₦airaland Forum

Desirae:
Thanks for all the responses, both negative and positive.

The truth is, I have made up my mind to sever ties with them for now. Maybe later on, something could work out. But right now, I’d rather leave that toxic and controlling environment.

The last straw was the comment made and I doubt I’ll be able to forgive her for that.

Good decision

Yeah. Maybe. Like I said it's been this way before I got into Uni. By the time I even got into Uni, I was already broken and damaged. I was a badly depressed teenager (18) who at that point had lost hope and had stopped caring about life. Every other thing they did was just a nail in the
already made coffin. I didn't know who to talk to and didn't know if there was any solution. Thinking about all that past still gets me very down.

Just happy I'm getting help now. I recognize now their pattern of behaviour for what it is - Narcissistic, Possessive. Therapy has helped greatly. At least I'm no longer constantly angry and confused everyday like I used to be. The next step in my healing is leaving home.

chloride6:
Thats half of the reason why.

If you went to a public university, you wont take that shit after 200 level.

I did

chloride6:
Dafaq

Did you go to private university?

When she married, she forced her husband to rent house in the same vicinity where we lived. It didn't even feel like she got married as she was coming home every single weekday and on weekends. (I already mentuoned her extremely tight relationship with our parents). One year into the marriage, her husband was transferred to another state (I have a feeling he did this on purpose). So after that, my sister just decided to move back to my parent's home which kind of make sense (in a weird way) as even while away she was coming home everyday. It's almost 2 years and she still lives with us. The husband comes home on some weekend. They have a son now.

Sometimes I feel like I was adopted...lol(even though I know I wasn't)

Biglittlelois:
Whaaaaaaat did i just read, guy pls can you leave today? tell me you've packed your things, this is not healthy, it can lead to depression and suicide, i'm almost 29 and working but i stay in my parents house and i have 100% freedom, infact they push me to go out sometimes cos i like staying indoors, pls leave that house ASAP


P.S how is your sis still staying with your parents?, what happen to her hubby?, God! she will transfer that attitude to her kids smh

@op I feel your pain. I'm a 29 old guy who will be leaving home soon. To all those saying you should allow narcissistic parents control your life just because you'll miss them when they die and to those saying you should stay home wih parents and stay unhappy just because they lost their own parents at 4yrs, I call BS on all that sentimental jargons. Besides it's missing the point. Leaving home or wanting to leave your narcissistic parents doesn't mean you love them any less, it means you're prioritizing your psychological health and fighting for your happiness and personal growth. And frankly speaking, those who lost their parents early in life can't even relate so just read and 'wakapass'. This is not your thread. I will never speak about the experiences of losing my parents at a tender age because I can't relate. Even if my parents die now, I've had them for 29 yrs already. It's different when you lose them early. And don't get me started on traditional African views of 'you have to do what your parents say, no matter...blah blah blah', 'what your parents can see while lying down, you won't see even if you climb a fence'. If our traditional African values are so sancrosanct, why are we stunted as a society?

So I'm 29 and I'm leaving home soon. It's been unbearable up to this point but I had little choice as I was broke and couldn't afford to leave. My parents are of the very religious overbearing, overprotective kind. But that's not even scratching the surface of my pain. Outside we look like the perfect family (I have an elder sister by the way) but inside I suffer a lot largely because of my independent views on everything (my sister is like them). They police my every movement. They pick my friends. I'm not even allowed to get a gf (they want to arrange a girl of their choice for me). I know I'm partly to blame since I allowed it but don't be so hard on me. I grew up in this very suppresive environment and although I knew it wasn't right, I never had the courage to standup for myself because my parents are like 'gods' in my community and I feared being the 'bad sheep' .

Now here's where it gets tricky. I do not rely on parents for anything (only shelter) as everything is a tool of control with them. They are very religious and that's the only thing they care about and how people view them. Growing up, if I don't go to 'church' - no food, if I don't go for evangelism - no food. Everything has to be on their own terms. They only care about religious things. Heck, they didn't even show up to my graduation (the both of them). While in school (Uni) they paid regular visits to me, handed me over to pastors who must give them reports every week. I was not permitted to own an account and must come home every month for my stipend. I was policed at every step of the way. No thanks to their parenting, I grew up to be a socially inept, badly depressed and anxious person. I'm taking therapy online now and getting better and I just have to leave home this year to get even better. I'm treated like a stranger now at home. I'm always in my room. (I run my own online business - freelance writing, cryptocurrency, HR advisement, etc.) I'm asked to drop at least 20 k every month yet I'm not allowed to eat with the family. I still buy my own food. I can afford to pay for rent now and leave home asap. But now in a bid to paint me the 'bad sheep', I was reported to the ministers in the church (like I said my Dad is very high ranking in our religion) to talk sense into me for going out to see a friend who they don't approve of and wanting to leave home now when I'm not married (Can you imagine!!!). They are still trying to paint a good image of the family. I didn't even know what to say and was mostly silent. I worry that If I start talking, I won't stop and will say all manner of things.

Children of narcissistic parents react differently to the treatment. And that's why my sister is different. She's very close to them. She's married now but still says at home instead of renting her own apartment (that's story for another time). She's the queen of the house and dominates while I just have to hide away in my room. She's affected too but is oblivious to this (she's closer to her parents than her husband). She's overly attached to them and gets a better treatment and so they all bully me together.

I'm not angry. I just need to leave to be happy and for peace of mind.

I'll stop ranting now. Sorry guys.
(So may typos...I know. I'm sorry)