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Akpos and his wife were traveling to Italy by air, as they were at the peak of the journey, the pilot announced that:- “Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry to announce that one of the engines has stopped working while the remaining one is not functioning as required, therefore we may crash in a few minutes from now. We advise that everyone should reconcile with God and settle every issues that need to be settled.”
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At that point, Mr. Akpos touched his wife Ellista and said “Honey, please forgive me ooooo, your sister Simi that stays with us is my sex machine, we had several abortions and she has even planned to poison you on our returned from Italy so that the both of us will elope for the U.S.A, please find a place in heart to forgive me.
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She responded “No problem dear” She continue, “since it’s a confession moment, let me also confess. Please you must also forgive me oooo, John and Esther among our three children are not your biological children. Your biological child is Victoria the rest belong to Eti Your best friend. You also remember you were robbed by arm robbers last year?”
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Akpos answered “Yes I remember” she continues “I actually set you up by some gangs who robbed you because I needed to pay for my boy-friend Albrass’ tuition fee. He got admission in Oxford University in England. Even now as we are talking, I have arranged for your death through hired assassins on our return.”
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Mr. Akpos responded “no problem I have forgiven you.”
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Meanwhile as the confessions were going on, the pilot announced again.....
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“Ladies and gentlemen, is like you people are powerful men/women of faith because, God has answered your prayers, the two engines are perfectly ok now and we are sure of safe landing”.
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At that point, the whole passengers became mute instead of celebrating the good news.
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Akpos Shouted from the back “Pilot, Pilot, this plane must crash ooooooo or we will crash the plane” everybody shouted “YES oooooooo”.
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A lady and Akpos were having drinks at the bar.

Later that night, when they had both gotten quite tipsy, the woman leaned over to Akpos and whispered “LET’S GO TO MY PLACE”.

So they left the bar and headed to her place.

At the woman’s place they started each other to get closer, then the lady whispered in the sexiest voice, “TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT YOU DO BEST”

Akpos couldn’t believe his ears, she just gave me the biggest opportunity in the world? Oh my goodness, Akpos thought to himself;.

Quickly, without looking back, he tied her to the bed with the strongest material he could find in her bedroom, and then he RAN AWAY WITH HER TV, LAPTOP, BLACKBERRY, IPAD AND IPHONE.

One word for Akpos ooo!!

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Papa Akpos:- Akpos, I learnt your
JAMB result is out.

Akpos:- Daddy You remember John wey dey carry first for our
whole school? he failed...

Papa Akpos:- that's terrible, what
happened?

Akpos:- You also remember Paul wey dey teach me for house? He failed too.

Papa Akpos:- what's causing the poor performance?

Akpos:- Daddy I don't know, na so e be o. Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell competition failed too.

Papa Akpos:- so how was your
own result?

Akpos:- You also remember OKON, our senior prefect? He failed.

Papa Akpos:- (Angrily) Boy, Tell me about your own result!!

Akpos:- (angrily) If all those people failed, wetin You expect for my own result?? I be witch?

ONE WORD FOR AKPOS THIS MORNING!!!

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