I am in love with a lady for a period of 8 years now.

Most times we lost contact and after a while bounce back again.

Now I am at the peak of taking a decision which will determine the successs of the
whole relationship.

Presently, I am finding it difficult to accept her

In short I am confuse.

Help me out.

why the confusion?
u'v lost interest or what?
if the interest is there, then close d thing with marriage
but we dont know your ages,

i think it depends on the two of you.
if d courtship is this long cos of probably schooling etc,

but maybe u think you've had enuf of the babe,
whether u don chop am taya? that will be unfair

or maybe u now know better that you can imagine sharing the remaining part of ur life with her.

so, long courtship, good/bad is dependent on the parties involved.
and what exactly u pple want.

it has worked for some
and turned sour for others,
the parties involved decide if it's good/bad

@ edatika
Thank you very much.

I guess the bulk of th problem is that we are age mate

Both of us in our 30s

Perhaps she's not as "submissive" as some teenagers who are interested in you?

ontop, i think u are just having cold feet.

8 years no be joke ooo. One woman and you for 8 years. And now u are thinking of breaking it off. If u dont want her to curse ur entire generation, u better think twice. Im sure u are just scared, whether she's the one, or maybe u found a girl in ur office that wears small skirts, and now that one is dabaru-ing ur brain.

My point is, Long courtship is good, but not "TOO" LONG COURTSHIP. 8 years? Kilode? haaaaa!

hot-angel:

ontop, i think u are just having cold feet.

8 years no be joke ooo. One woman and you for 8 years. And now u are thinking of breaking it off. If u don't want her to curse your entire generation, u better think twice. I'm sure u are just scared, whether she's the one, or maybe u found a girl in your office that wears small skirts, and now that one is dabaru-ing your brain.

My point is, Long courtship is good, but not "TOO" LONG COURTSHIP. 8 years? Kilode? haaaaa!

hot-angel,

I think it is better to have broken courtship than to have broken marriage.

What can you say about a lady who loves you much but you did not loves her that much?

She is the one giving 70 percent while you only 30 percent
I think it is better to quit the whole thing for her sake.

Such relationship I think will not favour the lady.

Actually, I am more worried about us being age mate

On the long-courtship issue, i think its good and its bad, its good, you get to know what you really want out of each other, its bad, too much of familiarity.

But cmon, 8-years, what were you waiting for. By now, Junior should have been like 4years old. He should even have had a younger brother / sister.

Now, that both of you are age-mates, 30s, thats serious,

im not a medical doctor, but if I were you, yes, i would surely prefer someone like 5years younger than I am, if time were not to be by my side,

its true and not always true, but just a little exceptions tho, that women might have hardships with child-bearing/rearing especially for first timers when they reach their 30s level, and considering the short # of years she has before menopause, you might have to really make the babies like one after the other to save time, i hope this is not what is on your mind.

if you really love her, go for it and marry her. Even if you breakup with her after 8years, the truth is you wont be able to get her out of your mind, if you succeed in getting her out of your head and your emotions. You would end up comparing her with the next lady that comes along.

so what should you do? have you prayed? what did God tell you?

Dear Kimba,

You had just expressed my view.

If I get married to her I will be under too much tension, trying to rush the birth of my children, believing God to get twins or tripplet so as to catch up with flying time.

I dont want to live under pressure in my matrimonial home. Pressure of trying to beat time on the side of my wife to finish up with child birth before 35 years

I will have love it if there should have been 3 to 5 years gab between us.

You said prayer? I have never stop praying yet.

I do really need help now

was discusing this some of my friends some days back. long courtship is good but when it gets too long then its not good because after then u start to find fault in each other, u feel easily disgusted by ur partner, condemn every little they do. same goes with long engagements, they dobn't last.

@ontop, honestly u shld think real hard b4 u let her go cos 8 years no be small thing oh, and secondly, the devil u know is far better.

be considerate for both of u and not u alone.

my 50kobo!

I love all the suggestions.

I will like whoever is replying to put himself or herself in my shoe and say exactly
what he or she will do. I need your best judgement.

I will also like to hear the views of the females in the house.

That might be of a great help.

ontop:


Actually, I am more worried about us being age mate

@ ontop

na wa for you oh! suddenly you're concerned about age, didn't you know you were age mates when the relationship started? you didn't think about that when y'all were keeping the courtship so long.

anyway, i don't think age matters if you are still in love with her (and that i believe is a question you can answer on your own) but if you don't, dust your feet and move on (i pity the babe sha). and about long courtship being good or bad i think it depends on your reasons, if it's because you're in school, i don't think it matters but if the couple are just not considering marriage because "they can have it without paying for it" i think it backfires (like gets messed up).

@Ontop
I have read through your posts & this entire thread. It seems that you are concerned about 2 major things: (a)[/b]your love for the lady & [b](b) the lady's age.

(a) If you do not love this lady then what are you doing? Abeg, end the matter quickly if you do not love her. Do not string her along and dump/end the courtship in your 40s That is just cruelty. But if you do love her and you will committ & continue to love & respect her so help you God then please stop wasting time online.

(b) Zionchic has said it all. You knew the lady's age from the beginning so what are you talking of now? Look deep man. . .is this fear? You say that you are afraid of lack of children & stress. Well take a deep breathe and just believe in God. Women have children into their 40s; the unofficial cutoff is even 42. In America women don't even think of children until 31! How old is your lady now? How many children do you plan to have? It is too late to have 12 so just be reasonable and believe in God. Remember, even women who begin having babies at 22 will have babies at 42, so why not your lady?

****Think long & hard. It is your decision and yours alone. But if you dump this lady for a womb, not even another whole woman, you might find the womb you've always wanted and a lady you've always feared! Trust in God.****

@OnTop

Let me ask you a question and think deeply about it:

Who do you want to get married to:
1) The Woman you love
2) The Children whom you havent known

NOTE: you always meet your wife first before you meet your Children.

Its her that will be by your side till-death-do-you-part, and not your children. At the end of the day, when they are all grown up and each finds his/her own place on earth, you would be left alone, with your wife and thats when your mind will go back to the first morning after your wedding night, when it was just 2-of you and the world.

kimba:

@OnTop

Let me ask you a question and think deeply about it:

Who do you want to get married to:
1) The Woman you love
2) The Children whom you havent known

NOTE: you always meet your wife first before you meet your Children.

@ Kimba,

your questions are worth thinking of.

Off course I will like to get married to the woman I love.

The woman that in ten years time she will still not be looking bad (in terms of age and look)

It is good to look at the content and at the same time pay attention to the container

I came from a family which pays so much attention on the age of the woman before marriage. My Dad gave my mum 10 years gab. He was 25 years when she was 15 years.

When we started our frienship nobody cares to ask how old are you. It was not a serious relationship and there was distance between us. Not Until after my NYSC 2 years ago when I was posted to a state where she resides. This time the relationship came up again. I have to decide the fate of the relationship now.

My question is this: Women are like flowers, they tend to grow older on time than the men. If we get married today, how will she look like in the next 10 years?

@ontop, esp 4m ur last post, it seems to me u are more concerned with her age n her looks later on. Do you still love her? If not, u could jst end d whole thn amicably. But mind u, any other lady u marry will also change in looks later on.
Sit down and take a deep breath, think and analyse on d things that strike u most bout her and decide if u want to go on with her.

@Ontop
Some women age gracefully. Some do it. What more can anyone say? No one knows the future? How a persone ages has to do w/ the environment, labor, effort as well as genes. You seem to put alot of emphasis on her looks.

@ontop

forget her looks 10years from now or whateva.

even you yourself, are you more handsome now than you were 10years ago. definitely, you have lost all your baby fat which could have made you cuter than you are now(if ure cute),

what am saying is this: after marrying your wife, and she gives birth to her first child, that is the end of Omoge o, everything begins to slack after that, whether she likes it or not. She would even have to work harder for her body to remain "physically alert" than she was as a single lady, so forget 10years.

If you love her, go for her, else, let her know she isnt worth it.

Hello everyone,

I am grateful for all your good contributions to this topic.

There is one more issue, how do we handle the problem of opposition from the both parents who sees the union as impossible due to language differences.

We did not consider this as problem since we are not tribalistic, but then how do we handle the Issue maturely?

I am from the North central while she is from one of the yoruba speaking states.

that one is by prayer and by looking for people who can help you guys beg both parents

I agree w/ J-girl. But has the family known you all the while the woman has? Maybe you should go around and let them know what type of man you are and such. But I know this won't be easy and perhaps your job doesn't permit such.

I have said this many times on this forum. It bothers me when people ask for a clear cut answer, good or bad, black or white? Nothing in life is black or white. It all depends on the circumstances and in direct relation to this question, it depends.

LONG COURTSHIP?

Its a 50-50 chance.
but the major thing to consider is the parties involved.




have always believed that ' its better t have loved and lost than not to have loved at all'

:-x

It could get boring if it's the same story everyday, cos u know too much of each other, it's also a good opportunity to know each other better. so it's a 50-50 thing.

@ ontop, if am right, is like your mind is made up and you have forseen broken marriage if you marry your girlfriend. Your relationship is 8yrs, right? So, is now that you know that she loves you more than you do, that you are age mates and it may put alot of marital pressure on you, and that your parents are not in support of your union . . . huh? Broken relationship is better that broken marriage . .fine! But you should have considered these factors long before now . . It will be unfair if you end the relationship because of your excuses. Where do you want the lady to start again even at 30? You, as a guy can always hook up at any time if you are desperate to get married but she can't. I think you can always cope with her through prayers " if you truely love her"

long courtship can be counter productive if too long, anything over 2 years is way too long and there s a slim chance of the relationship/marriage being a success

I believe that long courtship is bad. 8years is too long. Some people court for a year, less or more and already can't stand themselves, finding the whole faults, getting tired n eventually break off.