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Parent - Child Dynamics - Family - Nairaland

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Parent - Child Dynamics by topup: 10:55pm On Dec 11, 2010
Hello there,

Well, my issue is that I am one of three children, the middle one, and I am currently residing in the family home, I feel that since compared to my mother who works a full-time job and late shifts, and my sister who works 8 - 5, that a lot of the brunt of the maintenance of the home has been dumped on my shoulder.

I know that this isn't a rare thing, and that Nigerian parents often give their children a lot of household responsibilities, but I feel that at the moment I am the only one carrying all of this. My younger brother is in university full-time and my older sister, is respected, and does not do any chores around the house, except the occassional once-weekly ones.

I am getting really exhausted, I don't feel I have a balance, you see to them they feel that I have plenty of time to myself, but this is only true to some extent. My sleep is always interrupted by waking up early to make my father breakfast and then a mid-lunch-mid-breakfast snack which is always something heaving like pounded yam, something that takes a while to cook. Then I often have to drive him around or buy things for him, and then I go to work, and then afterwards I might have some time to go to the gym or the supermarket before returning home for 6/8.

To them they will see the fact that I sleep sometimes 'til 12 in the afternoon (though I wake up several times to do the above chores), they see the fact I make time for the gym, and they see the fact that they wake up before me to go to work, and they think that I am lazy etc.

I am wondering if my parents are ignoring the obvious signs that one person can not cook for the whole family, have a part time job, clean the house, stay up for the people working late shifts all by themselves, or if I am just complaining over nothing.

I feel like a housegirl, I often get complaints about not picking the right meals to cook, I don't get thanked for doing the dishes, all that ever happens is that I get complaints when the house is tidy (no one else gets told about these things), I get told to keep the sink clear etc. It's straining my sleep and also making me feel really used.

*rant over*
Re: Parent - Child Dynamics by Blazay(m): 12:15am On Dec 12, 2010
My heart goes out to you. For your situation bothers on abuse really.
Please, speak to a closest relative you can trust and see if he/she can intercede for you.
If what you relate here are indeed the facts. . . I don't think you are being treated fairly.
I agree, one person cannot cook for the whole family.

I hope you feel better.
Thank you for all your patience and care devoted to your family.

Have you tried talking to your parents or siblings? undecided
Not in a rude manner or in a shouting match. But just heart to heart and calmly too?
Just to express how you feel?
They may be oblivious to your long sufferings. Not that they are uncaring.
Re: Parent - Child Dynamics by Image123(m): 12:17am On Dec 12, 2010
Ehyah pele. The storm will soon be over. Just don't sink in it, don't get into self pity. You're actually training for a brighter future than the others, and the only thing that is permanent is change. Your change will come. If you're ever discouraged, know it's for a while, take it to God in prayer, and endure to the end. You're not a slave, you're a worthy child
Re: Parent - Child Dynamics by Nobody: 9:36am On Dec 12, 2010
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Re: Parent - Child Dynamics by mutter(f): 2:21pm On Dec 14, 2010
TopupA young girl at your age should be fully occupied and not doing a part time job, going to the gym and sleeping late.
Everyone ought to work for their bread and since you do not do that outside fully, it is only fair that you contribute at home.
You are just being lazy. The things you are doing now are expected of every mature person in a home.
I am glad your family is treating you this way.
I hope you get fed up real soon and look for a proper full time Job or school.
I also tell my kids that anyone who has a gap will turn to my househelp so they better make sure they sit up and do their thing.
Re: Parent - Child Dynamics by djojo(m): 9:47am On Dec 15, 2010
Is always like as if ur parent are suffering u but is otherwise cos in the future u will be the person praying and thanking them for what they make u pass through
Av passed through and am still going through it now
i remember when i was staying with my gramma, we are many in number but only two of of will cook for others, in the morning, evening, fetch water from far distance, watch cloth clean the house and other things, after gaining from all the house work i did while i was with gramma, it still help me where i am today, cos many of the guys am staying with cannot cook, clean the house
U are a lady and u just need to adapt with it, i dont want u to see it as suffering cos u will gain from it and dont allow anybody to discourage u
A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR A WISE
Re: Parent - Child Dynamics by iice(f): 1:55pm On Dec 17, 2010
Haha i feel you grin Being the only girl i get the brunt of the work but as we grew older, my brothers started doing their own part except for the youngest who is like supremely lazy. They cook and clean during the weekends and on days i feel off, they take care of stuff. Chaircover is right, you'll be doing all those things when you get a family of your own. Even when i go on vacation to my grandparent's home. . .i still do the chores upon say there are others to do the work. My grandfather used to wake up at 5am and sweep compound, so na me and him go dey do cleaning.

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