₦airaland Forum

I am an African American woman living in the states and not in a million years would my bf seize my phone. What is that about?

Just leave him because he is pathetic. In any relationship you must show your partner how you want to be treated -1st by treating yourself

with respect and dignity. I was really close to my college best friend. He is Nigerian. We decided to start dating and I broke it off

because he lacks communication. He goes days without calling. When you have all the signs- it doesn't take other people to tell you what is really

going on here. He is disrespectful and self centered. Sometimes you must remove yourself from such negative situations in order to know your own

self worth. He has drained you of your dignity and self respect. Sometimes we you love someone you hope they will love you enough to treat you

like you want and asked to be treated. I have learned in past relationships if you allow a person to disrespect you they will continue until you

draw boundaries. Pick you head up...Mend your heart. You deserve to be with someone that will shower unconditional love your way.

Learn your self worth. Take this time out to distance yourself from him. Write about your feelings. Start journaling. The 1st couple of days will

be tough. You will feel as if you can't breathe without him. You will feel nauseous but love you will survive. Once all the shade comes off from where

he has blinded you for years..you will wake up one day and say WHAT THE Bleep WAS I THINKING?

I will pray for you.

Amanda

obillyj: i quite agree with all Amaka G29 said reason being that presently am in a distance relationship, many countries apart from each other. the truth is that all those things she listed are good.they help cos we did all of them but it is not enough. for a very long time evrything was fine, the calls were coming ceaslessly from both sides,d skype, messages, chat, laughs name it. unfortunately all those things are history now. calls are no longer received or are there callbacks, messages are no longer returned, skype is now a big joke. the insecurity final sets in.
the truth is that a time will come when the communication will no longer be there. when u notice that he/she doesnt call as used to, when u hardly get his/her cellphone. a time will come when he/she tells u each time u call that she/he is busy, sick, having headache, tired, needs to rest etc the reasons never end. at that time as a normal human being one will be forced to complain, threat, cajole, etc to get to the bottom of the sudden change which u might not get the answer. so my dear when that time comes what do you do? when u think back and go over all that is happening recently and ur whole instinct is screaming he/she is having an affair or is no longer interested in the relationship and yet not man or woman enough to own up to it, what do u do? when u choose to give him/her the benefit of doubt and hang on, for how long? when you call for a whole week and get no respond or a callback what do u do? when neither of u could visit due to the nature of job u do, what do u do?
that time will come my dear, it will now be a question of how prepared are u to still trust him/her and wait. it's not going to be easy then cos advices will come from different angles. all u got to do is pray over it, try to occupy ur mind with something else so u dont think much about it and get stressed up emotionally. when u are occupied u will forget for a while till that loneliness and longing sets in again. well let me not paint my picture for you. just pray and trust ur instinct. what will be will be.
if i ever have a chance at a relationship again, i will never be involved in a distance relationship especially one that u just cant pick d next flight and be there in an hour. good luck babes.

I know exactly what you mean. I dated my high school sweetheart for 5 years and he went off to the Navy. He was in the Navy for 2 years before I had an opportunity to even see him again. We couldn't talk much because of his schedule. I started noticing the calls stopped..I felt as if I was the only one doing the calling. I felt I was the only one making the relationship work. I prayed and prayed that God would give me the strength to let the relationship go. Now, we are no longer together. Least than 5 months after our breakup...he was dating..married with a child on the way. That pretty much proved to me another woman was the reason he wasn't invested in our relationship anymore. Many of which you described was me...I hated him for not being man enough to inform me he wanted out. Maybe he was afraid of hurting me..maybe he wanted to remain friends..who knows? I am over it now .

I recently broke up with a friend I have been knowing for over 8 years. We decided to start dating but I had a problem with his communication.

It reminded me too much of my past relationship with my ex. I would call him and he would never call me back. I called him this past Sunday and he has yet to return my call. I have realize I wasn't on his priority list because people make time for what they choose to make time for and I wasn't one of them.

It was very disappointing because we have been friends for awhile. Now, I think he is upset due to the breakup but you have to love yourself enough and show people how you want to be treated.

I just broke up with my Nigerian boyfriend because he doesn't listen. We were in a long-distance relationship
and I would discuss my concerns with him but they were never really addressed. I felt he never listened to me.

I am not saying I am the best listener but I am concerned enough to work on any issues my partner may have.

I sent him an email the other day with concerns. I also mentioned I didn't think I would come and see him in May since

I had plans on breaking up with him due to his communication. His response only focus on him being upset at me canceling my flight.

He totally disregarding my concerns and focused on his concerns. I was really disappointed. So I broke up with him.

Terrible Listener!

That's odd that you bring this up. I have been knowing my Nigerian friend for almost 8 years now and we have never dated due to life circumstances. Well, right now he is in medical school in the Caribbean and I am in the states. We decided to start dating . We have been dating for over a month and I have decided to break it off with him because of his lack of communication. I feel you may experience insecurities but don't allow it to be your driven force to act. Trust your heart . I have been in a long distance relationship before and it is difficult but with patience and love..it will work out.