This is a true story, happened in Yaounde, Cameroon.

In some neighborhood inhabited by Nigerians, the Cameroonian police is fond of harrassing Nigerians. So on this particular evening, while they are on the road 'checking' every Nigerian's car who drove by, a man crosses the road bearing a coffin on his head. One policeman intercepted him and asked, "Why are you carrying a coffin on top of your head?" The man replied, "Before I died, I asked my children to bury me on the other side of this road, but they buried me on this side. So I am re-locating." Come see the panic on the policemen's faces. They threw away all they were holding and ran away from the scene.

Laughing,
Them for wait. Stupid people,

Nice one there, i can`t help laughing

A friend of mine told me this story:

When I was in secondary school in Yola, there was this particular period when a 6 PM to 6 AM curfew was imposed on the town because of religious crises. One night, we broke bounds from the hostel to go have some drinks in town. By the time it was 11 PM we were dead-drunk. While making our way back to the hostel, we met policemen who assayed to accost us. We took to our heels.

Now opposite the school is a cemetery. So while in a haste to escape police arrest, and in our state of drunkenness, we ran into the cemetery thinking it was the school. After jumping a number of graves, our eyes suddenly cleared and we made a u-turn, beat for the school while shouting, 'Help! Ghosts are after us.' The policemen who were chasing after us made their own u-turn and made away from there.

Nice jokes you got dude , keep it up

Funny

;Dhi hihihihih hahhah nah wao i forgot that i left my artificial teeth at home. and i open my gum and everyone ran out of the ofice

A young girl of about 8 years had died. Since it was a child who had died, it was decided by her father that she'd be buried the same day. The mother cried uncontrollably, and was inconsolate. She was led to the bedroom to be comforted, and while there, she cried and prayed saying, "God, if you raise my child back to life, I will serve you better than before."

God hears her and raises up the girl. There is commotion in the sitting room where she was laid in state. Everyone took off. So the girl goes to her mother's room and calls out, "Mama, where are you?" The mother runs under her bed and screams at the top of her voice, "Esther, you have died. Go away! Don't come near me." Esther replies, "But Mama, God said you asked me to come back." Mama screams back, "He is lying o. I never said such a thing. Please go away."

If na you, wetin you for do?

A Really Ugly Woman


A Really Ugly Woman

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.

The shopkeeper asks, "Are they twins"?

The woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!

" " nice jokes! "Mama screams back, "He is lying o. I never said such a thing. Please go away."

that had be rolling !

Father Explains Condoms to Son

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son.

They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."

He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks,

"Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, one for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.

He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy,

"Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March, "

" " married men aint getting none !

;d

Married 9 Times, and Still a Virgin?


A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be." "Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me." "Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up." "Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver." "Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method, " "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not" "Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it." "Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it." "Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look." "Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was, God, I miss him!" "But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!" "Good," said the husband, "but, why?" "You're with the Government. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCREWED!"

At a funeral.

The widow was crying so much, almost disrupting proceedings at her late husband's funeral. It was an even more riotous scene when he was to be lowered in to the grave. She practically would not let the coffin bearers lower him, often trying to jump in the grave, but was restrained hitherto. The minister then declares, "Oh, see how truly she loved him, even unto death. Please, coffin bearers, seeing we can't proceed without her wanting to jump in, grab her and throw her in with the husband's remains, lets bury them together." Then the widow bolts like a rocket away from the place. Service continues.

How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?




LOVE - - when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - - when your belt won't meet around your
waist, and you don't care.

LOVE - - when intercourse is called making love.
LUST - - all other times.
MARRIAGE - - what's intercourse?

LOVE - - when you argue over how many children to
have.
LUST - - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - - when you argue over money.

LOVE - - when you share everything you own.
LUST - - when you think twice about giving your
partner bus money.
MARRIAGE - - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE - - when it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - - when the relationship is over, if you don't
climax.
MARRIAGE - - what's a climax?

LOVE - - when you phone each other just to say
"Gidday".
LUST - - when you phone each other just to arrange
sex.
MARRIAGE - - when you phone each other to find out
what time your son's game starts.

LOVE - - when you write poems about your partner.
LUST - - when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - - when all you write are checks.

LOVE - - when you show concern for your partners'
feelings.
LUST - - when you couldn't give a sh*t.
MARRIAGE - - when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - - when your farewell is "I love you darling
, "
LUST - - when your farewell is "So, same time next
week?"
MARRIAGE - - when your farewell is silent.

LOVE - - when you are proud to be seen in public with
your partner.
LUST - - when you only ever see each other in the
bedroom.
MARRIAGE - - when you never see each other awake.

LOVE - - when your heart flutters everytime you see
them.
LUST - - when your groin twitches everytime you see
them.
MARRIAGE - - when your wallet empties everytime you
see them.

LOVE - - when nobody else matters.
LUST - - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - - when everybody else matters and you don't
care who knows.

LOVE - - when all the songs on the radio describe
exactly how you feel.
LUST - - when it's just the same mushy old sh*t.
MARRIAGE - - when you never listen to music.

LOVE - - when breaking up is something you try not to
think about.
LUST - - when staying together is something you try
not to think about.
MARRIAGE - - when just getting through today is your
only thought.

LOVE - - when you're interested in everything your
partner does.
LUST - - when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE - - when you're not interested in what your
partner does and the one thing you're interested in is
your golf score.

funny.

Little Old Lady Shouts "Praise The Lord!"

Way to go! Way To Go !!!!! There was a little old lady who was very spiritual who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell, "Praise the Lord." One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month or so of her yelling, "Praise the Lord" from her porch, he went outside on his porch and yelled back, "There is no Lord." Yet, the little old lady continued. One cold, wintry day, when the little old lady couldn't get to the store, she went out on her porch, raised her hands up to the sky and said, "Help me Lord, I have no more money, it's cold, and I have no more food." The next morning, she went outside, and there were three bags of food on the porch, enough to last her a week."Praise the Lord," she yelled. The Atheist stepped out from the bushes and said, "There is no Lord hahaha, I bought those groceries!" (Hold on, the ending is pretty good!). ************ The little old lady raised her arms to the sky and said, "Praise the Lord, you sent me groceries and you made the Devil pay for them!"

Esss:

Little Old Lady Shouts "Praise The Lord!"

Way to go! Way To Go !!!!! There was a little old lady who was very spiritual who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell, "Praise the Lord." One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady. So after a month or so of her yelling, "Praise the Lord" from her porch, he went outside on his porch and yelled back, "There is no Lord." Yet, the little old lady continued. One cold, wintry day, when the little old lady couldn't get to the store, she went out on her porch, raised her hands up to the sky and said, "Help me Lord, I have no more money, it's cold, and I have no more food." The next morning, she went outside, and there were three bags of food on the porch, enough to last her a week."Praise the Lord," she yelled. The Atheist stepped out from the bushes and said, "There is no Lord hahaha, I bought those groceries!" (Hold on, the ending is pretty good!). ************ The little old lady raised her arms to the sky and said, "Praise the Lord, you sent me groceries and you made the Devil pay for them!"

Bu ahahahahahaahahaha! " "

WHY I CEASED VISITING RICH PEOPLE.


BELOW WAS AN ENCOUNTER WITH A RICH FRIEND DURING A VISIT TO HIS HOUSE SOMETIME IN 1999.


Question: "What would you like to have , Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "Tea please."
Question: "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Iced tea or green tea?"
Answer: "Ceylon tea."
Question: "How would you like it? black or white?"
Answer: "White."
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?"
Answer: "With milk."
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: “Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: "Um, I'll take it black."
Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar."
Question: "Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar."
Question: “White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Ooh, Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water?"
Answer: "Mineral water."
Question: "Flavoured or non-flavoured?"
Answer: "Leave it I'm OK".

I simply got up and left.


(culled from *******)

buhahahahhahh this jokes are incredible

A woman gave birth to a bouncing baby boy (as they usually say). Time came for baby to be breast-fed. When Mama would pop the boob to him, he'd shut his lips tightly. When everyone was trying to force his mouth open so he'd suck, he responds thus: "Hey, I know babies aren't supposed to speak on their first day on earth, but please let me break protcol now. Mama, if you do not show me your NAFDAC registration number, I ain't sucking your milk."

A three year old boy announces to his parents, "I brushed the dog's teeth." Mommy says, "Oh, Junior, that was not a good idea." So they trash his toothbrush and get him a new one. Two days later, while Daddy is bathing him in the morning so he'd go to school, he asks, "Daddy, why did you buy me a new toothbrush?" Daddy replies, "Because you used the old one to brush the dog's teeth." Junior replies, "No Daddy. I used Mommy's own to do it."

" ""

hey chiori wat planet are u from? planet funny? pls keep the forum alive am really
basking in the euphoria of sweet sensational lafter keep us alive!!! thanks man, this jokes
are mind uplifting and mouth tantalizing

thanks buddy for the encouragement. I was actually created to be a comedian, but my parents would none of that, and instead turned me into a career diplomat.

Lovely jokes

An American tourist went on a two week holiday to Japan. While there he turned his trip into a sex orgy. When he got back to the States, he discovered there were some rashes on his private organ, so he went to see his doctor. After an examination, he was told the only cure was to cut it off, since he was suffering from VD Asiatic. He asked what the VD meant, and he was told Venereal Disease. After going from one doctor to the other in the States, and getting the same response as his personal doctor's, he reasoned: "I got this thing in Japan, so therefore, it's Japanese doctors who would know what to do."

So off he went to Japan. When he checked into what was made known to him as the best in the country, and after the med exam, the doctor said, "Oh, this is VD Asiatic. No need to cut prick like your doctor said." So he begins to heave a sigh of relief when the doctor adds: "After two weeks, prick fall off on his own and you are cured."

Nice one there Chiori

You are da bomb man. keep it up

prick fall off ?

cheii
that means no more banging around
serves him right.