The Lady's Version


Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow
down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jeweller
applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5
and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL
5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning
2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail!!
What can I do?
Desperate

Answer from Technical:
Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband
1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
ME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to
Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad
program that will create Snoring Loudly. WAV files.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally
recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

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The Guy's Version
Dear (IT) Technical Support:

I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing
and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't
mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into
all other programs and launches during system initialization where it
monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Boys Night Out 2.5, and Golf 5.3 no longer run and
crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Saturday Rugby 6.3
always fails but Saturday Shopping 7.1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep
Wife 1.0 in the background whilst! attempting to run any of my favourite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but uninstall
doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

Joe

Answer From Technical
Dear Joe,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.
Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife1.0 is
merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
designed by its creator to run everything. You are unlikely to be able to
purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0 as Wife 1.0 is not
designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the
program files from the system once installed. Some people have tried to
install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more
problems. (See in manual under alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal
with the difficulties as best you can. When any faults or problems occur,
whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\I APOLOGISE program
and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C:\I
APOLOGISE a number of times but hopefully eventually the operating system
will return to normal. Wife 1.0 although a very high maintenance program can
be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional
software such as Flowers 2.0 and Chocolates 5.0.
Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as
this is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost
certainly crash.

Regards,
Technical support

Wahala softwares!