₦airaland Forum

My dear friend let me congratulate you on your marriage. May God almighty that have joined you together bless your home with joy peace and happiness. May you be fruitful and for ever remain blissful.
Please be aware that success in marriage is not lack of argument but lack of resentment. I gather from your comment that you are able to give money and trust that it will be used appropriately that is a good think. Also why you are not Mr. perfect you expect certain level of standard to be met. All these are good things. It is also ok for you to be upset when the output did not correspond to the input. However, you ought not to blame your wife. You were naïve so also was your wife. Your hands off approach is the naivety. It is your wedding you are the CEO and your wife is the COO. You ought to have set out what you want and have direct access to people responsible for things like tent and chairs hall etc. let them know what time you expect these things to be available. You are still going to do many things and that is the best approach. once they know this about you they will follow through even your in-laws.
Please it is your honeymoon period no argument is going to correct the error that had been made. Don't make her feel bad. you have the rest of your life to argue. Complement her and let her know she did her best but you are not happy because your plan was for her wedding ceremony to be flawless and it made you very sad it was not flawless. Let her know it is by gone and that you are happy she is your wife and no one is going to take her away from you.
Just incase she happen to be at fault like may be kept some of the money for herself. please do not be angry with her. Remember you are coming from different background it is time to start building trust and orientating each other to your value system. Let her understand there is no need for that and henceforth she should be forthcoming as you are going to be forthright with her no matter the circumstances. If you had make her cry apologize for making her sad and enjoy your honey moon.


1Peter 3:7
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you1 of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

Your marriage is 'having cracks' because your wedding didn't go as you planned? Guy, get off her back. How many weddings has she planned before? Laugh it off and move on. Why are you even still arguing about it, don't you have anything better to do on your honeymoon?

RisenPhoenix1:
Your marriage is 'having cracks' because your wedding didn't go as you planned? Guy, get off her back. How many weddings has she planned before? Laugh it off and move on. Why are you even still arguing about it, don't you have anything better to do on your honeymoon?

Don't waste your energy bro. Read between the lines and you'll see that OP is actually the disgruntled bride.

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

Congratulations oko iyawo

You are a perfectionist, she is a nonchalant anything goes person.

To you, the result is fail so you don't see any reason why you should commend the effort.

To her, it doesn't matter that she did not accomplish anything: she wants to be praised for boiling stone that would not cook.

Well, party is over and you both have to work on yourselves and compromise on your natural positions.

@You: realize that everything cannot be perfect. This is coming from a fellow perfectionist. I had to learn over time to sit back and relazzz. Also as a perfectionist, tap into your resourcefulness (art of improvising on the spot) because you will really need it.

Also have plan A to Z and quickly switch plans as something goes wrong. Also learn what is important so you leave the rest.

Communicate what you what clearly and learn how to do stuffs yourself. For instance, I always go to the market myself . If I want to buy vegetables, I walk through the vegetable stand and go back to pick the best looking vegetables. Ditto every other thing. It would not make sense if I send someone to the market and start to complain that the pepper is soft or vegetables is not fresh.


@wife:
She needs to go the extra mile. No more shoddy jobs or I don't care display. She needs to bring her A game to the table.

You both also have to develop emotional intelligence.

You think the job is shoddy but she wants accolades, just smile and peck her thank you. When she really does the job to your taste or a better standard, show a hearty appreciation. If she is intuitive, she would learn the difference between both of them and ask how she can improve.

She thinks you are not grateful even if she put in her best, let her apologize (for your feelings ) and move on. When she is really sorry, she should offer an heartfelt apology. If you are intuitive, you will learn the difference between both and know when to keep quiet and face front & when to correct.

Good luck and God bless your home.

wisdomiskey:
This OP is the bride pretending to be the groom.

Cue 1: Notice how she continuously praises herself for her "support"/contribution towards her own wedding

Cue 2: It's mostly women who biitch and complain about wedding aesthetics even after the day has past..

Lmao...aren't men always the price?

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

You people married for the wrong reason. Enjoy your wife

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

You would have paid a wedding planner to lift that worry over your shoulder. Planning and executing a wedding single handedly is no childs play... the wedding has come and gone, focus on your marriage now! I never gave a second thought to people's complaints after my wedding, I didn't want them to spoil my joy abeg. They never contributed a dime to it, why should I worry unnecessarily over them at the detriment of my joy? Mba! Eno reach abeg!

I see no cracks here,just move on. Marriage is more important than the tantrums u r throwing

chatinent:
She claims it isn't her fault.




She has given you a reason not to start the marriage with wild thoughts.


Not as though you are stupid, just forget about it.


Move on.


Try to build much love on disagreements not just on things you both agree on.



It's barely a week!


You should be loving her shortcomings and her rights!


From all you listed she did, I think she was the wedding herself! Acknowledge her. She may be thinking you are ungrateful while you are thinking she didn't just do what “only existed in your mind. ”


We are imperfect.

If it's a mistake, call it forgotten.


Long-lasting marriages starts when one party stops thinking they are always right.

Dude put the incident behind you
True true no be e fault
Reason e on meet your expectation be say e carry jjc and scam people join body
Just carry on with your life Ok!
Wish you both blissful marriage

Hathor5:
I wanted to be a therapist when I was still in school. Psychology has always been of interest to me but I don't have enough patience to do the job. It's good to know one's weaknesses.

Thank you though. I know you are a professional in this field. Always looking forward to your contributions.

Your interest in Psychology has made you a therapist who helps others know and overcome weaknesses.

I'd say your prayer is answered Hathor5.

I think I understand.

Bosch10:
hmmm.ok thanks for the reply.It was as if i have never seen or heard such before.I had to screenshot it.As a Christian,it helped to keep me in check

I think you should be more worried about how your marriage will last than how beautiful the wedding was or the cake was, moreover planning a wedding singlehandedly is not easy. I think you should have commended her but it seems you are a perfectionist.

On my good days I can be helpful. I try.

Thank you a lot Budaa. I appreciate.

budaatum:
Your interest in Psychology has made you a therapist who helps others know and overcome weaknesses.

I'd say your prayer is answered Hathor5.

MOLOTOVcockTAIL:
This part worries me the most. Hope you have a full dossier on what she was up to while in those countries. Guys get mind shaa. Good luck to your marriage.

It’s not everything you should say nah. Just do as if you did not notice

Hathor5:
Take your insecurity elsewhere.

Birds of the same feathers. We all know what you people do in Italy and Dubai nah. But, no be for my mouth you go hear say Donald Trump’s wife na Stripper

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

women need backup, whether in business, domestic or official matters. We men ought to learn a subtle way of managing them without them realizing. Move on

Sometimes a lot of things go wrong during the planning of a wedding in Nigeria, vendors will disappoint you at the last minute. Even some wedding planners disappoint.

Maybe the person she assigned to share the souvenirs didn't share them.

The decorators the MC might have disappointed.

One has to be on the neck of most vendors.

It has passed, you guys can talk about it but the matter no reach quarell at all.

I understand how you feel. For so long after my wedding, I couldn't forgive a few people who didn't do what I wanted. In the eyes of others though, I had the most beautiful wedding .

I have learnt to forgive and move on. The wedding is for a day but the marriage is life long. Focus on the marriage and realise that she won't be able to handle similar projects in the future and give her the required support when the time comes.

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

You are missing the point already.
I dont even see any argument here..It all about the fact that the venue wasnt properly in place or the mc wasnt available..These ones kp be talk...Lock up...Na After Wedding be Marriage. Yall tend to forget that the wedding takes place in just a day whereas Marriage is a life time event. Enjoy your honeymoon.

chatinent:
She claims it isn't her fault.




She has given you a reason not to start the marriage with wild thoughts.


Not as though you are stupid, just forget about it.
You

Move on.


Try to build much love on disagreements not just on things you both agree on.



It's barely a week!


You should be loving her shortcomings and her rights!


From all you listed she did, I think she was the wedding herself! Acknowledge her. She may be thinking you are ungrateful while you are thinking she didn't just do what “only existed in your mind. ”


We are imperfect.

If it's a mistake, call it forgotten.


Long-lasting marriages starts when one party stops thinking they are always right.

I love all you stated especially the last sentence...

Wedding is over. Moved one with your marriage

Freshbank:
Please moderator push it to front page

This is my first post and I'm writing from the comfort of my lodge celebrating my honeymoon but I'm not very happy. I truly want to know others opinion on the issue causing my unhappiness ( please for those of you who would say brought my marriage issues to the public, just try to be civil, I said I want to get your opinion if it where to be you how will you handle it).

Straight to the subject matter I just got married less than a week, the entire marriage plan was drawn by my spouse and I we both agreed on what to spend and how to go about it, during the whole planning process my wify was super supportive (I have to acknowledge her before I throw in the complain). I trusted her judgements that I entrusted the execution of the marriage plans to and her families while I provide the funds, of which she was also covering some of the expenses I forget to cover. From caterers, mc, live band, renting of canopies, chairs, deco, make-up etc everything was left for her to handle since we were doing it in her home town the only service I brought someone to cover was the coverage (cameraman). I had to send the cameraman there the previous day before the event because she said she needed the cooking process to be covered and other stuffs before our arrival.

Fast forward to the main day, it was about 3:30 mins drive to her home, we (I and my kinsmen) arrived five minutes to 12pm it was during that time some chairs were carried in, the arrangement was not very organized, by 2pm MC was no where to be found, the couple's stage and the cake design was like the expression "what I ordered for vs what I got". In preparation she traveled to Onitsha to buy stuff including gift items but all the cars that accompanied me I didn't see anyone with any of the souvenirs. Some of you might want to think from the description that my wife is unexposed but this is someone that has lived and worked in the Emirates (UAE), being to Britain, Italy and some few others.

After the whole function when we got back I was very angry not because of the shabby execution of a well planned marriage but the facts the she thinks I should commend her for her efforts and stress she went through and not the opposite. The way I look at the issue is like you registered for a course with 50 points as benchmark then u score 15 and you're expecting a "part on the back" or songs of praise. I ain't perfect but I love excellence, my sadness lies in the facts that I don't want to start our home with discord at the same time i can't tolerate or live with this kind of argument. The argument is that she claims it wasn't her fault, the people she designated could not meet up to expectations but every of the plans were drawn by just two of us only. Imaging spending so much to get very little outcome.

If you're in this situation what will you do? Thanks

The wedding has come and gone despite the embarrassment you went through

Next time, plan with her, make sure she execute it under your supervision it's obvious she can't do things by herself that's why she delegate it and the people she trusted fed on her weakness

livingchrist:
Wedding is just one day but marriage is for a life time.

I wonder o. The man seems like a difficult person

Mr. It has happened. Just forgive her and move on


Don't forget to call us for all your laundry service in Abuja

I think you should have at least appreciate your wife while also highlighting your dissatisfaction with the turn out of things during the wedding.

I am a Certified Project Management Associate, and what I learned during my training is that people assume that by having 100% of the money, everything must go as they plan.

Failure on the part of the MC, photographer, and DJ can disrupt your event even after paying them. Some things could have been outside your wife control even after committing those vendors.

I also blame you for not getting involved in the logistics for the event by calling constantly. You assumed just giving cash is enough.....Absolutely wrong. You gave money, but couldn’t assist your wife in monitoring the whole arrangement to ensure everything is in place before the event.

What if she was overwhelmed? What if she forgot somethings by trying to be everywhere?

I once attended one small reunion, and one of our team mate forgot to bring the palm wine that was entrusted in his care.......the guy responsible for asun was stucked in traffic, and the whole thing wasn’t exciting as we had planned......These are instances of how things can disrupt people’s special moment..

If I were you, I would appreciate that woman for doing her best, and I implore you to learn a bitter lesson from this, for future events you guys would likely plan together as couples.

Happy married life......don’t let this affect your honey moon abeg.