₦airaland Forum

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Chapter 31 -- 04.

I wasn't a man that knew so much even though that has always been assumed of me for reasons I don't know. Yeah, no one knows everything, that's a given, but I have always felt that whatever I know, it's not just enough. That feeling that I can actually do better than I currently do especially when I know that to be true, bites me every single time I come up short in certain areas and if I eventually come up short, that feeling intensifies and becomes a raging inferno seeking to consume for not pushing myself as I know I should.

I hate been a failure– everyone does – but, most times, that happens because abilitiy is given away for wishful thinking. That was a character that wasn't in me until a few years ago, now it has become a bad habit I can't fight off.

How about blaming others for my own failures?

That's another character I hated and once detested but I have since come to realise that something or someone also shares the blame in whatever happens to us, however minute that might be. In this case, I blamed Anita and Debbie for how poor I performed in my examination compared to what I was actually capable of.

Is that a character failure or the absolute truth?

Is Sex really more than just two people going at it and sweating it out?

Have I found out in great detail why I should continued as the virgin I was until when I was completely ready to join body, soul and spirit with another human being?

How about my inability to follow my conscience sometimes, that voice of warning, but so quick to do the opposite to my instincts. How strange? Sometimes, I can be so meticulous in delivering my points, so detailed even to my demeanor and facial expression but most times, I just follow my instincts because what I intend to do isn't something I have done before so my brain takes over without my permission. It usually ends with disaster and I hope my utterance seconds ago won't be the same.

Anita was so shocked at my words that all she could do for a minute or two was just to stare at me as she tried to understand what I had just said.

"Why?" She finally asked, in a croaked voice. It was then I knew I had hurt her more than I intended to. Her facial expression didn't look like it but her voice gave it away; she was at the verge of crying. But once again, strangely, that didn't hurt me as it should have.

"It's not something I can really explain," I answered, shrugging after, with an indifferent expression on my face. This behaviour of mine was quite strange, no doubt.

"You don't tell someone you call your "woman" that you want "space" and then say nothing as the reason for it when asked." She croaked out.

"I am ashamed to say it but this might be the first time in my life that I am going the full package," I said and she raised her eyebrows at that.

"You know, having not just a woman in my life but someone I see as a friend, companion, colleague and as well as a lover. It has never been that good with me," I explained, and she just drummed her fingers on the desk, her patience running out on me.

"Yes, we have been very intimate with each other even though I do not think I know you enough to have done that and that is totally against my principles. But it was really hard to ignore the attraction between us, because when I am in your presence, it's extremely hard to control myself. You are like a seductress, wouldn't want to call you a succubus," I said and she just raised her eyebrows at me.

Okay, this definitely isn't going well and I am not even sure of what I am saying.

"Thing is: I think we started off on the wrong foot and it has been messing up with my head even though I have tried to hide it. For God sake, I get hard while thinking of you even while in front of my kids! (That was true) Anita, I feel more and more everyday that I am with you because of the crazy physical attraction between us and not for the very reason why I actually like being with my "women."

"You are actually so close to me everyday but I feel so far away from you actually. I--"

"And how is that my fault exactly?" She asked, cutting me off. Her face, no longer shocked nor plain but one with a disgusted expression on it.
"I have cajoled you as much as I could, to let you take me out on a date because I know just how naive and completely clueless you can be sometimes. I have even gone as far as calling you on a few Saturdays to come with me somewhere, places as plain as ShopRite, for reasons as vague as fixing my tablet screen!" She hissed at me, her temper getting the best of her as she rambled on.

"I discussed watching sci-fi movies in the cinemas, movies I do not normally watch but I know you do. I told you this in hopes that you will get the message – take your supposed woman out on a date. I was as plain as I could be but either everything flew over your head or you just didn't want to go out and now you are blaming your inability to see basic things on me? Choosing to tell me this the moment I see you after returning from a travel where I have missed you for very second you were away?" She continued with her questions, making me look stupid and nearly on the verge of tears while doing so.

"You can demand for a space all you want, no problem with that but be man enough to tell me the exact reason why," She said through gritted teeth, tossing a book angrily at me and promptly taking her leave.
I sighed as I watched her leave, trying really hard to sympathize with her but failing. I just didn't care how she felt or any other person for that matter. I was dead inside to anything but I couldn't deny that her subtle insults got to me. Yes, on one or two occasions, she had asked me to accompany her to ShopRite to fix something but I declined not because I didn't want to but because I didn't have enough clothes for outing when she first asked and I suddenly grew shy the second time she asked.

I was someone who could adapt quickly to something but it takes me time to accept that adaptation in the first place. I never really went out with anyone so I found it difficult to do that with Anita, not that I didn't want to and of course, there's the money issue. She has made it clear that she doesn't have issues with spending her money on us but I do have problems with that. As a traditional man and mainly conservative, a woman spending money on something as basic as a date is not something I can allow, my ego won't let me and that's the primary reason why I have refused to go out with her.

But a few hours outside and sitting across a table or watching a movie together doesn't qualify as getting to know someone in my opinion. Perhaps, she also meant that the date could be done at home – my home to be precised. But the house wasn't one I could invite someone to, especially someone of her status and there is Debbie too. I can't tell what her reaction will be when Anita comes over and I don't want to know.

So, yes, I am primarily responsible for us not bonding as I wanted but the truth is that, this relationship thingy is choking me. I needed to breathe and get my priorities right.

My thoughts were put on hold when a kid and another came into my classroom. They weren't twins and looked completely different and up until that moment, I had never seen them before. I almost asked who they were before I remembered that summer school had officially started and I had missed two days of it.

They also looked at me strangely, perhaps wondering who I was. Their presence here didn't make a lot of sense after, especially considering that I didn't see any new thing done on the board which should have signified that a class had taken place here the previous day. Of course, I shook my head, they must have been joined together with another class but with who and what were they taught.

I had no clue on what the timetable for the summer class was going to be about and therefore no clue on what I was supposed to teach at on that day.

"Good morning sir," They both greeted and I smiled back at them in reply. Shutting myself out because of my personal issue turned out not to be wise after all.

I asked them who sent them here and they confirmed my earlier suspicion that they had taken their classes together with Ms. Jenny but she had asked them to come up here since I was now around. I nodded and told them to make themselves comfortable while headed for Ms. Jenny..

She greeted me with that genuine and light-the-room smile of hers the moment I walked in. I noticed immediately that she had about four kids in her classroom. I relied their greetings and answered Jenny's overbearing questions.

She was damn Choleric and always wanted to be heard first. I didn't like her having her way all the time but I have since understood that to be the only way to get what I wanted from her.

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Teaching two kids was boring but it had to be done. Since, they were new pupils, it meant that I had to go out of my way to be nicer and even more playful than I normally would with my kids. Both boys were actually neighbors from the same building so the bonding was easier because of that.

The subjects I took the kids was one I didn't prepare for at all since I had no idea of the timetable before today but that wasn't the problem actually. It had more to do with the names of the subjects than the subjects themselves. I found teaching earth science and Geography to kids in year 3 funny but it was too late to argue that with the head teacher now.

I didn't really step out of my classroom for the rest of the day even after school closed, so , seeing Anita by any chance wasn't possible. I left school by past five after several insults from Mr. Benson. I was the only teacher who was still in school by the time I was nearly bundled out by old man and due to his behavior, I left him and didn't wait for him.

It wasn't because I actually had something to do in school but because I had nothing to do at home any longer and didn't want to go home. Or, it had to with the fact that I was avoiding another conflict with Debbie similar to the one earlier in the morning. Anita was calm about it – even if she wasn't – but that had to with being in the school premises. Seeing how hurt she was, I doubted if she could have been that lenient if we had been elsewhere. The Deborah I know and have been with will explode should I tell her that, hence, my reluctance in returning home.

I have been avoiding the poor woman and I knew that sooner than later, she would demand an explanation from my strange behavior. Another drama wasn't what I wanted but it was inevitable if I wanted to be from this unnecessary yoke I was carrying around me.

I got something to eat and finally got home around 6:30pm and I was grateful when I didn't run into Debbie or see her at all even after I had taken my bath. I refused to open my Twitter app but after my phone came to a standstill, I had to restart it and of course, every other other app came alive. Messages poured it from everywhere including the app I was avoiding.

I read the messages reluctantly but I was glad I did because after a long list of messages from Debbie, she finally threatened to come into my room sometime in the evening if I don't reply her. She demanded to see me and really wanted to at all costs. I didn't know what else to tell her than for here to come see me at the bridge. After that, I checked through a forum where others like me wrote their post-utme. It was a mixed show there but if my heart was broken earlier, it was now in pieces with the news that I would need 78 to 80% aggregate to get my course. Anything lower than that was no guarantee at all.

My heart sank and I just wanted to sleep off because I knew Depression was getting close. I forced myself out of the house by past eight to go see Debbie because the last thing I wanted was a scene now. How I got there I couldn't remember but before I did, I had already vowed that I would end everything with Debbie that night. I could care less about her feelings as I didn't owe her anything. I wasn't married to her. I was pissed with myself and sorry for my future. Sex and my indiscipline left my mind occupied with the wrong things.

I got to the bridge to find Debbie already waiting for me and I wonder when she left home. She was putting on her usual attire of legging, a top and wrapper which suggests she didn't plan to stay long here but if indeed I had my mind already made up, I had instant doubt in carrying it out with the way Debbie flew at me, arms wide as she wrapped them around me, holding on to me like I was going to disappear at any moment.

The absolute Joy on her face was contagious after she pulled it from my chest.

"Debbie---" I began but she cut me off by rising on her toes and pulled her face to hers, merging her lips with mine, shutting me off in the process and I completely forgot about my mission there.

Ibunkun1:
Good morning FAM

What's going on here(in Mr macaroni's voice)

Lol....

No mind me jare. I have been having a sort of Writer's block the past few days as my mind keeps on quavering between telling my story and other things of life. However, that's over now and I have been able to settle my mind a bit as the ripple effect of this virus keeps on expanding every day.

Back to the story: I think I have done enough character development for the major players in the tale and is now time for me to cut to the chase. We all know the area where Alex is failing at the moment but I don't think he, himself, knows what he did wrong that capitulated everything. Honestly, I didn't know myself because things happened so fast, it was hard to find my errors, initially. But, through writing this tale, I am beginning to see them but credit due to me – as one of you guys have pointed out earlier – I have been able to make it seem like I didn't know this in the exact fashion that it happened few years ago.

This is not fiction but what actually happened and I want people to learn from it.

Updates will return to nearly normal either from tomorrow or the day after. The story has peaked, it's now time to see the reason behind the writings leading to now. I thank you and everyone else reading, liking and sharing the story for your patience. God bless you all.

Stay safe and pray.

Thanks again for the birthday wishes guys.


Shout out to Importantperson, Ibunkun1, Yinks89, Chidozeze, Zelaws, adeola777, vlip82, ohibenemma, cassbeat, fioky, permit, Ebonyqueen001, Ftheophilous, domido, doluv14, Sunflow, oloyedprince1, Iykeany and every other person that wished me well. God bless you all.

Ftheophilous:
Mehnn...I almost late o. Happy birthday to one of my favourite writers, my Esan brother from another mother and one of literatureland's finest, Solomonbrown...may your days be long brother. Ise!

Lol, no tell me say you be Esan boy too

So na my padi you be

domido:
See you describing my alma matar. I was smiling while reading. You were lucky you didn't enter ofolobasement.

Lol, the popular basement.
No, I still never reach there yet, I might soon

So na bad school you finish from? Uniben bad sha

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Alright, here we go

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EbonyQueen001:
No vex for my phone jare. Na money dey yab person, I for don change am tey tey.

Baby miraculously sleep through all the brouhaha. I believe things will change for the better, just know say na God dey protect, no be guns and cutlass and vigils.


Anita matter... Alpha male or not, her brain is turning on it's own. She is bigger than Alex can handle.

Make Alex move on if he can. He is still too young for the level his relationships are fast spinning into.

No be by English, na experience make hot water soften beans.


Happy birthday in advance Bro.

Hmm, you be woman so I understand your points about Anita. But she might be peculiar or Alex na just swegbe, who knows. We shall see.

Be like say that your fine pikin get divine ear plugs

Thanks for the birthday wishes; I appreciate it.

YINKS89:
. No wahala... U still be my boss... Anything you say we dey you back... Thumbs up and happy birthday in advance

fioky:
Cool story boss, happy birthday in advance!!!!

Ibunkun1:
Happy Birthday in advance bro. Nothing really dey for here o

permit:
Happy birthday in advance.... Where are you sharing the cake Microwave the cake and ship it to me

Thanks for the birthday wishes guys... I really appreciate them

Oga permit, na through Ups or FedEx?

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Hey guys. This update should have been up earlier as promised but the national power grid just had to collapse. In my place, switching on generator isn't really advised because of these boys going around and the activities that follow in their wake. Nevertheless, I have promised a long update as my birthday gift and I will fulfill it.

Thanks for the birthday wishes but I hope it won't just stop in words but also actions too . Lol.

Special Announcement people

My birthday is in two days time and I am promising a really long update for you folks that might not be uploaded on that particular day, depending on what I am doing at that particular moment. Nevertheless, I will post a smaller one early tomorrow morning.

So, that will be my own gift to you guys since we are to stay in doors. There will no parte

I am expecting your own gifts too oh, make una no dull oh

Baba Yinks, I see you oh. No update yet, until later.

EbonyQueen001:
Sorry, phone is faulty. Just managed to read up since last month


The robberies everywhere not helping matters. We just started sleeping well at night these past few days.


Back to the story.


I am beginning to have soft spot for this Debby lady. As others as said, in a different environment and reality, both of them could actual have a great thing going.


As for Anita, I am beginning to see her 36 year old unmarried self more as a result of her attitude and outlook to life. She acts like one who will eventually suck life and joy out of Alex. Alex can only tame her with sex, but not for long.

This your phone don dey vex me sef

Sorry to hear about the unrest in your area but it is what it is in this part of the world. Since there is no second amendment here, na God and cutlass be person sure bet Anyway, it will end soon. Na the small baby I come dey piy pass for here.

Anita is not a special breed of women but one Alex has never experienced before in his short time on earth. She is the kind only the best of Alphas can handle but Baba doesn't know that yet. The tory still long well well. Stay tuned.

YINKS89:
Wow... That was a long one I thought it won't finish.. back to the story my got still tells me there is still going to be sex between Debby and Alex weather they like it or not.. it might not be in the house but it's inevitable... Also Anita is now getting annoying but m not mad coz Alex had already done wat e wanted .. anyways nice job solo hope u safe.

Hmm, Alex is probably on to something we don't know yet.

Whizlight:
Waited till mid night and also woke up 2 times 2 check

No vex Baba, e no go happen again

permit:
Thanks oga solo, this one you drpop Is big enough its worth the wait

My pleasure bro.

Ibunkun1:
That's true. And Debbie don grow wings o. Sometimes love make you do somethings

This one don dey pass love oh....

iykeany:
All I wish is for Alex to get admission into a higher institution which would take him away from that compound. Just like Anita told him, his naivety is so glaring. He will eventually & definitely get himself into trouble & shame, if he doesn't leave the compound soon. You can't be too careful playing that game.
Well done OP. Thanks for the lengthy update. Looking forward to more

Alex is in a place no inexperienced man in women affairs should be. We shall see what will become of him.

Ftheophilous:
I waited o Oga Solo...my eyes just dey shine throughout like vigilante torch light yet I been no see anything.

Thanks for that lengthy update. Definitely worth the wait.

Solomonbrown na Edo guy abi?

Lol. No vex jare, I will try and be specific next time.

Ah yes, Solo na Esan boy

Whizlight:
Bossu abeg make staying worth it oooo. Thanks. Ya doing great.

Ftheophilous:
Oga Solo, abeg no go sleep forget us o cos we dey keep vigil for here o. Thainchu...

Abeg make una no vex oh. I hope you guys weren't waiting for me all night?

Ibunkun1:
You're doing well boss. From the way this matter is broiling btw Alex and Debby it could end up a bit complicated because of Debby's children factor. Even if everything worked out the way Debby wanted it From Alex's standard so far I don't think he'll want to settle down with a single mother (I'm not sure though).
And Debby is into Alex more than the way Anita is, but Alex is into Anita more than the way he's into Debby. Make Alex's case no go be like solo's at last o

You're the best boss.

My Oga himself

Alex doesn't know what he wants because he shouldn't even be in that situation at all at the moment. At least, Solo was already in school, Alex never enter at all

do4luv14:
Hi trust you are good, and hope you have heard the last of 1milla boiz

Lol... I don't even know the name of this current gang but I haven't heard of any robberies of late but that doesn't mean that it ain't happening. I still hear gunshots and police sirens early in the morning though.

Anyway, we are covered in His blood. Thanks for worrying about your dear writer.