AM LADY IN MY EARLY THIRTIES AND HAVE 2 KIDS FOR 2 DIFFERENT GUYS ,I HAD THE FIRST CHILD WHILE IWAS IN SECONDARY SCHOOL IT WAS 12 YEARS AFTER THAT I HAD MY SECOND CHILD, THIS SECOND GUY TRAVELLED ABROAD WHEN I WAS JUST 5 MONTH PREGNANT WHICH MADE ME TO STAYED WITH HIS PARENT BUT THINGS IS NOT GOING FINE BETWEEN ME AND MY INLAWS TO THE EXTENT OF MY SISTER IN LAW MY SISTER ASKED ME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE BY TROWING MY THINGS OUT AND SINCE THEN THINGS HAVE CHANGE BETWEEN ME AND MY HUSBAND,HE ONLY ASKED AFTER HIS CHILD AND HE ONLY SENT  #7500 TO ME WHILE I WAS STILL WITH HIS MOTHER , IWAS THE PERSON TAKING RESPONSIBILITIES OF THIS CHILD HE ONLY CALLS TO SAY HE LOVES HIS CHILD AND HE NEVER SENT ANY MONEY FOR HER UPKEEP NEVER DISCUSSED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THIS IS 4 YUEARS SINCE HE HAS LEFT.

NOW I AM CONFUSED SHOULD I STILL KEEP ON WAITING FOR HIM OR SHOULD I JUST BELIEVE THAT HE HAS GONE FOR GOOD PLS I NEED YOUR ADVICE

AND THE FIRST GUYS AND HIS FAMILY WANTS ME BACK BUT EVEN WHEN THEY KNOW THAT I HAVE GOTTEN ANOTHER CHILD FOR ANOTHER PERSON.
WHAT DO I DO

NOW I HAVE A JOB AND A PLACE OF MY OWN BUT SHOULD I REMAIN A SINGLE PARENT

You better find your 'square root'. He obviously does not want the relationship anymore, pack yourself together and think about your children, take care of them and by God's Grace, you might find a reasonable, god-fearing and loving man that would love you and care for your kids.

I have always wondered why people pack into other families homes? There is bound to be conflict, and you will be taken for granted. You living in his house will not force him to marry you. Are your parents homeless? Why move into another person's house when the guy has not married you. I dont understand. Maybe its a womanly thing. . More appaling is that after the first mistake, you decide to be careless with someone else, especially someone living under the parents roof. Nigerian's dont have too much respect for single mother's, so i can imagine their opinion and the things that must have been said to you. Where is this other 12year old by the way. You have time to go and play housewife and inlaw in another person's house, but leave your first child where? . Respect yourself and get your own place and a job. The parents are not entitled to feed you and your child. You and the guy made the mistake so you both must carry the cross. His family dont owe you anything.

obukolami:

AM LADY IN MY EARLY THIRTIES AND HAVE 2 KIDS FOR 2 DIFFERENT GUYS ,I HAD THE FIRST CHILD WHILE IWAS IN SECONDARY SCHOOL IT WAS 12 YEARS AFTER THAT I HAD MY SECOND CHILD, THIS SECOND GUY TRAVELLED ABROAD WHEN I WAS JUST 5 MONTH PREGNANT WHICH MADE ME TO STAYED WITH HIS PARENT BUT THINGS IS NOT GOING FINE BETWEEN ME AND MY INLAWS TO THE EXTENT OF MY SISTER IN LAW MY SISTER ASKED ME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE BY TROWING MY THINGS OUT AND SINCE THEN THINGS HAVE CHANGE BETWEEN ME AND MY HUSBAND,HE ONLY ASKED AFTER HIS CHILD AND HE ONLY SENT  #7500 TO ME WHILE I WAS STILL WITH HIS MOTHER , IWAS THE PERSON TAKING RESPONSIBILITIES OF THIS CHILD HE ONLY CALLS TO SAY HE LOVES HIS CHILD AND HE NEVER SENT ANY MONEY FOR HER UPKEEP NEVER DISCUSSED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THIS IS 4 YUEARS SINCE HE HAS LEFT.

NOW I AM CONFUSED SHOULD I STILL KEEP ON WAITING FOR HIM OR SHOULD I JUST BELIEVE THAT HE HAS GONE FOR GOOD PLS I NEED YOUR ADVICE

Which husband? you call him husband when he has not married you?

Excux me did u jst mentn wait,wen he onli ask 4 ur child alon not U n dont snd ego 4 up kip. Wen wahala land wa u no fit andu,u go stat to sa shia if sa i no. Us ur no 5 n 6

You had better stop fu(king and giving birth to kids,

Secondly, Just pack your bags and move on to a place where you can keep feeding yourself and your babies.

Thirdly, He is not your husband,but rather one of your baby-daddies

,

Are you seriously asking if you should keep waiting? When will you grow up. Look how you keep setting yourself up. Please move on. You don't know how strong you really are until you faced these kind of challenges and you take the hard but more realistic approach to solve the problem. You will be fine without this loser and your will your children. It is unfortunate but the worst thing you can do to yourself right now is to keep living in fantasy. Move out and move on.

@poster
i dont blame you for not learning your lesson with the first kid, i also dont blame you for lowering yourself and allowing people to abuse and treat you like shiit, and neither will i blame you for desperately waiting for a man who has shown no interest in YOU for more than 4yrs. . . . . . . . I BLAME SOCIETY for looking down on single mothers, which in turn make them act irresponsibly, I BLAME SOCIETY which will have you (and other desperate women) believe that anyone in a couple is better off (whether happy or not), I BLAME SOCIETY for accepting being humiliated by your in laws like a common criminal.

if you have a job then why dont you go and get yourself a place to live AND BASTA with all the bs!

btw: as for you trying to get back with the guy who left you 16yrs ago: i guess you will NEVER learn!!!

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
i dont blame you for not learning your lesson with the first kid, i also dont blame you for lowering yourself and allowing people to abuse and treat you like shiit, and neither will i blame you for desperately waiting for a man who has shown no interest in YOU for more than 4yrs. . . . . . . . I BLAME SOCIETY for looking down on single mothers, which in turn make them act irresponsibly, I BLAME SOCIETY which will have you (and other desperate women) believe that anyone in a couple is better off (whether happy or not), I BLAME SOCIETY for accepting being humiliated by your in laws like a common criminal.

if you have a job then why dont you go and get yourself a place to live AND BASTA with all the bs!

b[b]tw: as for you trying to get back with the guy who left you 16yrs ago: i guess you will NEVER learn!!![/b]

Harsh ! very harsh but very true,
Madam pls take charge , find your happiness, if the first guy wants you NOW ! Why after all this time, Its not about anyone else its about you.
What will people say cannot be your philosophy if you want a fulfilled life.
You too why wait 4 years, legally after 2 years most court will grant u a divorce. I know you feel better to have more kids with 1st guy since he still wants you that way people will not say you are an ashawo but what people think of u is their business they will judge themelves by the same rules they used in judging you.

Put yourself out there and let a man find you, love you and cherish you and your kids, there is a man out there who absolutely will think you are a damn damsel.
Enjoy the rest of your life , its yours, live it to the fullest.

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
i dont blame you for not learning your lesson with the first kid, i also dont blame you for lowering yourself and allowing people to abuse and treat you like shiit, and neither will i blame you for desperately waiting for a man who has shown no interest in YOU for more than 4yrs. . . . . . . . I BLAME SOCIETY for looking down on single mothers, which in turn make them act irresponsibly, I BLAME SOCIETY which will have you (and other desperate women) believe that anyone in a couple is better off (whether happy or not), I BLAME SOCIETY for accepting being humiliated by your in laws like a common criminal.

if you have a job then why dont you go and get yourself a place to live AND BASTA with all the bs!

btw: as for you trying to get back with the guy who left you 16yrs ago: i guess you will NEVER learn!!!

Why would you even want anything to do with the first guy? It seems he abandoned not only you, but your child. However, if he was a teenager like you were I do hold out a little bit of hope that he has grown into a more responsible person, especially after 16 years. I wouldn't bet on it though. He let you suffer alone for 16 years. Was your child supposed to eat grass and wear leaves while he 'grew up'?

The second guy is showing clear signs that he doesn't consider the two of you in a relationship anymore, so don't even consider him(unless you two are actually married, and in that case it's a whole different ballgame).

I think it would be best to focus on your children and eventually get a fresh start with someone else.

^^dont forget that she should focus on her SELF, first and foremost, before attempting to make the life of others better.

MRbrownJAY:

^^dont forget that she should focus on her SELF, first and foremost, before attempting to make the life of others better.

Very, very true.