₦airaland Forum

Klass99:
I didn't misunderstand your post or did I? I don't think so, recall I started by saying you made valid
points.

Kelly & Nelly's stories was just to emphasize the importance of crawling before walking - in other words doing you first, choosing to have a life of your own first, before doing marriage.

To answer some questions you raised about Kelly will require a long post and honestly I am too tired to type, but the short answer would be - she was mostly ill advised and fed that usual line about biological clocks and the need to quickly marry, yada, yada yada.

luminouz:
Who is Poco?

I'm real and raw. Why on Earth would I want them to fight for God's sakes!!!

It's not today that I noticed the buka.tyne moniker and her straightforward/logical mindset.

Saintmary:
No matter how much leeway a husband allows a woman, she will still make sacrifices.
You just have to decide what is worth it.

mariahAngel:
Dude, all she did was agree on a comment, and you blew the whole thing out of proportion!

It's hard not to see through the exaggerated reaction from you over a mere 100% comment lol

Why not over the original comment if you had no ulterior motive? Because it came from a male?

Make una dey try no dey rile up conflicts unnecessarily for this forum...

luminouz:
*Sighs*

Despite everything I told you up there, you still typed this epistle to justify what you think I'M TRYING TO DO?

It doesn't matter what I say, you still wouldn't listen, because you are determined not to.


Ok, I'm the bad guy!!!

Happy now?

Have a nice night!!!

BigCabal:
Is it possible to regret something that you have been taught should be the “best decision of your life”? Yes, and these five Nigerian women share why they regret getting married.

Anita, 27
He lied about everything. About his extended family, his job, his entire life was basically a lie. I only found out after getting married to him. He told me he was a UX writer, but it turns out he is an Electrician. That would not have been a problem, so why did he feel the need to lie about it? He told me his parents were dead and he was not close to his extended family. Another lie. One day, his Uncle reached out to me on Instagram. Turns out both his parents are very much alive.

When we were getting married, he told me he wanted a small wedding. I did not think too much about it because I genuinely loved him and just wanted to be married to him. Apparently, he wanted a small wedding because he had other wives and kids. Plural. I feel like I am carrying him through the marriage. They say “men are babies” and it sounds cool until you realise that it is not metaphoric, but literal. I never knew there could be such emotionally, underdeveloped, men. Right now, I do not know what is a lie and what is not.

Amaka
I was 33 when I got married and honestly, I do not think marriage benefits women in the long run. Whatever people consider a benefit, does not equal all the things marriage makes you lose. I think marriage hindered me from doing certain things because there is a huge constraint on your time and energy. You are meant to be building the family, but then things you are building does not necessarily benefit you. A men can be working to build his family, while building his career at the same time. He gains both the benefits of being married to you such as free labour, but women can’t say the same thing. The nine years I spent building my family, I could have built my career. The only solution was to not be married anymore so I did that, and my life has been happier and healthier.

Chisom, 27
Marrying my husband was the biggest mistake of my life. Even with all the red flags I saw, I still went ahead and got married to him. He is a serial cheat and a totally unrepentant one. While we were dating he would apologise when he got caught, but now that we are married he has such a nonchalant attitude about it. As if he feels like I cannot do anything about it. He hides the fact that he is married from anyone and if I tell his girls, he gets angry and keeps malice with me. He says we are not a good match and we have nothing in common. How do you not figure out we have nothing in common for the six years we dated? SIX! Now I am pregnant and want to end the marriage but he is threatening to take the child away from me.

Continue: https://www.zikoko.com/her/5-nigerian-women-share-why-they-regret-getting-married/

CalliDora1:
Nobody is talking about doing girly things forever. I'm talking about discovering yourself outside the scope of marriage and it's brouhaha. Like what you want and who you would really want be.
The things you want to do at will like going on hols outside the country alone to unwind without the children and hubby showing up with their daily demands and stuff. Mehnn..it's like prison. That is why I encourage everyone single to maximize their singlhood bef e getting trapped in the confines of marriage.

UyaiIncomparabl:
If you go into marriage with this mindset, you may badly suffer. If you think that marriage is an entrapment where you go into with shackles on your hands and feet, then you are not ready for marriage, and may never be.

Marriage is a place of responsibility and accountability. If you can't offer these intangible values, then marriage isn't your place. You can be married and still live the "baby girl" life that you desire as long as you have a man who's accountable, responsible, valuable, motivates you, shares the same dreams as you, wants success and advancement as much as you do, loves you, and has your back, then you have everything in abundance. If you continue to see marriage as a plethora of quagmire, you may never get it right. Marriage isn't an entrapment as you mentioned if only you are discerning and have a good sense of judgment.

CalliDora1:
Are you married? I doubt. Until you're married, I won't buy all that lalaland story you wrote up there because you're not talking from experience but from your fantasies and reality is different from fantasies. So, Wake up from lalaland. Besides I didn't mean one will be literally "trapped" in marriage as you're trying to misquote me to say. Only those who are married in reality can relate to what i mean by that word.

All you said in your second paragraph is what marriage ought to be but human beings being who they are ( unpredictable) have made that impossible hence the Original Post.

Lest I forget. I don't have any negative mindset neither did the people who's story brought about all these have the mindset but yet it happened to them. So??

NoToPile:
I know women that are having it good very goodactually and I know those that are having it very bad and regret every single day.

I know those who are faking it to be good

I know those who carefully selected their spouse with all the due diligence and all they still have it bad.

I know those that despite the fact that their spouses had very glaring flaws they still married and are even having it better than some with all the due diligence.

One size doesn't fit all, Life happens, its only on NL I see you didn't do this that's why this is happening and I always smile at such comments.

Marriage is a huge sacrifice on both ends (its supposed to be) both spouses will have to sacrifice some things however little at some point. Most times when sane spouses want to take a decision the first thing that pops up is how will this affect my spouse and by extension the children but then lots of upside down marriages nowadays,

crazy husband crazy wife and then crazy marriage.

Sane husband, sane wife and then sane marriage

Once one of the spouses is not sane problems happen.
Simple.

bizme:
On a serious note, people should normalize not getting married. Marriage is not for everyone.

NoToPile:
I know women that are having it good very goodactually and I know those that are having it very bad and regret every single day.

I know those who are faking it to be good

I know those who carefully selected their spouse with all the due diligence and all they still have it bad.

I know those that despite the fact that their spouses had very glaring flaws they still married and are even having it better than some with all the due diligence.

One size doesn't fit all, Life happens, its only on NL I see you didn't do this that's why this is happening and I always smile at such comments.

Marriage is a huge sacrifice on both ends (its supposed to be) both spouses will have to sacrifice some things however little at some point. Most times when sane spouses want to take a decision the first thing that pops up is how will this affect my spouse and by extension the children but then lots of upside down marriages nowadays,

crazy husband crazy wife and then crazy marriage.

Sane husband, sane wife and then sane marriage

Once one of the spouses is not sane problems happen.
Simple.

armyofone:
You and I are like the tower of Babel - let us just keep pretending we don't understand each other instead of the usual thingy you are up to that goes on to 25 pages or more on NL

I have given you alot na, it remains small you go stop fighting ladies

CalliDora1:
It's not fabricated. It's true.

I have a very close married friend that still told me three days ago how she wishes to leave her marriage because she misses her single life and freedom. She said she wishes to do things at her own pace and will again.

She said marriage has made her lose herself and she needs to build herself back to that person she wanted to be.

Men don't know that marriage is a huge sacrifice the women make for them to achieve somethings in life yet they won't value the woman

LordKO:
It doesn't surprise me that someone like you will concur, revel, and relish with another of your type that derides men in this fashion "emotionally under-developed men." because you've always been a typical hypocritically disingenuous element, and your very low IQ couple with mixed depression have made your case worst.

You and your type always take delight in debasing and deriding men and anyone, regardless of gender, who don't fit into your low-life circle; but are always quick to cry murder and play a victim when ordinary resistance, not even equal and proportional retaliation, is applied.

It's better imagined than to witness a man terming women "emotionally under-developed women" in this fashion and what the reaction of you and your ilk will be.

angelfallz:
Let me rephrase the bolded,
Women don't know that marriage is a huge sacrifice the men make for them to achieve somethings in life yet they won't value the man.

i rephrased it because that your sentence is totally uncalled for.

Also, you people can keep reading about women that regret their marriage and feed off their toxicity, or you can read about women who are enjoying their marriage and feed off the joy and positive vibes. Your choice.

crackhaus:

BigCabal:
Is it possible to regret something that you have been taught should be the “best decision of your life”? Yes, and these five Nigerian women share why they regret getting married.

Anita, 27
He lied about everything. About his extended family, his job, his entire life was basically a lie. I only found out after getting married to him. He told me he was a UX writer, but it turns out he is an Electrician. That would not have been a problem, so why did he feel the need to lie about it? He told me his parents were dead and he was not close to his extended family. Another lie. One day, his Uncle reached out to me on Instagram. Turns out both his parents are very much alive.

When we were getting married, he told me he wanted a small wedding. I did not think too much about it because I genuinely loved him and just wanted to be married to him. Apparently, he wanted a small wedding because he had other wives and kids. Plural. I feel like I am carrying him through the marriage. They say “men are babies” and it sounds cool until you realise that it is not metaphoric, but literal. I never knew there could be such emotionally, underdeveloped, men. Right now, I do not know what is a lie and what is not.

Amaka
I was 33 when I got married and honestly, I do not think marriage benefits women in the long run. Whatever people consider a benefit, does not equal all the things marriage makes you lose. I think marriage hindered me from doing certain things because there is a huge constraint on your time and energy. You are meant to be building the family, but then things you are building does not necessarily benefit you. A men can be working to build his family, while building his career at the same time. He gains both the benefits of being married to you such as free labour, but women can’t say the same thing. The nine years I spent building my family, I could have built my career. The only solution was to not be married anymore so I did that, and my life has been happier and healthier.

Chisom, 27
Marrying my husband was the biggest mistake of my life. Even with all the red flags I saw, I still went ahead and got married to him. He is a serial cheat and a totally unrepentant one. While we were dating he would apologise when he got caught, but now that we are married he has such a nonchalant attitude about it. As if he feels like I cannot do anything about it. He hides the fact that he is married from anyone and if I tell his girls, he gets angry and keeps malice with me. He says we are not a good match and we have nothing in common. How do you not figure out we have nothing in common for the six years we dated? SIX! Now I am pregnant and want to end the marriage but he is threatening to take the child away from me.

Continue: https://www.zikoko.com/her/5-nigerian-women-share-why-they-regret-getting-married/

Eriokanmi:


Fabricated

Klass99:
My classmate said something similar during a heart to heart conversation, where we were catching up after years of being out of touch and not seeing each other.

In her case, she said she hadn't even discovered herself nor really known herself when she got married, then the kids started coming and everything became about her hubby and kids, while her own wants, needs, aspirations and life pretty much faded into the background.

Another classmate said, she's tired of just being a mom and a wife, if she knew marriage was this way, she would have held off on it for some time and focused on herself, life and career before getting into it.

Amaka (the 2nd lady in the original post) wasn't off point when she said - you lose more than you benefit as a woman in marriage. I have seen this happen with my own cousin and another classmate who was such a bright and shining star in school. Nah 3 different classmates I dey reference here

I'm not against marriage but I think young girls/women should live a little, as in, live life by themselves, for themselves and on their terms for a while, before they venture into it.

I think when you do it too soon like right after college or during uni, it's as if your life gets taken over by hubby and kids, before you've actually had a chance to live and discover you a bit.

Then it also feels like you are mostly told what to do all your life and decisions are made for you by others, when you go straight from daddy's house to hubby's house.
There was no break and no chance at all, to do you and make independent decisions of your own without being overruled.

What I have learnt generally is that an early marriage does not guarantee happiness, neither does a late one. Just do you and do the things that bring joy and happiness into your heart.

olabrinks:
I’m not going to lie I settled down in my early 20s and I feel like a prisoner. If I had my way my son will be my only child, the sacrifice of motherhood is too much then you have a man and his family that want to kill you with responsibilities and expectations. You can’t just be free, I would’ve waited until early 30s to settle down. I also think by then, the partner I would’ve chose would be extremely different. I personally feel like I’ve outgrown my husband. Things that I overlooked at 23 will not be overlooked at my age now. I have nobody to blame but myself, but I will get out of this.