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Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

Hmmm, if all you said is true, just leave her behind and travel

When you come back tell her you want a divorce and start the processing

I don't just know what her problem is

After all the pleading and begging, her head is still hot

You might not be happy with it because her nagging just started

Let her go and try another man

sassysure:
I wonder why u said only experienced married men.

Some men are not married yet has more experience in marriage matter than the married ones.
Also why did u exclude women?

Anyway,

I stopped reading at a point.

Ur wife has gotten what she worked for, a ring on her hand.
When I saw, she cook for me, do this and that, I knew she is out to hook up by any means necessary.
She never did hate her ex remember?
Just that the guy don't want to settle down so it's possible She was still attached to him emotionally. Okafor's law may have played out significantly and she got pregnant, pressured u into marriage. Marriage after two yrs of graduation cos she was pregnant and u did wedding of 2 million with borrowed funds.whom were u trying to impress?
What manner of man are u?

Don't u have a voice?
What makes you the man of the house if u can't stamp your authority?
I am not saying beat or abuse her but talk like the head of ur family. Let ur wife stop trampling on your manhood.
Her excuse that her ex called her first is extremely childish.
So u guys still keep in touch with ex's?
There is a reason why they are called ex. Unless you are colleagues, u guys don't have anything in common.
That was where u would have scolded her seriously still keeping in touch with her ex, yet u are apologising.
What are u apologising for. U went to work. Birthdays will continue coming. Is she a kid that put so much meaning into birthday?
Why the fuss?
She has never stopped her relationship with her ex and the guy is ok as long as she dey open her leg.
Now, small soft words from him and she is admitting she never liked ur people.
Pls do give her the needed break.
Don't disturb her during the break and also make sure u provide for the kid, go and see ur child. As her only general things concerning ur kid and go ur way.
If u ignore her( u give her so much attention),she will be confused and start seeking u out.
If she eventually come back for talk, read her the riot act.
The relationship is still early and it's better this early than late.

It's hard but start seeing urself as a single man once again.

If u have the money, do a DNA test to be sure u are not training another man's child.

What a woman!
Her self entitlement is too much and she successfully played u.

U were a fool in love when all the signs are there.
Why will she insult your people? What did they do to her?
Why didn't u call her to order?
Are u even a man?

Some ex will do anything to destabilise ur marriage especially guys if u give them the chance. And they will end up not marrying u.
If ur woman had loved u, she will tell you that her ex is contacting her.
I so much hate pretenders.

I'm a lady but I will say that we naija ladies are mostly pretenders.
The reason why it was said that more than 50% of the first child don't normally belong to the husband. (Na DNA specialist for Lagos talk am o)
Mtcheew

nne m I swear u are full of wisdom.I have already fall in love.calling a spade a spade.respect ma

The best thing to do is see a counselor

You promised to keep it short but not at all. Let me quickly tell you something about women. They see man as a financial Institution they can get anything from.

2. Women doesnt know what they want. If they ask themselves about what they want, they dont know.

3. Do you want to die before your time? Marriage is not a must, when one party is not happy. She has found pleasure elsewhere do let her go I blame you on one thing, for allowing her to insult your mum and also use her money for cooking and you ate out of it. I treat the fuckup of a woman when she fuckup. I will say you are somehow weak when it comes to keeping relationship. You are the head of your home so take charge, don't give woman any chance to control, If anyone says you are too harsh, remind them this is your home, they should do theirs has they wanted.

one advice i will give is go back to yourself and handle your home they way you feel, don't listening to anybody even me because it is your home.

The day a man become too emotional,weak and soft to a woman thats the day you loose your respect,with your write up, you seems to show too much respect to her never be scared of loosing a woman cos you might end up in regret,just one child is like this what will happen when it gets to 3 kids.

you said she don't want her mum to take care of her during her child birth their is a reason for that she fear her mum and maybe her mum is not the quiet type meaning you have to man up sir,dont be scared to loose.

Elder BRO, almost crying as I'm reading this, my first advice is take your kid for a DNA test go to as many doctors and hospital as possible, so you will be very sure. once you confirm he's not yours I will advise a divorce, that's the only thing I will do if it's me.
How I wish I know you in person.
Your home is still young, and you are a young man, you can't continue this way, cos marriage is forever.
If you confirm the child is yours go for counseling and save your soul take decisions you know you are not going to regret In future cos I'm sure with this woman u won't even live long and it will have a big Influence on your future kids, it's still only one kid that's joining you both so be smart about your decision before you realize when your kids become 4.
Lastly, about moving abroad don't be swift, delay it cos abroad won't change your status and your family might not survive it cos you need time to settle down and your wife is not that patient type.
I pray God see you through.
From www.facebook.com/asorockvibes1

My brother READ THIS and you can decide after this. In a particular compound I was living,there lived a young couple who newly got married and somehow they were living well until the ex of his wife showed up like a night mare. Every afternoon,once the husband goes out, the guy sneaks in and makes out with this married woman . This practise went on and on until the man started laying hands on his wife and as stupid as he is ,the handwritting on the wall. He was blind to it until the wife killed him.

TODAY ,His wife is happily married to his ex not up to three months he died . She sold everything that belonged to her husband and bought a car for her ex, stocked the shop of her ex with goods and bleeped his else everyday without any iota of relentless. My brother did you know that the woman took her children to the village while she remained in the city to mess around with her ex. My brother in as much as I don't wish you dead, count your teeth with your tongue,make a decision today and live longer. Like a wise man once said " there are many woman out there who will love you to the moon and back".
I hope with this, you will take the necessary action and don't ever let your balls to be trampled upon by a woman.
JAH bliss on you Brother

Guy look at me..takin that woman to US will be the worst mistake of ur life. U seem weak,that's why she treats u this way..do a DNA test for d child and divorce d woman if she refuses to change..shes leading u to early grave..

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F6b0c6kSFpE

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.



Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

First and foremost. That baby does no belong to u. Also pan ur exit from that toxic relationship immediately, in conclusion ur wife is gone i can assure u she is still seeing her ex

Sigh!

Finance is the problem. NEVER EAT FREE FOOD AND CALL IT SHE LOVES ME.

If you let a woman seduce you with gifts, food, money - you are eating your self respect. It will bite you later. The female ego is more dangerous than you know.

AVOID LETTING A WOMAN SPEND ON YOU - WOMEN DON'T RESPECT MEN THEY SPEND ON. THEY WILL TREAT YOU LIKE THIER SON

Whoever provides is the husband (think deeply about this)

Logobenz2:
Woman insult your family in your presence you no jam am till she collapse
Bros you dey fall hand o
Please no one should advise this kind of weak man.spits!
Who wouldn't know what to do at this point?some people dey born sha
Just look at someone's son.e be like na pap den use raise you.
Your mom comes to your own house and your wife not only mistreated her but tried to insult her in your presence?you know why?she knows you are a weak man.
That was your golden opportunity to teach her a bitter lesson that will be justified anywhere in Nigeria.
I wonder what she will do to you if you take her to the US.
Better cancel all plans of that visa,withdraw the application,divorce that woman whether the child is yours or Not,do not care!just be sending upkeep money for the child and get yourself another woman.
Jesus Christ!

There are times when i Dont agree with some of your post but you are "MA REAL N!GGA"

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

I Will keep it simple, if I were you I would sharply cut her off when her ex sent her birthday messages and when you saw she was still having conversations on phone with the said ex this is pure red flags but you ignored it and went ahead with the marriage and I suspect your wife is purely having sex with the ex and a DNA test is needed here, the issue of insulting you and your family is unfortunate you should in charge as the head of the family you seem to be too soft on her and women will always take advantage of you when you are too over pampering or too soft, I left a girl I was dating when I noticed that she was still having an affair with her ex secretly, people shouldn't be taken red flags in a relationship for granted, when you are into it your girlfriend has no business with her ex don't give her space but if she still flirt with her ex leave her immediately that is a big problem that will hurt you in the future

Kiezodumah:
I wish the op would read my contribution. This guy up there nailed it: his contribution was epic. However, let me add some few things. You don't need only married men to advise u on this, any reasonable matured man is capable of telling u the absolute truth.
Let me tel u a true life story. When we were in medical school, my best friend who wasn't doing well financially had asked a lady out but she turned him down for obvious reasons. She was in the dept of english language at the time.The guy was poor due to his background. I told some of our other close friends that if I were in his shoes, I don't think I would have graduated from the university let alone med school. The guys resilience was out of this world. He looked tattered yet happy. Though I did my best as a friend until I also lost my Dad and we were almost on same page bit was still doing better financially. Fast forward my story to when we became finalists. He told me," bro ,do u remember so so so( called her name )"?? . I said " yes I do" ... He told me he started having a whatsap conversation with her and how he had expressed his love for her,been thinking about her etc. She was complaint and responsive this time around. I told him never to be serious with her because a lady who could reject u when u were dirty and unkempt years back wouldn't turn around all of a sudden from no where and begin to show interest in you cos u are about to finish school and start life for real. She had graduarpted long before us and had started working for some years then.
I advised him to chop and clean mouth and to be careful of her. Told him to use condom or other contraceptives when things happened. He said that was his intention from the very beginning. This lady would travel all the way to Lagos to come meet my guy severally, buy things when coming , cook, kneel on the ground for him and present her salary to seek is opinion on how it would be spent. My guy go split the money ,take part for himself and give her the rest. He began to have sincere amorous desires towards her. I warned not to forget what she did to him but he didn't listen well enough. Told me she had changed. She got pregnant all of a sudden.but I can tell if it was for him though as the matter no concern me. Though I regrettably asked him to abort it because she is undeserving of him,not after we had both suffered to get to where we were. Seeing him throw it all away really was really painful. He told me he would marry her cos she was pregnant for him.I objected ,counselled,yet he persisted.I had to call the attention of our other close friends whom we all atrted together but I was told to let him make his choice. I had to wish him a HML.
We graduated, began our internship and did the introduction that seemed like the wedding proper. I risked my life to attend that intro and when I got there the whole thing was over. I almost cried deep down. My best friend did his intro and I wasn't in full attendance. I was pained to the marrow. Wetin man go do ? I jst took pictures with the couples ,ate and clean mouth.
It was now time to counsel the couples o. As I was advising her to take care of my best friend and that he personally has no issues as we have been together from Part 1 in school, I noticed the way she snubbed and wasn't ready to listen to what I was saying. Right there, in my heart I knew my friend had made a HUGE mistake and a WRONG choice . I couldn't tell my friend then. U might say it hadnt been an easy day for her,bla bla bla. That wasn't the case here. I just knew it wasn't. I had never met her personally until the introduction ceremony. Fast forward to today, they are no more. She started acting funny: my friend should get married to her in church, she wasn't the nice girl anymore. Insulted his family. The truth of the matter was,She never loved him from the onset.
She saw him as a means to convenient life. Thinking it would all millions of money should my friend graduate and started to work. The brief union had a baby girl. She personally told him about three times that her mum said she should leave him and they go their separate ways. Starved him of sex for close to a year. A lady that was fucking unhindered when dey were dating o. My friend almost slept with a sex worker. If I told u the inhumane things she did too him ,it won't end here. He split from her eventually when it became unbearable.
My brother, that lady is not ur wife.That child might not likely be urs either. I think her ex was her first, he deflowered her.So, she still AHS strong feelings for him.He is likely to be the father of that child. She is pained that she is not with him. You are caging her. How can a married woman be talking about a temporary break in marriage ?. Use your head bro. If u have the means ,u can still correct a lot of tings despite the monies u have spent so far. Go for a DNA test while u can. Pls do it. I appeal passionately to you. Don't travel yet. Solve this issue bro. Don't listen to those teliing u to see a marriage counsellor on this. I have seen enough to be able to counsel u on this. If she ever loved u , its gone or she was double dating with her ex back in school.. U made me laugh when u said she is not the sex type.. Well, I won't talk on that. . Even after the DNa test confirms u own rthat child,don't marry her again.
For a lady to insult not just your family ,ur mother inclusive ,its a no no for me. I wish u all the best.
Make una notice how ladies go AVOID this thread..lol

It's as if I wrote this myself.

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

no advice could be better the ones already offered here.
sum it all up and decide which really does answer your plight.
marriage is a life time transportation that the only stop destination is death.
come to think of it along the line some invisible exit does exist only for those with foresight and insight.
at some point some flight (marriage) would crashland, there might be a ship wreck, a train gotten derailed or a road accident.
all this aforementioned transportations are marriages, it all ends either ways but some have a definite answer ..............
........... we have and heard of a number of early marriages ending disastrous in the country of recent this might have been their genesis.
first and foremost a walk is needed, you mentioned she demanding it at some point but love and fear of not loosing her made denied that opportunity.
take a walk away, it might end up a long walk but don't be scared of the first step cos it could help make things work but you are scared of it not turning a long walk thing would only get worse.
it is time to be bold a take the bull by the horn. both parties need some time out to figure out things cos you will only die trying to satisfy her while she is not being satisfied. the more you try to please her the more offensive you become and the more aggressive and defensive she will become.
there was this saying when I was much younger that says 'let go of whatever you have at hand if truly they are yours they would find their way back to you.'
try stay away for a while, no amount of begging is bringing you back until proving to be genuine. afterwards no loosing of guard cos leopard hardly change their clothing. like has being advised run a paternity check on your child.
all advice on this thread are handy "a word is enough for the wise."

In the words of um um.....Guyy soji yaseff *slap slap*

Please, let her see the peoples negatives comments towards her,that is enough for her if truly she wan to change. For me don't travel with her

catwalq:
Did it ever occur to you that your wife might be suffering from Pre/Postpartum psychosis.

Come out now.....which one be Pre/Postpartum psychosis?

lilmax:
well I didn't read your story

but the comments here says you're foolish


I believe those comments

Haba! This man needs our help and the next thing you could come up with is THIS?

I appreciate your candour in writing this epistle. I will be as honest as I can in advising you.

First of all I want to put it to you that your wife didn't change 2 weeks after marriage. That was her character which you chose to ignore or were probably blinded by her beauty.
How comfortable were you when she told you that her ex wished her happy birthday before you? Why in God's name would you marry someone who still compared you with her ex. That was the sign you needed to bounce but you said NO.
When a girl compares you with an ex, it simply means she hasn't moved on and has baggages which usually spell disaster for marriage.

You can't change people in marriage. God does and you are not God but you can pray for him to touch your wife. I wont tell you to divorce her because that would be your decision to make if that child is not yours. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

Finally this is a lesson to those intending to marry. Never ignore the tell tale signs of a bad spouse,as it will boomerang after marriage. No matter how a woman pretends before marriage, there's always something that will show, if you are observant.

Whatever you see before marriage and can't cope with, its better to quit because it gets worse after marriage.


Cc. Anonymus010

My brother, I feel your pains. Marriage is a very good adventure when you have the right woman. Your wife needs counsel mostly spiritual. Before that is done you need to increase your sexy activities with her. Is like you have little or no time for her. She is currently having emotional attachment with her ex which she never hide from you.

You nee to be a principled man and March your words with action. Get her involved more with all form of spiritual activities and and sex with her regularly.

Every marriage has its up and downtime. This might be yours, divorce is not the option. You can work on her.

lilmax:
well I didn't read your story

but the comments here says you're foolish


I believe those comments

make una nor faint me with laugh abeg....

Conclusion: this OP is a SÜCKER for love. Woman open mouth insult your family and all you could do was to defend your family with your mouth instead of your hands. No wonder she said you don’t have sense, you don’t really have sense. You no be man at all. Go and find out, that her ex must have been beating the hell out of her when they were dating. That’s a “real man” who doesn’t take crap.

Donald3d:
Marriage hmmm....
As I always say every problem(s) has a solution .
My advice would have been different if you were not married yet.

And from your story she was "perfect", cooks, financial supports and all that before marriage. I am also assuming there was also no sign of insults to you or your family before marriage....

The first sign of trouble(according to you) was the birthday issue, after that multiple issues followed.

There are two possible sides to this, she is either a pretender(faking being good at the beginning) or she changed .
If she was faking her good character, to be honest, its almost impossible to resolve this.
If she changed, there is a chance things can be fixed, thankfully, you are showing signs of willingness to fix things.
The next thing to do is to find the root cause of what the issue is.


Please do not listen to people trying to make you violent . As much as they deceive themselves into thinking they are " Alpha Males " , as I always say, a true "Alpha Male" is one who knows how to neutralize situations before they escalate, who knows how to earn respect even with silence, who knows when to be tough and when to act like a fool (yes !, like a fool !), you have no idea the things you can learn and the problems you can avert just by keeping quiet and not reacting. Also a true Alpha Male knows how to Listen !!....He handles issues with wisdom and logic, he understands how to create a balance

No matter how this is viewed, she was/is wrong on all levels to be disrespectful to you and your family. But you are in this already, it can be fixed (if you both are willing to) . Pause your travel plans for now .And remind yourself about this, a good number of women act "emotionally" and not "logically", so you should be the bigger person here. Remember this advice is coming under the "impression" that she was not pretending to be a good woman and she actually just "changed", I am also giving this advice under the notion that this is not a case of pre/postpartum disorder/condition.

Do you remember this statement :



From all you wrote, you are a good man, but I want you to please Listen better, pay more attention. Take her out, buy her gifts, send her romantic text messages, leave hidden notes around the house to make her feel appreciated and wanted, ask her how her day went and be interested in her daily activities, even ask her how she prefers sex !, create time for her and remember to [b]Listen attentively to every single verbal and non verbal message she sends across[/b] ......The gifts and outing doesn't have to be very expensive(it can if you can afford it), just show you care, buying her something she loves as frequently as you can. I used to know a lady that would be swept off her feet when you buy her this chewable chocolate called Parago, it used to cost just #10 Naira. I know it sounds crazy but that's what she loved. What does your wife love Sir ?. What sweeps her off her feet ?

Now to the most important questions, most men always fail to ask their wives . Have you asked her "Baby what do you want , what do you need, is there anything I am doing wrong, is there anything you want more of, is there anything you would like me to improve on". Sit her down and in a calm way ask her these questions, you would be very shocked at the replies you would get.

The thing about marriage is, sometimes we think we are getting it all right and we are perfect, but from our partners perspective, there is something we are not doing right, or they just probably misunderstand us. Asking her the questions above, would bring to light the things you probably need to amend and also bring to light the things she is misunderstanding that you need to clarify to her.

Remember, speak softly and act wisely while you do this, get her in a good mood, probably by buying things she likes.

Again, I am not justifying her actions, if she changed and she was not pretending to be good at the beginning, something might have caused her to change, and she is just handling it the best way she feels it can be handled, although badly.

Dear husbands and wives, if your spouse is doing something you don't like or not acting or living up to your expectation, please stop trying to pass non-verbal messages. People don't talk and communicate anymore !!! why !!!. Tell them how you feel !, call them aside, have a heart to heart talk with them about what you don't like instead of going on a rampage and acting up !!. Above all learn to be tolerant too, you don't have to react to everything, especially the things your spouse is not directly responsible for(your mother did this, your sister did this).

Let's all act in wisdom please.Remember that love and marriage cannot work without massive amount of commitment, sacrifice and selflessness....At one point or the other, you or your spouse would have to be the "fool", the "subdued", the "sacrificial lamb" to make things work. Be selfless.

Another important thing is boundaries, once you are married or committed to someone, understand that ex partners have to be eliminated in all possible ways from the picture.Make this known to your spouse and have an agreement on it

And OP remember to pray too, for God to touch her heart(Proverbs 21 vs 1), but also remember that just praying without acting is useless.

I pray your marriage is restored.

NB:I purposely left the child and suspected infidelity issues out, since you said you now trust her and she trusts you.

God bless you for this. I am not in support of been in an abusive relationship or marriage be it physical, emotional, verbal or psychological abuse but i believe since the writer wants solutions, we should guide him rightly cos this issue can be fixed if she changed probably due to a "TINY" act of his.

Bottom line is, the writer of this story needs to sit his wife down to find the root cause of these issues. Sometimes, we think we are "PERFECT" and so we begin to say "ooo i did nothing to my spouse and she changed" uhmm in some cases unknown to us, something we think isnt an issue might trigger another persons anger. If his wife changed, then it means he needs to check himself and adjust. This marriage we see isn't easy at all. Changes occurs and will continue to occur. He needs to sit her down and speak to her. To some, it's best you stand ur ground as a man by speaking HARSHLY or AUTHORITATIVELY while to others the softness of our words would make them listen. Thank you once again for this. We all have our opinions but it is best we profer positive solutions rather than putting more fire in d issue on ground.

To add to all you have written, as for her disrespecting his mother. Well, i can only say no matter what, we ALL (not only the writter) need to overlook certain things when it comes to dealing with our in laws. even if our parents can tolerate our excesses it doesn't mean others should or will. Secondly, the writer of this story needs to also ask his wife what she doesn't like in or about his mother (i mean character wise) then beg his wife to pls try to tolerate his mother. I'm saying this cos even the tiniest of things done by his mother that are not supposed to b an issue can provoke the wife and she (the wife) might not be able to overlook or tolerate.

Abeg, I'm tired of typing o jere...
Both of them needs to sit down and really really talk.

Oh Dear Lord.

First off, conduct DNA test on the child asap.

2nd off, forget about taking her to the US even if that's your child.

3rd off, there's 8 out of 10 chances she bedded her ex.

4th off, she obviously have lost every respect for you which is rubbing off on your family. Look for every possible means to end your relationship with her. It's still early.

5th off, be close to God. You've been struggling since your undergraduate days and she got fed up of being the giver and not ever receiving. That's the truth. Her commitment has consistently been more than yours so at some point, she got brainwashed by her ex like she's been used. Pray and Fast to be successful.

6th off, pay attention to 5 above else, history will repeat itself. Love is not enough to run a family, you require real cash. In the absence of that is frustration.

I hope this helps. All the best

Logobenz2:
Woman insult your family in your presence you no jam am till she collapse
Bros you dey fall hand o
Please no one should advise this kind of weak man.spits!
Who wouldn't know what to do at this point?some people dey born sha
Just look at someone's son.e be like na pap den use raise you.
Your mom comes to your own house and your wife not only mistreated her but tried to insult her in your presence?you know why?she knows you are a weak man.
That was your golden opportunity to teach her a bitter lesson that will be justified anywhere in Nigeria.
I wonder what she will do to you if you take her to the US.
Better cancel all plans of that visa,withdraw the application,divorce that woman whether the child is yours or Not,do not care!just be sending upkeep money for the child and get yourself another woman.
Jesus Christ!

Chaii......as I was reading through this, ur advice reminded me a portion in the Bible. The cause of the division of the Kingdom of Israel.
A king, Jeroboam rejected the advice of the elders and accepted the one from his fellow youths, his classmates and peers.

This ur advice is sounds like that one that Jeroboam took that caused him the Kingdom his grandfather David handed over to his father, Solomon which he was supposed to inherit but lost it cos of wrong piece of advice.

See below:

1 Kings 12:8-16 New International Version (NIV)

8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. 9 He asked them, “What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?”

10 The young men who had grown up with him replied, “These people have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter.’ Now tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. 11 My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.’”

12 Three days later Jeroboam and all the people returned to Rehoboam, as the king had said, “Come back to me in three days.” 13 The king answered the people harshly. Rejecting the advice given him by the elders, 14 he followed the advice of the young men and said, “My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.” 15 So the king did not listen to the people, for this turn of events was from the Lord, to fulfill the word the Lord had spoken to Jeroboam son of Nebat through Ahijah the Shilonite.

16 When all Israel saw that the king refused to listen to them, they answered the king:

“What share do we have in David,
what part in Jesse’s son?
To your tents, Israel!
Look after your own house, David!”

So the Israelites went home.

obiekunie2:
Onye gwa gi!

pastor'm bu ote!

'pasitor' fat-oyibo!

Lol. Odinma

Kingosytex:
This is really pathetic, i can feel your pains, believe me i seriously do.

If I understood you Anonymus010, you said you never had sex with the first girl you dated because she was a virgin and you didn't want to assure her of marriage: VERDICT==> You are a nice guy with self control. You aren't like a great majority who insert their rod into any available hole.

You equally said that your wife's ex wished her a happy birthday before you and and ever since, her attitude towards you changed: VERDICT==> I can tell you that the said birthday is the genesis of your problems. Okafor's law comes into play. I almost had sex with my ex, though she is married but we still have affections for each other. She once visited me and during our conservations, one thing led to another thing (you know as matter dey be?) we started kissing and almost had sex. If not for the fact that i summoned courage to kill the urge, i would have had sex with another man's wife. THE SAD TRUTH IS THAT YOUR WIFE STILL MEETS HER EX SEXUALLY, i know you trust her but that is the truth. What if i tell you that the new born baby isn't yours? i suggest you run a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the baby.

You equally said that she disrespects your family, she insults your mother and doesn't accord you even an atom of respect. VERDICT: ==> You should up your game .Understand that you are the man of the house, Warn her to desist from insulting your family. The Igbos say that "arusi nile nwere onye na ago ya" Every oracle has a chief priest and whom it listens to, so I advise you to find that person whom your wife listens to, and table your case before him or her. I believe the person will definitely talk some senses into her.

Your wife is very determined to bring you down and i am afraid to tell you that peace might be a stranger to you until the matter is resolved. VERDICT: ==> DON'T TAKE HER TO THE STATES atleast for now, else you are a "goner". Her heart still beats for her ex, take her for counselling both spiritual and psychological and above all take your case to God in prayer. I wish you the best!

make that young man to hang himself o! with this ur reply o!

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

That you are STILL seeking advice after all the extremely obvious red flags shows you don't have a mind of your own.
Only thing I can tell you is to confirm the paternity of that child.
As for your wife, weak minded men such as you deserve people like her. She is your reward. Do take her to US.

Okay. This made me kinda scared of marriage. Okay I will wait one more year. Can't trust these bitchhes

[quote author=cenaman post=80826517]you better act fast before she distroy ur life. divorce her asap.[/quote

Wicked soul but your advise is the best.
This woman will kill u in usa.

Divorce her now and let her go with the child.
The child.is nit ur bro.

Restart ur life and start with another woman all over again
She will get sence by force,stop beggingher,you be man]

It is not too late for you to put her in her place. You're no longer enjoying the marriage, and on that, you can premise a divorce. Raise the paternity of the child in the divorce claims and the court will order that a DNA test be carried out on the child.
If you fail to use 1% of your power on her, you won't live to witness the kind of ruin she'll do to your life.
Taking her along with you to USA will be a costly game for you.
A divorce isn't too late. That's when her eyes will open.