SirWere:
Deep issues bruv, deep ish....

A lot of religious folks who are committed to their religious want their immediate relations to share the same passion/zeal they have.
Hence, they find it quite worrying when their close ones seems to display laxity and nonchalance to the religion they proclaim. Even more worrying to her, I'm sure, is your geniality to other religions. In their mind, geniality = acceptance, and the only religion a quite religious individual believes is true is his own and no other.
They feel "if this person is not close to God, what assurance do I have that he won't leave me"....and other illogical thought processes like that. Not their fault; it's just their worldview.


My advice is that you either dig in deep and begin to show commitment in whatever religion she's doing........ Or you call her to the table and tell her that even though you're religious, you don't see the need for all this (this might blow up in your face tho)....



I'm sure there are other more subtle options but subtlety is not my thing as human relationships sometimes confuse me

Topgainer:
She is right. If that is the only fault she finds with you, then it is a simple matter and you can make that sacrifice to please her. So from today consciously show more commitment to activities in your local church, prayers and the others. While you do that, tell her to beware of some pastors who give advice that are self-serving, that prolong singlehood among eligible people and destroy homes with those tags of if he isn't our member he isn't a born again. Try her Church and Compare with your Cele who knows it might bring out the commitment she desired from you.
We are not yet mature like the West where two individuals with opposing faiths can live peacefully as husband and wife.
I will explain later in the afternoon

olagbemi118:
Ur fiancée somewhere, somehow has a plan B and she might be looking for excuses to quit. Wise up bro.

Fiyinfoluwa20:


I cannot pretend, that's why I am not committed to organized religion again, too many inconsistencies.

Fiyinfoluwa20:


I cannot pretend, that's why I am not committed to organized religion again, too many inconsistencies.

LaDolceVita:
She has a problem with the fact that you're tolerant? That's a red flag in my opinion.

Think of what she is asking you to do - would she even consider it if you asked her to be less religious in order to connect with you? But you should go the other way to appease her...

Personally, i wouldn't have gotten this far with someone this religious. When there is something non negotiable like that in a relationship, it will definitely cause problems.

SirWere:
Then a tabletalk is the only way then..... Goodluck!

AccidentalGenius:


one can only compromise so much before it becomes harmful to them. let her know you cannot do what shes softly asking u to. religion is a big issue. like she said, she wants to get married to someone who sees the world like she does(someone intolerant who looks down on other religion and uplifts theirs). youre liberal. she isnt. this will cause problems.

Fiyinfoluwa20:
Still on the matter.

Fiyinfoluwa20:
So, my fiançe and I have had something special close to a year now. She perfectly fits my idea of an ideal wife and mother. I deeply care about her and she does too- through her actions and words until yesterday.

Yesterday she buzzed me up and said we needed to talk, and she goes " I am not sensing that spiritual connection with you, your relationship with God is vague, even though I understand it's a personal relationship but the person I want to spend the rest of my life with should have similar worldviews with me and we should be able to connect on that level"

A little background, I am a not so religious "christian" I pray once in a while rarely attends church services, she on the other hand, is quite religious calls the church her second circle-she said I don't have that kind of circle yesterday- trying to understand why such is circle is now that important.

She posed questions about kids christening and upbringing, I was quick to tell her that, a married me would be willing to make compromise for peace to reign in my home, and if I need to sacrifice letting my children practice my wife's version of Christianity I do not mind-as I am a non-practising Celestial Church member because i rarely go to church, as I place little weight on organized religions even though my believe in God is unshaken.

Again, she said she couldn't attend celestial church-not like I attend like that too- I said I ain't forcing her to as I am a liberal.

Another concern she raised was the fact that I don't have a problem with other religions of the world that I am quick to say I am willing to accept people regardless of their religion, she claims she's receptive of people irrespective of their religious orientation when it comes to friends and acquaintances but she has a problem with the man she plans to spend the rest of her life with been to quick to accept other religions and came up with the supposition that " if tomorrow she starts worshiping Sango I won't object " I said I would ask to know her reasons if they are valid I would care less, she said it doesn't sound right to her.

Finally, I asked her what she would like me to do, go to her church? start going to church on a norms? She said that was my own call to make and she cannot make such requests from me. Coming from someone whose doting Dad was a Muslim and Mum Christian.

P.S I encourage her to go to church, asks how her service went, I don't care if she picks Jesus over me, I understand what a lifetime of religious indoctrination and Fellowship can do to a child, a Nigerian child in particular, What I would not agree with is her telling me how to think and wanting me to have a reservation about peoples' religious disposition.


Lastly, how can these ideological differences be remedied such that they don't lead to the eventual demise of our relationship, I really love her.

damogul:


Young man you cannot bring serious issues like this before kids here on nairaland who are still in the parents houses and expect them to offer you good advice. Look for elderly people around you who you can confide in and who can give you sound counsel and let you realize that any union is all about sacrifice. You cannot eat your cake and have it...You being the intended groom are the one to make more sacrifices in order to woo your bride unless you do not love her deeply enough for that to happen.

Stop putting your mature matters before kids.

CoolUsername:


Honesty is the best policy in this matter. If you're not personally convinced to be a devout Christian, then you need to let her know that you can't change your stance.

Even if you were to start going to church all the time and praying round the clock, would it be genuine or would it be to appease her?

As far as I know, conviction is not a conscious choice. You can deceive yourself and put up a façade for others but you can't will yourself to be convinced. You should make your decision clear.

You should be prepared for the worst, though. What would you do if she leaves you or gives you an ultimatum? You will need to be mentally and emotionally prepared for any outcome.