₦airaland Forum

Boss13:
Yes - none is excluded even my wife, sisters and mother. That’s the nature of women. As you said, it’s part of their DNA and human composition. All men must know this for their own good and betterment else they would be aloof to the doings of women.

Men must understand the method their wives or the women in the lives utilize to manipulate them. For instance, my wife is the yelling type. At the beginning of the marriage, it was irritating and annoying. Now, I consider what she wants and if it’s for my own betterment and the overall betterment of the family, I will do it. If it’s exclusively for her, if she like break the house with yelling, I will not bulge. Once she knows my stance and she tries a different approach and find out I’m adamant, she gives up.

All men must prepare for eventualities and must at every point seek to improve their lives financially, and healthy wise. If you die tomorrow, your wife will move on and some may do some with another man. If you have conversations with women, their priorities is themselves, their kids, their family and then you (husband). This is a fact and not a joke. Many men here would always want to say my wife is different - I laugh in Chinese.

Please, I’m not condemning women or hating them. NO - we need women in our lives, without them many of us may not enjoy this life. However, I’m highlighting what makes women, WOMEN. Many young men will never get this till they get married. I didn’t and I thought I was a smart man when selecting women.

I will conclude with this - Understand the manipulative weapon of choice your woman uses only then you will begin to see things clearly and choose your actions appropriately. Overall, seek your own happiness first and do things that will keep you happy and healthy

Formidable1:
On the contrary, I have a different advice: if you leave her for the USA, your marriage is done and dusted.

Many are advising you to ditch her, do a DNA test, don't go to the USA with her, etc. But I'll only tell you one thing: love her even more.

You're already married to her and what more? You have a child. I've always advised couples whose marriages are on the brink to work it out for the sake of their children. Trouble-laden marriages often have a ripple effect on the children; they grow up to have less honor for the sanctity of marriage, and they in turn start having problems too, spreading it to their own children and it spreads down to the next generations. The outcome?

I don't usually delve into issues like this without hearing from the other party. You can never get the full behind-the-scene story from one person. However, from all you've written in your post, OP, I failed to see the efforts you made to find out why your wife suddenly became aggressive to you. I doubt it's merely about the birthday as most people are suggesting. Have you tried to sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her? Have you tried to find out what it is that you do that makes her despise you? For all I know, you may have changed as well. You may no longer be the man she used to know. You may have stopped showering the love you used to shower her when you were still dating her.

I'm married for 6 years now with kids and I dated my wife for 5 years before we finally got married. I can tell you that marriage isn't a bed of roses. It takes two to tango. My wife on certain occasions have been angry or aggressive with me, but each time she did that, we talked and most times I looked inwards and understood that I was falling short in a way. And the only solution to that has always been to assure her of my love by giving her more attention, affection and care.

Nobody is perfect, and I'm not saying your wife is without a fault. But if you really want your marriage to work, you have to look inwards and ask yourself what you've been doing when you guys were crazily in love that you've stopped doing. You said you could work for 48 hrs straight without coming home; I'll be frank, no wife can cope with that. And then when you come home, what do you do? You start demanding for food? No, bro...what you do is to consider first how lonely she's been and the lack of attention, and try to make up for that. Play with her, tell her sweet things. In fact, once in a while, take her out for a treat, buy her some nice things on your way home after such long shifts. Show her that she may be lonely, but she's not alone. Make her understand that your absence/work is a necessity in order to give her a comfortable life, and assure her of a better future where you'd find a better source of income without having to absent from home.

The truth is that women would always crave attention and that feeling of being cared for, and believe me they could go anywhere to find it. It is how they're biologically wired, and we the men have to understand it to that extent. If you don't give your wife attention and care, she'd seek it elsewhere, including from an ex. Now, I'm not saying she's doing the right thing, but once a woman starts comparing you with her ex, it means you've started falling short and you need to up your game. It's usually hard to move on from a past relationship, esp one that didn't break up in bad terms, but with the right amount of care and love from a partner, one can get over it. If you dare leave her behind for the USA, you can kiss your marriage goodbye. It'd just give her the conclusive reason to go full time with her ex. In fact, going to the USA will give her the focus she needs to be with you. You guys will be far from the depression that comes with living in this country.

From your post, I observed that you're kind of saving your money for the 'bigger things' while she's the one providing the money for feeding. She may feel like you're using her. How about making an arrangement with her in such a way that there is a balance in the finances. You have to be the man now by providing more money than she does for expenses. At least, 65/35 would do. It's no longer back then in school when she used to give you money, and cater for you. You're now the head of your family, and if you're earning more than she does, you should provide more than she does.

As for the issue of insulting your mum, talk with her. Find out the reasons behind her disregard for your family. Forgive her and give her more chance. With love, all things are possible.

Please, and please, don't ever entertain the notion of doing a DNA test. Whether positive or negative, it'd do you no good. I'd bet with my last dime that that child is yours. Your wife doesn't seem to me like that kind of woman people are suggesting she is. Your post also shows that you believe in her faithfulness and fidelity. She's just probably frustrated with many things she's not getting from the marriage.

My advice is already taking up a page. But I'd stop here. I'd just ask you to:

1. Look inwards into yourself and find out what you've started doing or stopped doing that has made her change.

2. If you still really want your marriage to work, then work on it, at least for the sake of your little child.

3. Show more love, play with your wife, try to do those things you know got her attracted to you. Always forgive readily.

I wish you a happy married life, bro. May God bless your home.

jp130:
I must confess, dis is a very complicated issue. Wit consideration of her bhaviours, it is risky to leav her bhind n even mor risky to cross wit her. In marriage, Gods love(agape) is d foundation n u n ur wife need it badly. It is obvious dat ur wife pretended b4 marriage( most pple do because of love) bt staying married is an art both of u needs to learn n must b willing to learn. Let ur family pastor counsel both of u n both of u need to pray because satan wants to bring u down tru ur wife. She must b prayerful else d devil may use her as u claimed. God bless u

Ishilove:
Painted her black here, but I'm pretty sure there are many parts left out

J111333:
Sorry I had to quote your long epistle but I really need to get you to read what I'm about to say. I currently live in United States and I can tell you that you will make the greatest mistake in the history of mankind if you ever step your foot here with that your wife.
The earlier you start planning for a future without her, the better for you because she doesn't love, regard and respect you, your marriage and your family.
By the way, that kid is likely not yours. Just wait for the DNA test needed at the embassy to confirm.

bukatyne:
People treat you how you want them to treat you.

If they miss road and maltreat you, putting them in their place will caution them further.

First your wife tells you that her ex wished her happy birthday before you and you apologize! Seriously?

Her ex bla bla bla and she did not marry him?

She cannot take care of the home despite working from home. Seriously?

You work long hours and cannot meet warm home cooked food to welcome you back?

You have overindulged your wife that she is fast outliving her usefulness in your life.

First, forget about America or go alone first.

2nd, go for DNA test and confirm that your child is yours.

3rd, have respect for yourself and build your self-esteem. If you have an healthy self-esteem and place good value on yourself, you wouldn't allow ANYONE treat you like trash.

4th, from the place of self-confidence and self-preservation, engage her. You do not like the state of the marriage and want her to air her grievances. Listen objectively and adjust where needed. (nobody is perfect).

5th, give her your feedback and tell her you will not tolerate her bad behavior and comparing you with her ex anymore. She is either married to you or her ex except you are interested in polyandry.

If she wants you, she needs to act like it and require her to contribute to the home like an adult.

You need to be firm and resolute. She is not used to you having value for yourself so these changes will come as strange or fake and she will try to 'burst the bubble.'

If you continually stand your ground, she will get the memo and either shape up or shape out.

Goodluck.

Virginnn:
YOU ARE THE MAN, SO BE THE MAN.
U have played the role of a weak man for far too long.
Your wife has seen u finished, now no respect 4 u anymore.
Well, first thing first. u must have that heart to ♥ conversation with her. Tell her what u have noticed as her new attitude. tell her how this attitude is affecting the family life. tell her the direction and changes you wish to see henceforth.
Don't just be a talker, be a listener as well. Find out from her why she has changed her attitude, and allow her suggest solutions as well.
U should be willing to control your tempers. if tempers are flaring, discontinue the conversation. walk out, but return to conclude the talk.
Seems u spend too much time at work. Consider ways of spending more time with ur family.
Please don't alter plans of moving with her to the state over the current situation. If she doesn't appreciate it, she has herself to blame.
HEAR FROM HER FIRST please.

Zombiekiller010:
You ignored the first 2 red flags : communicating with her ex and putting pressure on you to get her birthday gift, if you've talk to her and she isn't willing to change, leave her in the marriage , the more you give her attention the more she will be taking you for granted, the part where you said you are faithful in the Marriage makes me laugh, shift your attention to a side chick outside. If my girlfriend visit me and meet my dirty clothes or meet me washing clothes, if she can't assist me in doing the laundry,no T-fare for her, if nepa no bring light throughout her visitation ,I won't on gen to make her feel lively, no taking her out. Stop been the nice guy , if not she will continue to frustrate you, op you marriage a feminist, now she as upgraded to be insulting you and your family, if she isn't ready to endure with you while you have challenges with salary ,then she should bow out of the marriage instead of frustrating your life, don't let her makes you feel like she is doing you a favour by marrying you, I wish to read her own story too , you ignored the red flags before the pregnancy makes you rush into marrying her

greatme2good:
If you people dated for 4 years, where did this ex spring from? Is it that she was in constant communication with him during those years? Is it that you turned blind eye to all these happening now? Op be a man and be in charge of your home. Run secret check on your wife she might be more than you know. A woman that truly loves you will be contented with whatsoever you give her.
Use your tongue and count your teeth.

Resurgent2016:
@ Anonymus010, nothing beats a heart-to-heart talk. Talk maturedly to your wife and let her know in clear terms that you can't continue with a relationship of this nature except there are clear changes.

She may be defensive or also explain your fault in the issue. Try reach a common ground. If she clearly shows no sign of trying to improve the relationship, you know where you stand and are better informed on what to do

Mizwisdom:
Their made up stories always follow a similar pattern, they demonize their so called wives. Maybe it's even the same troll posting similar fake stories just to hit front page.
Did you notice that he didn't even mention the type of US visa he got that gave him and his spouse permanent stay? Wonderful!!! I never said I had gotten a US visa. I just filed for my I140 petition for my permanent residency green card. I will not disclose further info. I think its a pay back time for me too cos I also dispute many stories I see online. It's like a movie to me too. Meanwhile, I think I have gotten good advise from real people which I have started implementing..Thanks for your doubt anyway

Kingosytex:
Dis is really pathetic, i can feel ur pains, believe me i seriously do.

If I understood u Anonymus010, u said you never had sex with the first girl u dated because she was a virgin and u didn't want to assure her of marriage: VERDICT==> U are a nice guy with self control. U aren't like a great majority who insert their rod into any available hole.

You equally said that her ex wished her a happy birthday b4 u: VERDICT==> Okafor's law comes into play. i almost had sex with my ex, though she is married but we still have affections for each other. What if i tell you that the new born baby isn't yours? i suggest you run a DNA test to ascertain the paternity of the baby

She is very determined 2 bring u down and i am afraid to tell u dat peace might be a stranger to u until d matter is resolved. DON'T TAKE HER TO THE STATES atleast 4 now, else u are a "goner". Her heart still beats for her ex, take her for counselling both spiritual and psychological and above all take your case to God in prayer

Jayslicky:
The first thing I would advice you to do is to go and have a DNA test for that child, with what you explained here I don't trust that your wife, she is a big time pretender and pretenders are capacable of commiting dangerous sins.

The love between you two had quenched for a long time but you refused to see it, it all started from that her birthday, she felt you really didn't take her as your most important thing in life, I think that is when she started getting closer to her ex, I suspect that your wife and ex still had a short time relationship before getting married to you, she did that because she realise her ex was not ready for marriage and she was pregnant, so she decided to get married to you.

You can both go to see a counselor and let him know where you guys are lacking in your marriage, maybe you are not doing something right that is infuriating your wife but just hope she still has any iota of love for you, if not the marriage is as good as dead.