing if she behaves in such a way.
And guess what? She's always right.

Stupid fake story.

God punish you, amen

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

Jayslicky:
The first thing I would advice you to do is to go and have a DNA test for that child, with what you explained here I don't trust that your wife, she is a big time pretender and pretenders are capacable of commiting dangerous sins.

The love between you two had quenched for a long time but you refused to see it, it all started from that her birthday, she felt you really didn't take her as your most important thing in life, I think that is when she started getting closer to her ex, I suspect that your wife and ex still had a short time relationship before getting married to you, she did that because she realise her ex was not ready for marriage and she was pregnant, so she decided to get married to you.

You can both go to see a counselor and let him know where you guys are lacking in your marriage, maybe you are not doing something right that is infuriating your wife but just hope she still has any iota of love for you, if not the marriage is as good as dead.

seconded

XTHRONE:
why is it that woman like supporting fellow women, even when they know, the woman in question is wrong, this is something i have observed... you said do not pay her evil for evil, good woman, so he should continue being an ass hole and get insulted every day. Maddam i greet u

Its very important for some assholes to learn how to read before quoting people. Mtchewww

davillian:
Bro you have endurance and patience.
Me I don't have it in my DNA.
I'm the type that can divorce my wife on Sunday morning after wedding on Saturday.
If she doesn't respect herself.

I hate stress, people putting pressure on me and giving me headache.
Once I say I no do, I no do be that..
I broke up with one of my gf then becaused I cooked and asked her to serve her friend and she insisted I go and serve her friend Na that spot I end the whole thing.

haha funny dude me and u na d same oh no time to waste

Bro,d problem is from u...u allow her to be familiar to ur family,dats 1,secondly,she gave u d red alert but u ignord it,3rdly,u love ur woman dan ur parent.......
ADVICE:Seek prayers frm ur mom nd Pastor bfor goin for DNA test,how can u allow someone u re datin to tell u about her ex?to me d woman am goin to marry must not for once insult my mom in my present ooo,d day she open ur mouth to insult my mom,she is gone ..but though,the issue at hand is not ordnary.ptay dat God give u wisdom to knw wat to do sir...

armyofone:
After Dna and the child is your, please do everything possible to make your marriage work.

that marriage will take a miracle to work.that is why some of us who are still single are always careful to jump.....

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

US that gives women so much liberty,that's where you want to take your disrespectful wife to?.....You are the real problem of your home,not your wife,for you not to be able to control your wife,it means you a weak man


As a man you are supposed to put her in her place

SUMMARY.
NO LONG STORY.

Why marry to be a dustbin of insults, disrespect and hate?
You wife regretted about the marriage and she is NOT fully done with her ex
Go for DNA test on "your" child and whatever the outcome,never take your wife to the US because that would be your final slaughter ground.

No hard feelings(◠‿◕)

Bizibi:
already judging the op.....this is the eype of person that will paint a person black even when he doesn't know the person. Very typical.

Bumpkin. I'm not surprised that extrapolation and discernment aren't your forte. Anyway, it's of no value to join issues with a small-minded person like you.

Direct your further mentions to your lunatic parents.

common man be smart don't be blindfolded ur wife is still fucking her ex.don't be surprise that the child is not urs u better run an do DNA test before it is too late.you are just delaying your in the failed marriage.don't go an commit suicide one day.women like that are dangerous.marriage no be by force.A single man with joy is better than a married man with wife an problem.
secondly, u trust ur wife so much that is another reason for her misbehavior. don't be surprise that woman is a dog outside ur house.but ur trust couldn't open ur eyes an sees the truth.if you love ur life follows my instruction an do the facts.it is for ur own good.those that will quote me wrong for telling this man the truth should hug transformer.