₦airaland Forum

we are all the same...except

A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by re-walking their first walk together. They come to the fence against which they first made love.

The husband says, "Come on, for old time's sake." The wife agrees and they both UnCloth.

Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago."

His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.

"Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."

"Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say -- should we get naked?"

The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago."

"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he asks.

"I'm having a heart attack!" cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet, and he's got no clothes on!"

He slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife. He rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the floor.

"You bastard," says the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack, and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!"

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

I hope you know CPR, 'cause you're taking my breath away!

The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name

You must be a broom, because you just swept me off my feet

You're the hottest thing since fire. I know it's not saying much because we discovered it yesterday, but still.

Want to come over and be bored at my place?

" i loved this one too...."

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

On Monday morning, the teacher walked to the blackboard and noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters. She turned around, but couldn't find the guilty face. She quickly erased it and began her class.

Tuesday, she was again greeted with "penis" on the blackboard, written in larger letters. She looked around in vain for the culprit, and then proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for the rest of the week, "penis" was written on the board in larger and larger letters, and each time, the teacher furiously erased it. By Friday, she'd had enough.

"That's enough," she sputtered. "I -- I can't believe this! Monday morning, I expect an explanation for this behavior!"

On Monday morning, the teacher confidently entered the classroom and found on the board: "Don't you know -- the more you rub it, the bigger it gets?"

"this joke doesn't represent my feelings towards the gay community"
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.

''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.''

''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''

A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."

The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."

The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?"

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.

The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?"

Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.

Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"

Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"

Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"

Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March...."

A man is fibbing away about how great things are in his country. Finally, he starts describing the tall buildings in his country.
"There is a building so tall, it took my friend Alex 72 hours to fall off it!"
"Oh, my God!" says his friend. "Surely he must have died!"
"Of course. He was without food or water for 3 days!"

An Irishman drinks at the pub until they close.

He stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time and falls again. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Outside, he tries to stand up and falls flat again. He gives up and crawls the four blocks to his house, crawls up the stairs and pulls himself into bed.

The next morning, his wife stands over him shouting, "So, you've been out boozing again!"

"What makes you say that?" he asks, putting on an innocent face.

"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."

Two boys were overheard shouting behind some bush;
"Mine is bigger"
"no no mine is bigger than yours"
"Just look at it!... can't you see it is very big?"
"but mine is bigger than yours...let us ask somebody"

So they come out of the bush, and indeed both had big ones......

....Both mangoes almost weighed a Stone!

glad to know that you enjoyed the jokes.so here are some more;

A couple years ago,max went to his surgeon and told him that he wanted to be castrated. The surgeon asked max why and he responded its a choice he had made. He was asked if he had thought about it carefully since the procedure was irreversible and max instructed the surgeon to stop questioning his intelligence.
In an hour time the procedure was complete. When max walked outside, he met Kamau, a friend of his and noted he was walking like him. max asked him what' happened and he told me he just got circumcized!.

Damn, that was the word!. max exclaimed and fainted!.

Lady On Phone:
"Hello Mr Mutiso, I want to
meet and talk to you. You
are the father of one of my
kids." MUTISO (stunned) : "Oh my
God!!"
"Are you Jessica?"
She replies, "No." "Pamela?"
"No." "Anna's sister?"
"No." "Mama Onyango?"
"No." "Juliet?"
"No." "Nyagothie's househelp??"
"No!" Lady in confusion:
"Sir, I am the class teacher
of your son!!!?

A 80yr old man was making luv to a 25yr old lady and at orgasm he started SHAKING badly...the lady asked,'whats wrong darling?'
the old man replied,"ooooh I don't know if am COMING or GOING...!!!

TEACHER:WE ARE DESCENDANTS OF ADAM AND EVE.
STUDENT:Thats not true,my father says we are descendants of an ape.
TEACHER:WE are not talking about your family

a lady who was almost run over by a taxi yelled...

lady: can't you see this is a zebra crossing
taxi driver: silly are you a zebra?

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

" this is my best joke"

A man who makes caskets was on his way to deliver one of the coffins when his car broke down.

Trying not to be late, he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

Some policemen saw him and wanted to make some money off him (bribe), so they challenged him:

"Hey!!! What are you carrying and where are you going?!"

The man said, "I do not like where I was buried, so I am relocating".

The Policemen ran for their lives.

An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old bastard dig. I had him buried upside down.

Two boys were overheard shouting behind some bush;
"Mine is bigger"
"no no mine is bigger than yours"
"Just look at it!... can't you see it is very big?"
"but mine is bigger than yours...let us ask somebody"

So they come out of the bush, and indeed both had big ones......

....Both mangoes almost weighed a Stone!

A girl asked a boy if she was pretty, he said "No". She asked him if he wanted to be with her forever, he said "No". Then she asked him if he would cry if she walked away, he said "No". She had heard enough; she needed to leave.

As she walked away he grabbed her arm and told her to stay. He said "You're not pretty, you're beautiful. I don`t want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away, I would die."

Husband doctor recieves a BID for postmoterm,discovers dead person has unusually large and gigantic manhood,astonished he nicely cuts it off the dead man so he can show wifey.on arrival at home, hubby calls wife "baby come have a look, i've never seen such in my life" on seing the issues woman screams " OMG, So Edward is dead"

that my country and nigeria are almost similar...

I LOVED THE PICS....