A lorry driver is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo when his lorry breaks down on the motorway. The driver gets out of the cab and is looking at the engine when a second lorry driver stops in front of him and asks if he needs help. The penguins' driver explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo and asks if the other man would
take the penguins there. He agrees.
Some hours later, the 2nd lorry driver drives past the first one, who is still waiting on the motorway. The penguins are still on the lorry, and look happy.
"I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver.
The second replied, "I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to the cinema now."

"Morning, Danny. Er ... Danny, you're wearing a glove on one hand and none on the other. Did you know?"

"Yes, well I heard the weather forecast this morning, you see."

"The Weather forecast?"

"Yes, the weather forecast. the forecaster said on the one hand it might be fine but on the other hand there might be some rain

Adam was hanging around the garden of  Eden feeling very lonely. So God asked him, “What’s wrong with you?”
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, “This person will gather food for you, cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.”
Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God replied, “An arm and a leg.”
Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?”
The rest is history…

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k”.
This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased with the “f.” This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e” in the language is disgraseful and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fivez year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fivz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
AND ZEN VE VIL TAK AL OVER ZE VORLD!!!!!

Blackeard:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phase-in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favor of the “k”.
This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased with the “f.” This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e” in the language is disgraseful and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fivez year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fivz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
AND ZEN VE VIL TAK AL OVER ZE VORLD!!!!!

Buhari is of the future. He've ben spekin this sinse time imemorial.