₦airaland Forum

Generalnomercy:
We're you the one who hurt her?

What prevents the woman from telling her husband her problems?

She's obviously cheating. I hope you're not like her?

She has indirectly told her husband there's a problem and it's now left for him to resolve it with her. See as you quickly mentioned cheating as a defence mechanism,is it not what most of you men do these days?maybe the wife has caught the man cheating sef unknown to him.I should be asking you that question,hope you are not a cheat?

Person don they service am steadily I guess he doesn’t enjoy your service again after 10 years

Rozz:
Theres always an action before any reaction and his wife is obviously reacting here(obvious pointer),so he should ask his wife what the problem is, so they can resolve it amicably and not him picking offense.

Does it always have to be someone's wrong doing for their partner to stop loving them? What about the OP suggests that he did something wrong? I'm not ruling out that possibility, but there's no substantial pointer that suggests he did. If he can be honest enough to admit it, then it's safe to conclude.

Rozz:
She has indirectly told her husband there's a problem and it's now left for him to resolve it with her. See as you quickly mentioned cheating as a defence mechanism,is it not what most of you men do these days?maybe the wife has caught the man cheating sef unknown to him.I should be asking you that question,hope you are not a cheat?

So you're saying the wife cannot be at fault here? It has to be the man? Aunty, please what is the basis of this conclusion? And yes, she could be cheating on him and that could also fuel her current state.

your wife is about to leave you

Humanoid01:
So you're saying the wife cannot be at fault here? It has to be the man? Aunty, please what is the basis of this conclusion? And yes, she could be cheating on him and that could also fuel her current state.

If she was cheating on him she won't be that bold.lol I'm not faulting anyone.If a wife suddenly tells her husband she doesn't love him anymore, then it means the husband has been doing something wrong that's it.

Many marriages in Nigeria do not have love in them, and they still manage to survive with each partner resigning to their fate.
They stay together as a couple because of the children, finances, what people will say if they divorce or simply because they feel there might not be anything else better out there.
It is what it is.
Perhaps the feelings may come back if more effort is put into the marriage, but it all depends on if the partners decide it's worth saving.
Many just don't voice it out.
Ask your wife how long she's been feeling that way, and perhaps if she knows why she feels that way. What does she think is the way forward? Continue as staus quo, a seperation or perhaps even a divorce?
Atimes, you can't help feel the way you feel, and it really doesn't have to involve cheating or whatever

Rozz:
If she was cheating on him she won't be that bold.lol I'm not faulting anyone.If a wife suddenly tells her husband she doesn't love him anymore, then it means the husband has been doing something wrong that's it.

Lol see you o! Them nor dey know person finish, no matter how long you spend with them. People can suddenly fall out of love due to a loss of satisfaction from their partners, and this COULD mean that someone else may have been making certain provisions that they don't get from their partners.

Humanoid01:
Lol see you o! Them nor dey know person finish, no matter how long you spend with them. People can suddenly fall out of love due to a loss of satisfaction from their partners, and this COULD mean that someone else may have been making certain provisions that they don't get from their partners.

well,the husband should find out what the problem is and resolve it.Too many marital problems these days

My only concern here is that after she told you she was not in love with you anymore, you still carried your big head and put it in between her legs to perform your duty.

It's as if you don't like yourself.

And if your story were an imaginary one...even inside an imagination, you're busy wishing yourself death. Lol

The gods are really after you...

Richy4:
I might be wrong but I'm guessing that It could be cabin fever.. She might have been a bit irritated about what's been going on.. no movement, nothing that excites her, she was being caged at home by the Government... on top of that she has to deal with u and your needs... it could have been hard on her.. And it is hard on a lot of people but they cannot say it aloud to their spouse just the way your wife said it..

You know when they are advertising drugs and they say things like after 3 days and the symptoms persists, consult your doctor.. After the lock down and the symptoms persists, then you have to find out what's cooking... for now don't take her words for it man.. everyone is on edge.. angry and annoyed..

@ OP listen to him dont mind that nairaland broken record up there .

To say I have gained nothing from the follow up comments is to say the least,bravos to everyone that has commented one thing or other,I will add up some few things learnt now and find peace within me.
Also,she added a caveat when she said it,that maybe later the love can grow and come back to her heart. Though I must add this,for few days I've been full of attitudes towards her;one word answers kind of,and I started coming back home late.I expected her to subtly find out what's come over me,only for her to drop the msg.Going forward I will be fine.Thanks all

Well,even if I cheat,she can't ever know,meanwhile,I have cheated b4,but none I can rem in more than 2 years or more. I have always been all hers for years

Rozz:
She has indirectly told her husband there's a problem and it's now left for him to resolve it with her. See as you quickly mentioned cheating as a defence mechanism,is it not what most of you men do these days?maybe the wife has caught the man cheating sef unknown to him.I should be asking you that question,hope you are not a cheat?

Atimes people lose their temperaments and say things they ought not to. Her eyes will clear with time. Don't take things too far, if you have not really been good to her, try and improve. If you have been hurting her, stop it

Mrstoned:
I am just curious to know the effects and implications that one can expect from what my wife of 10years said to me this morning.My wife told me as I was about to make love to her that,she doesn't love me again,meanwhile, I was sucking the breasts when the bombshell dropped,I went ahead to remove her cloths and went down to do the normal duty.But I have been cold to her afterwards,cos I kind of feel strange presently, I don't want the cascading effect of her words to gofar,I might not forgive her.

So if I may ask,is it possible she was pulling my legs,also considering she has never said something like that before,even at times of difficult and problematic issues.

Mr. Stoned,

You still went ahead to make love to your wife after she said she doesn't love you?

That is not good enough.

You should have engaged her there and then asking what she meant.

It is not too late though and ensure you get an answer from her.

Generalnomercy:
We're you the one who hurt her?

What prevents the woman from telling her husband her problems?

She's obviously cheating. I hope you're not like her?

Know all General No Mercy,

Well done.

Mrstoned:
To say I have gained nothing from the follow up comments is to say the least,bravos to everyone that has commented one thing or other,I will add up some few things learnt now and find peace within me.
Also,she added a caveat when she said it,that maybe later the love can grow and come back to her heart. Though I must add this,for few days I've been full of attitudes towards her;one word answers kind of,and I started coming back home late.I expected her to subtly find out what's come over me,only for her to drop the msg.Going forward I will be fine.Thanks all

The story is one-sided.
There's definitely something deep you did to her, which you're not telling here, to make her say those deeply hurtful words to you.
That you were still able to have intercourse with her after what she told you says a lot about you. It's like telling you a food has poison in it, but your longerthroat still went ahead to eat, then feared for your life afterwards.
Those words are deep enough to make anyone go cold instantly!
Maybe you're exactly as your monicker implies MrStoned

Mrstoned:
Well,even if I cheat,she can't ever know, meanwhile,I have cheated b4,but none I can rem in more than 2 years or more. I have always been all hers for years

Yeah...right! That is what you think!

Have you ever heard the word intuition ? That of a woman is many times stronger...especially for someone she loves.
Now, when you say "she can't ever know", it means her heart was never with you.

Mrstoned:
Well,even if I cheat,she can't ever know,meanwhile,I have cheated b4,but none I can rem in more than 2 years or more. I have always been all hers for years

You have cheated so much that you can't remember if you have done any in the last two years?!

How can you be all for her while you are/were cheating?

Hoin! You are doing well.

Mrstoned:
To say I have gained nothing from the follow up comments is to say the least,bravos to everyone that has commented one thing or other,I will add up some few things learnt now and find peace within me.
Also,she added a caveat when she said it,that maybe later the love can grow and come back to her heart. Though I must add this,for few days I've been full of attitudes towards her;one word answers kind of,and I started coming back home late.I expected her to subtly find out what's come over me,only for her to drop the msg.Going forward I will be fine.Thanks all

Your wife said she longer loves you: you did not do anything about it. Infact you still slept with her meaning you don't care about her feelings/state of mind as long as you get want you want. This surely would be cascading to other parts of your marriage. If tells me you are a very selfish husband.

You are now giving her the silent treatment and wondering why she is not asking you what is going on: You are egoistic and place your ego above your marriage.

She is still updating the message expecting you to engage her why the love is no longer there.

Drop ego and selfishness and ask her why she no longer loves you.

mrstoned maybe your wife has caught you and she's reacting,dont be too sure of your cheating skills.Resolve your issues with her and her love for you will naturally come back

Rozz:
you should ask her where you have gone wrong to warrant such statement from her. Obviously you have been hurting her. Find out

Hes a funny fellow.
He even still went ahead to do the do despite the bombshell not even minding her.
Conji really na bastard

obo389:
Hes a funny fellow.
He even still went ahead to do the do despite the bombshell not even minding her.
Conji really na bastard

Hes going ahead also means that he does not pay attention to his wife's feelings.Hes kind of a selfish man

What does she know about true ( agape) love? And everyone here is failing to see that that is not love she's talking about but Eros, lust, a feeling of infatuation. She simply means she's no longer sexually attracted to the man.

Now, let me explain a bit about this two. What most people base their relationship or marriage on is not true love but Eros=>lust/infatuation. That physical attraction that makes you wanna be with this fellow and have sex with them and the you think its enough to sustain marriage? Lies! True love (agape) is deeper. its a sacrifice that requires a conscious effort, determination, decision and the willingness backed up with prayers to go into marriage and that is the type that will sustain your marriage and make it stand the test of time. Not the "butterfly in your belly feelings ".

One of my pastors once said something a long time ago, he said, usually after 5 years, Eros love ( infatuation) grows wings and flies away. And if your marriage was not built on agape love, it will have issues because nothing to back it up. And that is what the op is facing now. What do I mean?
If she had looked beyond her feelings, the handsome face and other physical attraction and made up her mind to be with this man, good or bad, (unconditional=Agape love) now that the feelings is no longer there, she wouldn't get fed up easily because she had determined, made a decision and choose to be with her man forever hence would make a conscious effort to continue in the marriage without complaints.

This issue of agape love can never be overemphasized. it comes with sacrifice. Before going into that marriage, did you see her as someone who could give up anything for you? (Sacrifice) Did you see her as someone who will still be there even when you lose an arm, an eye or your bearing? That is unconditional. Now, you've not lost an arm or a leg, she's already tired.

Any marriage built only on physical attraction or looks and feelings (infactuation) can never last beyond 5 years. If the person manages to stay beyond that, they are only saving face in the mean time but will eventually give up.
Agape love is unconditional, and it requires strength from God and only those sincere with themselves and God can have it.

Eulalia:
What does she know about true ( agape) love? And everyone here is failing to see that that is not love she's talking about but Eros, lust, feeling of nfatuation. She simply means shes no longer sexually attracted to the man.

Now, let me explain a bit about this two. What most people base their relationship or marriage on is not true love but lust/infatuation. That physical attraction that makes you wanna be with this fellow and have sex with them and the you think its enough to sustain marriage? Lies! True love (agape) is deeper. its a sacrifice that requires a conscious effort, determination, decision and the willingness backed up with prayers to go into marriage and that is the type that will sustain your marriage and make it stand the test of time. Not the "butterfly in your belly feelings ".

One of my pastors once said something a long time ago, he said, usually after 5 years, Eros love ( infatuation) grows wings and flies away. And if your marriage was not built on agape love, it will have issues because nothing to back it up. And that is what the op is facing now. What do I mean?
If she had looked beyond her feelings, the handsome face and other physical attraction and made up her mind to be with this man, good or bad, (sacrifice=Agape love) now that the feelings is no longer there, she wouldn't get fed up easily because she had determined, made a decision and choose to be with her man forever hence would make a conscious effort to continue in the marriage without complaints.

This issue of agape love can never be overemphasized it comes with sacrifice. Before going into that marriage, did you see her as someone who could give up anything for you? Did you see her as someone who will still be there even when you lose an arm, an eye or your bearing? That is sacrifice. Now, you've not lost an arm or a leg, she's already tired.

Any marriage built only on physical attraction or looks and feelings (infactuation) can never last beyond 5 years. If the person manages to stay beyond that, they are only saving face in the mean time but will eventually give up.
Agape love requires strength from God and only those sincere with themselves and God can have it.

good one dear

If u had been caught with another woman i don't expect u to be surprised...because not all women will forgive easily?

So,rethink ur ways before it is too late.

Mrstoned:
I am just curious to know the effects and implications that one can expect from what my wife of 10years said to me this morning.My wife told me as I was about to make love to her that,she doesn't love me again,meanwhile, I was sucking the breasts when the bombshell dropped,I went ahead to remove her cloths and went down to do the normal duty.But I have been cold to her afterwards,cos I kind of feel strange presently, I don't want the cascading effect of her words to gofar,I might not forgive her.

So if I may ask,is it possible she was pulling my legs,also considering she has never said something like that before,even at times of difficult and problematic issues.

Bros u fall my hand wella, as she clear u the Mata for bed, instantly you go just yan her ur own say " thank God you said it, I wanted to tell u this for the past 3yrs, but I didn't know how cos i didn't want to hurt ur feeling's"
The word "Thank God u said it and 3yrs" would definitely beat her imagination even if she dey Cheat on you b4.

Don't take those words for granted if she said it she definitely means it out of the abundant of the heart the month speakth

For all those "miales" that said she may be cheating and has fallen in love with whoever it is, Oga Op has admitted he cheated too, so if she indeed cheated, it is fair and square, Op should just be patient, with time she will love him again as she already told him.

Romanoff:
10 years of marriage and you choose to get answers from Nairaland instead of talking to your wife?

I just weak for Una matter.

Your head dey there. I tire too.
This is what heart to heart talk can easily solve.

Biglittlelois:
For all those "miales" that said she may be cheating and has fallen in love with whoever it is, Oga Op has admitted he cheated too, so if she indeed cheated, it is fair and square, Op should just be patient, with time she will love him again as she already told him.

funny, no mind them.

Mrstoned:
I am just curious to know the effects and implications that one can expect from what my wife of 10years said to me this morning.My wife told me as I was about to make love to her that,she doesn't love me again,meanwhile, I was sucking the breasts when the bombshell dropped,I went ahead to remove her cloths and went down to do the normal duty.But I have been cold to her afterwards,cos I kind of feel strange presently, I don't want the cascading effect of her words to gofar,I might not forgive her.

So if I may ask,is it possible she was pulling my legs,also considering she has never said something like that before,even at times of difficult and problematic issues.

When a woman opens up to say such, don't take it for granted

You may have made her to start losing intrest in you either through love making, your attitude towards her and the kind of people that are giving her the attention you refuse to give her

Seat her down and let her know that you can't afford to lose her to anyone, she should tell you what made her to say so

Just listen to her and make something out of it

If you don't handle it well, she may find joy outside

Pls have a heart discussion with her and meet up where you are lacking