₦airaland Forum

Floodgater:
I almost replied the first time but the prince of nairaland held the reply (lolz). Much has been said already but watch out for this, experience has it that when an older man with a serious issue a mature woman would easily detect or not take, he goes for a naive young girl and is usually hasten to tie her to his loins. He may be different, but i fear you dont know this man, his history or true story. Is it not possible he told you his real age because it is obvious from face value, are you sure he is sexually alright, please dont find this out like you almost foolishly did with your "priced" worth the last time. You call a man who proposed on fb before seeing you mature? Obviously he is mature in his business while you remain immature. I am not comfortable with the age thing and i dont think you understand enough its impact on marriage, i would rather you set yourself free from this fantasy and be available for a younger man.

Thank you. I may be naïve owing to my inexperience but am not stupid.

veave:
@renaj

You should be very careful here. If he wasn't schooling, he must have been learning a trade or doing business. If at 35 he is still trying to start up his life then you should be very scared. Most times when a man is trying to speed up things, there are things he doesn't want you to find out about him. You are already in love tho so most of these advices will be like pouring water on a rock.


Don't believe anything a man says hook line and sinker. They always tell you a sob story to get sympathy from you.
Thank you

Thank you all. @Veave, am assimilating all advice l have gotten so far. l want to give him space for now, to think things through without any form of distraction. lt bothers me too that a 35 year old man has nothing to show for it, even as a driver for several years.

thorpido:
Give it more time.You seem to be in love already but don't commit yourself yet.
If you eventually decide to commit,know that this biz idea could work or it may not.A lot of people want to do business too but it's still a dream.
Finances in marriage is a big thing.

Thank you Sir, am very much in love. That is why am seeking for advice so l wouldn't be blinded by emotions. As Urchbabie said, l need to see the business kick off before any other thing, to avoid stories that touch......

babyosisi:
Do not let anyone rope you in
You have time on your hands,tell him you want to get to know him more before making a decision
Get to know this man closely for at least 6 months
You can uncover a lot of things to make you flee or seal your decision in those months
Don't let anyone take advantage of your youth and inexperience
I understand you are in love,that is a beautiful thing but you need to use your head
Take this as an advise from a concerned aunty

Thank you Aunty. Am mighty proud of all my E-Aunties and Uncles. You 've been wonderful.
ls 6 months now. 3 months before we met and 3 months after we met.

shrekandfiona:
@renaj, Hmmmm I don't know where to start advising you from but in my honest opinion there are so ooooo many differences between you and that dude. The only similarity is your tribe.

Firstly the age difference is huge. A 5-7 yr gap is okay and anything more than that is a no no for me only if am going into the relationship for financial reasons but in your case the dude sef isn't financially stable.
He knew this that was why he lied initially that he was 30 yrs old. If a 35yr old man is looking for love on Facebook, it will be a red flag for me because I'll wonder what he did with his youth.

secondly, the day you met him physically was the day he persuaded you for him to meet your dad with a wine Why the rush? You were just meeting for the 1st time and he's already eager to meet your parents and you his? Another red flag for me

thirdly the difference in education is just too huge. You're already on your masters and him a wasc holder? And you think inferiority complex wouldn't set in? In fact based on the hints he is already giving you that he thinks you'll leave him for a graduate like yourself is a complex already brewing.

If you were my sister, I'll advise you either get to study him more, his kind of friends, relationship with people etc before agreeing to any solid thing with him or better still leave him and get someone at par with you at least education wise.

you are still young and a V please do not loose that carelessly. The dude may be a predator and is actually nice and caring for a reason. He may have other things he isn't saying. I once dated a dude like that years ago. We were in same town, a waec holder and way older than me. We met physically at my work canteen at lunch and he was way too nice to me. He lied about his age, job, qualification it was later I got to know through his sister whom I became close to. It was devastating for me because he swept me off my feet. I even later got to know he had kids staying in the village with his mum.

so my dear thread carefully though some may be genuine but some are wolves in sheepskin

Thank you dear. He told me that he was badly hurt by an ex girlfriend whom he intended marrying. Though he was the person to break off the relationship, he gave up on any emotional involvement with women till l came along(according to him). That is why he is still single at 35. He looks good at 35.(lol). He insisted on seeing my family because he wanted to prove that he is real and not playing games with me. He took me to his mother because she was enthusiastic about her sons relationship status. His mother who had given up on his son because of his hurtful past in relationship welcomed me warmly. She calls me daily too.
Now, l am officially scared.

thorpido:
He's the first guy you are having a relationship with so I will say thread with caution.You're just 23yrs so you've got no reason to rush.Just give yourself time.The age gap between you is huge and though some people have gotten married to people who are much older than them,experience has shown that an age difference of few years works better for couples.It enhances communication and understanding better.You are able to flow better.

His education:you are a graduate and he doesn't have a first degree.What prospects does he have for the future?Even if he starts school at 35yrs,what job offer will he get at 40yrs old?
Romance is good,but romance is not enough when the realities of marriage set in.
Think it through so you don't start resenting him in the future should you decide to settle for him.

.
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l appreciate ur advice. l have been thinking about it but still 2 come to a decision. l will talk 2 him too.

urchbarbie:
#my2cents
U can marry anyone u want tom the gist is, ure d one going into d marriage and u av seen what u like. Hold on to it if ure convinced he is d onem as for being a skl cert holdern make sure he enrolls in a poly/uni n start up a progrm bfr u commit fully. Biko! Times r changing n u won't want to be stuck with someone who can't climb up d ladder cos of his qualificationsm my dad suffered it and made sure he trained his children in d uni to first degree level. U may not mind so much now, but in d nearest future u would. Give him d promise dat u love him, but want d best for ur futures and dat getting a degree would be wonderful

Thanks dear, l 've done that but he is financially limited with no time. He prefers going into business and is working towards raising capital.

thorpido:
Do a repost or send a mail if you wish.

Hello house, please help a sister....
I got the courage to write because of the selfless service y'all are rendering. May God bless you.

I met this guy on Facebook, fell in love and he proposed without us seeing each other(wierd, isn't it?). This all happened within a span of 3 months. Why? This guy who l have never was different from all the guys l' ve met( in a good way). I was reluctant but when we actually met, he was everything he said he is except his age which he lied about. He told me his true age on our first day of meeting, that is, 35 against 30. He said he was scared l may not be real, and that is why he didnt tell me his real age. I will be 23 in June.
On our first day of meeting, we were happy and he insisted on meeting my father with a bottle of wine, which he later did. The next day, l met his mother and she was happy. He introduced me 2 everyone that mattered. Despite all these, l didnt give him a concrete yes!
I am a graduate and just started Msc programme and he is WASC holder. When we just started communication via phone, l knew because of his little errors in written and spoken English, which he does better than most of my course mates in school, but l didnt comment about it. I do correct him and he adjust easily. When we got serious, he told me that he didnt go to the University because of financial constraint. He is exposed though. l told him that l would like him to start an ND program @least and he reluctantly agreed. He is a driver with an oil company in Lagos and barely has time for himself.
Few weeks before we met, he lost his job. He is recently working but the pay isnt much. He has business plans but no capital
He is humble, honest(except the age thing), trustworthy and has a big sense of humor.
I have never been in a relationship. He is my first boyfriend. He lives in Lagos while l live in the east, though we are both from the south east. I have gone to his place and spent 3 days because of a job interview and he never forced me 4 sex,(am a virgin) though we cuddled.
He always seeks for my advice before embarking on anything, and always aims to make me happy. When we started communicating, l was a frustrated applicant on the verge of suicide (lol) but now, though still an applicant, he made me see the whole issue as one of life's hurdles and not a do or die affair.
My fear is that this is my first r/ship. Am scared because l dont know if am being blinded by emotions or not, and him not being financially buoyant. Also a little worried about the age difference. He sometimes hint that l will leave him if l meet a graduate like me or someone richer.
He is a romantic at heart and is planning a romantic proposal in April( l gathered from hints). I am a difficult person, a melancholy and prone to mood changes, but on every occasion, he always have patience and shows maturity in dealing with every issue.
This is new for me, l have no dating experience and don't know if l should say yes with all the differences or date others first. I love him but l need to use my brain too.
Please help!!!
Sorry for the long story.

Bizbee:
God bless you for this thread, i wanted to create a new thread for advice but found this matured thread with sincere n honest answers.

Hmm mm, where do i start from? I am married for 5 years with 2 children and heavily pregnant for the last child. My hubby takes responsibility of the family for now. I just finished my M.Sc. program awaiting my graduation, i don't work presently. I took in when my second child was just 9 months old, it has not been easy because i am alone with no nanny or house help. In fact since I got married I had been the only one with no help to assist me, i give God the glory for my strength.

To my problem, I have been having issues with hubby helping me with house chores it has been an issue for a while. With my pregnancy I would carry the little baby at my back to the markets, run errands and do house chores. When he saw the pain was much for me he decided to help by doing shopping n going to the market which i appreciate. Now i just entered my third trimester so it quite difficult for me to bend low. i usually wake up as early as 5 / 5.30 am to prepare the children for school. Oga will be sleeping till 6.30 am before he wakes up, at times when i wake late 6am i beg him to help bathe the first child. Today just got me thinking, why my hubby will call me names like lazy brat, bastard, useless, pathetic just because i asked him to help bathe his child so that he won’t go late because he takes him to school. He actually bathed him after a lot of complains but threw my child's shoe and sucks at me to put it on for him with all these abuses following his action. He also said i want to turn it to his job bathing our son.

Now i have decided to show him how a lazy brat behaves from now on. i think he is taking me for granted, because i behave like a super woman at home doing all the chores n errands even when am weak i still manage because i no he won’t help out.
please i need advice because those words are just too heavy for me and am hurting. i did not and will never call him names .

Your husband is obviously a traditional African man who believes certain roles should be for a woman alone. From the start, l think u were the super woman. Now with increasing responsibilities, he still demands that from u and nothing less. He is being frigid and emotionally abusive. Why can't he dress up his own child? First of all, find a good time, talk to him and express your anguish.

thorpido:
where's ur post?

l removed it. l waited for almost a day for feedback but l got nothing. Maybe my post is not up to the kind where advice is given. Thanks by the way, Sir.

No advice for me? Alright