500k pls

Thank you all for your advises, apologies that it took so long to update.
Fast forward>>>>>> finally moved out around November, 2015 on a sunday morning, the abuses started again, It never stopped but it was horrible on this particular day, I snapped mentally and got a knife to stab him. Thank God my sister and bro in law was around that particular weekend they held me, my sis took me to the bedroom, and called a Taxi, I did not know what I was doing, cant even remember! she narrated everything that happened later, ( Nervous breakdown temporary insanity?) I cant explain what happened. Thank God they ware around, I'll probably be cooling in prison now for murder, God forbid!

We left with the clothes on our back and bathroom slippers, It was hard! but God proved himself. I have the best family ever!, the emotional support was great! financially I had to struggle to make ends meet. Right now my self confidence and self esteem is at its peak, I never knew I possess this kind of strength.

I have a fantastic job now, came out of the blues! no application! no proper interview, just a chat! I see God in action. My kids are back in school ( enrolled them in a new sch) their dad refused to pay school fees and support at first, hoping ill crawl back hungry, now he pays occasionally, I really cant be bothered.

My son told me something last month that broke my heart: he is just 5 years old, He said mum, you smile a lot and you are now happy! I don't want us to go back to our daddy cos he is always making you cry! I love you mum. I want you to smile always. If for this alone,I do not regret that i left. Since we left his parents have neither asked about the grand kids nor checked on us, they even went as far as deleting me on their social network pages like I care. My husband logged into my facebook page and deleted all his pictures, He also asked for a divorce which I told him i'll grant whenever he is ready. The funny thing is he moved into a new apartment somewhere on the Island the same week we moved out of the house, It was all planned.

I had to start all over, new clothes, shoes, children's clothes, shoes etc the thing is nothing is comparable to ones happiness and peace of mind, I am happy, my kids are happy, do I miss my husband?? Yes I certainly do! will I trade my happiness to be with him? No I definitely wont. I do not have friends cos a lot of them started avoiding me but I really do not care, life has taught me not to care.

I am grateful to God, my family and to those who took the time to advise when I posted on nairaland, I am indeed grateful! from the bottom of my my heart I say thank you, and to those who are currently going through a difficult time and think God has forgotten them, no he hasn't, very soon you'll be surprised positively!!!!

Apologies for the typos, I type really fast and never proof read

rightthing276:
Your mates are doing business in school to keep up.
Your mates sell recharge cards, cloths, shoes, make hair etc to keep up and here u are blabbing and seeking for some cheap emotional attention. Are we suppose to cry for you?, you can abort ur life for all we care.
May you think you are the last survivor of the "I am from a poor family" specie.

Lastly, ur mates are living in school hostel
but u want to feel among off campus babes so die there. E-diot

This is really unfair! must you insult people in the name of responding to a post, If you have nothing constructive to contribute then kindly ignore. Are school hostels free the last time I checked you pay a fee! am not supporting her neither am I saying abortion is right but sometimes we find ourselves in difficult situations, life throws punches at us; we have the free will to choose but choosing is so hard cos we feel we have no choice, thats when we need people, people to advise, to push, to constructively criticise, to lovingly scold and to admonish, not people who will insult, spew hatred and make the situation worse by what they say!

It is really not fair! do not judge! am not insulting you because the next thing you'll do is to hurl insults at me, am only constructively correcting

To the poster; difficulties arise in life, I have gone through several crazy episodes where it seemed I had no choice, but with prayers, support and the decisions i took I am where I am today. Your parents being poor is no excuse for all these! do you have friends precisely female friends whom you can squat with temporarily? You are not a sex object! you are a woman!

I was in a difficult and abusive marriage , I posted on nairaland asking for advises, at that time I thought life without my ex half was unthinkable cos I was financially, emotionally and physically dependent on him but I took a stand for myself , I chose to live and I chose my children's future. What would have happened to me if I stayed in that abusive relationship? probably death or mental illness.

Babe I stood up for myself! I walked out with my two children with just a bathroom slippers and the clothes on our back, it wasn't easy my dear but guess what? I got my life back! my self esteem, my self love, even my children have a better mother. Right now I have the best job ever. I discovered a strength I never thought I had.

Sweets RUN! you've spent about 3 years in that university, ( pre degree + 2 years) you have friends, I am not saying the road will be easy, it will be TOUGH but guess what? you will overcome. what is a little difficulty compared with the risk of future infertility, STDs, loss of self esteem, sex object etc. You have to make a choice, the power is in your hands and except you make a decision the situation will only get worse!

To the many grammarians; apologies for the typos, the errors etc in a hurry! hope I passed a message thats the most important. I love exclamation marks lol

[quote author=bellong]

There is no part in my comments that suggests you divorce your husband.

All I am telling you is to be away from the environment for a time to work on yourself and health. Separation does not necessarily mean it will end in divorce.

God hates divorce, I agree but God didn't create robots who shouldn't take decision when life is being threatened.[/quote thank u so mch, I was just thinking aloud @ divorce. Thats why I explained to u @ d steps am taking towards temporary seperation. Ill kip all posted

cirmuell: that's what happens when younglins who don't know jack sh¡t 'bout marriage rush into it like tomorrow will never come.

Marriage is an institution Sir, am not sure anybody knows everything about marriage before venturing into it, we learn everyday in marriage. It takes total commitment on both part to make it work. Feel free to correct me if am wrong

cirmuell: both, the lady's age is understandable but the guy is just too young at that age if you ask me.

Am not so sure age has anything to do with maturity. There are a lot of old immature guys and also very young matured guys. It all boils down to maturity and emotional intelligence

bellong: ^^^ This your strategy may be effective in resolving your emotional issues at best but it is laying a very weak and bad foundation for the children.

Children learn more from their parents' actions than from spoken words. What they will be learning is treating your spouse using the ignore button and living together with no mutual respect and love.

You may have a temporary relief but it will never solve your problem. If you had no kids, I wouldn't be bothered with this method.

Please don't teach those children evil.

I am not happy doing this too but to keep my sanctity now till I get a good solution to all this. I spoke to my parents yday, they were so upset wiv me for not sharing all d while but dy were supportive as usual.

They are working on getting me a job in my home state and then ill get an apartment. I dnt want to stay wit ma parents cos of our culture. I cannot divorce or anything cos God hates divorce.

I am so sad that it has gotten to this but as I said earlier the temporary seperation is d last resort. I hope he realises his mistake in time if not ill have to go wit d seperation thing

pickabeau1:

i can appreciate where you are coming from but mid games in a marriage are never the best
Nothing works like communication in my opinion



who sai..u sef tah!.. i will never advocate mind games or divorce as some are wont to do

Thanks ! But wia communication has broken down totally what happens? We dont even talk anymore just the occasional are u eating? Yes, No. Gosh I have tried! But he says he is not interested in any form of communication, except I want to go crazy, its either I ignore o r we part ways temporarily. I believe temporary seperation shld be the last resort. So I have chosen the mind games. I choose to love myself, to love my kids to ignore anything or whoever makes me sad. Live my life and be happy. What do u think?

magictouch:


I wasnt going to comment until i read the bolded part. Anyways just know that with your lovey dovey behaviour, he is going to hate u more.
you dont love urself and u are VERY weak and he knows this, so he is taking advantage of this.
Babes u are too young to be putting yourself through this stress, if u drop dead today, he wouldnt even think twice about remarrying within a year.

Oh girl no time for dolling oooh, let me tell u wot works for me.... when my hubby begins acting funny, I just distant myself completely. If he like make e use e head waka, if he refuses the eat, no problem, I and my kids eats the food in his very presence, if he ask questions I give straight answers, I tell you he cant carry on for more than 3-4 days he will be on his kneels begging unlike before I use to cry and beg at his kneels. he now knows that Kaki no be leather and he wonders where I get my strength from cos he know I also do not have friends.

I got this tip from Nairaland and it's been working for me. Please stop licking his ass and live ur life.

Thank u so much! I started dse yday, and gosh! I feel so good! Its hard tho but I just thot about it, when I was on my knees begging with all d lovey dovey all I get was insults so I decided to ignore him totally, I dint call all day (sumtimes am tempted to tho, habits die hard u know) when I called it was to ask if he will be having dinner, and he said whatever. So I made food when.he got back I served him ignored totally had my earpiece on listening to musicand singing along, all happy. He met me singing and happy when he got back around 12.midnight. I was sad at first but when I kept on with the singing true joy vame from within.
He slept in d sitting room as usual I slept in our bedroom. He was sooo grumpy he hates seeing me happy and self sufficient lolzz he woke up gtumpy dse morning but I pretended like I dint care, I went about my normal chores, got dressed and told him I was going out. He cldnt ask wia I was going lolz I drove out to send some goods to a customer. Am suree he was expecting me to call him or ask him whats wrong, so he can dish out insults but I wnt
I Have made up my mind come what may, I will be selfish for a while, itsnot easy but I will tryyy and if I feel am failing or going back to my former state of weakness ill run to this forum and aak for help again.

Thanks all you have really been a source of help and strength, I now know the importance of sharing one's Problems. I appreciate all the suggestions, criticisms and advices

damiso: @adufemi I can feel your pain from your words but first things first NEVER ever let another human being determine your happiness at all times.Yes it is our spouse's responsibility to share life's joys,pains struggles etc but we should always have it the back of our mind that they are human and as such from time to time might fail us so please honey you CAN and will be happy with or without him.Thats why I have never gotten that 'he/She completes me" statement.

I am more worried about your health at the mo and if the only way you can actually move on to feeling better is a temporary separation maybe it's best you guys try it.As soon as physical/psychological/emotional abuse steps in up to the point where you are feeling suicidal that home has become toxic not just for you but for your child.Children are very very smart they can sense tension and it affects them waaaay more than you can imagine.

It is well like Aluta said I can soo feel your pain from your writing. Kisses and hugs to you

Thank u so much! I know its unhealthy for d children at the same time I now know why people say dnt let other people determine ur happiness. Cos they know this and sometimes they manipulate. I hate it too; I want to be self sufficient and happy by myself, I want to be that woman who ignores her hubby, live her life, take care of herself and her kids etc I make a new resolution everyday sumtimes ill tell maself I will ignore hubby and just be happy! Am succesful at this until I see him or he gets bak from wok and say sumfin nasty to me or ignores me.my heart breaks all over. At a point I travelled to Ghana by road to source for goods, d trip was unecessaer but I needed a break, I promised myself that ill have fun and not think about hubby or home. I dint last 24 hrs, I started calling him , he piked and told me he is busy and shld atop bothering him, he even set his phone to rejectamy calls permanently. I left Ghana the following day, I was supposed to spend 1 week.

Thanks for the advices and suggestions

samuelson06: Well, for me I'll say don't continue with the story again, that's just okay to understand everything you are passing through. But the fault was all yours. You guys felt you should just get married and settle down. Marriage is not just all about falling in love and settling down with the person. When it comes to marriage, you need a re-think. You need to ask questions about the person you want to get married to. Most important is the person's mentality. This goes to explain how the person reason or think, how the person approach issues and other life challenges. Sad that you were even better than him in this direction. And sad again to say you got married to a boy; someone who was not mentally developed and trained for marriage--he wasn't just matured for it. I mean, why should he be hiding things from you? Just imagine, for crying out loud, how can a married man be playing gambling? But everything just boils down to parental brought up. The parents failed him. They failed to bring him up in a way he should go. And now, he is suffering it. And you, I blame you too, you felt since he's from a rich family, he'll always remain afloat atleast the parents are rich but now they have come to realized how careless and wasteful he is. Way forward: You can try to talk to somebody you know he'll listen to, to talk to him to make amends. Put him in your prayers everyday. Pray that God should rebuke that spirit of gambling that have taken a whole of him. I see him to be an unhappy man at the moment so you try to catch some funs with him. For now, I think he shouldn't know much about your finances. And lastly, keep your legs closed till further notice. If his problems persist, take him to rehabilitation centre if there's one around you. No need to feel depressed or unhappy, this is reality so you face it. Sit, think and act. We are always here to give counsel where necessary. We are a family. Wish you guys the best

When we got married we were young but a lot of people get married at that age but they make it a success, at the time we were getting married we thought it out (maybe I thought it out) and knew come what may, ill stand by this guy. Not even in my wildest dreams did I envisage all this. I dint marry him cos of money cos by the time I met him he was a corper and wasnt collecting a dime from his father, did I mention he and his dad do not see eye to eye? Probably I forgot, his dad is very manipulative sumtimes he is succesful at manipulating hubby withou my hubby even noticing, they always clash! So marrying him cos of staying afloat was never a consideration, I married him cos I loved him and was ready to go thru whatever it takes and support him

Forex is not gambling per se but to me its a form of gambling some people have a succesful career trading in forex( am nt sure tho, av not fully understood what it entails)

Thank you for the advice and suggestions

pickabeau1:

lot of people lost money to forex and have moved on

Modified: I just saw the longer post

Wow.. you are going thru a lot

he travelled with his ex twice?

How is your business doing

have u discussed with your parents?

Yes he did, recently to the US . My business is struggling, I made a mistake by travelling to get goods cos most of my capital went to hotel, flight transportation etc I had little capital to buy the goods itself, I made a loss but with the little I made I have been buying and selling with it, sourcing for goods locally. Its lucrative but I cater for all my needs and some of my childrens needs from what I make. (He meets the childrens needs, he loves them) but as a mum I still take some up. I also take care of my medications and medical needs from this. it hasnt helped the biz. I am grateful tho cos I havent had to beg.

bellong: I have read the concluding part of your story in the other thread.

The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

Thanks so much for ur advice I know its wrong for the children, he and my parents do not talk anymore.
I think he is under a spell too spiritually(charms) been praying but recently its so hard to pray am so down.

Thanks all, I have thot of a temporary seperation, I ha

alutacontinua: Nawa oo....
for the first time in a long time, I can actually feel someone's pain from their post.
One quick question, does he still hit you?
I think you really wanna define what you want for yourself.
If you wanna continue your life like this at your tender age, then by all means, stay with your hubby so that your kid grows to have a father and keep praying he would change.
but what I, alutacontinua can assure anybody is that I cannot sacrifice my happiness for someone who doesn't deserve it. Good thing is those who deserve it would not even ask
What am I trying to say? If you really wanna be happy in this 1 life that you have, you need some time off that marriage. Get a separation, put your life back together, focus on yourself and your kid and try discussing things with hubby (maybe with the help of friends and family),
Seriously, life is waaaaaayyyyyyyyy too short, you don't wanna wake up in 20 years and realize you just spent your good days in misery.
Cheer up, love- IT IS WELL!
#hugs and kisses#

thanks for your suggestion, I have thought about the temporary seperation, I have even talked to him about it, if he feels it will help him sort his feelings out, he knows I dnt have have the guts am not sure ill be able to cope emotionally, who will be my friend? Who will love me? I love him way too much, I hate loving him that much, at the same time I dont want his ex to take advantage of the space. Yes I want my kids to grow with a father and also in a happy home, I grew up in one, but he grew up in a dysfunctional home, his father hits his mum. Am thinking he is a victim too, its a cycle. Ihave 2 boys I dnt wnt them to think its ok to hit their wives or grow up in a dysfunctional home. I desperately want to be happy but my happiness is tied to him(I know its unhealthy) but I cant help it
Ive discussed with his family but as i said earlier its dtsfunctional so no big deal to a husband hitting his wife if she is wrong, he doesnt speak to my parents anymore
The hitting has stopped cos the last time he tried I ran out of the house and I involved my parents

Thanks all, I have thot of a temporary seperation, I ha

alutacontinua: Nawa oo....
for the first time in a long time, I can actually feel someone's pain from their post.
One quick question, does he still hit you?
I think you really wanna define what you want for yourself.
If you wanna continue your life like this at your tender age, then by all means, stay with your hubby so that your kid grows to have a father and keep praying he would change.
but what I, alutacontinua can assure anybody is that I cannot sacrifice my happiness for someone who doesn't deserve it. Good thing is those who deserve it would not even ask
What am I trying to say? If you really wanna be happy in this 1 life that you have, you need some time off that marriage. Get a separation, put your life back together, focus on yourself and your kid and try discussing things with hubby (maybe with the help of friends and family),
Seriously, life is waaaaaayyyyyyyyy too short, you don't wanna wake up in 20 years and realize you just spent your good days in misery.
Cheer up, love- IT IS WELL!
#hugs and kisses#

thanks for your suggestion, I have thought about the temporary seperation, I have even talked to him about it, if he feels it will help him sort his feelings out, he knows I dnt have have the guts am not sure ill be able to cope emotionally, who will be my friend? Who will love me? I love him way too much, I hate loving him that much, at the same time I dont want his ex to take advantage of the space. Yes I want my kids to grow with a father and also in a happy home, I grew up in one, but he grew up in a dysfunctional home, his father hits his mum. Am thinking he is a victim too, its a cycle. Ihave 2 boys I dnt wnt them to think its ok to hit their wives or grow up in a dysfunctional home. I desperately want to be happy but my happiness is tied to him(I know its unhealthy) but I cant help it
Ive discussed with his family but as i said earlier its dtsfunctional so no big deal to a husband hitting his wife if she is wrong, he doesnt speak to my parents anymore.

@ bellong am thinking there is sumfin else I can do, am not thinking straight maybe am doing sumfin wrong, as no one is an island of knowledge, am looking for suggestions on what else I can do to make him love me @ Xano thats d summary @ pickabeau forex is a long time ago ,he gets angry then cos he was loosing money and he probably was feeling bad about it and he cldnt stop,he dint want anyone to remind him. forex is like gambling.he is very successful now now, has a great job bought several cars after that, disposed d car.off. @ Ayo gabriel and samuelson thanks

We got married about 6 years ago after courting for four years, we had issues during courtship but we always settled it, we were both young, fast forward we got married at 25 years old (same age) I got preggy about 5 months after intro/traditional marriage due to pressure cos I had medical/fertility issues for a long time and he stood by me. We had our white wedding 4 months after I got preggy.
When we started dating he was a corper and by the time we got married he just got a job, I had a job too but as a graduate intern so the pay was vry small, barely covered my transport.
I am a conservative person when it comes to spending money cos I have had to manage all my life but he grew up with a silverspoon, immediately he got a job he bought a brandnew car, very expensive; the payment was spread for 5 years;he dint tell me b4 he bought d car, when he eventually told me I was very unhappy. The payment for the car put a strain on our finances, but he was still comfortable.
Where I was serving then sumone told me about Forex (evryone was into forex then) and I just mentioned it, b4 I knew it he started trading I dint know in time.By the time I knew he was neck deep. He gave me the impression that all was well and like every woman that loves her hubby or hubby to be, Iwas happy for him, he even convinced me to send all ma savings as a corper to him so he can trade for me and den he will be paying me 10k per month. I sent everytin I had cos I trusted him, he paid first 2 instalments and stopped, if I ask he gets angry so I let it go

We had our first baby, at that point we could barely feed cos he was neck deep in debt. We were managing my meagre salary, he ran to friends and family but none helped, they were mocking him (beefs that he got a brand new car) even his father asked us to pack out of his house cos we were staying in the house he rented in lagos for his use whenever he is in town. We were at our wits end, he had to sell his PSP on one paricular Saturday cos I ran out of cash and we dint have anything to eat, it was that bad. It was difficult to pay the hospital bill, cos at that point my appointment had been terminated (as a graduate intern ure not entitled to maternity leave) I was constantly sad then (post natal depression). Life was so hard then that when his mum suggested I come stay with her for proper care I readily agreed (at least I will be able to eat well cos I was bffing and it will help hubby to sort out financial troubles). When I moved dre,Life was hell!! I became fully depressed, I had to move to ma parents house. I was having seizures and attempted suicide over 5 times, I was on suicide watch 24 hrs/7days. Thank God I have loving parents, I cldnt breast feed, my parents took over expenses for formula, diaper, my several hospital visits, numeeous drugs and Injections(I had a stubborn infection @ episiotomy site which left me constantly in pain) cos my hubby cldnt afford it. It took 5 months to get better (the first 2 months my husband dint want to talk to me cos he was told my parents were responsible for my condition, his father toldhim not to accept me back that when his child grows he will look for him, eventually he realised his mistakes )
When I got better we were still strained financially, but fortunately I got called back by the company where I woked as an intern and offered full employment, at that point my husband was still loosing all his money to forex I was taking care of the homefront. If I try to talk to him about stopping forex he gets angry and so I left him(for the peace of our marriage).

My husband was my best and only friend then and I was his best and only friend too(he cut off all friends cos of the mockery when he asked for financial help) even tho we were financially strained we will take a drive to allen, to the island just for sightseeing, (we cldnt afford a proper date) He loved me soo much and I loved him with my whole life, I cld sacrifice my life for him without blinking an eye
This fateful day came and he called me at work crying that he will be sacked cos of some financial misappropriation or so, I quickly called my dad and even tho he didnt have lots f money he sent his last money and all the little money I saved I sent to him to sort out the issue. The matter came to a head when a certain amount of money was paid to all the staff in d organisation and he was given half of his entitlement only.
He was so broken, it was a friday we decided to go for all night prayers in our church, we did, handed everytin to God and we were at peace.

Lest I forget at that point we had rented a house, we got the money by engaging in this Ajo (monthly contribution) both of us contributed 50/50. It was the happiest period of my life cos even tho we were financially strained, we were both in love and happy. I trusted him Totally. We had our ups and downs . He says I talk when he talks and he hates it but I always apologise and we settle it
we gradually started overcomimg our financial difficulties, I got promoted he landed a big customer, we were no longer in debt and comfortable. Oh how I love my life den. It was my husbands bday and I wanted to do something special, so I organised a surprise bday for him, it was a sitting room affair but lovely; as I said earlier he dint have friends anymore so it was just colleagues and family affair
4 weeks after he beat me up for the first time; why? Because I was upset with him cos he was getting reckless financially, ive been working for so long I cldnt buy myself a decent cloth or shoe and my husband was always shopping online for new shoes, new clothes etc when I was still buying our son first grade okrika from yaba all out of pocket, I cant bear to see my son suffer so I get him things he needs and stuffs he has lacked, and was still contributing to the family savings and still contributing to feeding allowance 50/50. What I had left was just enought to cover transport fare and occasional lunch, I was so upset and let him know my mind.( saved for his bday) he beat me up becos of that, but atleast he got a bicycle I have been saving up to get for my son. The following day he bought me a new phone and asked for forgiveness, I forgave and moved on.

He suddenly changed, I started seeing all sorts of msges on his phone but I turned a blindeye, I was still in denial, cos I neva eva thot my husband will do such to me after all we have gone thru together.
The 2nd time he beat me was for eggs; we had
just given birth to our 2nd baby and I was constantly tired (was later diagnosed of a medical condition that caused the tiredness) I went for a friends wedding and I made sure evrywia was neat and tidy but he wanted to pick a fight with me at all cost ( cos I was upset he got home late, he started getting home 11:30, 12 midnight constantly ) I got back from the wedding, and he started shouting that the house was untidy, I apologised and started cleaning (fot peace sake, the house was really neat; we had a maid, I hate an untidy house Nd he knows that) as I was cleaning he brought the matress in our bedroom up and started cleaning under the bed all the while insulting me. I kept quiet but was deeply hurt, I was also cooking and he told me he wnt eat my food that d maid shld fry eggs for him, I took the eggs and kept it cos I bought it, buy most tins and he doesnt appreciate it, I was trying to get his attention but I was doing it the wrong way, I knew I was wrong but dint care cos I was tired of his attitude, he beat me up in front of d children, maid and bro in law. He beat me and kicked me around, I had issues breathing for a long time, I had to call my parent (the first time he beat me I cldnt tell anyone I was ashamed) I thot I was going to die cos I needed to get to the hospital and I dint know who else to call, my mum started crying and my dad called my sis husband to come and pik me, take me to the hospital. It was raining so heavily he cldnt come, oh how I thot I was going to die on that day. I said a lots of things that day that I regret, in terms of insults, curses and all that was after the beating, I wasnt in my right frame of mind, I apologised to him, he apologised to me and we made up. Since that day he hates my parents because they dint support him for beating up their daughter

He started having an affair with his exgirlfriend before the 2nd beating and that made him change, I had to beg for sex sumtimes a month goes by without sex. Am a very attractive lady, I still weighed 59kg I weighed b4 I started having kids, I looked good and took care of myself, it had nothing to do with my looks.

He took his first trip abroad , I wanted to go with him but he refused, i discovered he went on the trip with the exgirlfriend, when I went to pick him up at the arrival section of the airport, he thot I will wait in the car, but as I said earlier I looked good and was able to charm my way into the arrivals, he was shocked wen he saw me there and screamed at me to get out in front of everybody, it was embarrassing, he dint wnt me to see d girl but I had sighted her
He took the 2nd trip and went with same girl, refused to go wiv me , I lost my job during dse time, diagnosed of an hard to treat illness that altered.my looks (made my eyes bulge, skin thick and black) and hormones, messed up with my self esteem, I travelled abroad too to buy goods to sell he gave me some money to assist added with my entitlements thats what I manage now.

Now he gets home constantly at 12 midnight or later, I saw a message on his phone where he was telling the lady that she is his wife and all, he regrets being with me blah blah blah he told me to my face that he dislikes my family and does not regret the affair, no apologies nufin. Its constant grief now, he barely talks to me now, whatever issues he raises e.g I talk when he talks, I stop. He gives me boundaries and rules I abide by them only for him to make new ones, if he is going out he doesnt tell me wia he goes to, he has loads of friends that I dont even know , he stopped wearing his wedding ring, sex has totally stopped, he says all sort of hateful things to me, he tells me all d time that he feeds me so I shldnt question his movement or anything, he is into new businesses I dnt know anytin about he refuses to share tins with me cos he says am badluck, he doesnt go out wiv me at alllll anymore, he treats me with disdain, doesnt eat, doesnt sleep in the bedroom we shar.e. Av tried everything humanly possible, I still love him totally, I love my children and do not want them to grow up in a broken home. He throws to my face constantly that its becos I dnt have a job thats why I have time for nonsense (he calls my efforts at working on the marriage nonsense).This morning I suggested marriage counselling, he insulted the living day out of me, he says all d time I shld work on myself without being explicit, I dnt know what am doing wrong, I used to be a confident happy wife wife and mum. Now my self esteem is wrecked, my dignity and my health, am hypertensive now coupled with the health probs I mentioned earlier. He told me he cannot remember anything good about the marriage, I asked him why he dint marry his ex instead of coming to me, he said he was too young ans he regrets it. I have read every self help book, marriage book tried everything I know or read. I dnt want the marriage to break up, and at the same time if I keep on like this I will break down emotionally, depression is already setting in.
I am sorry for all the epistle , I need to pour my mind out, maybe the pain in my heart will lessen, house am not saying I am perfect, I am not at all but one thing I know am not is proud or selfish. I can be rude when am frustrated but that was when I was younger, I always apologise and we always settle. We both grew up in this marriage we learnt everyday, I have invested too mch in this marriage in terms of emotions I am rambling again, I aPologise. sorry for the typos I typed with ma phone

We got married about 6 years ago after courting for four years, we had issues during courtship but we always settled it, we were both young, fast forward we got married at 25 years old (same age) I got preggy about 5 months after intro/traditional marriage due to pressure cos I had medical/fertility issues for a long time and he stood by me. We had our white wedding 4 months after I got preggy.
When we started dating he was a corper and by the time we got married he just got a job, I had a job too but as a graduate intern so the pay was vry small, barely covered my transport.
I am a conservative person when it comes to spending money cos I have had to manage all my life but he grew up with a silverspoon, immediately he got a job he bought a brandnew car, very expensive; the payment was spread for 5 years;he dint tell me b4 he bought d car, when he eventually told me I was very unhappy. The payment for the car put a strain on our finances, but he was still comfortable.
Where I was serving then sumone told me about Forex (evryone was into forex then) and I just mentioned it, b4 I knew it he started trading I dint know in time.By the time I knew he was neck deep. He gave me the impression that all was well and like every woman that loves her hubby or hubby to be, Iwas happy for him, he even convinced me to send all ma savings as a corper to him so he can trade for me and den he will be paying me 10k per month. I sent everytin I had cos I trusted him, he paid first 2 instalments and stopped, if I ask he gets angry so I let it go
We had our first baby, at that point we could barely feed cos he was neck deep in debt. We were managing my meagre salary, he ran to friends and family but none helped, they were mocking him (beefs that he got a brand new car) even his father asked us to pack out of his house cos we were staying in the house he rented in lagos for his use whenever he is in town. We were at our wits end, he had to sell his PSP on one paricular Saturday cos I ran out of cash and we dint have anything to eat, it was that bad. It was difficult to pay the hospital bill, cos at that point my appointment had been terminated (as a graduate intern ure not entitled to maternity leave) I was constantly sad then (post natal depression). Life was so hard then that when his mum suggested I come stay with her for proper care I readily agreed (at least I will be able to eat well cos I was bffing and it will help hubby to sort out financial troubles). When I moved dre,Life was hell!! I became fully depressed, I had to move to ma parents house. I was having seizures and attempted suicide over 5 times, I was on suicide watch 24 hrs/7days. Thank Gpd I have loving parents, I cldnt breast feed, my parents took over expenses for formula, diaper, my several hospital visits, numeeous drugs and Injections(I had a stubborn infection @ episiotomy site which left me constantly in pain) cos my hubby cldnt afford it. It took 5 months to get better (the first 2 months my husband dint want to talk to me cos he was told my parents were responsible for my condition, his father toldhim not to accept me back that when his child grows he will look for him, eventually he realised his mistakes )
When I got better we were still strained financially, but fortunately I got called back by the company where I woked as an intern and offered full employment, at that point my husband was still loosing all his money to forex I was taking care of the homefront. If I try to talk to him about stopping forex he gets angry and so I left him(for the peace of our marriage).
My husband was my best and only friend then and I was his best and only friend too(he cut off all friends cos of the mockery when he asked for financial help) even tho we were financially strained we will take a drive to allen, to the island just for sightseeing, (we cldnt afford a proper date)