₦airaland Forum

Eluwilussit:
If the OP follows this your plenty advice, he would end up a wreck. For starters, his wife should have no business with her ex. She should never insult his family. She’s not even cooking for him. OP worked 48 hrs shift and came back home, and you expect him to still be all over her. Really?

I live in North America. US will bring out the worse in her. I am married too. I count myself very lucky to have a beautiful wife: inside and outside. Bro, happiness is a choice. If we go by his side of the story, this marriage is headed straight to the ricks, once they hit US, unless God intervenes.

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

sholikay:
well i'm not married, but from what you typed,it seems she has given you clue of what you are doing to her,which is prompting her to act that way...that's the issue of not giving her enough attention, care and love...some ladies might be so funny and crazy when you tend to deny them some things..she knew she is married now and since she can't cheat on you,due to conscience or whatever. she expected you to be giving her all she needs,irrespective of your busy schedule... why not deal with that first by planning your time with her,then see if she will change... I believe she can be easily manipulated by you,since she is not giving you a silent and cold treatment.... her constant nagging shows she needs you to amend immediately... women can be so funny...
note:I'm currently in such with my fiancee presently.. due to my NYSC posting we have been on this LDR thing for now,and I have not really had time for her like before..we hardly see,and she complains,nags at my little mistakes.but when I started shifting my attention back to her,her head is calming back a bit....



just be calm and amend...she is your wife now and not a fiancee or girlfriend...

ogbonti:
My brother, the God wey no intervene for naija, will suddenly interven in the US? Hmm. You have given him a great advise, I hope he heeds

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

davillian:
Bro you have endurance and patience.
Me I don't have it in my DNA.
I'm the type that can divorce my wife on Sunday morning after wedding on Saturday.
If she doesn't respect herself.

I hate stress, people putting pressure on me and giving me headache.
Once I say I no do, I no do be that..
I broke up with one of my gf then becaused I cooked and asked her to serve her friend and she insisted I go and serve her friend Na that spot I end the whole thing.

BlackPantherCri:
Anonymous010,

I know many things have been said... But this sounds like me. Except the insulting mum part. I was a work from home mum and was frustrated by everything my husband did. We fought everyday and like her I refused to cook, I did as I liked. Infact my catch phrase is that "you don't have sense". I was like a wild animal and I don't even know why my husband put up with me all these years. We loved each other o, but sometimes something will switch in my head. He was sure I had a multiple personality disorder.

It's been over 10 years. Something changed. We relocated. My husband was also skeptical if abroad wont make me worse just like you but these years abroad have felt like bliss. see eh, the heat and frustration in Naija can make someone a wild animal, add to all this small small annoying stuff like warming soup and delayed salary, oh gosh! I was so frustrated and I also had a little baby.

Now, in the abroad by husband will ask for Edo ka ikong, I will cook it with periwinkles sef. I became a model wife. The triggers for my mental switch are no longer there. I can now focus on love and be loved.

I can never thank my husband enough for being there through that phase. He never for one hit me or lost his temper. There shouldnt be two mad people in a house. The early part of marriage has these teething problems. Now when people come to us for counselling, we just laugh. Me that will stay up at the window if oga comes late to start a round of nagging, I sleep peacefully all night now, anytime he comes home is his kettle of fish. Maturity will set in. Just be patient with her and give it time. No marriage is perfect.

Eluwilussit:
I believe you. I have seen this play out times without numbers. She’s up to no good, and our man is not street smart. She trusts him...hahaha. Women don’t trust any man. Unfortunately, most men trust their wives. If only we know what goes on in that their beautiful heads, we go run.

Op is in deep shit as it is. Taking her to the States will be one of his biggest regrets. Gun powder things!

Boss13:
True. That’s why they devise means to manipulate men. This is peculiar to ALL WOMEN. In fact western women are the worse. The young OP must consider that his happiness is of great importance. How do you relate with a wife who is unappreciative after her husband had gone laboring for 48hours so they can pay their bills and have food to eat. Many would see she is a terrible wife - NO. She is a manipulative woman, who chooses to make her husband feel less of a man so she can control him.

Some women would choose the weeping approach or the yelling approach or even the quiet approach or I will not cook or give you sex approach till she gets her bidding done.

genq:
Any woman who exhibits such characteristics as the OP's wife seizes to be lady and must be handled like the animal she is.

You guys wanna be equal right? Then you can equally get an ass whooping just like any other dude who tries to disrespect me. Miss me with that bullsh***.

OP has no dignity or self respect.

genq:
Any woman who exhibits such characteristics as the OP's wife seizes to be lady and must be handled like the animal she is.

You guys wanna be equal right? Then you can equally get an ass whooping just like any other dude who tries to disrespect me. Miss me with that bullsh***.

OP has no dignity or self respect.

Formidable1:
On the contrary, I have a different advice: if you leave her for the USA, your marriage is done and dusted.

Many are advising you to ditch her, do a DNA test, don't go to the USA with her, etc. But I'll only tell you one thing: love her even more.

You're already married to her and what more? You have a child. I've always advised couples whose marriages are on the brink to work it out for the sake of their children. Trouble-laden marriages often have a ripple effect on the children; they grow up to have less honor for the sanctity of marriage, and they in turn start having problems too, spreading it to their own children and it spreads down to the next generations. The outcome?

I don't usually delve into issues like this without hearing from the other party. You can never get the full behind-the-scene story from one person. However, from all you've written in your post, OP, I failed to see the efforts you made to find out why your wife suddenly became aggressive to you. I doubt it's merely about the birthday as most people are suggesting. Have you tried to sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her? Have you tried to find out what it is that you do that makes her despise you? For all I know, you may have changed as well. You may no longer be the man she used to know. You may have stopped showering the love you used to shower her when you were still dating her.

I'm married for 6 years now with kids and I dated my wife for 5 years before we finally got married. I can tell you that marriage isn't a bed of roses. It takes two to tango. My wife on certain occasions have been angry or aggressive with me, but each time she did that, we talked and most times I looked inwards and understood that I was falling short in a way. And the only solution to that has always been to assure her of my love by giving her more attention, affection and care.

Nobody is perfect, and I'm not saying your wife is without a fault. But if you really want your marriage to work, you have to look inwards and ask yourself what you've been doing when you guys were crazily in love that you've stopped doing. You said you could work for 48 hrs straight without coming home; I'll be frank, no wife can cope with that. And then when you come home, what do you do? You start demanding for food? No, bro...what you do is to consider first how lonely she's been and the lack of attention, and try to make up for that. Play with her, tell her sweet things. In fact, once in a while, take her out for a treat, buy her some nice things on your way home after such long shifts. Show her that she may be lonely, but she's not alone. Make her understand that your absence/work is a necessity in order to give her a comfortable life, and assure her of a better future where you'd find a better source of income without having to absent from home.

The truth is that women would always crave attention and that feeling of being cared for, and believe me they could go anywhere to find it. It is how they're biologically wired, and we the men have to understand it to that extent. If you don't give your wife attention and care, she'd seek it elsewhere, including from an ex. Now, I'm not saying she's doing the right thing, but once a woman starts comparing you with her ex, it means you've started falling short and you need to up your game. It's usually hard to move on from a past relationship, esp one that didn't break up in bad terms, but with the right amount of care and love from a partner, one can get over it. If you dare leave her behind for the USA, you can kiss your marriage goodbye. It'd just give her the conclusive reason to go full time with her ex. In fact, going to the USA will give her the focus she needs to be with you. You guys will be far from the depression that comes with living in this country.

From your post, I observed that you're kind of saving your money for the 'bigger things' while she's the one providing the money for feeding. She may feel like you're using her. How about making an arrangement with her in such a way that there is a balance in the finances. You have to be the man now by providing more money than she does for expenses. At least, 65/35 would do. It's no longer back then in school when she used to give you money, and cater for you. You're now the head of your family, and if you're earning more than she does, you should provide more than she does.

As for the issue of insulting your mum, talk with her. Find out the reasons behind her disregard for your family. Forgive her and give her more chance. With love, all things are possible.

Please, and please, don't ever entertain the notion of doing a DNA test. Whether positive or negative, it'd do you no good. I'd bet with my last dime that that child is yours. Your wife doesn't seem to me like that kind of woman people are suggesting she is. Your post also shows that you believe in her faithfulness and fidelity. She's just probably frustrated with many things she's not getting from the marriage.

My advice is already taking up a page. But I'd stop here. I'd just ask you to:

1. Look inwards into yourself and find out what you've started doing or stopped doing that has made her change.

2. If you still really want your marriage to work, then work on it, at least for the sake of your little child.

3. Show more love, play with your wife, try to do those things you know got her attracted to you. Always forgive readily.

I wish you a happy married life, bro. May God bless your home.

BlackPantherCri:
Anonymous010,

I know many things have been said... But this sounds like me. Except the insulting mum part. I was a work from home mum and was frustrated by everything my husband did. We fought everyday and like her I refused to cook, I did as I liked. Infact my catch phrase is that "you don't have sense". I was like a wild animal and I don't even know why my husband put up with me all these years. We loved each other o, but sometimes something will switch in my head. He was sure I had a multiple personality disorder.

It's been over 10 years. Something changed. We relocated. My husband was also skeptical if abroad wont make me worse just like you but these years abroad have felt like bliss. see eh, the heat and frustration in Naija can make someone a wild animal, add to all this small small annoying stuff like warming soup and delayed salary, oh gosh! I was so frustrated and I also had a little baby.

Now, in the abroad by husband will ask for Edo ka ikong, I will cook it with periwinkles sef. I became a model wife. The triggers for my mental switch are no longer there. I can now focus on love and be loved.

I can never thank my husband enough for being there through that phase. He never for one hit me or lost his temper. There shouldnt be two mad people in a house. The early part of marriage has these teething problems. Now when people come to us for counselling, we just laugh. Me that will stay up at the window if oga comes late to start a round of nagging, I sleep peacefully all night now, anytime he comes home is his kettle of fish. Maturity will set in. Just be patient with her and give it time. No marriage is perfect.

ogbonti:
Weak men everywhere...... and in Nairaland, people will be applauding those yeye men who kneel down to propose to some woman

Not until we stop westernizin the African culture, we won't stop hearing these crazy stories of women dominating men in African marriages, oyinbo kpa kpa wey.start women respect matter Don tire for the way feminist Don turn men to pu ss ies for western world

BlackPantherCri:
Anonymous010,

I know many things have been said... But this sounds like me. Except the insulting mum part. I was a work from home mum and was frustrated by everything my husband did. We fought everyday and like her I refused to cook, I did as I liked. Infact my catch phrase is that "you don't have sense". I was like a wild animal and I don't even know why my husband put up with me all these years. We loved each other o, but sometimes something will switch in my head. He was sure I had a multiple personality disorder.

It's been over 10 years. Something changed. We relocated. My husband was also skeptical if abroad wont make me worse just like you but these years abroad have felt like bliss. see eh, the heat and frustration in Naija can make someone a wild animal, add to all this small small annoying stuff like warming soup and delayed salary, oh gosh! I was so frustrated and I also had a little baby.

Now, in the abroad by husband will ask for Edo ka ikong, I will cook it with periwinkles sef. I became a model wife. The triggers for my mental switch are no longer there. I can now focus on love and be loved.

I can never thank my husband enough for being there through that phase. He never for one hit me or lost his temper. There shouldnt be two mad people in a house. The early part of marriage has these teething problems. Now when people come to us for counselling, we just laugh. Me that will stay up at the window if oga comes late to start a round of nagging, I sleep peacefully all night now, anytime he comes home is his kettle of fish. Maturity will set in. Just be patient with her and give it time. No marriage is perfect.

GrabHisBalls:
I don't pity some of you when you end up with bad wives. This your wife is everything bad. No character, no home training, no respect for elders, and you want to say you didn't notice any of these while dating even if she's the best pretender in town.

Marriage is for better, for worse. Carry your cross.

Nicolex:
this dude is pained...guy some ladies are looking 4 who to kill them o.what she is doing shitty but to beat her up like an animal?,what if she dies n you go to jail for it?.there are better ways to show you are an alpha.just saying

Ybaby:
Sigh!

Finance is the problem. NEVER EAT FREE FOOD AND CALL IT SHE LOVES ME.

If you let a woman seduce you with gifts, food, money - you are eating your self respect. It will bite you later. The female ego is more dangerous than you know.

AVOID LETTING A WOMAN SPEND ON YOU - WOMEN DON'T RESPECT MEN THEY SPEND ON. THEY WILL TREAT YOU LIKE THIER SON

Whoever provides is the husband (think deeply about this)

Ishilove:
Painted her black here, but I'm pretty sure there are many parts left out

smasher1:
Let me be clear to you. That kind of Lady, you can't beat her easily or kill her, she is stubborn and would fight back. She is not about to die

But no need beaten a woman or fighting. Make your move and stick to your decision. Happiness gives long life and is more important than a nagging woman which gives high blood pressure and death.

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.