₦airaland Forum

frozen70:
I don't understand what you are trying to explain here

Both of them are unproduçtive. They should go and learn how to make money.

Nooil:
Both of them are unproduçtive. They should go and learn how to make money.

So the one the man is making is paper

Unnerve:
Tiresome thread, tiresome responses.

Does anyone actually have a real solution on how to make the wife more driven to earn money for herself, or is it a fool's errand and there's no hope anymore?

Let him travel for a few weeks, and take the kids with him. (Probably travel to see Grandma or some relatives)
Let him leave an allowance behind.
She will sit up once she sees that the money can't cover her needs.
Do it about twice before her third trimester and call her sibling to come stay with her. Monitor things from a distance.
Ask her to chip in money for baby things.
She will sit up.

LordKO:
Ujujoan! If you see as this your name de always sweet me eh, lol. But come, you don't know the literal meaning of the axiom because you stated it incorrectly. "Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely."

At the risk of sounding immodest, you're actually trying sell a facade to someone who has almost seen it all from some of the most successful and elegantly made women you can ever imagine. Once more, a woman from strong ethical leanings, a conscientious woman (human being), doesn't change to a crass and expedient woman because of success or lack of it.

Ahh Mr. Experience!!!

It's not really about being crass . . . More like getting away with some things.

I'm not as 'experienced' as you (lol), but I know it helps to be strong, when you know you don't have to ask him for money for make-up and anything at all!

I see. They really need to recheck their pattern of thinking

Pregnancy that will sometimes have you bedridden with nausea, fatigue and pain. Can’t even get out of bed on some days.

And yes. Not to mention your life hangs in the balance while you’re at it.

Maybe those women need to work sometimes and see that pregnancy has the potential to be more difficult than just getting up and going out there.

Klass99:
The logic is this - if I take in now, oga will not continue to harass, stress or trouble me about doubling my business hustle, taking that professional exam like ICAN or applying for a new/better paying job.

Pregnant women are generally considered as being in a fragile/delicate state. So, if you as a man continue to advocate these things during a pregnancy, you may be regarded as inconsiderate, harsh or even wicked.

Even employers are reluctant to hire pregnant women because of the mandatory maternity leave they have to proceed on, shortly after being employed.

In their minds pregnancy is a lot easier than having to deal with any of the above. In their minds it is also a valid excuse for not doing what it takes, to improve themselves financially or otherwise.

I once read a post by a female moniker who said pregnancy/giving birth is not a big deal or stressful matter for us women at all, because we were created for it. In my own mind, I said oshey o! Something I lost 2 women in my life to.

frozen70:
You have said what you think it should be

When you get in to family ways, you will understand better

No one said she should feed the family

If she doesn't have the sense of supporting her husband, let her not feel bad if the husband neglects her

Must the support be financial?

I know a lot of women whose husband will NOT let them work. Does that mean they are useless to him?

Unnerve:
Tiresome thread, tiresome responses.

Does anyone actually have a real solution on how to make the wife more driven to earn money for herself, or is it a fool's errand and there's no hope anymore?

It's a fool's errand. He needs to increase his hustle and get a vasectomy.

Saintmary:
Let him travel for a few weeks, and take the kids with him. (Probably travel to see Grandma or some relatives)
Let him leave an allowance behind.
She will sit up once she sees that the money can't cover her needs.
Do it about twice before her third trimester and call her sibling to come stay with her. Monitor things from a distance.
Ask her to chip in money for baby things.
She will sit up.

I can't believe I'm actually reading this from a woman. OMG!

You want her to face such pressure in her condition? What about pre-eclemsia? Or is her life expendable because she's broke?

Na wah oh!

Palema007:
The op wasn't aware that the income from his wife's shoe business was low until Marriage which means he didn't care. He saw her as someone he can afford, so he had no business with how much she earns until reality sets in.

I've seen many guys on this forum with that 'i will and can provide all' ideology. To them, when a woman contributes financially it limits their chances to absolute control. And I ask what's ego compared to better well being and longer life span? I just laugh. Thing is there isn't really much Op's cousin can do, because that woman will never change if she doesn't see the need to. It's all on her.

It’s only on NL that men are absolute providers.
In reality they can’t.

If you say it then you’re baaaahd

UjuJoan2:
Ahh Mr. Experience!!!

It's not really about being crass . . . More like getting away with some things.

I'm not as 'experienced' as you (lol), but I know it helps to be strong, when you know you don't have to ask him for money for make-up and anything at all!

Ujujoan! We aren't of the same ethical leanings; Money isn't the language in my own part of the world, its irrefutable importance notwithstanding.

LordKO:
Ujujoan! We aren't of the same ethical leanings; Money isn't the language in my own part of the world, its irrefutable importance notwithstanding.

So you don't like money?

Can you live happily in lack. I mean live below average and be truly content?

cococandy:
It’s only on NL that men are absolute providers.
In reality they can’t.

If you say it then you’re baaaahd

Lol....well some read and believe things they read here, go offline with that mentality, settle for people they can "control" until reality set in (Nigerian economy) then they come back to give us matters to settle like Op. I just tire.

UjuJoan2:
I can't believe I'm actually reading this from a woman. OMG!

You want her to face such pressure in her condition? What about pre-eclemsia? Or is her life expendable because she's broke?

Na wah oh!

She's not broke, she's just not responding to her husband's situation. And she will be monitored.
Don't hyperventilate madam.
How can a few weeks trip kill a pregnant woman?
Long term partners find it hard to listen to each other because of familiarity unless drastic measures are taken.
Like I said, if he is smart about it, it will bring desired results. Everything will be done before her third trimester.

UjuJoan2:
So you don't like money?

Can you live happily in lack. I mean live below average and be truly content?

Ujujoan, lol! No. Don't mistake money-consciousness for success-consciousness - I abhor the former. Altruism is the soul of my ethical leanings, while egoism is the soul of your own ethical leanings, so you may not understand me better in this regard. I've almost tasted life from different angles, and I have finally come to realize that the core of my happiness lies in minimalism.

Both altruism and minimalism don't mean abhorrence of money and hard work.

Palema007:
The op wasn't aware that the income from his wife's shoe business was low until Marriage which means he didn't care. He saw her as someone he can afford, so he had no business with how much she earns until reality sets in.

I've seen many guys on this forum with that 'i will and can provide all' ideology. To them, when a woman contributes financially it limits their chances to absolute control. And I ask what's ego compared to better well being and longer life span? I just laugh. Thing is there isn't really much Op's cousin can do, because that woman will never change if she doesn't see the need to. It's all on her.

That's why I think he should have taken the initiative to ensure she doesn't get pregnant again.

He who wears the shoe knows where it's pinching. She really doesn't get it and she's probably not going to. He needs to give her time.

It's true that ego diasapears when hunger appears, but most men who can afford it will hold onto their egos for as long as it takes.

LordKO:
Ujujoan, lol! No. Don't mistake money-consciousness for success-consciousness - I abhor the former. Altruism is the soul of my ethical leanings, while egoism is the soul of your own ethical leanings, so you may not understand me better in this regard. I've almost tasted life from different angles and I have finally come to realize that the core of my happiness lies in minimalism.

Both altruism and minimalism don't mean abhorrence of money and hardwork.

Human beings are selfish by nature, and yet you want me to think your are somehow different?

It's one thing to find happiness in minimalism, and another to be contented with absolute lack. Trust me, you won't be speaking all that grammar if you don't know where your next meal is coming from.

This man has worked very hard and yet he can't make ends meet, talk more of making do with the little he has.

And please stop making all these assumptions about me, when you don't even know me. You may be mortified to find out that we are more alike than you think.

UjuJoan2:
Human beings are selfish by nature, and yet you want me to think your are somehow different?

It's one thing to find happiness in minimalism, and another to be contented with absolute lack. Trust me, you won't be speaking all that grammar if you don't know where your next meal is coming from.

This man has worked very hard and yet he can't make ends meet, talk more of making do with the little he has.

And please stop making all these assumptions about me, when you don't even know me. You may be mortified to find out that we are more alike than you think.

Ujujoan! Human beings aren't self-absorbing by nature. Human beings are just by nature. The choice to take to self-absorption or conscientiousness is an individual choice.

UjuJoan2:
That's why I think he should have taken the initiative to ensure she doesn't get pregnant again.

He who wears the shoe knows where it's pinching. She really doesn't get it and she's probably not going to. He needs to give her time.

It's true that ego diasapears when hunger appears, but most men who can afford it will hold onto their egos for as long as it takes.

Lol... Well the Man made his mistake, however you can't pin all of this on him. The wife ought to be supportive or at least understanding, that's why they are Husband and Wife. A woman can avoid getting pregnant if she really wants to, adding a child to the family when she isn't ready to help is very insensitive. They both have their faults in this.

LordKO:
Ujujoan! Human beings aren't self-absorbing by nature, instead human beings are just by nature. The choice to take to self-absorption or conscientiousness is an individual choice.

What are you, a psychologist?

Look at babies and tell me if they are born 'just'. Every other thing is learned.

Palema007:
Lol... Well the Man made his mistake, however you can't pin all of this on him. The wife ought to be supportive or at least understanding, that's why they are Husband and Wife. A woman can avoid getting pregnant if she really wants to, adding a child to the family when she isn't ready to help is very insensitive. They both have their faults in this.

Maybe she's content . . Maybe she doesn't mind the occasional lack. Maybe that is not what is important to her at this point.

Maybe she's a minimalist like LordKO

Maybe she's more interested in having kids now, and plans to face a business or career later in life.

Maybe he's the one that needs to support her now, and be patient with her. Rather than forcing her to do the things he wants.

UjuJoan2:
Maybe she's content . . Maybe she doesn't mind the occasional lack. Maybe that is not what is important to her at this point.

Maybe she's a minimalist like LordK O

Maybe she's more interested in having kids now, and plans to face a business or career later in life.

Maybe he's the one that needs to support her now, and be patient with her. Rather than forcing her to do the things he wants.

Maybe we are here arguing on a issue that doesn't concern us while the couples are topping their pregnancy under sheets . Abeg nah them sabi.

UjuJoan2:
Maybe she's content . . Maybe she doesn't mind the occasional lack. Maybe that is not what is important to her at this point.

Maybe she's a minimalist like LordKO

Maybe she's more interested in having kids now, and plans to face a business or career later in life.

Maybe he's the one that needs to support her now, and be patient with her. Rather than forcing her to do the things he wants.

LOL. I'm far from being lazy. I'm currently at work, after all. Besides, the woman under discussion isn't lazy, too.

Palema007:
Maybe we are here arguing on a issue that doesn't concern us while the couples are topping their pregnancy under sheets . Abeg nah them sabi.

UjuJoan2:

Las Las nobody knows the couples self and we have been disturbing our brain cells since. Lol

LordKO:
LOL. I'm far from being lazy, after all, I'm currently at work. Besides, the woman under discussion isn't lazy too.

I didn't say you guys were lazy, I said you are minimalists.

I'm not. I believe in living life to the fullest, so yes, I want to fly first class, go on exotic trips, and drive the best cars.

So you see, besides being successful, I NEED money. That's why I have to work because I'm not depending on any man to give me the things I want. If that makes me egoistic, then that's fine.

Palema007:
Las Las nobody knows the couples self and we have been disturbing our brain cells since. Lol

I'm telling you . . . He's probably enjoying pregnancy sex as we speak. I hear it's the best!

UjuJoan2:
I didn't say you guys were lazy, I said you are minimalists.

I'm not. I believe in living life to the fullest, so yes, I want to fly first class, go on exotic trips, and drive the best cars.

So you see, besides being successful, I NEED money. That's why I have to work because I'm not depending on any man to give me the things I want. If that makes me egoistic, then that's fine.

Ujujoan! I have hardly seen a success-conscious person who doesn't have money. Like I said before, you may not understand my points. Besides, I didn't say my ethical leaning is automatically superior to yours, or that I am ethically better than you.

UjuJoan2:
It's a fool's errand. He needs to increase his hustle and get a vasectomy.

I see.

Hopefully, life remains fair to him and he doesn't lose his source of income, suffer from withheld salaries, or worse, die in a car accident next week.

One wonders what becomes of a wife with such dependency.

cococandy:
It’s only on NL that men are absolute providers.
In reality they can’t.

If you say it then you’re baaaahd

Only on NL. I remember one that won’t let me rest with all his alfa-male plans. I will resign my job, he will do this, he will do that. I asked how much he will give me in a week if/when I resign, he said 7k a week. That is 28k a month. Lmao!He even tried.

Is it not on this NL we have women saying their husband said they should cut down on shopping list? Is not here we see women begging for delivery bills and money for baby things?

Abeg abeg! This is not even an insult to men. The Nigerian economy doesn’t allow that. OP should manage his homely wife. She is a homemaker.

Saintmary:
Let him travel for a few weeks, and take the kids with him. (Probably travel to see Grandma or some relatives)
Let him leave an allowance behind.
She will sit up once she sees that the money can't cover her needs.
Do it about twice before her third trimester and call her sibling to come stay with her. Monitor things from a distance.
Ask her to chip in money for baby things.
She will sit up.

Barring the traveling part because he has a job to go to, I think you've got a realistic solution. Although I feel it's best to employ the tactic of choking her out with limited allowances when she is not pregnant.

Nooil:
A man, a full-blooded man, is working as a civil servant. Do you know how irritating that is? Yet, he doesn't even have a big supporting business, he is doing backyard farming.

I'm sure the IT he is referring to is photocopying and scanning. Because if it was real IT, he will ask his wife to become a full housewife.

Yet, he has the effrontery to call someone unproductive.

Lmao! Please OP is trying o. 3 children plus 1 wife. Let’s not forget extended family wey no dey ever allow person rest. Make the guy no die before im time like this.

E no easy

pocohantas:
Only on NL. I remember one that won’t let me rest with all his alfa-male plans. I will resign my job, he will do this, he will do that. I asked how much he will give me in a week if/when I resign, he said 7k a week. That is 28k a month. Lmao!He even tried.

Is it not on this NL we have women saying their husband said they should cut down on shopping list? Is not here we see women begging for delivery bills and money for baby things?

Abeg abeg! This is not even an insult to men. The Nigerian economy doesn’t allow that. OP should manage his homely wife. She is a homemaker.