₦airaland Forum

THE TENACITY TO ASK

CHAPTER TWO

ARE YOU SINGLE, MARRIED OR FACING DIVORCE?

First, I want anyone reading this to know that I am not a marriage expert, because I have had my share of marriage problems in the past. I have been married several times, but all my efforts to stay married "till death do us part" were an exercise in futility at the time. In my first marriage, I was a bit young and naive. It was all about me and what I wanted, and I was not as caring as I should have been at the time. My first husband was kind, nice, and really had a lot of positive desires for our family. Some of the things that some of us have neglected in
married life are a lack of consideration for our partner, honesty, 100% truthfulness, selflessness
toward our partner, lack of feelings, stubbornness, sloppy health and mental habits, and a lack
of communication. Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and
cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. In my opinion, some people do not understand what the Scriptures say about marriage in this case, or they miss the message inadvertently and through no fault of their own. We are all imperfect human beings and as such have our own weaknesses. The most important thing about this word is that we hold on to our loved one and not allow anyone to come between us and our marriage. Leaving home to unite
with our spouse is one of the steps required in a marriage. In some cases, we allow outside
forces to interfere in our marriage instead of working out our differences with each other in open, honest dialogue. We may have moved away from home to literally reunite with our loved one, but our minds are still on the times when everyone told us what to do and how to do it in terms of crisis management.
For some of us who are in a relationship, it is sometimes difficult to speak up. In some cases, we
would rather "air out" the dirty laundry of our marriage in front of our best friends, parents
and other family members. When you involve too many people in your marital problems, you
tend to get too much advice and counter-advice.
One thing I strongly recommend is to pray unceasingly and persistently and entrust all marital
problems to God - I have done that, and guess what? I have done that, and guess what? But do
not stop talking to your partner about some things that would improve your relationship and
strengthen your marriage. John 10:10 says, "The thief does not come to steal and kill and
destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it more abundantly. Knowing this, we
must protect our personal property, in this case our marriage. Let us not forget that none of us
is immune to the tricks and possible attacks of the devil. We must remember that if the devil
could try to trick Jesus Christ and get him to the top of the mountain - how much more you
and me. Satan will stop at nothing to thwart this agreement. We as human beings should also persistently seek God's guidance and counsel.


CHAPTER THREE

I AM DONE!

This is a common way some of us deal with our relationship or marital challenges. Instead of looking for ways to solve the problems, sometimes we just take the easy way out. Instead of looking for ways to put the devil in his place, we just give up. I gave up on my marriage to my first husband, and that was the worst decision I ever made, but over the next two years of my single life I never stopped praying for a second chance for one day. It got to the point where I even forgot what love felt like or what it meant to love someone. Asking God, I never let up, and He allowed Himself to be found. No matter what challenges you are going through in life, whether
you are single, married, or going through a divorce, it is never too late to persistently ask for the wisdom of God that surpasses all understanding.
I remember a friend of mine who was married to his high school sweetheart. When they were boyfriend and girlfriend, all was well with the challenges in their relationship. A few years after they were married and living together as husband and wife, they both developed zero tolerance when it came to communicating with each other. They did not even take the time to listen to each other's concerns or problems that were affecting their marriage. So one day they decided to separate and divorce. The husband was the first to move out, eager to get back into the dating scene. The wife stayed in the same apartment, and they both looked for two different spokespeople to solve their marital problems. When I say spokesperson, I mean a lawyer, because at that point they were no longer talking to each other, they were just communicating through their lawyers. Some of us who have used a divorce lawyer before know that these lawyers can be very expensive. Of course, that also depends on how much you want
the other party to know that you are willing to fight them. To make a long story short: The court and legal fees had strained their finances, so they both decided to fire their lawyers and represent themselves, in other words, handle the proceedings themselves. One day I was curious to know how they had gotten rid of their expensive lawyers, since they had not been getting along. Most of all, I wanted to know if they had forwarded the termination letter to the other side. My friend looked at me and said, "I had to send my wife an email about the financial burden associated with the whole divorce."
So I asked, "Did she respond to you?" He said, “Yes, in fact, she told me that she was thinking
about sending me the same message to represent herself.” I said, "Wow, that's good." So I asked my friend to pray again about his marriage and ask God
to intervene on his behalf. I also asked him to send her another email inviting her to a nice dinner to talk about the next step in the marriage. Surprisingly, she accepted his invitation and they have been happily married ever since.
Note: When you are in a relationship, everything runs smoothly because it is a relationship. As I mentioned earlier, marriage is an agreement made by God in heaven, and Satan will stop at nothing to thwart that agreement; Satan is at war with God's people, God's faithful servants here on earth. Being married is a sure sign that you are fulfilling God's divine command recorded in the Bible book Matthew 19:5. Once you are married, your own struggle has begun,
your eyes open to a whole new world, you begin to see things differently, and from now on you both become one and have to face the challenges and setbacks that married life brings. At this point, many people start experiencing problems in their marriages, things that are not so important become a big problem. When you are courting or dating someone to get married, you will also face challenges related to planning a marriage and this is the time to pray tenaciously to God for guidance.
Mark 10:6-9 says, "From the beginning of creation, God created them male and female.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall be one
flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not
man put asunder. In my friend's case, all it took to save his marriage was for him to reach out to his wife and not be too proud to make her a peace offering. Some of us are not willing to give up our principles
and ideologies or compromise. We would rather allow the marriage to fall apart than be the
bigger person and work to get the relationship back on track. That was one of the many issues
I faced during my marriages. I have found through my journey of marriage and through my
experiences with several failed marriages that it’s perfectly okay to say to your partner,
"Honey, I am sorry I lied to you or offended you. Please forgive me and let us pray for our
marriage." There is nothing wrong with apologizing and putting the devil in his place. One of
our presidents here in the United States of America once described his wife as, "My rock." I ask
you today, who is the rock in your marriage or relationship? In the book of Proverbs 31:10-12
says, "Who can find an excellent wife? She is much more valuable than jewels. Her husband's
heart trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days
of her life". A friend of mine once told me what marriage means to him, he said, "Marriage is
like management, the only difference is that there is no boss, everyone involved is equal. You
manage me, I manage you, and we manage each other." I thought that was another interesting
way of looking at it.
As for me and my past problems in my marriage, I had to work on myself first and learn from
my experiences. I remember when my first daughter Julie was born, I was still going out with
my friends and letting my husband do everything for the baby on his own. I do not even
remember how many times I woke up at night with the baby to change him, or how many times I made sure my husband could rest while I took care of the house and our daughter. I was good at taking him out to dinner and buying him nice things, but looking back now, there were so many simple but crucial things I could have done for him to save my marriage and create a happy home for our family. I know I cannot undo the past, but I have learned to devote all my love and affection to my current husband, Alfred. Since our new baby, Derek, arrived, I have
mastered diaper changing perfectly. Everyday I try to do more things myself that every woman should do as a wife, mother and friend. My new outlook on life in regards to my marriage is that my God and husband come first. It is very easy to find faults in a marriage, but we should not look for faults, but for happiness and many more ways to promote it. Everything written in this book can be applied to your life as well, whether you are single, searching, married, or considering divorce.