₦airaland Forum

brownlord: hmmm, will you marry me if i'm one? just asking

if u r a good one with d heart of a lion as well as d heart of a dove,Y not.*smile*wink*

ochejoseph: If you browse your " life history " and you discover that all your friends are either married, having children, or in serious relationships whereas the biggest decisions you make weekly is which loose and brainless girl to take home then you might want to read this !


12 clear signs you have commitment issues and ways to fix them

It is not a crime to live for yourself, but you have to know when to admit that you have commitment problems. Only then can you grow out of it, fight your fears, and delve into a mature and adult relationship with someone special *if you want to, of course*.

The vicious cycle of dating and hurting people has to stop. Commitment-phobes have the same modus operandi, so it is relatively easy to spot someone who cannot hold down a long-term relationship. Here are some clear-cut signs that show you have a phobia when it comes to commitment.

#1 You need to maintain independence. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in control of you life and destiny. However, if the thought of someone playing a role in your life’s decision making processes terrifies you, then you have a problem.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to you not wanting to make sacrifices to please someone else. You feel that if you open your heart, home and life to someone, you will lose all your independence, which is honestly not true. On the contrary you will receive love, security and companionship in return.

#2 You gravitate towards unavailable partners. Probably why all your relationships have not worked out is because you unconsciously gravitate towards partners whom you know will not be there till the end. Whether you date someone much older or younger than you, have massive religious or cultural differences, is married, lives abroad, or is simply another commitment-phobe, you know deep down inside that the relationship will run its course and you do not have to worry about committing long term.

Whether you realize this or not, this is a clear sign that you have commitment issues. All you have to do is look back at your past relationships and you will find that the one similarity they all have is that they were doomed from the start.

#3 You have not been in a committed relationship. Either you have never been in a committed relationship before, or have not been in one for a very long time. Even if you are currently in one, you can truthfully and unflinchingly say, “He/she is not the one. It’s just fun.” No matter which way you look at it, if you cannot bring yourself to fully commit to someone with the goal of it lasting the long term, you probably have commitment issues.

#4 You judge other relationships. As someone with commitment issues, you probably constantly judge other relationships. Whether it is your best friend’s latest squeeze, you neighbor’s fiancée, or your aunt’s 20-year marriage, you are probably full of opinions and judgments, most of them negative. You think that their partners are not good enough and that your friends are compromising their happiness just to be with someone.

You probably also think that the life that they have built with their significant other is dull and uneventful. You are also likely to think, “Who would want that?” and assume that you have a greater sense of independence and fun than them. 

#5 You fantasize too much. You probably fantasize about living a life of glamor with the perfect partner. More often than not, this perfect person is someone totally unattainable, like a celebrity or someone who is already married. Whether it is cruising the Aegean Sea with Kate Upton or moving to South America with Ryan Gosling, you live in your fantasy world more than in reality. You would rather fantasize about having the perfect relationship with someone unreal than forge a lasting relationship with someone real.



#6 You are picky. The person you see yourself with has to look, talk, dress, behave and think a certain way for you to even give them the time of day. Your list of requirements is long and you would rather be single than “settle” for someone who does not check all the boxes. Every time you meet someone, you brush them off as unsuitable because they do not meet your requirements.

There is nothing wrong with having standards, but what you have to realize is that the perfect partner is a myth and that your self obsessed need to control, criticize and judge other people is an indication that you have issues with commitment.

#7 You have a broken heart. If you are still reeling from your last relationship, there is a chance that you are not ready to commit. For example, you may have been deeply in love with someone and even went so far as to believe that that person was the one. However, things took a turn for the worse when your partner realized that you were not the one and decided to end things.

You probably figured that if you built a wall around your feelings and never let anyone else in again, you would be just fine. If this is you, then you definitely have commitment issues. No matter what happened in the past, you need to realize that there are plenty of fish in the sea and if things did not work out, it was probably just not meant to be. Wake up, snap out of your self-created misery and move on.

#8 You settle because you know it won’t last. It does not necessarily mean that commitment-phobes cannot be in relationships. On the contrary, many like the love and companionship that comes with being with someone. The only difference is that people with commitment issues do not see things long term and prefer living by the adage, “We’ll see where it goes. It’s fun for now.”

If you have a tendency to date for fun because you know it will not be long term, sleep around, or are in an open relationship, you probably have commitment issues. Settling into relationships that you know will not last is a definite sign that you cannot commit.

#9 You have qualities that scare off potentials. Whether it is your loud and abrasive behavior, or nature of your job that always takes you on the road, you probably exhibit qualities that scare off possible spouses. Without even knowing it, you build obstacles that discourage potential partners from venturing in any further. This is a way for you to unconsciously build distance between yourself and others. By doing so, you lessen the risk of being intimate with someone.

#10 You always kid yourself. You probably always spew so-called philosophical mumbo jumbo like, “I believe that people have more than one soulmate,” or “With seven billion people in the world, I am sure there is more than just one love for me out there.” All these sayings are just to maintain and justify your single-dom.

You probably believe that you are an absolute catch and that no one really deserves you. Additionally, you believe that your past failed relationships are never your fault but always the other person’s. You have to take a step back and analyze your attitude. Perhaps, the reason why you are saying these things is because you are rationalizing your own commitment issues.

#11 You make excuses. This applies to situations that require you to think about the future. An example is meeting your partner’s parents for the first time. Even the idea terrifies you as you know that meeting the folks means taking a small, albeit next step to solidifying the relationship to a more serious status. You will make up excuses to get out of it, even resorting to falling off the grid for a few days. The same can be said for other scenarios that force you to think about the future.

#12 You love the chase. Those with commitment issues get their kicks out of the chase. Once they get the guy or girl that they have been working so hard to get, they lose interest. If you are this way, you are probably a bonafide expert at passionate yet very short relationships. This is because the moment things hint at getting serious, you run for the hills.

At the end of the day, there is no shame in admitting that you have commitment issues. No one can force you to be someone you are not.

– Lianne Choo/Lovepanky

www.twitter.com/ochejoseph


12 Signs you have commitment phobia and how to fix it http:///QjWE5Uuyji

Nice write up.Its also an eye opener.keep it u OP!

brownlord: Police should stop arresting boys indiscriminately in the name of cultism, is there no freedom of association in the country? I just need little money and connection I will sue edo state govt, commissioner of police, director of SSS all the VC, Rector and provost of schools for the numbers of youth they've killed.

Ghen Ghen!!!!Brownlord!Pls r u a cultist too?cos dis ur outburst hen!no be here oo

Lebee4: Nice.
someone already made same correction but instead of thanking him, I just overlooked at his correction cos it was abusive.

That's wat u get on a public forum.Some pple r not diplomatic inof.We all make mistakes n we learn frm it.But some pple believe dat they r perfect whc is not true cos none of us is perfect.U did d best tin by ignoring d abuse.Dats wat I call maturity dear.

Lebee4: Thanks for the correction

uwc.How was ur day?

destante: Okay, I didn't think I would put this up. But I am jes human and can be overwhelmed by my feelings at times.
The issue began when my purpose for staying on nairaland started to change. Initially, I joined this site for my interest in business, economy and fashion. Its barely 3weeks since I joined the forum and now I find myself almost irredeemably locked to the romance section only.
Then and there, the main issue! Someone put up a list of nairaland "cuties" and as a normal being, I checked the links of all them boys' profiles and there I saw this ONE whom I started to crush mildly. :-(
I thought it was just a random surge due to be soon subdued but that wasn't the case, it got stronger. I started wishing he would just get in my head, see what my thoughts are and immediately ask for my pin or my heart self. (*rme)
I believe this exposition is just one of the actions this issue has made me take. Boy please jes read my mind already and do the right thing!
Or ladies, how do I help myself get a grip and come over this. *confused.

Babe I understand ur plight but d truth is dat dis guy is not a magician and as such can't read ur mind.Let him knw by chatting him up here @ Nairaland then exchange phone nos.Chat him up to find out if he's really d kind of man u want in ur life outside d looks.Most times we have dis crush for someone but it dies d moment we get talking and find out they dnt even worth d crush in d first place.I wish u gud luck as u take d first step of letting him knw how u feel.

With all due respect,we r all learning here so no insult meant.Pls its "Pidgin" English and not "Pigeon" English

Lebee4: funny somehow.
Talking about the shorthand thing, its high time job seekers started avoiding it cos it corrupt writing just like pigeon English.

fromacho: A wealthy man who had only one
daughter. When the daughter was
of marriage age, the father sent
news around town that all the
eligible young men should come to
compete in a test which would
determine who was fit to marry
his daughter. On that set day, all
the able-bodied young men came
out. Some came with paper and
biro and others with cutlasses and
swords. The rich man took them to
his swimming pool and addressed
the men: “ Any of you who can
swim from one end of this
swimming pool to the other would
marry my daughter. In addition, I‘ll
give him 15 million naira, a car and
a house so they can start life well. I
shall be waiting to meet my son-in-
law at the other side. Good luck!”
As the young men, all very excited
at the prospect of winning, started
taking off their shirts, a helicopter
came over the pool and dropped
snakes and crocodiles into the
pool. Immediately all the men
turned back and started wearing
their shirts again. Disappointed,
some of them said''make the man
go marry him pikin jur''All of a
sudden, they heard a splash in the
pool. Everybody watched in
amazement as one gentleman
struggled his way across, avoiding
the snakes and crocodiles. Finally,
he made it to the other side. The
rich man could not believe it. He
asked the young man to name
anything he wanted but the man
was still panting uncontrollably.
Finally, he got himself and made a
request saying''make una show
me the person wey push me inside
this pool''
Moral: You don’t know what you
are capable of doing, until you are
PUSHED!!. You can still make the
most out of the rest of the YEAR!
Take this as your PUSH.

nice one!

Jjrhymez: I am sorry baby, I did nt make it 2day bkus my
iphone had a problem and my ipad ba3 z dead,
my sister z wit my samsung galaxy note 3. Am
just alone hia @ home since my parents
travelled 2 Germany. I could av skyped wit u
but I miss placed my apple laptop power pack
so I av 2 hit S.A 2moro 2 get a new one. I also
wanted 2 go 2 d mall dz nite buh my auntie
went awt wit my bugatti, and my elder brother
went awt wit d range rover, and our highlander
had a little problem, d tire of d Honda Element z
flat and I hate driving d lexus jeep @ nite. So I
tried calling d driver to kum and pick me wit my
mums ferrari but no credit... Can u plz send me
MTN card let me call him?=D ;

Chai!!!..........na wa oo!he's a real wealthy poor guy menh!Women don suffer for guys lies sha!Sharp guy!

Wisdytech: https://brainnewsng.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/adorable-children-watching-tv-their-parents-12642097.jpg


A woman plays many roles in her life. She is a daughter, a wife and a mother. Every woman obviously wants to be a good daughter, a good wife and a good mother too. She has to give lots of love in order to be all these ‘goods’. But just love is not enough to be a good wife. Some skills and qualities are required to be a good wife and of course for a healthy marriage. My advice to all the housewives is to be a good wife and then expect your man to be a good husband! Also it’s easy to be in unconditional love in the earlier stages of a relationship but to continue your relationship with the same spark in the later years you need to do a lot of things. I dedicate this article to all the married women out there! Here are the qualities that a good wife must have.

10. Quit Nagging

There is a proverb that a nagging wife annoys like a constant dripping. I absolutely agree with that. Who doesn’t get annoyed by nagging? Nagging and complaining constantly may create an unwanted rift in your relationship. It can also become a vicious cycle forcing him to avoid you. This will definitely complicate the things between you and make them worse. How do you expect him to like you if he feels personally attacked by your nagging? Nagging doesn’t work, so just quit it. Ask him nicely and I bet that he’ll definitely consider what you are saying. Remember that a good wife doesn’t nag!

9. Look good, Charm him

Most women believe that it doesn’t matter how they look after marriage. But the truth is it definitely does matter. Married women tend to gain weight, become fat and lose their shape. Ladies, you have to take care that you look attractive even after marriage or else men can find their own way! So it is necessarily important that you captivate all his attention only on you. This will definitely keep him from cheating you. Husbands really love good looking wives. They will do anything to please them!

8. Be Unpredictable, Surprise him often

Even though there is an issue as to whether being unpredictable is a good thing in marriage or not, according to me it just spices up the relationship. Relationships get boring if they are too predictable. You just have to take care that the unpredictable things you do are not disturbing! Surprising your husband with thoughtful gifts every now and then, special candle light dinners or even special romantic nights with you playing the seductress will help you grab his attention! Even small surprises like making his favourite snack or dish once in a while will do. You can also come up with some creative ways of surprising him. The central idea is to give him the thrill of surprise and remember that men like surprises too!

7. Organize the house, be a good maid

Keep your house clean and organized. The healthy atmosphere you create in your home will lift his mood. Come up with innovative ideas to make your home a peaceful place for him. Don’t ever feel burdened doing all the chores. It’s not a bad idea after all. Make him dependent on you by doing all his chores. He’ll surely miss you and think about you when you are not around! Let’s be reminded of a quote in this context “A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.”

6. All the positive qualities

A good wife is pleasant and she is not rude. To be a good wife you must be warm, kind, affectionate, caring, understanding, positive, obedient and friendly. You should also be responsible, reliable and give him confidence to do anything. All these qualities will make your husband comfortable around you. When your husband returns home after a hard day at work a warm welcoming smile will make his day! You have to possess all these positive qualities. You have to be loyal and support him both in his success and failure. You should be at his side especially in times of hardship. Most important of all respect your husband and you’ll definitely get back his respect!

5. A Guy needs his Space

You must accept that your husband has a life other than you. There are other people too in his life like his family, friends and workmates. He also has his hobbies, interests and passions too. Don’t stop him from having this other life. Give him his space. Let him do whatever he wants to and this will make him love you more. One straight point is that an interfering wife is so irritating. Don’t interfere, don’t irritate and he’ll love you back!

4. Sexual Intimacy is important too

If a guy is not met with his sexual needs it can be reflected in his mood. If your husband is frustrated often the reason might be that his sexual desire is not being fulfilled. One of the reasons why most marriages fail is because of lack of exciting sexual relationship! According to a research the reason why most men cheat is mostly physical whereas for women it is emotional! Make your husband happy in bed. The best way to satisfy your husband is to think in his shoes and give him what he needs.

3. Don’t hide your love

As you may know hiding your love is of no use. Don’t withhold your love. Express it to him. He’ll definitely appreciate that. Join in his activities and spend as much time as is possible with him. Complement and praise him very often. Small gestures are enough to show your love. Remember the special days in his life, celebrate every small occasion in a simple manner that he will enjoy and get unique gifts for him as a token of your love. Bring joy to him with these small but unique ideas and he’ll never forget the special moments and memories you create.

2. Be open with your feelings

A guy will trust you only if you open up to him. Be honest with your husband. Trust him with everything. Don’t keep any secrets from him. You can earn his trust this way. Relationships succeed only if there is mutual trust! Make it compulsory to talk to him daily about how his day was spent. Listen to what he says patiently and understand his feelings. Remain calm if any difficult discussion arises and try to sort it out. Assure him that you are there for him. Good communication will strengthen your bond!

1. Compatibility

There are many personality traits that attract you and your husband to each other making you both compatible with each other but they may not hold up over time. And if this dissimilarity arises you can’t suddenly call yourselves incompatible. You should understand that compatibility isn’t something you have but instead it’s something you make. A good wife takes care that she doesn’t grow apart from her husband. She makes herself compatible with her husband. You must be wondering how this can be achieved. The answer is simple, by improving your relationship skills you can get along better with your husband. This includes making compromises and solving your conflicts. You have to tolerate the burden of being bored and dissatisfied. Remember these lines “A perfect wife is one who doesn’t expect a perfect husband”. Create compatibility and eventually you will become soul mates!

You may be having doubts whether this will work out or not but trust me, these things that you do for him will not go unnoticed. In fact these will increase his love for you and even inspire him to do things for you. Also most of the things mentioned in this article are not just mere ideas of a writer. They are the opinions of many experts brought to you in a presentable manner that you can understand!


READ MORE: http://brainnewsng.com/top-10-qualities-a-good-wife-must-have/

wow dis is awesome!Ur rite cos it takes a lot of understanding to make a relationship work.Also its in d hands of d woman to either make or mar a relationship.Agood woman will have to go out of her way to pls her man.Although there are difficult men out there dat no matter wat u do,u will never please them but,I guess as women,we have to be patient n swallow a lot of shit to make our homes a warm place to live in.Its not easy oo,but God will help us all.

Gud one

Mine is Sept 22.Any birthday mate in d house?maybe I go marry Sept born sef.

ELPHYT: Hello mine is Sept. 29..........Special Month!Hello mine is Sept. 29..........Special Month!Hello mine is Sept. 29..........Special Month!

Mr Austine,U didn't tell us ur age.I am interested sha!

y2kaustin: Name:Austin Essien Occupation:Oil & Gas broker ,Mobile:08134340380, Location:Lagos Marital status:Single n Searching

Pls I want to knw y most Christians want a partner of d same faith/denomination for marriage.Are we not one in Christ?So y wld pple or even Parent and sometimes d church encourage us to get married to someone who is of d same denominations with us?Others of other faiths are seen as not gud inof for a spiritual alliance.Cos of dis believe we have unconsciously imbibe dis tin of wanting to knw d faith of d person we r in a relationship with n to knw if it will be taken seriously or not!Is dis supposed to be so?Pls dis isn't abt inter-religion but inter-denominations.