₦airaland Forum

[quote author=Mrslarissa98 post=138938265]Hello everyone, I need your advice please.
I am half Nigerian. I am married and currently living in another African country with my husband and our two children. Our first child is 4 years old and the youngest is 9 months old.

I was born and raised in Nigeria to a Nigerian father. When I was 13 years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me, my younger brother, and my elder sister from her previous relationship back to her country. Since we left, I have not seen or spoken to my father.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away two years later when I was only 15. Life was very difficult for us because my mother’s family treated us badly, but that is not really what I am looking for advice about, so I will keep the story short.

I got married 5 years ago, and 3 years ago my husband and I relocated to a different African country. We are both involved in business. I run a hair salon while also taking care of my duties as a wife and mother.

When I started my business, my daughter was already 2 years old and attending school, so it was easier to manage both my business and my responsibilities at home. But when I became pregnant with my son, I knew it would not be easy anymore because I would need someone to help take care of him while I worked. I stayed home for about 3 months after he was born, and when I was preparing to return to work, I asked my pastor’s wife to help me find someone to assist me. She had helped other people find help before, and she introduced us to a 19-year-old girl who came to live with us.

At first, everything was going well. She took very good care of my baby. My daughter’s school was close to my shop, so I was the one dropping her off and picking her up. We had planned that the following year we would move her to a school closer to the house so the girl could help with picking her up.

Let me also add that while I was on maternity leave, my husband used to come home around 1 p.m. to eat lunch. But when I returned to work, I asked him not to come home during the day anymore and to start taking food to work instead, which he did.

When my baby was about 5 months old, we left for work as usual. Around 10 a.m., my phone rang. It was my husband saying he was at the hospital with the maid and the baby. I panicked and asked what happened and if my baby was okay. He said the baby was fine, but the maid was the one who was not well.

He told me that he was at work, but he suddenly felt very uneasy, like something was telling him to go home and check on the baby. When he got home, he heard the baby crying inside the room where the maid shared with our daughter. At first, he ignored it, thinking maybe she was changing the baby. But the crying became worse, and he heard a loud bump. He called the maid’s name, but there was no response. When he entered the room, he found her lying on the floor naked, and the baby was next to her crying. He picked up the baby and called the neighbors, who helped cover her and put her in his car. One male neighbor followed them to help with the baby while they went to the hospital.

The girl was unconscious at first, but later she recovered. After she was discharged, I was wondering what could have happened. I asked her if she had any history of seizures or something similar, but she said no. She explained that she could not clearly remember what happened that day. She said that after putting the baby to sleep, she rushed to take a bath, and after coming out of the bathroom she could not remember anything else until she woke up in the hospital.

During the following days, I allowed her to rest as much as possible, and I started taking my baby with me to my shop. It was not easy, but I wanted her to recover.

One day, I came back home and found the house empty. She was nowhere to be found. I panicked and called her number, but it was switched off. I called our pastor’s wife, but she said she had not seen her. She was already aware of what had happened at the hospital. We were all worried and tried to reach her without success. Our pastor’s wife even sent someone to her aunt’s house to check if she was there, but she was not.
After a few days, we found out that she was staying with her elder sister in another town. We felt some relief knowing she was at least with family. We tried to contact her to ask why she left suddenly, but she would not pick up our calls.
Four months later, she came back to the church and informed our pastor that the reason she left my house was because, according to her, ever since she started living with us, my husband had been making advances toward her. She said she always refused him. She claimed that on the day of the incident, my husband came home and met her in the room while she was dressing, forced himself on her, beat her, and she passed out.
The pastor called us, and the girl repeated this in front of everyone. My husband could not deny it and started begging for forgiveness. I was completely shattered. Although the pastor and his wife counseled us and tried to reconcile us, and my husband has been begging for forgiveness, I am still heartbroken. I am no longer interested in this marriage. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him.

Now I feel like taking my children and going back to my home country. I cry every day and feel very depressed. I really need advice, please help me.[forgive your husband and try to work things with him again. It is a marriage already do not pay back what he did by doing it to him and 2 wrongs cannot make a right just forgive him whole heartedly because even God gives us second chances]