₦airaland Forum

Akpos oooo
Akpos and osas were walking down the woods when a big brown bear suddenly appeared about 50feet away from them.
Akpos dropped his back pack, digs out a sneakers and begins to wear them.
Osas said "what are you doing? Sneakers won't help you out run that bear!"
Akpos said "who said anything about out running the bear, all I need is to out run you and the bear will do the rest.
Text message trouble
Men of the Nigerian police arrested Akpos and they were checking his phone.
At that moment of checking his phone, a text message comes in. It says, "Pls if you are coming, buy one Ak-47 with 6 bullets so we can be prepared for tonight's operation".
How would Akpos explain to the police that his friend meant vodka(AK 47)and energy drink (bullets)?
Horrible voice
The following convo ensued between Akpos and his wife Ekaite one afternoon :
Ekaite :Why do u go out to the balcony each time I start singing?
Akpos :because I don't want people to think that I am beating u.
Wise saying
U have four boy friends and u say I am in a relationship! No u are in a circle my sister.
You're dating a 60year old man and u call him babe! No, this one be your ancestor.
Singing
Akpos wife was busy singing in the bedroom, the following convo ensued:
Akpos :u knw my dear when u sing like that, I just wish you were on a radio
WifeSmiling) wow honey, am I that good?
Akpos :No, at least on a radio I can change the station.
Cynthia
Akpos and his dad was having a heart-to-heart talk when Akpos suddenly said :
Boy:Dad, I think I have found the girl I want to marry.
Dad:Oh really? Who's she?
Boy:Cynthia
Dad:And what makes her different from the Others? Boy:Oh this one is pregnant.
Counting
Akpos was discussing with his wife of 2 years:
Akpos :Sweetie, how many men have u slept with after we got married?
Wifequiet)
Akpos 10 mins later) Sweetie I asked you a question
Wife:Quite please
Akpos 15 mins later) Are u afraid to tell me the truth?
Wife:Will u just keep quiet and let me finish counting?.
Happy weekend to you all.... If you must shayo, pls do that at a low key.

lordtosan:
Ike mma gi ne chichi. Ewu! Ka kitikpa racha mpa gi anya there! You are one of the problems of the igbo not just the Nigerian Governmentt. I gallant here for you. I will keep bring you out and taking you to the cleaners in any language you employ to seek solace. Oya, use yoruba i.diot!

what is ike mma gi ne chichi? Efik I guess, anyway I don't understand efik onyeoma.

lordtosan:
if there is anybody who doesn't comprehend what you are saying, it's you who keep saying "i have more pressing issue to worry about" yet keep punching your keyboard replying my every post and trying to get my attention. Please, i'm not gay. I can't satisfy your sexual needs. Get off my mention.

Gay Kwa, le godi this manchi, onye'a owu di onye ebo le, gbafuo from here, kitikpa racha Kwa gi anya there.
Getting attention onye ara. Enyia Park Kwa ofuma o.

lordtosan:
ok stranger. you can now give the phone back to sharp212 to continue with his pidgin 'cause i know he can't write in english and had to beg you to help him reply me.

like I said bro, av gat more pressing issues to worry about; I don't know y you are finding it so difficult to comprehend that, Mr professor.

lordtosan:
I no expect you to appreciate english. Even pidgin hard for you.

Thank you sir, but I never said u didn't get it right, guy this forum is not like Iran vs Iraq war ground so stop being unnecessary mean, I can't stoop so low to the extent of exchanging words with you over a language that has a possibility of someone in nursery school speaking it more fluently than a university graduate, av gat more pressing issues to worry about bro.

lordtosan:
before u show am pepper, season your grammar eh. It's not 'i will have show'. It is 'i will have shown'. I don tell u and d OP to go meet naijaboiy wey dey always bite him lips for him profile pics to teach una correct grammar but pride no wan let una go. Eh?

So for your mind nau u don blow the correct grammar

Weed wey de make man coordinate wella

It can at least help ease off konji for the moment

waxyung:
Awon mumu.dem dn 4get say slim guys lyk us get our 6 pacs inside our trousers..

24 GUN SHOT SALUTE for u.

After reading your post, the next thing that entered my mouth was-;LOOK AT THIS IDIOT"', No de spoil people reggae with this your rubbish blues....... Grow up o

StephanieEzeh:
Certain attitudes are irresponsible. If the society frowns at it, then it is irresponsible.

No be me and u make up the society? Please yourself and don't give a Bleep about society wey no even holy.

Hmmmm, thank Jah for weed oo

Make I hear say person yarn the real cocoa.

Jaxera:
Absolute Foolishness!

Why can't people be wise and spend reasonably?
When the money finishes, he will be the one pleading and begging like OJB

I once watched a documentary of Warren Buffet, the 3rd richest man in the world, with a Net worth of more than $46,billion

He still lives in the Omaha, Nebraska, a home he bought for $31,500 more than 50 years ago.
He doesn’t own a yacht because, as he puts it,“Most toys are just a pain in the neck.”When he married his second wife, rather than a lavish wedding, it was just a brief afternoon wedding at his daughter’s house.

28 year old founder and Ceo of facebook, Mark Zuckerberg just drives an Acura, because according to him "it’s safe and not ostentatious"

He also wears the same gray t-shirt and hoodie to work every day because he doesn't have time to stress his brain on choices of things to wear.

His wedding to longtime girlfriend Priscilla Chan took place in his backyard.

These guys are billionaires in dollars, but kacee that don't have the assurance that he would still be wealthy come next year is just lavishly spending his money.

Bro, chop money feel alright now that you re alive bcus u might end up saving it for other's, MONEY IS MEARNT TO BE SPENT,moreover, when he comes begging Nigerians for help I know you won't donate penny to him so Leave matter for Mattiahs

Human being killings de like mosquito killings these days.......... Oluwa your children de your hand oo

proxillin:
Ok Igbo folks...waiting for Yoloba to come say their mind.

We all know who is popular in the street of Lagos

olamide will be popular there because that's his hood.

Both are good but phyno is second to none, "As long as we are here ife ga na eme here" .

This one is almost doing the thing raw na

Samira worked at a meat distribution factory. One day when she finished with her work schedule, she went into the meat cold room (freezer) to inspect something, but in a moment of bad luck, the door closed and she was locked inside with no help in sight. Although she screamed and knocked with all her might, her cries went unheard as no one could hear her, most of the workers had already gone and outside the cold room it's impossible to hear what was going on inside. Five hours later, whilst samira was on the verge of death, the security guard of the factory eventually opened the door.
Samira got miraculously saved from dying that day. When she later asked the security guard how he had come to open the door, which wasn't his usual work routine. His explanation :I've been working in this factory for 35 years, hundreds of workers come in and out everyday, but u're one of the few who greet me in the morning and say goodbye to me every night when leaving after work.
Many treat me as if I am invisible. Today, as you reported for work like all other days, you greeted me in your simple manner 'hello'. But this evening after working hours, I curiously observed that I have not heard your "bye, see you tomorrow".
Hence I decided to check around the factory. I look forward to your 'hi and bye' every day because they remind me that I am someone. By not hearing your farewell today, I knew something had happened that's y I started searching every where for u.
Moral lessons to reflect upon :
Be humble, love and respect those around you. Try to have an impact on people who cross your path everyday, u never know what tomorrow will bring.

standd:
Impossible is Nothing.
It will only take a man, a woman or even a child who will birth the idea and make it work.

You are right, can't wait for a day like that to come in this korrupt naija when we'll start practicing true democracy

standd:
Let us assume that an Senator is the culprit and we both know that he will buy his way out.
Don't you think printing and distributing his picture and contact, and listing his offence(s) to be distributed Nationwide will have more long-lasting effects than arresting him?

well I think it will go a long way than arresting him but in a country like this,do you think that doing that will ever be possible?

Oya swear if you didn't
_Kill earthworm with salt
_Play rubber band
_If you never bathed in the rain
_If you didn't sleep on the couch and woke up on the bed
_If you didn't throw your milk tooth on the roof for the lizard to take it and give you new one
_If you didn't act in uncompleted building or under bed with friends
_If you never flew a kite
_If you didn't use your two legs to build houses with sand
_If you didn't write your name on paper and insert it into your pen so that no one will steal it
_If you didn't close the fridge door really slowly to see when the lights will go off
If you never waved at white birds expecting your nails to be whiter
_If you didn't drive a car tire with a stick
_If you didn't play table soccer with bottle cover,
Then I guess your childhood wasn't fun...........

Is quite unfortunate that we're in a country where the laws is only meant for the poor masses, the rich sit, sleep and wake on it,the only way this can be curbed is to set a law that anyone caught on the act will either go to jail or face death either by hanging or shooting and then take it serious, by the time the govt set's one or two Examples,I bet you,people will definitely learn their lessons because the rate of this act is getting very alarming in our country and our girls also have a very important role to play in other for this act to cut down or stop entirely.

suzzy16:
lol,shey u guys trouble also no dey too much ni

Our trouble still de primary school whereas Una own Don graduate de even apply for master's degree

ibroauthen:
So because they can't beat 'em they av also wanna join them.... Hmmmm by 2020 na God know wetin go dy happen by dat time lol

Godwin sha

natznext:
It all Depends On you.
Within 7weeks you can start counting Profits over Broilers
But it takes more time with the layers, but then More Profit overtime @ D long run.

Thanks dear