Dear Uninvited-food-sniffer,

Thank you for taking your precious time to read this. I really had to bring myself to write this before I burst in tears one of these days.

You know I hardly cooked. Recently, I have begun to try to. It has been hell, and you know. But you pretend like you don't.

Do you realize what it actually takes to muster enough "balls" to cook? Ah, you don't. Apparently.

I will tell you.

The other day, I woke up, went to the market, got groceries and food stuff. Came back, cleaned my pots and dishes, cleaned the stove, replaced and adjusted the wicks and lit it.

I began the gruesome process of the cooking. All the while my stomach growling. But I had to wait it out. I dared not even drink water. I had to reward my hunger with the fruit of MY own labour!

30 minutes into the cooking, dear Uninvited-food-sniffer, you walked past with a straight face. But I could have sworn I saw you sniff (you sly...).

Not up to two minutes later you walked past again, and greeted me. Being the child of God that I am, I replied warmly. And continued pretending like I was enjoying the book I was reading.

Dear uninvited-sniffer you showed you had no fear of God, you still came back feigning to be interested in the book I was reading. When you eventually made to leave, you shamelessly stole another glance at my already steaming pot and announced,

"you dey cook?"

No, I dey bake, I replied in my mind.

I smiled and said "yes" cheerfully.

You heartlessly added,

"Put enough maggi o. My belle follow". Then you laughed really wickedly and loudly.

I swallowed it all in. You left.

A few minutes later and the food was done. I brought it down.
As I made to scoop the first helping, you popped in!

With a large bowl for a plate and a stupid grin on your face!

I sorrowfully let you help yourself. Big mistake. For immediately you left, I dashed to the pot to see the carnage you left in your wake!

Chai!!

This cycle of food tyranny has been repeated over and over again.

Dear Uninvited-food-tester, you might want to borrow a timeless advice from our former first lady: "Diaris God in everything we are doing. All this my food you are finishing. Diaris God o"

Yours sincerely,

An-oppressed-cook.