Deleted.

First and foremost realise that whether your husband got married before his elder brother or vice versa, you husband's elder brother's wife will definitely be treated as a senior wife in the family since her husband is the eldest of the two.
Why are you even making this an issue in the first place when it is not as if you are all married to one man or do you all live in the family house? What duties are you talking about?? and shouldn't you be happy that at least someone has taken over some of these responsibilities for you?
Well bottom line is, she is the wife to your husband's elder brother and that settles it. It is a non issue as long as am concerned.
Just my two cents though!

Na wa. I guess I have never truly understood the "I senior you" mentality. If you had said that the family treats you badly that is one thing. I personally can ignore her behavior. She probably knows that she is annoying you. I cannot imagine why this should be something that I would worry about. As long as you are number one in yoru husbands eyes who the hell cares about anybody else

XX01:

My husband is the third among 3 boys but the second to marry. His elder just got married and i am having issues in relating with his wife. My husband's family is sort of close knit and like to do things together so almost every month, we have a get together.

Now, there were certain responsibilities i used to take up which the new wife is trying to usurp. I feel like i am being pushed to be Wife nos 3 while she actually is the youngest wife. We are age mates so no issues there but she tries to make me give her some form of respect which i feel should be the other way round.

I tried talking to my MIL but she waved it aside as a non-issue but i feel so sidelined. I am more of an introvert while she is an extrovert so its easy for to just relegate me to the background. I have been married to him for 3 years now so i feel that i deserve my position.

I feel i should be more assertive and push her into her own position. The latest one was when we had our extended family meeting so as they were introducing everyone (as is customary), after the first wife, they called the second wife and she stood up. There was a little murmur but they introduced her as the new wife and then me. I was pissed. 

I just felt like ranting and letting off steam.

So sorry but pemit me to LOL

my friend shut up will you, how can you talk about her giving you respect but find it difficult giving her hers? BTW who is doing senior wife and junior wife in this day and age? i cannot see anything the other wife as done wrong in your post, all you are doing is going back and forth with no sense whatsoever in your post. I think the other lady is your perfect match and you find it difficult getting along with her cos she's not someone you can intimidate. Good for you.

In my husband's family there is no senior or junior wife, even the youngest gets respected. You don't boss people around to get your respect, you actually earn it.

Single advise; you better stop going to your MIL to tell her rubbish or bring her in the middle or try to get her to be on your side,that woman is not dumb and very soon(that's if she hasn't already) she is going to see you as a trouble maker and someone that has come to divide the family.

Some women are just baptized lunatiicsssss. You are one of them. Stop being un necessarily jealous of the other lady. Face ya marriage.

Agu Nwayi!
Raw and undiluted truth jor.
The post is so funny I really had to laff.

XX01:

My husband is the third among 3 boys but the second to marry. His elder just got married and i am having issues in relating with his wife. My husband's family is sort of close knit and like to do things together so almost every month, we have a get together.

Now, there were certain responsibilities i used to take up which the new wife is trying to usurp. I feel like i am being pushed to be Wife nos 3 while she actually is the youngest wife. We are age mates so no issues there but she tries to make me give her some form of respect which i feel should be the other way round.

I tried talking to my MIL but she waved it aside as a non-issue but i feel so sidelined. I am more of an introvert while she is an extrovert so its easy for to just relegate me to the background. I have been married to him for 3 years now so i feel that i deserve my position.

I feel i should be more assertive and push her into her own position. The latest one was when we had our extended family meeting so as they were introducing everyone (as is customary), after the first wife, they called the second wife and she stood up. There was a little murmur but they introduced her as the new wife and then me. I was pissed. 

I just felt like ranting and letting off steam.

so whats actually the problem here? isnt she the new wife? or abi you want them to reintroduce you as the new wife and her as the new last wife or what? second wife, third wife dont matter, everyone know you were married before her why worry over that?

i throughly feel you are overacting over the whole " na me dem born first, na me dem marry first or abi second" thing. and it does come-off as if you being jealous over her getting all the "newbie" attention. so, you need to stop complaining and learn to respect yourself. she is still newly married, so it definitely too early to start fussing up over things like this now. and you also want to tone it down with running to your MIL with complains because you wouldnt want your second name to be "mrs complainer" cause it will definitely not help your "cause"

But it's true odunnu lol. This is how women use their own hands to destroy their home,if she continues like this,these people are just going to see her as a trouble maker and start avoiding her and this could put a strain in the relationship these brothers have.

This poster needs to stop being jealous of a woman who I am sure does not even give a rats azz. She is so angry and jealous and really does not know that the more she complains about it the more she drags the family to the other woman's side and by the time she realizes it ,it will be too late for her cos by then everybody would have started avoiding  her except her hubby I hope.

See how people create problems for themselves. Everything was going well until new wife came along, did the new wife come to take charge in your husbands house? Abeg if you don't have a job look for one and stop boring us with stupid stories.

//

chaircover:



People that feel offense easily are usually arrogant people.

@Chaircover, I beg to disagree with ur statement quoted. I get offended and hurt easily but am nt arrogant in any way.

@Poster, all the respondents have given u solid advice. U just making a mountain out of a mole hill. I think u are SB who likes to shoulder all the responsibilities and finds it hard to delegate some to others especially if the other SB is more active and eager than u. Your priority should be ur husband and childern-immediate family. Dont give urself HBP over nothing. If the new wife wants to be in charge of family matters, let her be. Just maintain ur peace. What shld really bother you is if ur hubby's family is intruding in ur marriage. Since that is not the case, let there be peace.

//

Women and okwu-na-uka.

OP,You are a queen ONLY to ur husband and in ur home,don't expect everyone to give you that "special attention" u crave for.

You don become old soup,fresh air is in the air,lol,leave the new wife make she enjoy small na abi u never hear say the old sha fade while the young shines?

Abi u want divorce and remarry ur husband so u go be "iyawo" again and enjoy all the fringe benefits especially attention?

My dear,Face ur husband and home and leave the iyawo to reign,na her time.You got it all too during ur "Iyawoship" so this is no case.

. . .and watch it,don't start boring ur MIL and everyone else u wud be seen as a nag and trouble maker and blimey it won't be long before the new wife's chief bridesmaid,younger sister or friend wud be considered(by ur hubby and family) as a perfect replacement for you.

Lol at d responses. Dont mind me, i av 2 get used 2 d attention shifting from me 2 her. I am not above laughing at myself. I felt like a total idiot after speakin 2 MIL. Wish i could wind back time.

Anyways, that was just to let off steam cos i cant bring such a stupid topic 2 my husband 4 discussion. He would laugh me 2 scorn. I really need 2 find another job. Lol.

LOL! Abeg poster, na Naija woman you be? I DOUBT!

Issues!

~Sissy~:

so whats actually the problem here? isnt she the new wife? or abi you want them to reintroduce you as the new wife and her as the new last wife or what? second wife, third wife dont matter, everyone know you were married before her why worry over that?

i throughly feel you are overacting over the whole " na me dem born first, na me dem marry first or abi second" thing. and it does come-off as if you being jealous over her getting all the "newbie" attention. so, you need to stop complaining and learn to respect yourself. she is still newly married, so it definitely too early to start fussing up over things like this now. and you also want to tone it down with running to your MIL with complains because you wouldnt want your second name to be "mrs complainer" cause it will definitely not help your "cause"

na me dem born first a.k.a i cannot carry last . . . lmao . .

XX01:

Lol at d responses. Dont mind me, i av 2 get used 2 d attention shifting from me 2 her. I am not above laughing at myself. I felt like a total  after speakin 2 MIL. Wish i could wind back time.

Anyways, that was just to let off steam cos i cant bring such a silly topic 2 my husband 4 discussion.  He would laugh me 2 scorn. I really need 2 find another job. Lol.

Poster seems to have gotten over the issue thanks to NL's tough love . . . Nairaland saves the day!!!! (For once),

See the biggest problem in somebody's life. I am sure this family has money, because you will not care about first or second wife if they didnt. I also wonder what wives are doing in the man's family meeting . Did they not introduce you people to the woman at the wedding, engagement, as boyfriend and girlfriend or at parties? Like the OP rightly said, she needs another job.

I know a similar family who are very close like this too, but in this case there were 4 boys and 3 were already married. My friend was dating the 4th guy and whenever they had a get together, or barbecue, they will leave the dirty work of peeling, cooking, etc to my friend and as if that is not enough, they will start presiding over her telling her how to turn the spoon or what quality of condiment to put, mschewww. And they expect her to wash up too, to prove she will be a good wifey to their Brother, psfffft. My friend dropped his a.rse like a hot potayto. Utter nonsense and jagbajantis.


Yes your case seem trivial, but why would the wifey of the 3rd Brother who got married first be uncontestably treated as the first wife in the family, and they expect you to rollover just like that. Me too I nor go gree, but I will not vex, just go kolo/loco on them. And what was the murmur at that gathering about. Not tryna stir anything, but you deserve your rant abeg.

she deserves nothing, even the OP have clearly stated that she was just being jealous. jealousy can stir alot of things in you and make you see things that are small very big and als make you see something that isn't there. She has not had issues with anybody before and seriously think she should face her marriage. she does not need to worry herself over things people say, evrybody knows she is the second wife. her hubby should be her priority not some other woman. pls don't make her stir anything that will affect her marriage.

If her hubby treats her like a queen ,who cares what this other peeps say. My advise is:do not intimidate anyone or let anyone intimidate you. simple

your marriage is still too young for this balderdash

XX01:

Lol at d responses. Dont mind me, i av 2 get used 2 d attention shifting from me 2 her. I am not above laughing at myself. I felt like a total after speakin 2 MIL. Wish i could wind back time.

Anyways, that was just to let off steam cos i cant bring such a silly topic 2 my husband 4 discussion. He would laugh me 2 scorn. I really need 2 find another job. Lol.

I totally agree!

It seems everything is going fine with you and you're simply itching for trouble. had it been you were dealing with fertility issues, infidelity, financial crisis etc, you wouldn't remember whether you're senior or junior wife in your husband's family.

Are u petty?
Seems like a petty issue,

jennykadry:

she deserves nothing, even the OP have clearly stated that she was just being jealous. jealousy can stir alot of things in you and make you see things that are small very big and als make you see something that isn't there. She has not had issues with anybody before and seriously think she should face her marriage. she does not need to worry herself over things people say, evrybody knows she is the second wife. her hubby should be her priority not some other woman. pls don't make her stir anything that will affect her marriage.

If her hubby treats her like a queen ,who cares what this other peeps say. My advise is:do not intimidate anyone or let anyone intimidate you. simple

your marriage is still too young for this balderdash

I am not advocating that she take up arms with anyone, I have only suggested that if she is being made to do the maid work like the scenario i painted above, she should feel free to tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine


Apparently this is a meet up that happens frequently which would not be polite of her to back out of, lest they start insinuating she is withdrawing her Hubby from his family, so if the family are gonna be making a song and dance about who comes first everytime they have their usual get together, to the extent that it is delving into hush, bated breath territory, then she deserves her rant thread to let off steam jare.

Your mother in law is a very wise woman and I wish her long life. Pls take jennykadry advice wahala sleep yanga go wake am up.you need to chillax!!!