₦airaland Forum

99Dandy:
I'm not supposed to say this. But due to the anonymity of nairaland, i will say it to help my fellow nairalanders.

My father has been warning me since i can remember about the qualities a man should look for in a wife. A dependent wife is one of the qualities to flee from. My mom is such a woman as your wife-to-be, i'm the second born and i'm 21 years old, but my parents still had an argument just yesterday night over the same issue they've been having. She always laments that my father doesn't do enough. Mind you, my father built the house from the ground up, he pays the school fees of 4 children, he pays the Nepa bills, he buys the food and any other bills that comes up. But since my father's job is a type of job where he gets paid based on contracts, the income is not always steady. So when he is able, he buys food and stocks the house with food as much as possible. Meanwhile my mother on the other side only gives my junior ones #500 to school everyday and carries the burden of food when my father doesn't get any contract. Now, this wouldn't be a problem since sometimes, things can be tough for my father, and my mom does buy food. But her constant complaining and unwillingness to receive advice, always saying the same thing over and over is the problem. She says that my father is useless because she's the one bearing the load of the food temporarily. Her whole business, everything she has, her training, her tools, her workspace, everything was and is sponsored by my dad. But she still expects him to bear all the load of the house. Anytime my father asks her what she wants to do in the house. She keeps quiet and acts like she's a victim.

The story is deeper and more frustrating than this if i tell you the full story. This is just her best feature that i told you. If i tell you the full. U fit vex pass me.

Summary:

Bro, bro....i beg you with all my power. If i can collect ur no. I will collect it and tell you physically. Sometimes its not always clear on what to do with someone you love. But if she has any of these qualities i am about to list. FLEE FROM THE WOMAN!
Open your two ears properly and listen. This is no joke. There is no i love you there!. U will hate your life, ur children will hate themselves, Ur life will be miserable. U would be filled with so much regret and hate yourself so much that suicide or killing the woman will seem like a better option.

These are the basic/fundamentals that should not to tampered with or are set in stone by God. If a woman lacks any of these with even the slightest. I don't care if you are a Muslim or Christian. RUN from that woman and don't look back. Your marriage is not only a decision that will affect you, but also your children and your family. If you want to doom your family and children. Break these principles. Remember and don't forget that you cannot change a woman that didn't receive correction in her father's house. These are the basicsof any woman:

1. She must have a heart of correction. (She must be able to identify when she is wrong and have the desire to change. If not, she will frustrate you to the point of suicide and murder(not a joke)).

2. She must not be lazy. (I don't care if you love her. If you tell me physically that you are willing to overlook it. I'll slap you with aggression just to make my point. The mother is the foundation of the home. Not only will she be a nuisance in the house. Your children will also emulate her. This is not indian film or telenovela. This is a fact which i have experienced first hand. Your children will not only be lazy with physical work, but also education. They would be too lazy to learn anything. Remember again, you cannot change someone because the person loves you).

3. She must be God-fearing.( This has nothing to do with religion. I don't care whether you are a Muslim or Hindi or Christian. This is basic because there are some fundamental things which all people should fear and avoid. If your wife does not fear or respect their husband, anyone or anything. They just act like animals and do as they wish. This is a red flag. Pay attention to the subtle signs before you marry!. You would have noticed some little subtle things before. Just like my father did. Don't ignore it like my father did.)

4. She must not be dirty.( This one triggers me. My nairaland brothers. If you can relate. Like this post. Some women will dispose their sanitary pad on the toilet floor, will not flush, will soak pant in the toilet for days, will never throw the used sachet of water or anything in the toilet, will not wash plate e.t.c all of these disgusting things in one human being. See, if you say u can tolerate her like that or you can change her. U're going to regret it till your deathbed. Take heed, pay attention. I will remind you again. YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR WIFE AFTER YOU MARRY HER!

5. She must have respect. (Fear disrespectful women. Not the cute kind of disrespect that ur babe will call u ode, or big head. My girl does that and it's adorable. But some women won't mind dragging you outside to the street because their is no money for soup. Some women will fight you physically and have no shame and nothing to lose in shaming you and the whole family. It's not their fault, thats how they were raised, and i don't blame them. For your sake and for the sake of your family and for the sake of your unborn children. FLEE FROM THE DEVIL, THE SHE DRAGON! (No joke). People like this won't mind shaming you or your parents. You would have noticed some subtle things. Pay attention, and don't ignore it. I beg you

6. She must be a virtuose woman. ( I've said this before. They say that if a child is good, he belongs to his father and if he's bad, He belongs to the mother. This is true, and based on the premise that the woman is the foundation of the family. Don't take those words lightly. If you noticed that maybe your wife is selfish with money, or she doesn't mind you facing something yourself or is not caring sometimes about you.....my brothers, she will not change. And that's how she is going to be for your children. She isn't going to mind not paying for your children's school fees. She would rather use the money to pay for her own debt rather than to pay for your childrens school fees. A virtuose woman is all round, as she is cooking for the family, she is attending to her business so that she will be able to pay for your children's school fees if u are unable to. As she's working in shop, she's checking time so she's not late for mosque or church. Don't ignore this feature)

These just came out of the top of my head. I am not wrong, because i've witnessed these first hand. This is not some blog that can be right or wrong. Don't play with these. If you do, you'll end up in frustration. If you know of your uncle that changed his wife after his marriage. Look beneath the surface. And if you know of someone that changed the wife after marriage, and you are 100% sure of it. That is a 1 in a 1000000 occurrence. Ask any married nairalander or any married man. They'll tell you. Advice is freely given. If you're not going to follow, do it at your risk, that of your family, and that of your children. I'm passionate about it. That's why i emphasize on it. I've witnessed it. So you can trust what i'm saying. And if you don't believe. Just ask any elder close to you for advice. Remember, the eyes of elders have seen things, that's why they're like that(its a proverb).

And if you are already married. And you're contemplating on divorce. God does not support it. But that doesn't mean you have to live with the woman. If she has these things. You should not only think about the impact of the union on yourself, but also on the children. The best thing to do after trying to solve your marriage issues for years to no avail is to separate. If you can handle the frustration, it's fine. But your children will bear the responsibilities of your action. Think deeply about it. My heart and prayers are with you. Tm