₦airaland Forum

slimchi2k2: @dockymich
sis i'm sorry for the pushin,but is too early to call his family, ur marriage is just 3 month old u started callin his sister,dnt allow them to come inside ur family because u we regreat it later,i think u are mutual befor u get married try to handlin somtins by urself and avoid some argument wit him
remember there's somtin u said in ur argument that lead to the pushin and u still block him
sis i may sound stupid but is tooooooooooooooo early to invit whoever to ur own house,pls just apply wisdom that's wat u need

You spoke my mind completely.

@Op. I want you to know this

80% of the people you share your problems with don't care and the remaining 20% are happy you have the problems. So, why involve a 3rd party? Abeg, sort it out with your husband after he calms down though and be kind enough to come and tell us when you love birds make up.

pak: I think the advices here have been wonderful and on point.


@Debrief , Ileobabtajo - Sorry if it seems am digging up old dirt but isn't this what was causing the ruckus in a previous thread ? We somehow now seem to be on the same page as regards always having to probe deeper into sensitive issues before reaching conclusions/giving advice

The difference between this case and the ones discussed in the other thread is that those guys were clear abusers, in this case, her husband does not qualify to be called an abuser based on what she has told us. Just like Debrief said, in all those other stories, we could see the clear pattern of an abuser in their stories, they were always overly controlling people, repeatedly beat up the women and employed other forms of abuse (emotional and verbal). Those types of abusers don't wait for a credible reason before unleashing their abuse, they don't do it in self defense, they are mostly always the aggressors and the problem is never their victim but their own sick, twisted mentalities. Therefore, an abuser is identified, I am not at all interested in blaming the victim.

Now in this particular instance, if he had put the serious beatdown on her, even if it was in response to her blocking him, then the blame begins to shift to him and he starts to appear more like an abuser to me, especially with him locking her in the house afterwards.

debrief08: You see, why will you block someone who wants to walk away from a conflict? Why would you block him and come back to cry abuse? When you do things like this you put people in impossible situations.
He didn't hit you just pushed you out of his way when you were both obviously upset and instead of letting him walk away and cool downn you were looking to aggreviate the situation.
He didn't abuse you, and after that he didn't hit you, this is not abuse, he locked the doors maybe because he knows the drama you could have created but that was wrong, he did the same thing you did trying to block his way.
Sorry about what happened, you are a new couple, try to work things out sensibly like adults without shouting and screaming and blockig doors, you are a wife, stop with the drama and tantrums, shouting serves no purpose, when you get so angry, send a mail or text but try not to get to that point of screaming, shoving and blocking doors.
Both of you need a time out, if he came here I would advice him not to shove you again but you too should never block an upsets mans exit.
Real abusive relationships are far from this, the man won't walk away he will thoruoghly abuse you, and not leave you in doubt that abuse has occured, stop watching nollywood and using it as a standard for your marriage. Calm down and make up with your husband

@debrief08 nicely said, u deserve a good kiss.

Wizee: @debrief08 nicely said, u deserve a good kiss.

Upon the entire issue wey dey ground, this is the only contribution you can make ba ?
. . . .. . hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Most of the comments above have been on point. I will however look at it from a different perspective.

Did anybody notice that the poster sounds childish and immature? What did she do to make the guy want to walk out in the first place? How was she blocking him from leaving the house? Was she loud, was she bragging, was she "all up in his face"? And then, she decided to run out of the house because the guy pushed her? Where was she running to? The police station?! Very laughable action indeed!!!

What actually shocked me was her eagerness to get in touch with his family. She apparently doesnt know anything about conflict resolution in a family. She sounds like those types of girls who every tom, dick, and harry knows her business.

She has a lot of growing up to do if she is truly getting married in a few months. A lot! All the actions she said she took in her comment have all been wrong. I wish her all the best though!

* know your God, know yourself, & know your partner *

I agree with most comment on this thread.

When things are getting heated both take a break and get back together to resolve issues when nerves are calm

tsmack: Did anybody notice that the poster sounds childish and immature?

I noticed it too when I read her post. Thank God other married women have told her point blank that she was the instigator of the reaction she got from her husband.

Calling her SIL for me was unnecessarily. It hadn't reach that level to start involving "extended" family member(s).

Both of them need to have a lengthy discussion on how things should be handled in the home. They should set rules that neither of them should break eg when one is angry while talking, the other should keep mute or when a partner wants to get away to be alone, the other shouldn't stop/block the other's way.

I want to believe the poster has learnt her lession and taken the good advice everyone here has given.

Sigh, this OP is so silly. I wouldnt waste my time, energy and spit on this. This is one "you will kill me today" razz people. OP should get a divorce and date around a little. You are immature.

the only thing i want to be clear abt is: standing at the door is now physical contact? let's say the guy was sitting somewhere in the living room and madam by the door when the argument started, now he got up and shove his lady...so who made the physical contact here? enlighten me oh Coogar

locking all the doors so that he can pound her well well? mba, i no like this ya style.

coogar: you brought this upon yourself - when a man is trying to walk away from a conflict, let him or use his formular by locking all the doors so he doesn't leave.....matter of fact, lock all the doors first before bringing up the argument.......but don't block his path...you cannot initiate the first physical contact only to cry later!

armyofone: the only thing i want to be clear abt is: standing at the door is now physical contact? let's say the guy was sitting somewhere in the living room and madam by the door when the argument started, now he got up and shove his lady...so who made the physical contact here? enlighten me oh Coogar

locking all the doors so that he can pound her well well? mba, i no like this ya style.

Whats wrong in locking doors and pounding her abunna from behind?

Abi you dey open door yakata when you dey chinbura ne?

armyofone: the only thing i want to be clear abt is: standing at the door is now physical contact? let's say the guy was sitting somewhere in the living room and madam by the door when the argument started, now he got up and shove his lady...so who made the physical contact here? enlighten me oh Coogar

standing by the door itself is not a criminal offence but give way when others want to pass....why must she stand by the door knowing her other half intends to pass....if she stands there as an obstacle denying her husband the space to pass through then she's fishing for trouble......

locking all the doors so that he can pound her well well? mba, i no like this ya style.

the husband would pound the door, he wouldn't pound her......
if a woman knows she's going to miss her partner by allowing him to walk out of the house then she should lock the door, hide the keys before starting he queries. if the man tries to walk away and meets the doors locked, he would be forced to stay - men can understand such but don't stand in the way and turn yourself to a bouncer - you would get shoved!