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Everything's Just Wrong - Family - Nairaland

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My Divorce Story:i Gave Him Everything Just To Make Our Marriage Work!. (2) (3) (4)

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Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 8:26am On Jul 27, 2016
Hi Guys!

Guess I'd say I need validation.

Approximately 2.7 years ago, I had a daughter from a lady I'd only known for 5 weeks before she conceived. It was a rough relationship. Anyway, I took responsibility and made all provisions till she had the child. After the child was born, her parents decided I had to marry the lady if I wanted to be a part of the child's life (were both yorubas). I insisted that we continue dating and whenever was right, we'd both decide if we're right for each other. Long story short, they refused me the right to name my child and I since then moved on with my life. It was tough though cause it took me 2 years to get over it. I'd tried to reach out to them in order to take responsibility, paying her fees and clothing but they refused. This took the help of a lady who came into my life and made things easy. But then she was seeing someone else and also started dating me. To be sincere, I knew from the start but I figured in time, she'd eventually make a choice. What bothered me more was the fact that she was sleeping with us both(not simultaneously). Last night made it 3 months with her and the other guy (well, technically, I'm the other guy since he doesn't know about me). I had on many occasion asked her to choose but she kept saying she wasn't ready to do that. I broke it off last night and it hurt like hell not cause I loved her but I was ready to make it work for the long run. I just couldn't cope with her being with someone else.

Now I don't have my daughter and I'm broken
Everything's just wrong
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Layooluwa(f): 8:56am On Jul 27, 2016
Sorry, am confused here. What exactly do you want us to do

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by 5minsmadness: 9:33am On Jul 27, 2016
Sorry about that.
You are going through a rough patch in life. We all get them one way or the other. You'll pull through don't worry.

Don't do anything risky this period. The tendency is to engage in rash behaviour to make yourself happy. What you need to understand is that this phase will pass and everything will sort itself out. So whatever u plan to doing, think about it first and make sure it doesn't have any long standing effects.

2 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by MARKone(m): 9:46am On Jul 27, 2016
Your daughter is still your daughter, nothing can change that. My people say when a child grows not knowing a father, at a certain point of his or her life, she MUST ask who and where her father is. Ur first seed is very important, continue making contact with them, at least keep asking of her wellbeing and that of ur baby mama, it is very important, document those u can document. That u have a child with someone doesn't mean you must marry the person. About being a Side guy before before, well Na ur luck s#it happens.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by sisisioge: 9:47am On Jul 27, 2016
I support the short-lived-madness guy above me. Take things easy, they will sort themselves.

The people taking your daughter away from your neva tire ni, by the time the bills get more expensive, the baby grows enough to want her daddy and their daughter realises the sheer waste of time shouldering parenthood alone is when the other party is alive and willing, you would be chased frantically to come do your bits. As par the matters of your heart, you would find a good woman when you are cleared about what you really want. Until then, prepare for the best.

2 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by SirVintageCock: 9:56am On Jul 27, 2016
Chronicles of a side guy and a side father.


Guy change your environment abeg so that new blessings can come in.

4 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nobody: 3:33pm On Jul 27, 2016
So you are now a side dicck to someone who isn't the mother of your child? grin grin
You fyccked a lady without protection and got her pregnant In less than a month of knowing her, yet you decide to want to get to know her when the parents insisted you do the marriage rites like a responsible man should? You want to take responsibility of the child, how about marrying the mother in other to get all privileges, abi yoruba marriage dey cost ni?
If you trust her enough to poke your dick in , you should also trust her enough to be your wife as well. You Don jump leave her go dey ficck another woman, if you give that one belle na, you go still carry your two left leg talk say una be two wey dey shine the free for all Congo grin grin.

The time you are wasting on this woman should be spent with your baby mama and your daughter, that's what responsible men do.





Rubbish! You guys have got to stop with producing bastards In Nigeria.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nobody: 3:44pm On Jul 27, 2016
It's only an irresponsible family that will allow a randy man access to a child he is not entitled to, just because he poked their daughter . Where I come from, the idiot will be chased with the sharpest of all cutlasses. Even if the girl marries another man, she will never go with the child to her husbands house (except of course the man insists). the child remains in the family.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by 5minsmadness: 3:59pm On Jul 27, 2016
sisisioge:
I support the short-lived-madness guy above me. Take things easy, they will sort themselves.

The people taking your daughter away from your neva tire ni, by the time the bills get more expensive, the baby grows enough to want her daddy and their daughter realises the sheer waste of time shouldering parenthood alone is when the other party is alive and willing, you would be chased frantically to come do your bits. As par the matters of your heart, you would find a good woman when you are cleared about what you really want. Until then, prepare for the best.

That's a new one undecided

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by sisisioge: 4:07pm On Jul 27, 2016
5minsmadness:


That's a new one undecided

No vex, na your moniker reshuffling tinz.
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nobody: 5:09pm On Jul 27, 2016
Olaniran107:

1. On the issue of your daughter, go see a lawyer, you'll be counselled on the next course of action. By this time next week you would be seeing her.. Go see a lawyer now now.

2. On your babe, you have issues that a relationship cannot solve. Don't try to force yourself to be responsible because someone is hampering that instinct by keeping your dughter away from you.

You logically shouldn't trust a woman who juggles diccks, especially one who juggles effortlessly; unless you don't mind her cheating on you.

You have a long way to go before marriage. You are not ready.. Don't rush into it. Take your time, there are virtuous women all over the place. Don't shortchange yourself with involving with hoes.

PS: Go see a lawyer now if you really want to see your daughter and carry out a paternity test. Good luck.

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nezzel(f): 6:37pm On Jul 27, 2016
LynnPetra:
So you are now a side dicck to someone who isn't the mother of your child? grin grin
You fyccked a lady without protection and got her pregnant In less than a month of knowing her, yet you decide to want to get to know her when the parents insisted you do the marriage rites like a responsible man should? You want to take responsibility of the child, how about marrying the mother in other to get all privileges, abi yoruba marriage dey cost ni?
If you trust her enough to poke your dick in , you should also trust her enough to be your wife as well. You Don jump leave her go dey ficck another woman, if you give that one belle na, you go still carry your two left leg talk say una be two wey dey shine the free for all Congo grin grin.

The time you are wasting on this woman should be spent with your baby mama and your daughter, that's what responsible men do.





Rubbish! You guys has got to stop with producing bastards In Nigeria.

Thank you my sister..

2 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nobody: 7:04pm On Jul 27, 2016
Nezzel:


Thank you my sister..

You can imagine how stooopid some men can get.A grown man accepting to be a side dicck to a randy woman, leaving a devoted mother of his child unattended to. Can you imagine? He want to get to "know the mother of his child first "but is comfortable with the randy lady he is messing around with, despite the fact he is aware she is involved intimately with another man. Him go soon somersault.

5 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 8:02pm On Jul 27, 2016
Well, i guess it's okay to throw insults. But then you need to understand the genesis of the whole baby mama drama before jumping into conclusion. But regardless, having a child with someone shouldnt be a motivation for marriage. I offered to give it a trial at my own pace but i was turned down. As far as i know, i have done right by that child. I was there all through from conception till birth and took care of all expenses without a penny from the mother's family. Everything stopped when they decided i didnt have a choice than to marry using the child as a condition.
Regarding the side guy ish, well, its been over 2 years and i have the right to move on just like the baby mama has. I met someone i like, got involved hoping she makes a choice soon, she doesn't and i break it off.
In all, i am not perfect, trust me, i've said worse things to myself, but i have a life to lead. Not gonna spend that with someone i dont feel anything for just cause we have a child. And fyi, the mom wasnt devoted, 3/4 of the weeks we spent with eachother was full of drama (cheating from her end).

2 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by diportivo: 8:54pm On Jul 27, 2016
OlaNiran107:
Well, i guess it's okay to throw insults. But then you need to understand the genesis of the whole baby mama drama before jumping into conclusion. But regardless, having a child with someone shouldnt be a motivation for marriage. I offered to give it a trial at my own pace but i was turned down. As far as i know, i have done right by that child. I was there all through from conception till birth and took care of all expenses without a penny from the mother's family. Everything stopped when they decided i didnt have a choice than to marry using the child as a condition.
Regarding the side guy ish, well, its been over 2 years and i have the right to move on just like the baby mama has. I met someone i like, got involved hoping she makes a choice soon, she doesn't and i break it off.
In all, i am not perfect, trust me, i've said worse things to myself, but i have a life to lead. Not gonna spend that with someone i dont feel anything for just cause we have a child. And fyi, the mom wasnt devoted, 3/4 of the weeks we spent with eachother was full of drama (cheating from her end).

I like u

U are being real

If u don't take the plunge u won't meet what's meant for u

Just do it wisely....take ur time...

Some ppl are very holy tho...pay no attention to them..unfortunately we won't be there to see how they handle theirs when it happens...I can bet they wld be much more emotional than you have been

Its a rough patch...things will sort themselves out eventually

PS : avoid regrets at all costs
It only makes one bitter....for nothing

2 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nobody: 9:10pm On Jul 27, 2016
At the end of the day, do what's best for your self. The mistake is made already, everybody should carry his/her cross. Everybody involved in this circle just deey cheat up and down grin.You cheated, she cheated, your ex cheated, and her man may be cheating, and all these happening without protection cheesy cheesy cheesy grin

THREE GBOSA FOR ALL OF UNA.

2 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 9:27pm On Jul 27, 2016
Madam, you need to take a chill pill really. I have never cheated. As a matter of fact, i've never been in a relationship (in the real sense if it) except the above mentioned. Yes, i got cheated with but that was cause i assumed it was heading somewhere. I understand your need to judge but then i'm not looking for encouragement either but direction.
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Onegai(f): 10:31pm On Jul 27, 2016
OlaNiran107,

Dude, do you want your life's story to one day make a HIV pamphlet?? You dated a girl who wasn't steady with you and got her pregnant, you are dating another girl who isn't steady with you. That is a lot of other sexual partners you are exposing yourself too.

Now! Here's what we are gonna do: we are going to stop dating. Until we are sure of whom we are. We are not going to come to NL Romance section or Family section for more advice (because we will go from "maybe gonna end up on a HIV pamphlet" to "yep, that is definitely me on that HIV pamphlet" because of the bad advice we are given). We will get our heads right: just enjoy staying with yourself, no chicks and if you do meet some interested ones, please inform them you are a father and are not looking for anything permanent right now (also, bring a condom. Super important, that last bit). But we will try avoiding random se.xual encounters and learn what a relationship should be (trust, love, respect, understanding, humour) with our pants on. We will contact our daughter's mother and insist on getting Visitation rights and paying for whatever financial responsibilities for the upkeep of our daughter brings. We will not marry the mother, but apologise to her for the craziness of Life and tell her that we do not want our child to suffer for our mistakes. We will apologise to the mother (do it. I don't want to explain it but please do it). We will spend time with our daughter.

And life will eventually reward us with some peace. Do we want an e-hug so we know everything is going to be okay?

8 Likes

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by jtkoko9(f): 11:12pm On Jul 27, 2016
Always on point. grin

quote author=Onegai post=47949061]OlaNiran107,

Dude, do you want your life's story to one day make a HIV pamphlet?? You dated a girl who wasn't steady with you and got her pregnant, you are dating another girl who isn't steady with you. That is a lot of other sexual partners you are exposing yourself too.

Now! Here's what we are gonna do: we are going to stop dating. Until we are sure of whom we are. We are not going to come to NL Romance section or Family section for more advice (because we will go from "maybe gonna end up on a HIV pamphlet" to "yep, that is definitely me on that HIV pamphlet" because of the bad advice we are given). We will get our heads right: just enjoy staying with yourself, no chicks and if you do meet some interested ones, please inform them you are a father and are not looking for anything permanent right now (also, bring a condom. Super important, that last bit). But we will try avoiding random se.xual encounters and learn what a relationship should be (trust, love, respect, understanding, humour) with our pants on. We will contact our daughter's mother and insist on getting Visitation rights and paying for whatever financial responsibilities for the upkeep of our daughter brings. We will not marry the mother, but apologise to her for the craziness of Life and tell her that we do not want our child to suffer for our mistakes. We will apologise to the mother (do it. I don't want to explain it but please do it). We will spend time with our daughter.

And life will eventually reward us with some peace. Do we want an e-hug so we know everything is going to be okay?
[/quote]

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by AfroKnight: 1:46am On Jul 28, 2016
Bro, okay, you made the mistake of getting a "strange" lady pregnant. That is in the past. I applaud you for not making yet nother mistake by marrying her solely because she is your baby mama. Marriage with the wrong woman can be hell.

However, find ways to send money to the mother of your child and please keep detailed records of every dime paid. Nobody should prevent you from providing for your child.

I think you should be open to your next girlfriend(s) about your child. Don't hide the fact that you are a father. Women particularly hate it when a guy conceals stuff like this in a relationship.

All the best.
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by 2sexynet: 4:09am On Jul 28, 2016
LynnPetra:
It's only an irresponsible family that will allow a randy man access to a child he is not entitled to, just because he poked their daughter . Where I come from, the idiot will be chased with the sharpest of all cutlasses. Even if the girl marries another man, she will never go with the child to her husbands house (except of course the man insists). the child remains in the family.
grin

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 6:28am On Jul 28, 2016
jtkoko9:
Always on point. grin

quote author=Onegai post=47949061]OlaNiran107,

Dude, do you want your life's story to one day make a HIV pamphlet?? You dated a girl who wasn't steady with you and got her pregnant, you are dating another girl who isn't steady with you. That is a lot of other sexual partners you are exposing yourself too.

Now! Here's what we are gonna do: we are going to stop dating. Until we are sure of whom we are. We are not going to come to NL Romance section or Family section for more advice (because we will go from "maybe gonna end up on a HIV pamphlet" to "yep, that is definitely me on that HIV pamphlet" because of the bad advice we are given). We will get our heads right: just enjoy staying with yourself, no chicks and if you do meet some interested ones, please inform them you are a father and are not looking for anything permanent right now (also, bring a condom. Super important, that last bit). But we will try avoiding random se.xual encounters and learn what a relationship should be (trust, love, respect, understanding, humour) with our pants on. We will contact our daughter's mother and insist on getting Visitation rights and paying for whatever financial responsibilities for the upkeep of our daughter brings. We will not marry the mother, but apologise to her for the craziness of Life and tell her that we do not want our child to suffer for our mistakes. We will apologise to the mother (do it. I don't want to explain it but please do it). We will spend time with our daughter.

And life will eventually reward us with some peace. Do we want an e-hug so we know everything is going to be okay?


Hi. Got dat 100%. HIV test's been done ovassionally on both parties. Tried reaching out to the kid's mum but they're hell bent on no marriage rites, nothing to talk about. Sent family over but they get hostile at them. Sincerly, i think i should just let them breathe. D kid's gonna be fine. Thanks for your advice though. And yea, no more random sexual encounters.
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 6:35am On Jul 28, 2016
[quote author=AfroKnight post=47952318]Bro, okay, you made the mistake of getting a "strange" lady pregnant. That is in the past. I applaud you for not making yet nother mistake by marrying her solely because she is your baby mama. Marriage with the wrong woman can be hell.

However, find ways to send money to the mother of your child and please keep detailed records of every dime paid. Nobody should prevent you from providing for your child.

I think you should be open to your next girlfriend(s) about your child. Don't hide the fact that you are a father. Women particularly hate it when a guy conceals stuff like this in a relationship.

Bro. The kid's existence has never been a secret. I've always layed it out on the first date and have had loads of girls walk from me cause they cant cope. I have tried all i can except engage a laywer which my family is against (spiritual inplication). But i get your drift.
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 6:43am On Jul 28, 2016
Timbuktou:
Olaniran107:

1. On the issue of your daughter, go see a lawyer, you'll be counselled on the next course of action. By this time next week you would be seeing her.. Go see a lawyer now now.

2. On your babe, you have issues that a relationship cannot solve. Don't try to force yourself to be responsible because someone is hampering that instinct by keeping your dughter away from you.

You logically shouldn't trust a woman who juggles diccks, especially one who juggles effortlessly; unless you don't mind her cheating on you.

You have a long way to go before marriage. You are not ready.. Don't rush into it. Take your time, there are virtuous women all over the place. Don't shortchange yourself with involving with hoes.

PS: Go see a lawyer now if you really want to see your daughter and carry out a paternity test. Good luck.

My family's against that as it will only raise bad blood betwren me and the family. I ocassionally have people check on the kid. And far as i know, she's doing okay. I just feel she can have a better life than what she already has. The issue with the other girl's a little complicated as my parents like her a lot (dunno why) and i do to but i just got to that point where it stopped making sense anymore. I'm at peace with breaking it off but it's not just easy to get by.
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Onegai(f): 7:10am On Jul 28, 2016
OlaNiran107:


Hi. Got dat 100%. HIV test's been done ovassionally on both parties. Tried reaching out to the kid's mum but they're hell bent on no marriage rites, nothing to talk about. Sent family over but they get hostile at them. Sincerly, i think i should just let them breathe. D kid's gonna be fine. Thanks for your advice though. And yea, no more random sexual encounters.

They are treating you like this because they are most likely Nairalanders and based on what they read here, think their daughter's life is over and she will never marry. So are trying to force her on you. If you and the mother could talk away from parents, and you could convince her that "look, let us take our time to sort ourselves out. Because if I am forced to marry you without liking you for the sake of my child, I may cheat on you and deal with you to the point that you will have a special spot on the carpet in front of MFM pulpit. Just read Nairaland if you think I'm lying". Women who have had better starts to marriage have suffered even more, talkless of your situation.

You can speak to a lawyer but I guess your parents assume that eventually when school starts, the sinking economy will force them to the table and they can handle things amicably.

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by cococandy(f): 7:12am On Jul 28, 2016
OP you have a right to your child. Don't let anyone deny you that. Which kind by-force marriage be that one? If you really want to be a part of her life, go the legal route and get a custody agreement reached. So you get to have some father-daughter time with her during her formative years. Especially during then.

And as someone already said, pls use protection henceforth. HIV is very very real. Odikwa serious.

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by cococandy(f): 7:17am On Jul 28, 2016
True. They feel she's a single mom now so her life is ruined. Typical Nigerians. Valuing women based on sexuality.

Onegai:


They are treating you like this because they are most likely Nairalanders and based on what they read here, think their daughter's life is over and she will never marry. So are trying to force her on you. If you and the mother could talk away from parents, and you could convince her that "look, let us take our time to sort ourselves out. Because if I am forced to marry you without liking you for the sake of my child, I may cheat on you and deal with you to the point that you will have a special spot on the carpet in front of MFM pulpit". Women who have had better starts to marriage have suffered even more, talkless of your situation.

You can speak to a lawyer but I guess your parents assume that eventually when school starts, the sinking economy will force them to the table and they can handle things amicably.
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nobody: 7:21am On Jul 28, 2016
2sexynet:
grin

Good morning wink smiley.

I applaud the family of that girl like kilode. Very responsible family indeed. Thumbs up to them. Make the guy just forget the pikin, the child is not his by tradition. If I'm the mother of that girl sef I will make sure he NEVER see that child, NEVER !It is highly insulting to get my daughter pregnant and have the guts to say you will take up the responsibility for the child, leaving the mother unmarried. I swear I go pursue the guy with long bamboo reach anywhere wey be him bus stop. I rather take full responsibility for the child. I blame the family for even taking a penny from him in the first place.

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by George22016(m): 7:54am On Jul 28, 2016
OlaNiran107:

Hi Guys!

Guess I'd say I need validation.

Approximately 2.7 years ago, I had a daughter from a lady I'd only known for 5 weeks before she conceived. It was a rough relationship. Anyway, I took responsibility and made all provisions till she had the child. After the child was born, her parents decided I had to marry the lady if I wanted to be a part of the child's life (were both yorubas). I insisted that we continue dating and whenever was right, we'd both decide if we're right for each other. Long story short, they refused me the right to name my child and I since then moved on with my life. It was tough though cause it took me 2 years to get over it. I'd tried to reach out to them in order to take responsibility, paying her fees and clothing but they refused. This took the help of a lady who came into my life and made things easy. But then she was seeing someone else and also started dating me. To be sincere, I knew from the start but I figured in time, she'd eventually make a choice. What bothered me more was the fact that she was sleeping with us both(not simultaneously). Last night made it 3 months with her and the other guy (well, technically, I'm the other guy since he doesn't know about me). I had on many occasion asked her to choose but she kept saying she wasn't ready to do that. I broke it off last night and it hurt like hell not cause I loved her but I was ready to make it work for the long run. I just couldn't cope with her being with someone else.

Now I don't have my daughter and I'm broken
Everything's just wrong

Change ur environment simple to keep a straight head

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 7:59am On Jul 28, 2016
LynnPetra:


Good morning wink smiley.

I applaud the family of that girl like kilode. Very responsible family indeed. Thumbs up to them. Make the guy just forget the pikin, the child is not his by tradition. If I'm the mother of that girl sef I will make sure he NEVER see that child, NEVER !It is highly insulting to get my daughter pregnant and have the guts to say you will take up the responsibility for the child, leaving the mother unmarried. I swear I go pursue the guy with long bamboo reach anywhere wey be him bus stop. I rather take full responsibility for the child. I blame the family for even taking a penny from him in the first place.

Morning Madam.

Just a question please, how's that supposed to help the child. To be frank, I don't know what part of nigeria you're from but where i come from, parental alienation is totally wrong. But in a parallel universe, alienating me from the child really doesn't affect my life in any way. i'm going to have other kids someday and i'm going to do just fine. It will just be a shame after all the spending and shakara only for the child to now come of age and decide to find the father (I have seen numerous examples play out). the truth is i have nothing to lose. All i want is the best for the child and if you believe i don't deserve that, well i guess time will tell. I only wish i know you well enough to let you know when that time comes.

1 Like

Re: Everything's Just Wrong by OlaNiran107(m): 8:01am On Jul 28, 2016
George22016:


Change ur environment simple to keep a straight head

SirVintageCock:
Chronicles of a side guy and a side father.
Guy change your environment abeg so that new blessings can come in.

Seriously working on that. Hopefully before the year runs out.

thanks
Re: Everything's Just Wrong by Nobody: 8:25am On Jul 28, 2016
OlaNiran107:


Morning Madam.

Just a question please, how's that supposed to help the child. To be frank, I don't know what part of nigeria you're from but where i come from, parental alienation is totally wrong. But in a parallel universe, alienating me from the child really doesn't affect my life in any way. i'm going to have other kids someday and i'm going to do just fine. It will just be a shame after all the spending and shakara only for the child to now come of age and decide to find the father (I have seen numerous examples play out). the truth is i have nothing to lose. All i want is the best for the child and if you believe i don't deserve that, well i guess time will tell. I only wish i know you well enough to let you know when that time comes.

Just like other parties advised, you can choose to take legal means. It's either you will or lose.I may sound harsh but I support the efforts from the girl's family . They have the traditional/legal rights to keep you away from that child except of course the court grants you some rights to the child. Just like you pointed out already, you can choose to move on with your life, and I advice you should. Allow the family to nurse one of their own as they see fit. If tomorrow the child looks for the father, so be it. Left for me, if I'm to be the said mother, the child will never have your surname. This will be reflected i all his/her credentials.

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