₦airaland Forum

catwalq:
Did it ever occur to you that your wife might be suffering from Pre/Postpartum psychosis.

who is this postpar*******and how can we deal with him/her?

galadima77:
That his wife's ex was the first to wish her hbd ahead of him. The ex for whatever reason was reaching out to a married woman in her matrimonial home at 12am to wish her hbd!! Do you do that?

That was before their wedding!!! Come on guys

Eluwilussit:
Helloooo! The OP never accused her of cheating. He actually claimed to trust her. It’s other guys that are suggesting that. It is not about the OP we are here for. This is about the lady. She’s wrong to be in touch with her ex. It’s sacrilegious and insulting to compare one’s exes with one’s partner.

Please, stop sounding feminist by saying stuff like that. His wife is very wrong, and it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing will blow up in his face. Unless God intervenes. I hope you are not in touch with your exes. It’s a bad idea to do so. Focus is key to success in anything we do.

My exes were bastards. Na axe I suppose use chase them if not for fear of God.

Did you guys read the part that this was before their wedding? They both sound like they have baggage

catwalq:
Did it ever occur to you that your wife might be suffering from Pre/Postpartum psychosis.

They cannot understand what pregnancy does to women's minds

epini:
who is this postpar*******and how can we deal with him/her?

Counselling and Anti depressants

wiconse:
Not in all cases bro......it just depends on d type of woman

Exactly what OP too thought but see where he is now - It always leads here. #ALWAYS

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

If all you said us the Truth, then USA, Nigéria or anywhere in the world, you are living in Hell. She's not ready for marriage

BlackPantherCri:
My exes were bastards. Na axe I suppose use chase them if not for fear of God.

Did you guys read the part that this was before their wedding? They both sound like they have baggage

Sorry about your exes . It was just before the wedding. So they were committed. Well, we haven’t heard from her yet. She’s still wrong in my opinion.

XTHRONE:
GTFOH,,,,

catwalq:
That its not on record don't mean it don't exist.

If it existed, it should have been on record, considering there is already a postpartum component.

Anonymus010

I think you are too soft with her. You don't put your foot down when you should. You didn't establish that from the start and now she takes you for granted.

I think you should have noticed these signs of abusiveness while you guys were dating.

As for migrating to US with her, it's something you have to figure out. If you will ask her to go alone while you stay. Or you guys abort mission. But I think it's best to see a counselor and see if your relationship can be repaired before going

some guys are very foolish o
how will ur ex get married and u still maintain communication with her or him,

na so some people day use hand destroy their marriage by their self,even my coursemate dat are married I intentionally cut communication with them I wouldn't want to be d master mind of a broken family

my father will always say, if u marry wife way turn problematic mostly when she don born for u, just arrange your bag travel go another state or country, make sure u don't communicate with her, na she go day beg up and down,Na those kin women full house of God, na them pray pass make God change ur mind

sholikay:
well i'm not married, but from what you typed,it seems she has given you clue of what you are doing to her,which is prompting her to act that way...that's the issue of not giving her enough attention, care and love...some ladies might be so funny and crazy when you tend to deny them some things..she knew she is married now and since she can't cheat on you,due to conscience or whatever. she expected you to be giving her all she needs,irrespective of your busy schedule... why not deal with that first by planning your time with her,then see if she will change... I believe she can be easily manipulated by you,since she is not giving you a silent and cold treatment.... her constant nagging shows she needs you to amend immediately... women can be so funny...
note:I'm currently in such with my fiancee presently.. due to my NYSC posting we have been on this LDR thing for now,and I have not really had time for her like before..we hardly see,and she complains,nags at my little mistakes.but when I started shifting my attention back to her,her head is calming back a bit....



just be calm and amend...she is your wife now and not a fiancee or girlfriend...

Well u still inexperienced,Lady is insulting him & his full family & u want him to give her more attention, working 24/7 where is the encouragement 2 do that!!!

catwalq:
Did it ever occur to you that your wife might be suffering from Pre/Postpartum psychosis.

what is that?

Mizwisdom:
No perfect marriage, you've known your wife before now, learn to deal with your differences and keep your lives off social media

Pathetic advice 2 give someone that is suffering, the irony of it he didn't ask from you!!!!

dochenaj:
If it existed, it should have been on record, considering there is already a postpartum component.

Before the term 'malaria' was coined,people died from it. Can we now say prior to the discovery of malaria, there was no malaria because we didn't know it existed?

Boss13:
Yes - none is excluded even my wife, sisters and mother. That’s the nature of women. As you said, it’s part of their DNA and human composition. All men must know this for their own good and betterment else they would be aloof to the doings of women.

Men must understand the method their wives or the women in the lives utilize to manipulate them. For instance, my wife is the yelling type. At the beginning of the marriage, it was irritating and annoying. Now, I consider what she wants and if it’s for my own betterment and the overall betterment of the family, I will do it. If it’s exclusively for her, if she like break the house with yelling, I will not bulge. Once she knows my stance and she tries a different approach and find out I’m adamant, she gives up.

All men must prepare for eventualities and must at every point seek to improve their lives financially, and healthy wise. If you die tomorrow, your wife will move on and some may do some with another man. If you have conversations with women, their priorities is themselves, their kids, their family and then you (husband). This is a fact and not a joke. Many men here would always want to say my wife is different - I laugh in Chinese.

Please, I’m not condemning women or hating them. NO - we need women in our lives, without them many of us may not enjoy this life. However, I’m highlighting what makes women, WOMEN. Many young men will never get this till they get married. I didn’t and I thought I was a smart man when selecting women.

I will conclude with this - Understand the manipulative weapon of choice your woman uses only then you will begin to see things clearly and choose your actions appropriately. Overall, seek your own happiness first and do things that will keep you happy and healthy

Thank you sir..God bless you

N

catwalq:
Before the term 'malaria' was coined,people died from it. Can we now say prior to the discovery of malaria, there was no malaria because we didn't know it existed?

I know you would argue along those lines.
Interestingly I'm not saying that we have known everything, far from it.
But if we have known that postpartum psychosis exists for quite some time now, don't you think it is sensible to opine that we would have also looked into "prepartum" psychosis"?

lilmax:
well I didn't read your story

but the comments here says you're foolish


I believe those comments

You are a funny big fool

dochenaj:
I know you would argue along those lines.
Interestingly I'm not saying that we have known everything, far from it.
But if we have known that postpartum psychosis exists for quite some time now, don't you think it is sensible to opine that we would have also looked into "prepartum" psychosis"?

True, but I hope you know research is still on going so its will be presumptuous of us to assume it don't exist. Postpartum psychosis is more widely embraced bcus those traits which people tolerate because of pregnancy becomes repulsive after birth - I.e tantrums,mood swings et al - and as such raises more concern which in turn garners enough attention to be looked into.

It doesn't just start AF er birth,its a build up, with varying degrees. Top of the morning to you!!

[quote author=sassysure post=80835215]I wonder why u said only experienced married men.

Some men are not married yet has more experience in marriage matter than the married ones.
Also why did u exclude women?

Anyway,

I stopped reading at a point.

Ur wife has gotten what she worked for, a ring on her hand.
When I saw, she cook for me, do this and that, I knew she is out to hook up by any means necessary.
She never did hate her ex remember?
Just that the guy don't want to settle down so it's possible She was still attached to him emotionally. Okafor's law may have played out significantly and she got pregnant, pressured u into marriage. Marriage after two yrs of graduation cos she was pregnant and u did wedding of 2 million with borrowed funds.whom were u trying to impress?
What manner of man are u?

Don't u have a voice?
What makes you the man of the house if u can't stamp your authority?
I am not saying beat or abuse her but talk like the head of ur family. Let ur wife stop trampling on your manhood.
Her excuse that her ex called her first is extremely childish.
So u guys still keep in touch with ex's?
There is a reason why they are called ex. Unless you are colleagues, u guys don't have anything in common.
That was where u would have scolded her seriously still keeping in touch with her ex, yet u are apologising.
What are u apologising for. U went to work. Birthdays will continue coming. Is she a kid that put so much meaning into birthday?
Why the fuss?
She has never stopped her relationship with her ex and the guy is ok as long as she dey open her leg.
Now, small soft words from him and she is admitting she never liked ur people.
Pls do give her the needed break.
Don't disturb her during the break and also make sure u provide for the kid, go and see ur child. As her only general things concerning ur kid and go ur way.
If u ignore her( u give her so much attention),she will be confused and start seeking u out.
If she eventually come back for talk, read her the riot act.
The relationship is still early and it's better this early than late.

It's hard but start seeing urself as a single man once again.

If u have the money, do a DNA test to be sure u are not training another man's child.

What a woman!
Her self entitlement is too much and she successfully played u.

U were a fool in love when all the signs are there.
Why will she insult your people? What did they do to her?
Why didn't u call her to order?
Are u even a man?

Some ex will do anything to destabilise ur marriage especially guys if u give them the chance. And they will end up not marrying u.
If ur woman had loved u, she will tell you that her ex is contacting her.
I so much hate pretenders.

I'm a lady but I will say that we naija ladies are mostly pretenders.
The reason why it was said that more than 50% of the first child don't normally belong to the husband. (Na DNA specialist for Lagos talk am o)
Mtcheew

Lovely

BlackPantherCri:
They cannot understand what pregnancy does to women's minds

Excuses for bad behaviour and attitude!

IMMEDIATELY you get to the USA, she will finalize her plans. Remember that you will bear responsibility for her in the USA (because you filed for her).

NEVER tolerate abuse from your wife. You need to end this relationship ASAP.

Gloriagee:
He does have dignity, I think. He's just completely stunned by it all. He's the calculating kind - the type that doesn't act till the proverbial straw touches the camel's back. My prayer is that he doesn't snap one day and lose it all.

@op - marriage counselling and yeah that DNA

I think you've got a point. How is her business doing OP? She needs to get a job or open a business (THAT IS BRINGING IN MONEY) if not. She might be resenting you because she used to support you when y'all were in university.

sassysure:
I wonder why u said only experienced married men.

Some men are not married yet has more experience in marriage matter than the married ones.
Also why did u exclude women?

Anyway,

I stopped reading at a point.

Ur wife has gotten what she worked for, a ring on her hand.
When I saw, she cook for me, do this and that, I knew she is out to hook up by any means necessary.
She never did hate her ex remember?
Just that the guy don't want to settle down so it's possible She was still attached to him emotionally. Okafor's law may have played out significantly and she got pregnant, pressured u into marriage. Marriage after two yrs of graduation cos she was pregnant and u did wedding of 2 million with borrowed funds.whom were u trying to impress?
What manner of man are u?

Don't u have a voice?
What makes you the man of the house if u can't stamp your authority?
I am not saying beat or abuse her but talk like the head of ur family. Let ur wife stop trampling on your manhood.
Her excuse that her ex called her first is extremely childish.
So u guys still keep in touch with ex's?
There is a reason why they are called ex. Unless you are colleagues, u guys don't have anything in common.
That was where u would have scolded her seriously still keeping in touch with her ex, yet u are apologising.
What are u apologising for. U went to work. Birthdays will continue coming. Is she a kid that put so much meaning into birthday?
Why the fuss?
She has never stopped her relationship with her ex and the guy is ok as long as she dey open her leg.
Now, small soft words from him and she is admitting she never liked ur people.
Pls do give her the needed break.
Don't disturb her during the break and also make sure u provide for the kid, go and see ur child. As her only general things concerning ur kid and go ur way.
If u ignore her( u give her so much attention),she will be confused and start seeking u out.
If she eventually come back for talk, read her the riot act.
The relationship is still early and it's better this early than late.

It's hard but start seeing urself as a single man once again.

If u have the money, do a DNA test to be sure u are not training another man's child.

What a woman!
Her self entitlement is too much and she successfully played u.

U were a fool in love when all the signs are there.
Why will she insult your people? What did they do to her?
Why didn't u call her to order?
Are u even a man?

Some ex will do anything to destabilise ur marriage especially guys if u give them the chance. And they will end up not marrying u.
If ur woman had loved u, she will tell you that her ex is contacting her.
I so much hate pretenders.

I'm a lady but I will say that we naija ladies are mostly pretenders.
The reason why it was said that more than 50% of the first child don't normally belong to the husband. (Na DNA specialist for Lagos talk am o)
Mtcheew

I was forced to go like and share your comment already at my very first glance of it.

I just pray to get someone of your kind of reasoning, if you're truly not pretending.

You nailed it....

Anonymus010 Please adhere to this, I really feel bad for you, my brother encountered exact thing as you, he went ahead because of country hard and greener pastures( with the anthem she go change, she go change with time- at most I go manage her) relocated to the US, the woman made him go to jail, claimed everything this hardworking man labored for over the years, thank God the guy was street sha, he was pushed to treat the woman fvck up(which I'm sure you can't and I don't wish you going the way the guy went). For the insults na me handle that woman, she had no option but to get scared to the bone whenever she hears the mention of the mum's name not to even see her face. She feared me like I'm lucifer in flesh. (RIP to her tho).

Pend that American dream, she will never change, sorry to sound that way, but this is from experience. Go for DNA(luckily for you, the child might not be yours- go to a verified doctor that isn't corrupt) get another woman to replace her spot if you can't travel without dependant.

Cheers!!!

Has the OP done the DNA test, pls we need to know the outcome, I bet with someone we are waiting for results, abeg no cut my slip

Anonymus010:
I Need The Advice Of Experienced Married Men

NB: This is not my real account, I created this account for the purpose of this issue.

Please, I need the advice of married people (especially married men). I will make the story as simple as possible and I promise not to compromise the truth to favour me in this issue.

Brief Introduction: I am a man in my late 20's. Got married last year and currently have a 3month baby.

Brief history of my relationship prior to marriage: I dated my wife for 4years before we finally tied the knot last year. I met her in the university, we were classmate in school.

Before I started dating my wife, I was dating a girl in the same class but we both agreed to separate after 1year because we were age mate and she was keen on getting married immediately after graduation which I knew I will not be ready for marriage by then (Note: No sex in the relationship, She was a virgin and because I couldn't assure her of marriage, I didn't sex her).

After the break up with my ex, I became close to my wife and we started dating. She was self sufficient as she had a source of income while in school, she supports me, gives me money, cooks and buy me food etc. She was the best woman any man can think of. I fell in love along the line and decided this is the right lady to marry.

Note: There were several backlashes from other classmates insinuating she snatched me from my ex but we scaled through all that. We dated for 2more years in school and we graduated. We dated for another 2more years post school till last year.

Brief history immediately before marriage: Everything was fine till my wife's birthday last year. I did tripple shifts at work(48hrs work non-stop) and came back a night before her birthday and slept off. I woke up 2:30am to wish her happy birthday. She got angry and told me I didnt put her in mind and that I was not the first person to wish her happy birthday (She later told me her ex wished her first at exactly 12am). I apologised to her and told her the reason I missed the time. I had just 10k, gave her 5k to do a birthday photoshoot, used about 3k to buy her goodies as salary has not been paid.

Fast forward to after 1week of the birthday, she came up with serious issue, saying she wanted a break but not total break-up for some months to put herself together. She lamented she was not getting anything from the relationship, I don't usually take her out, I didnt celebrate her birthday well for her, I didnt buy cake, I didnt buy gift etc. I apologised and pleaded with her to be patient as we had big projects before us (wedding, masters degree and family apartment) which she knew I was saving for. We settled it and had sex. After 7days, I saw a call log on her phone where she had a conversation with her ex for almost an hour between 11pm and 12am. After 1month, she missed her menses and was pregnant. I asked her if she ever saw her ex, she cried and swore that she didn't (Note: I trusted her because she is modest and she is not the sex type). So, I agreed, accepted the preg, quickly arranged an impromptu wedding, I quickly sourced for money, spent over N2million on the wedding......

THE PROBLEM:

2weeks after the weeding, my wife started abusing my family especially my mum, telling me she hated how my family behaved during the wedding. I pleaded with her not to allow this to affect our home. The insults and abuse became perpetual. My wife works from home and will give me several reasons why she cannot cook after giving her money for food stuffs once I collect salary. Its just 2 of us living in a mini flat & I wash my clothes myself, but she will give me thousands of reasons how the non-existent house shores prevent her from cooking.

After 9months, she gave birth, I asked her who she wanted to come do omugo with the baby between her mum and my mum. She opted for my mum (claimed her mum will be giving her problem). Not up to 1week that my mum came over, she has started complaining about everything she does. Despite the fact that this woman will wake up 5am, wash everybody's clothes, bath the baby but she doesnt cook. My wife started complaining about her being obligated to cook every morning because of my mum's presence(Note: she doesnt cook in the morning, if I am going to work by 8am, I will either warm a left over previous night's food or source for food outside). When the complain was becoming overwhelming to the point of her almost insulting my mum in my presence, I told her I will tell my mum to go back to her house( my mum lives in a mini flat too with my dad, so they are very comfortable). She said I shouldn't. After 1 month, my mum left. The abuse, insults and complain continued. She will nag about how my mum did when she was with us, abuse and insults my family. I will appeal to her and defend my family. My wife became complete opposite of who she was when we were dating.

The real issue at hand: We would be migrating to the US soon. Lately, I can't control my wife, anytime I don't buy her idea or wish, she will rain insults on me. Just 3days ago, she told me I don't have sense repeatedly just because she said we should go and greet her mum's pastor which I told her not now but we can go later. If I tell her to do something, she will do otherwise and give me thousand of reasons she can't do it. 2months ago, I reported all her attitudes to her mum, her mum talked to her but no change, she is getting worse. Last week, I did 24hours at work, I got home, my wife didn't cook. I got into the kitchen, made custard and placed the soup on the gas cooker. We were both in the living room. She perceived the soup was getting burnt and insulted me, telling me it was because I was not the one that dropped money for the soup, thats why I wanted to burn it (She cooked the soup with her money because my salary was delayed). She insults me at will, gives me no respect and treat me as trash.(Note: I had never cheated on her and she doesn't doubt my fidelity. Likewise, I had never suspected her of such too).

I am currently scared because I know US is women's world because I have included her and the kid as my dependents in my green card petition. I am scared for my life and career because she could go worse in the US and destroy all I have laboured for.

Please kindly advise me on what I can do to change her.

Sorry for the long write up and any grammatical errors.

All this is happening, the writing is clearly on the wall and you're still considering taking her to the US? From what you've narrated, that woman has no atom of respect for you.

If things continue, a divorce is inevitable.

You guys should go for counseling and then see if things change...if not, take her to the US at your own risk

The way I see it, it's Like DNA must become compulsory for every couple. What a frightening thought!

Cc ThothHermes Ranchhoddas

LoJ:
The way I see it, it's Like DNA must become compulsory for every couple. What a frightening thought!

100% my Oga. To avoid stories that touch decades later.

ThothHermes:
100% my Oga. To avoid stories that touch decades later.

I like you signature. Where did you get it?