₦airaland Forum

I have never put any of my work here on Nairaland. This is a kind of test drive. I wanna see some comments on this, beacause the story is only just begining and i'll be open to add as many elements as you (my audience) request.
So pls help by telling me what you think, lets see how this goes...

Thanks

What do you think of this?

"kill me now, i cant bear this another minute" i said to the officer.
"Sir! are you okay? how long have you been laying on this cold ground?" the officer asked me.
i could barely hear his questions. i could feel my cold blood on my back but i couldn't understand why i wasn't dead yet. i had prayed so hard for death. i have never prayed this hard in my life before.
"just relax sir, an ambulance is on the way. I've got you" the officer added.
"officer i do not need an ambulance. what i need is death. i thought death was free for everyone. why am i not dying officer?" i softly said.
"pls help me die officer. i already lost my life two days ago when my wife and beautiful daughter was murdered. You guys assured me you will catch those robbers. But now i just want to die. I promise my spirit wont go after them, i will allow you guys catch them yourselves. Perhaps i will be too busy looking for my family. just help me leave here. i beg you" i cried.
"Sir, you have to calm down. You are in shock. Just relax now, later you can tell me what happened here." the officer said.
It was obvious to me that the officer hasn't been listening to my words. He thinks i was attacked.
if this officer succeeds in getting me to the hospital i may be saved. why didn't i hit myself hard enough? why was i so stupid to think that strike was enough to take me out?
i have to try again. perhaps i could swiftly steal his gun. it would do the job. i wonder if i still have that much strength. ooooh but i have to leave here. i have to die. i have to die.

i'm that type of person that isnt easily impressed, but i stumbled upon this piece and only the first page took me.
Perhaps if i was the patient readee type i would have read the whole thing but i'm not. I only read the first and the last pages and all i can think of is how low this 21st century has brought writers.
Bro, YOU ARE GOOD @Davidflo
I only you knew me you would have known what those words are worth.

At first you started really cool and clean, it was okay by me... but i guess our people always like a touch dirtiness in everything these days. so u listened to ur audience... so sex filled the air.
I still think its cool tho, never the less.

i'm a writer too. but i do more of Scrip/play writing and Poetry... never been patient enof do finish a novel.
But Davidflo, i'm really impressed with this... i wish u all the best bro