₦airaland Forum

Elbizzcklinz:
Oh! nw i understand again. The marriage was due to pregnancy. You are a good man, cos u didn't abandon her, but in d other you never knew her...nw she is showing u the real her. Dnt let ur marriage crash because she's bad in character, seek a good marriage counselor or talk 2 your pastor...and if she will go with u, fine. And most especially seek God in prayer. Church will help her,

Bro you may never understand, there is more to her apart from this, I dont think I want to continue, just thinking on how to separate and have my kids comfortable, I dont even trust her with my kids without me as shes very careless, not security cautious etal. Solely trapped.

Elbizzcklinz:
From what u said it is sure that you've passed through a lot, nt just this. Did u marry her out of pity or ?...God will help u when u seek him, somethings are nt ordinary.

Bro when I met this woman, we only spoke few times, we didnt speak for close to 6months, thereafter I reconnected with her, I was single then, but wasnt really looking for something serious due to heartbreak, I was just trying to make out time for fun with her. Not until I figured out she was the only woman that was able to divulge things that other women might consider taboo which would make men think they are the used and dumped type. I decided to try if I could have a serious reltnship with her. The relationship was 3 weeks oold having seen each other like 5 times, she took in. Though it was planned so that she could travel to the USA to give birth and I could further my own education and plan family and marriage later. My family declined, infact my mum said we cant go to meet the father with such proposal having known that if such happens to my daughter, will i take such proposal as a favor or a shameful one. I was like, I dont know her too well, that its risky and I didnt plan to marry at that stage. Still, I was declined, I had no choice but to marry her. I wont say its out of pitty, I was not sure who she wasll well, and I got married when I never thought of. You can imagine that ur gf confirmed pregnancy this week, 8 weeks time, u married. I hope u know where am coming from on this ish.

Elbizzcklinz:
Cont'd
You and your should make out time to empty your mind.
say what ever u feel she does that hurts u, let her do same. UNDERSTAND AND RESOLVE IT, dnt explain or urgue.

Treat her like u just meet her.

Brother pls, when doing all this be romantically observant on hw she reciprocate, if she does fine, good. If she doesn't, dnt flare up, never beg a woman. Let her knw what u like and dnt like in male friendship,
Give her time Trust her and never suspect her.
i hv much to tell u. but use this approach first.

Bro I have been on NL to voice out my frustration is so many other ways and on so many other issues apart from infidelity. It all boils back to the same thing, this woman does not even know how to communicate, you talk slowly and romantically, she'll raise her voice in the name of trying to interrupt me while talking, I say 1, she replies with 10, sometimes I feel like am living with a man. And to know that I have manly handled my home the way it should be and to set a womans head straight, its just unfortunate that this one seems to be reverse of the case, disrespectful, insensitive, disloyal and too self centered. If i had to bleed all the bad blood this woman has infused in me, Ahswear down, u go run on my behalf.

Elbizzcklinz:
Pls amencarmen, am interested in d app, what's the name.
Am nt married but my girlfriend has taught me a lot of good. Am nt using d app for her.

First u made a mistake by bugging ur wifes phone, yeah my gf told me that it is normal for a guy to pester a woman but what matters is hw d woman responds.

Her response shouldn't pose a threat to her relationship, infact she should object and wade it off.

Any male friend of your wife should be known to you, you dnt have to sneak to find out.

*Your wife disrespected u, yes cos u found out, aside from that has she ever pose as a threat to u?.

Most fundamental>u guys lacks communication. Why did i say so, it is wrong to wake ur wife at late hour for discussion.
CONCLUSION> You made a mistake by bugging her phone, she disrespects u via her convo.

SOLUTION>Build up communication and trust.
Never suspect your wife.
Apologise(it will wow her).
Take her out for a dinner/lunch.
Let her knw u trust her again.
Build up ur sexual& romantic life with her

I am confused here, you are asking for the name of the app and here you are telling me I should not have bugged her phone. Oga if my guts feeling and the dream I had wasnt enough for me to act fast, that dude would have for sure chop and clean mouth, na woman u wan dey take play like that? Guy please open ya eyes. No man is badder dan, when it comes to women and their mysterious way of doings things. I did rather find out whats going on rather than living in darkness in the name of trust. I know what I am doing, and what I have done so far has yielded result, I rebuilt trust in this woman wella after several other incidences, but after this one, only if I am to be reborn or have my memory wiped out will i be able to ever trust this woman again. EVER

Homeboiy:
Op ur wife is a Nigerian, whether ur dating or ur married to a Nigerian girl, its synonymous to heart attack

I once tracked my gf's call, found out many things, my heart was heavy n i had to undo wat i did

unistall the app, act like u dont care for the moment

Fake calls to girls or better find a side chick(sex might nt be involved) make her put pressur on ur wife

Her brain will come back


or the best one is for u to plant Magun on her

I was glad that I installed the app in the first place, I dont need any further evidence to know I am married to the wrongest of all women. What you guys saying I should find a side chick dont know his, this woman is also temperamental, one that if any chance am speaking to any woman be it family or friend without any evidence, she concludes its a sie chick and decides to yell, sometimes threatens me with knife and wanting to harm me with it back.

LePrezident:
Ô.P sorry but you fvvvck uuuup... you should never have called the guy. That was a very serious sign of weakness and insecurity. That's where you lost it. It showed your wife that you were scared of the guy's ability to whisk her away from you.

See, I've had similar experience of a gf of mine (now ex) who I snatched from a guy. When my gf then broke the news to the guy that she's moved on to me, the guy managed to get my number and called me. I just replied him coldly and told him to call me back later cos I was busy working... That move there was the final nail that sealed the coffin, that was how my gf then made up her mind that the guy was not man enough. I have had other occasions where a gf will receive a call from a guy and ask me to speak to the guy cos the guy is disturbing her, I blatantly refused and asked her to solve her own issues with the guy.

I think you should have just simply given your wife an option, either her marriage or the guy and just keep mute about it and take needed action.

I sincerely disagree with you on this, even my wife knows I dont do such things, the days where i caught her saving her ex bf number as another name and figured out they were talking, I never for once called him, i know the dangers that lies within such actions. But on this one, she knows and I evene told her am not spose do call her, but since she wont listen to me as shes the most stubborn and stone hearted woman I have ever met, I had no choice bt to step in myself. I know I had to do what I needed to do, saving my marriage cos of my kids is key here.

biz2get:
First Off...

How old is this wife off yours.
?

Truth is.. You Married A Werey!!!! Called Wife.

I don't want to start Pointing Out All The Wrongs Right now bcus we dont know the other side of the story.

But If I was in your shoes...

I WILL OBSERVE CLOSELY AND KEEP CALM.

I WILL WORK ON MY ON LIFE AS A MATTER OF FACT. (Bring back the Things That Attracted Her To You Before Marriage)

From there. You would know what todo.

Shes 29. And there is no other side to any story, everything that I said here is the truth and nothing but the truth. And there is nothing as such as what attracted us together, she got pregnant for me in the time frame of 3 weeks, I told my family that I dont know her much,but they insisted that I marry her becoz i wont like the same fate to befall my own daughter in the future.

I am currently down with depression from betrayal and degrading. I am looking for solution, cos at this juncture, I am actually very tired.

ZarZar:
I'm not going to read that lol. It's too long. I'll pass.

Dang!! Is it because it has to do with a woman?

jtwest:
Baba werey ni e ni! dis story too long na, I must confess I cannot spend energy to read a very long epistle that is none of my business, maybe the person below me will have something for you. Sorry ehn

Baba abeg read am, you may never know if your advise will best suit my situation.

Hi Nlanders

Good morning to you all, there is an issue that myself cannot handle neither am I able to dialogue the issue with my wife whose ability to submit, obey and comply with good advises has been hard in these 5 years marriage with two kids.

Last week, I dreamt in which I found my wife with my distant cousin whose notoriety stems on womanizing, he was the number one, fact is I have not even set eyes on this dude in 19 years. In that dream, they were heading to a corner side which was highly suspicious, soon as my wife saw me, she immediately stepped back and her reaction was that of someone who knew I already know what was about to happen, and then I woke up worried and asking myself what the dream could have meant. After several thoughts and analysis, I decided to bug her phone which is something I have never done or ever thought I did do because she has always shown herself as someone to be trusted.

Lo and behold, the next day, I listened to her conversation, and the transcript of the conversation with an unknown guy is below:

Here is the content of their convo:

Guy: Hafa Bae!
wife: hey dayo, its been a while
guy: na u fashi me now
wife: no i didnt fashi u, i left u to make your money na
guy: laughs
wife: exactly, making all the money in lekki, so i had to leave u to make it
guy: laughs again
wife: whats up, whats going on
guy: I should be back tmr
wife: hen hen u see, u are the one thats been lounging
guy: no i have been busy
wife: you have been what
guy: I have been busy trying to get my furniture and stuffs
wife: wehre are you
guy: am in chevron at the moment
wife: oh on the island
guy:yes
wife: so your house is not ready yet, or you are still on the project
guy: yes am still on the project
wife: oh ok,
guy: yes everything is ready just remaining the furniture's
wife: wow thats nice,
guy: huh
wife: I said thats nice
guy: I'll see you tmr abi
wife: yea yea am around
guy: I'll call you when i get ....The last part i could not hear cos my wife said ok on the voice

Apart from the fact that my wife is having this sort of close convo with this guy dumbfounds me, she was actually using a seductive voice that I myself have never for once heard my wife speaking with. The next morning, kasala burst, I did not configure the apps the way I was instructed to, so while trying to make a call, the apps popped up and before I knew it, she came confronting me about the bug, thought she didnt know of the convo I transfered to my own phone because I had it deleted on her own phone. My plan initially was to wait till the next day to hear more conversation or trail her to see where they were both gonna meet, but since she knew about the bug already, I decided to confront her regarding the voice recorded call. At first, I said can you please explain the call with u and this dayo, next thing, she out of fear or whatever rushed out of the room to the other, then came back a few mins, I asked her who the guy was, and she sheepeshly said, its a old friend from unilag, I was like ok, whats up with the conversation, and she was like ok play it, I played it and she was like, remember I told u once that u dont give me much attention, and I was like, remember I told u that I shoulder 95% of the family's responsibility, I am human and I cant be physically and mentally exhausted and still expect me to be 100% Romantic, I said time is just the issue here, that when the time comes when we are fully established, she'll be able to enjoy all that she wishes for, sex is good, we also use toys to spice up the sex life, so I feel I have been man enough to handle my home. She then apologized that shes sorry, that it wont happen, we ended the issue and was about moving on, when I saw my wife making up prior to leaving for work, something she has never done b4, I then asked if she has ever put on make up to work and she said NO, so i asked why shes then making up knowing fully well that she was planning to see the guy today, but felt its over since we have thrased the issue out, she said she just felt like making up today.

Anyways, I told my wife I was going to call the guy, I know my decision to do that might br wrong and also right to some of you people here, but I just felt I did call the dude, I called and introduced myself in a calm voice, and told him that I overheard the conversation he had with my wife, that I dont have an issue with my wife having male friends, its just that I dont like the fact that he had to use the word bae while speaking with her, he replied sorry sir, how did you hear our conversation, At first, I wanted to lash out at him that he has gut to be asking me such, but my plan and motive was not to trade war of words with him, so I said my wife had the call on speaker phone when he called, he then said he was sorry, that he didnt mean no harm ,that the conversation is a friendly one, that he even calls his own mum bae, in my mind I was like who is this one trying to fool. Anyways the conversation ended there after his apology. That night, my wife asked if I called him, and I answered ye, and she told me he called her also to tell her that I called that he was shivering over the phone bla bla bla, I asked her if she didnt tell him i bugged her phone, she said no ooo, I only him that I was on speaker phone when he called. The whole matter ended there. A week later, I just started having a bad mood, in which my wife came back from work that night and sended I was not in a good mood, so I think she probably felt I knew something that am bottling up so she quickly said, can u imagine that dayo guy came to my creche today to charge his phone, but I couldnt tell him off that he should not come here bla bla bla, I replied my wife saying, so after telling you to politely tell that guy that ur husband is not comfortable with u guys friendship since it has nothing to do with business, you are still telling me this? I then confronted her that aside personal issues, do you realize you are running a creche where other peoples children are @, and you still allowed a stranger to come to the creche to charge phones and play with children, quite unprofessional to state the least and out of moral and business boundaries, she replied saying she knows but that the guy is too stubborn. At that moment, I knew my wife was actually up to something, probably likes the guy and didnt want to push him away, but since I want to keep my marriage at all cost, I had to call the guy again, this time, I changed my tone, telling him that he had gone to my creche to charge his phone where a business of chuldren is being run and him being a total stranger, who knows if hes a kidnapper wanting to kidnap kids there, its a business place, kinldy stay off that place and odnt ever call my wife again, the the relationship ties. The guy replied angrily, why should I be the one asking him not to come around or call my wife, that she should be the one to say that, at that momenent I knew my wife would have said something degrading about me that would allow that dude respond to me in such manner. I repeated myself saying he must not come around again or ever call my wife again if he likes his well being. I hung up, he sent me a text saying I should never call him again, that if hes married, he wont do such, end of story I didnt respond to him. In the middle of the night, I called my wife to discuss the issue, she was angry at me, saying is this the reason why I woke her up in the middle of the night, I was like so you mean you have no regards for me that a guy you could not politely tell off not to come to your business place or ever call you had the gut to insult and yell @ me over the phone. Anyways the discussion ended and I thought it was all over.

Few days after, my mind was not at rest, I kept thinking over and over about what my wife would have told this guy that made him yell @ me, I went back to re-install the app she had deleted, lo and behold, I didnt know the app had a thrash bin, I clicked it, saw the phone convo he had with the guy after the first call I made to him. The details below goes:


Guy: How you dey na?
Wife: I dey jor, whats going on
guy: your husband called me,i was scared I was shaking
wife: my husband called you?
guy: I swear down, he introduced himself as your husband and talked about how he found it offensive that I called you bae bla bla bla
wife: Damn! This guy ( Thats my wife referring to me as this guy oo) That was the number one fall hand I heard
guy: That I should put myself in his own shoes if another guy dares call ur own wife bae, how would u feel as a man
wife: He bugged my phone
guy: what?
Wife: Yes he bugged my phone
Guy: he said you were on speaker phone when i called u reason why he could her me
wife: why would I put it on speaker, am telling you that he bugged my phone.
guy: wow, so when you receive calls, he can hear you
wife: Yes, there were some text messages I got from friend he showed me and asked me to explain
guy: wow, like seriously, ehyyaaa pele
wife: why did u say pele, abeg is one of those things jor, all of una men wey go dey form super strong, whereas una nor get any strength
guy: blv me, I wouldnt do such, I swear down, I wouldnt, and I meant no harm u should understand
wife: yea thats the same thing I told him when he confronted me if I was having an affair with you, I was confused, u know when u just open ur mouth and am like ahn ahn!!
like I dont know what ur talking about, so he said why is he calling u bae, and i was like bae, did he call me bae, i didnt hear that part, or could it be a text that u sent that u said bae
guy: i even asked him if there was any other bad thing i said, he said no, I dont even send text, I only call so where could he have heard when I said bae even if I was on speaker, he said he was with you, that you put it on speaker.

wife: exactly, i was confused, that was when he played the recorded call,that was when I knew that........ because my husband is into IT, hes capable, does anything with my phone, my emails
guy: Have you ever given him.............I dont understand....it seems like a boyfriend girlfriend thing, do u know why am confused, its a different thing if you guys are bf and gf, its understandable if he does things like that, but you guys are married, so.... u understand.
wife: yess, am just confused, i just dont have a choice other than to make it work.Am going thru like a lot He bugs my phone, he hacks my text ( Something i never done b4 until my suspicion)
wife: Like i have no secrets at all, u understand that kind of a thing, and he pass passwords on his phones, ( Which she has access to, my worry is why make such statement when you can access my phone, i gave her the pword) I cannot just pick my husbands phone and say i want to look for something, wetin i wan dey talk sey i dey look for

guy: and hes bugging your own
wife: Yes, I guess its once of those things, infact my password sef, he does not even need to know my password, he has a password unlocker that he uses to unlock my phone pword.

guy: hanhan!!
wife: But its all good, its just one of those things like i said, but its surpass, am not surprised he even called you. Right now sef as I am speaking to you, wont be surprised if the "GUY" is listening to our conversation (they both laughed in a mockery fashion) and then (my wife again refereed me as GUY)

guy: anyways all the best
wife: ok hope u are good sha
guy: yea yea I am. Talk to u later
wife: alright, tk care


Nairalanders forgive me if this epistle seems to make me sound childish or giving too much details, all am asking is, if anybody that is reading this peice were to be in my shoes, what would you do? Apart from degrading your husband and the father of your two kids, she told some lies up there, my question is why? I tld her i was gonna call the guy, why act to the guy like she was surprised I called? She knows my password because I let her, why lie that i set password on my phone like she does not have access. I asked her if she didnt tell the dude i bugged her phone, she said no she didnt, but the call log shows she told the guy I bugged her. I am confused. As at now, I am yet to confront her with this latest piece she used to degrade me to the lowest part of the earth, I am carefully taking my time this time around, because so many serious issues have happened that I looked over, but this I aint.

Thank you all.